Ok, it's like being a virgin again. I mean I haven't had sex for years (7) and it's driving me nuts! Wife gave up on it, totally not interested. Then she got sick and it was out of the question. I'm fully equipped and ready and willing but the only sex I get is either righty or lefty and that ain't doing it. I'm in business for myself and it's the type of business that doesn't have much social interaction. I'm limited on time - and I'm getting too old for a bar scene. Way past something like Tinder (although that would be fun). Tried some sites online but haven't found anything that's not completely bogus. I don't want to live out the rest of my life without sex! I'm an older guy looking for an understanding female. Any suggestions???
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Quote by Kelja
Ok, it's like being a virgin again. I mean I haven't had sex for years (7) and it's driving me nuts! Wife gave up on it, totally not interested. Then she got sick and it was out of the question. I'm fully equipped and ready and willing but the only sex I get is either righty or lefty and that ain't doing it. I'm in business for myself and it's the type of business that doesn't have much social interaction. I'm limited on time - and I'm getting too old for a bar scene. Way past something like Tinder (although that would be fun). Tried some sites online but haven't found anything that's not completely bogus. I don't want to live out the rest of my life without sex! I'm an older guy looking for an understanding female. Any suggestions???
Okay. So you're a sexually frustrated guy who is married, yes? Have you talked with your wife? Communication is key in any relationship, and she may have her reasons for having "[given] up on it". Could be hormonal, could be physical, could very well be psychological, if she feels unattractive or unwanted.
Frequenting "some sites online" is not going to fix any of her feelings of being unattractive, if they exist, which I'm guessing they do. Have you talked with her and her doctor(s) about her apparent lack of sexual interest? A therapist? Staying instead of straying is by far the safer--emotionally and physically--way to go. Don't fool yourself and think that she doesn't know about your online and offline extramarital hunts--she does. It's a thing.
Once medical or psychological issues have been ruled out, have a discussion regarding your desire to find an "understanding female". I sincerely hope that it works out, one way or another, for both yourself and your wife.
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HeraTeleia --- thank you for your thoughtful response. After all these years, I realize I'm between a rock and a hard place and really no way to go. All of your suggestions, in many forms, have been tried or discussed over the years to no avail. In her mind, I'm sure, I should remain a monk, that is if she chooses to remain asexual. There is no sexual spark, no ember of desire there. I can't fix her feelings, I know that, and she won't discuss outside help. A discussion with her about my desire won't be an answer. She again doesn't understand why sex should be a big deal, or a deal at all. All in all, it's a pretty depressing situation and I know I'm not the only one who finds themselves in this kind of relationship.
That sounds like an incredibly difficult situation. To have no sexual desire doesn't sound normal, or healthy to me- but you can not force her to go to the doctors. If she isn't willing to help herself, or let you help her, then she is not contributing to a healthy marriage. I would hate to say you should get sex elsewhere, because I don't think it's okay to have sex outside of the marriage- BUT, she has made it clear she isn't interested in that part of you. If she steps away, and doesn't want to be there for you, then you as a person deserve to have someone else there... It's unfortunate that she has brought this upon the marriage.