or maybe help me...
(send me a pm please..if you are really serious...in wanting to help me..)
thank you
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Sub drop?
Hi margot. There is a site called a submissives a journey . You can go to their library and read everything you can find. They also have various 'class-like' chats in their chat rooms. I'm sure you will find what you're looking for over there. Someone else may be able to post more specific info here. I hope you find what you're looking for.
Scarlet Seductress
Isn't the 'sub drop' just an endorphin crash? I suspect it is your body's chemical balance levelling out after an extended period of euphoria.
It's just a perceived state based on your biological normalisation. You're not actually 'down', it just feels like that compared to your recent, prolonged heightened state.
It's just a perceived state based on your biological normalisation. You're not actually 'down', it just feels like that compared to your recent, prolonged heightened state.
Active Ink Slinger
"Sub Drop" Wow, this one even has Wikipedia stumped.
But I did find this on :
When Master and I were still doing the long distance thing, one of the most important things I had to learn to cope with was sub drop. Master would come up for a weekend, we would have two or three days full of play and then he would leave. The next day was like being thrown from an aero plane without a parachute. I would be depressed, lethargic, tearful and very much out of control. The first few times it happened I didn't' know what it was or how to deal with it, but as time went on it became easy to recognize and I just waited it out.
What is it I hear you ask? Well imagine a hard night out at the night clubs, lots of alcohol and fun. What happens the next day? You get an almighty hangover. Sub drop can be similar. You body has been going through all sorts of highs, endorphin and adrenalin, and while they are wonderful highs, the body has to come back down off them again. So you start to feel blah. Add to that your mind has been coping with all sorts of exciting euphoric sensations and suddenly it's all gone.
This is where depression can set in. Was I good enough? Did I do the right thing by playing with that person? Is this right? Is it safe? Why am I doing this at all? All sorts of things will run through your mind and that only adds to the confusion. The good thing is that all this is usually only going to last a day or so then your body will adjust back again and you will return to your normal state.
I rarely get into this state anymore, but it does still happen on occasion. More so after a really heavy session where fear is a big part of it. However, those who are not living with their partners and only get to play now and then are much more susceptible to getting sub drop. There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.
1 Recognize what it is. This is important, if you don't accept it for what it is, then you can talk yourself into a much worse state.
2 Keep in contact with your play partner, tell them how you are feeling and seek reassurance from them that all is well. We all need to hear that we did good and that our partners enjoyed the scene as much as we did.
3 Pamper yourself. Spend the day doing things you really enjoy. Long hot bubble bathes, manicures/pedicure, get your hair done. Anything that is going to help you feel better about yourself.
4 Eat well and drink plenty of fluids. Your body is still in recovery process, so feed it well.
5 Talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Find someone who can listen without judging and let it all out. If you need to cry do so, it's therapeutic.
Sub drop can be a very confusing time, but it does pass and we can learn how to help ourselves through this. One thing to remember though, this is not something that is just confined to submissives. Top drop is the same thing and your Dominant needs just as much reassurance as you do.
Toya
But I did find this on :
When Master and I were still doing the long distance thing, one of the most important things I had to learn to cope with was sub drop. Master would come up for a weekend, we would have two or three days full of play and then he would leave. The next day was like being thrown from an aero plane without a parachute. I would be depressed, lethargic, tearful and very much out of control. The first few times it happened I didn't' know what it was or how to deal with it, but as time went on it became easy to recognize and I just waited it out.
What is it I hear you ask? Well imagine a hard night out at the night clubs, lots of alcohol and fun. What happens the next day? You get an almighty hangover. Sub drop can be similar. You body has been going through all sorts of highs, endorphin and adrenalin, and while they are wonderful highs, the body has to come back down off them again. So you start to feel blah. Add to that your mind has been coping with all sorts of exciting euphoric sensations and suddenly it's all gone.
This is where depression can set in. Was I good enough? Did I do the right thing by playing with that person? Is this right? Is it safe? Why am I doing this at all? All sorts of things will run through your mind and that only adds to the confusion. The good thing is that all this is usually only going to last a day or so then your body will adjust back again and you will return to your normal state.
I rarely get into this state anymore, but it does still happen on occasion. More so after a really heavy session where fear is a big part of it. However, those who are not living with their partners and only get to play now and then are much more susceptible to getting sub drop. There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.
1 Recognize what it is. This is important, if you don't accept it for what it is, then you can talk yourself into a much worse state.
2 Keep in contact with your play partner, tell them how you are feeling and seek reassurance from them that all is well. We all need to hear that we did good and that our partners enjoyed the scene as much as we did.
3 Pamper yourself. Spend the day doing things you really enjoy. Long hot bubble bathes, manicures/pedicure, get your hair done. Anything that is going to help you feel better about yourself.
4 Eat well and drink plenty of fluids. Your body is still in recovery process, so feed it well.
5 Talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Find someone who can listen without judging and let it all out. If you need to cry do so, it's therapeutic.
Sub drop can be a very confusing time, but it does pass and we can learn how to help ourselves through this. One thing to remember though, this is not something that is just confined to submissives. Top drop is the same thing and your Dominant needs just as much reassurance as you do.
Toya
Flash a Trucker... It's appreciated!!
Read my latest story at; http://www.lushstories.com/stories/exhibitionism/a-weekend-at-the-cottage-part-1.aspx
Blackbird Supernova
Quote by daddysweetheart
I mean sub drop as your Master drops you unexpectedly.....
It's the emotions you have left after that.
Like if you were very close and then suddenly dropped without much explanation.
That is not sub drop, though it can cause sub drop. That is called a broken relationship. It is much like the break up of regular relationships. Why does it happen? For any of the same reasons so called normal relationships fall apart. Incompatibility. Dissatisfaction. Irreparable differences.
Remember there are two sides to every relationship. Yours and his. I have no input as far as what went on in your relationship, but clearly something wasn't working. That he dropped you suddenly speaks to a level of immaturity on his part. An explanation of why he left would have been at the very least good closure for you.
My advice is to allow yourself to let this man go. Also, in future be more cautious who you elect to play with. Assholes abound, Margot. Be more selective. Get to know a potential Dominant before you dive into play. The resulting association, if you decide to proceed with one, will be much more fulfilling, and will have a better chance of standing the test of time.
Good luck.
Quote by RavenStar
That is not sub drop, though it can cause sub drop. That is called a broken relationship. It is much like the break up of regular relationships. Why does it happen? For any of the same reasons so called normal relationships fall apart. Incompatibility. Dissatisfaction. Irreparable differences.
Remember there are two sides to every relationship. Yours and his. I have no input as far as what went on in your relationship, but clearly something wasn't working. That he dropped you suddenly speaks to a level of immaturity on his part. An explanation of why he left would have been at the very least good closure for you.
My advice is to allow yourself to let this man go. Also, in future be more cautious who you elect to play with. Assholes abound, Margot. Be more selective. Get to know a potential Dominant before you dive into play. The resulting association, if you decide to proceed with one, will be much more fulfilling, and will have a better chance of standing the test of time.
Good luck.
Thank you Raven..I did get to know him..we spent countless hours together. We had been together before.
He is younger than me...
I'm quite sure he wasn't fully a Master...
Online relationships can be hard..
I know he's not coming back and I hold no hope for that.
Thanks for your input.
Slinks away. With a smile.
Time will be my only certainty on moving on....
In-House Sapiosexual
This is not just for you, I think your interpretation of Sub drop was off 
. It is something I think you should consider though in future relationships.
You know I luv ya girl. I do feel the need to say this because of a trend I've notice around here.
It's hard to do, because at that point you can be so lost in yourself, but examining your Sub drop and how your Dom
reacts is a good way to gauge the quality of your relationship. After care is so important, even in a long distance
relationship. Him showing his value of you as well as encouraging self value is something that cannot be ignored.
If you are suffering from hard drops and they last too long, you may need to rethink him. Communication is the key here.
--What's said, done and not said or done. Don't settle for being a powerless sub to a minor Dom. If he doesn't know what
he is doing and is not going to work with you (and "you" are unique), leave him alone.
That's not being bratty.
That is self preservation.
You are not going to find quality by subbing up to every urge.
BTW Dom Drop and Sub Drop, very different. It doesn't have anything to do with the ending of a relationship.
. It is something I think you should consider though in future relationships.You know I luv ya girl. I do feel the need to say this because of a trend I've notice around here.
It's hard to do, because at that point you can be so lost in yourself, but examining your Sub drop and how your Dom
reacts is a good way to gauge the quality of your relationship. After care is so important, even in a long distance
relationship. Him showing his value of you as well as encouraging self value is something that cannot be ignored.
If you are suffering from hard drops and they last too long, you may need to rethink him. Communication is the key here.
--What's said, done and not said or done. Don't settle for being a powerless sub to a minor Dom. If he doesn't know what
he is doing and is not going to work with you (and "you" are unique), leave him alone.
That's not being bratty.
That is self preservation.
You are not going to find quality by subbing up to every urge.
BTW Dom Drop and Sub Drop, very different. It doesn't have anything to do with the ending of a relationship.
? A True Story ?
Quote by avrgblkgrl
This is not just for you, I think your interpretation of Sub drop was off
You know I luv ya girl. I do feel the need to say this because of a trend I've notice around here.
It's hard to do, because at that point you can be so lost in yourself, but examining your Sub drop and how your Dom
reacts is a good way to gauge the quality of your relationship. After care is so important, even in a long distance
relationship. Him showing his value of you as well as encouraging self value is something that cannot be ignored.
If you are suffering from hard drops and they last too long, you may need to rethink him. Communication is the key here.
--What's said, done and not said or done. Don't settle for being a powerless sub to a minor Dom. If he doesn't know what
he is doing and is not going to work with you (and "you" are unique), leave him alone.
That's not being bratty.
That is self preservation.
You are not going to find quality by subbing up to every urge.
BTW Dom Drop and Sub Drop, very different. It doesn't have anything to do with the ending of a relationship.
Thank you hon..love you too..smiles.
Thanks for your advice and input ABG...I appreciate it..
I was wisely told to "only be submissive with those worthy of my submission".
I am going to stick with that.
Big hugs and thanks from Margot
Active Ink Slinger
The reason sub drop occurs, is a direct result of sub space… as you are taking your submissive deeper and deeper into sub space, the brain is producing more and more endorphins, and adrenaline… so much so that it goes into overdrive, and produces far more than the body's normal and natural amount, hence the euphoric high the submissive experiences.
After your play session is over, the brain takes a while to realize there are no more external stimuli present and then begins shutting down production of those chemicals in order to attempt to bring the chemical levels back down to a level state. What it does however is it completely shuts down production… so much so that the levels often drop below normal after the fact, usually by the next day. When this happens, there is usually a period of depression associated with lower than normal chemical levels in the brain, then as the brain realizes the levels are low, it begins production again, but over produces once more to compensate, not nearly as much as when in a scene, but still, which leads to a period of happiness and giddiness once more. This is kind of a roller coaster, produce too much chemicals, then shut down, level drops bellow normal, overproduce again, and its a roller coaster effect as this goes on until the brain finally gets to a normal state again. This period of depression and euphoria, then depression again and so on is sub drop, it usually leaves the submissive feeling very confused and emotionally unsure, and vulnerable, a period in which she/he relies heavily on her/his Master, or Domme, and for most new submissives a very scary period.
That for the long and short of it is the mental reason for sub drop… it has nothing to do with true depression, it has nothing to do with the submissive disliking or being mad with the Dominant, it has to do with chemicals, plain and simple… and it is every Dominant's responsibility to realize that, and plan for it, and to help the submissive work through that period and support her/him. Often I have heard that exercise helps to level out the sub drop effects much quicker, so if you are a submissive, and want to shorten the effects, go for a nice run, or a bike ride or something the day after.
Hope that helps some out.
After your play session is over, the brain takes a while to realize there are no more external stimuli present and then begins shutting down production of those chemicals in order to attempt to bring the chemical levels back down to a level state. What it does however is it completely shuts down production… so much so that the levels often drop below normal after the fact, usually by the next day. When this happens, there is usually a period of depression associated with lower than normal chemical levels in the brain, then as the brain realizes the levels are low, it begins production again, but over produces once more to compensate, not nearly as much as when in a scene, but still, which leads to a period of happiness and giddiness once more. This is kind of a roller coaster, produce too much chemicals, then shut down, level drops bellow normal, overproduce again, and its a roller coaster effect as this goes on until the brain finally gets to a normal state again. This period of depression and euphoria, then depression again and so on is sub drop, it usually leaves the submissive feeling very confused and emotionally unsure, and vulnerable, a period in which she/he relies heavily on her/his Master, or Domme, and for most new submissives a very scary period.
That for the long and short of it is the mental reason for sub drop… it has nothing to do with true depression, it has nothing to do with the submissive disliking or being mad with the Dominant, it has to do with chemicals, plain and simple… and it is every Dominant's responsibility to realize that, and plan for it, and to help the submissive work through that period and support her/him. Often I have heard that exercise helps to level out the sub drop effects much quicker, so if you are a submissive, and want to shorten the effects, go for a nice run, or a bike ride or something the day after.
Hope that helps some out.
Quote by ScottMaster
The reason sub drop occurs, is a direct result of sub space… as you are taking your submissive deeper and deeper into sub space, the brain is producing more and more endorphins, and adrenaline… so much so that it goes into overdrive, and produces far more than the body's normal and natural amount, hence the euphoric high the submissive experiences.
After your play session is over, the brain takes a while to realize there are no more external stimuli present and then begins shutting down production of those chemicals in order to attempt to bring the chemical levels back down to a level state. What it does however is it completely shuts down production… so much so that the levels often drop below normal after the fact, usually by the next day. When this happens, there is usually a period of depression associated with lower than normal chemical levels in the brain, then as the brain realizes the levels are low, it begins production again, but over produces once more to compensate, not nearly as much as when in a scene, but still, which leads to a period of happiness and giddiness once more. This is kind of a roller coaster, produce too much chemicals, then shut down, level drops bellow normal, overproduce again, and its a roller coaster effect as this goes on until the brain finally gets to a normal state again. This period of depression and euphoria, then depression again and so on is sub drop, it usually leaves the submissive feeling very confused and emotionally unsure, and vulnerable, a period in which she/he relies heavily on her/his Master, or Domme, and for most new submissives a very scary period.
That for the long and short of it is the mental reason for sub drop… it has nothing to do with true depression, it has nothing to do with the submissive disliking or being mad with the Dominant, it has to do with chemicals, plain and simple… and it is every Dominant's responsibility to realize that, and plan for it, and to help the submissive work through that period and support her/him. Often I have heard that exercise helps to level out the sub drop effects much quicker, so if you are a submissive, and want to shorten the effects, go for a nice run, or a bike ride or something the day after.
Hope that helps some out.
Thank you for your input. You are very kind to post this.
Advanced Wordsmith
Sub drop can be a relative easy thing to overcome, or it can be a real problem depending on the intensity of play and the players.
Just how far you drop when you drop often depends on whether or not your "Daddy" will "catch" you when you fall.
Otherwise you can drop down to somewhere at the bottom of Dante's 7th level of Hell. And it's not a place any sub wants to go - believe me - I've been to that very, very, very, VERY dark place. I've had to make my own ladder with a flashlight to climb out of it.
That's why it's very important that your "Daddy" is responsible when it comes to taking care of you after play. Extreme sub drop can mutate into depression, if you have a "Play & Run Daddy". Especially if your Daddy considers it normal for him to pack up his toy bag and dash off to work or his next appointment or next whatever about 5 minutes after play ends and decides to ignore you for a couple weeks until the next time he feels horny.
This type of play may work for Tops & Bottoms - but it rarely works for Daddies/Mommies and baby girls/boys, because the dynamics, intensity and intimacy of play is usually monogamous, highly emotional and there is a deep level of intimacy between the partners.
I have a list of tell-tale signs to determine if you have a "Daddy" or a "Player who wants you to call him 'Daddy'". One of the most important signs is to make sure that your Daddy is committed to making sure you don't fall into that abyss by acting indifferent to your needs.
Some irresponsible dominants try to distant themselves by demanding emotional maturity or deem it "vanilla behaviour" by physically holding you after an emotionally intense session. It seems some "dominants" are (ab)using kink to avoid their relationship committment issues. Please don't be pressured into accepting this crap. Physical and emotional comfort and reassurance is just as important in a BDSM relationship as it is in "vanilla" relationship. No amout of Dom-Psycho-Babble or "training" will make it possible that you can put your emotions into a box just to please your dominant. You cannot escape being a human being with human needs, and if you try to prevent sub-drop by saying your Daddy's "mantra" that you "feel no pain" (e.g. sub-drop doesn't exist), you will only make yourself metnally ill.
Talk to your Daddy about your emotions when you feel the drop. And ask him to make some decisions how he might increase aftercare or change play to prevent you from ever falling into that dark place. It's a legitimate need and a legitimate fear. And if he treats you like you have an "attitude" or "mental" problem it's time for you to throw the collar at his feet. I had to do that. But, believe me, it was better than living in that god-awful sub-drop abyss. That's not how it's supposed to be.
Just how far you drop when you drop often depends on whether or not your "Daddy" will "catch" you when you fall.
Otherwise you can drop down to somewhere at the bottom of Dante's 7th level of Hell. And it's not a place any sub wants to go - believe me - I've been to that very, very, very, VERY dark place. I've had to make my own ladder with a flashlight to climb out of it.
That's why it's very important that your "Daddy" is responsible when it comes to taking care of you after play. Extreme sub drop can mutate into depression, if you have a "Play & Run Daddy". Especially if your Daddy considers it normal for him to pack up his toy bag and dash off to work or his next appointment or next whatever about 5 minutes after play ends and decides to ignore you for a couple weeks until the next time he feels horny.
This type of play may work for Tops & Bottoms - but it rarely works for Daddies/Mommies and baby girls/boys, because the dynamics, intensity and intimacy of play is usually monogamous, highly emotional and there is a deep level of intimacy between the partners.
I have a list of tell-tale signs to determine if you have a "Daddy" or a "Player who wants you to call him 'Daddy'". One of the most important signs is to make sure that your Daddy is committed to making sure you don't fall into that abyss by acting indifferent to your needs.
Some irresponsible dominants try to distant themselves by demanding emotional maturity or deem it "vanilla behaviour" by physically holding you after an emotionally intense session. It seems some "dominants" are (ab)using kink to avoid their relationship committment issues. Please don't be pressured into accepting this crap. Physical and emotional comfort and reassurance is just as important in a BDSM relationship as it is in "vanilla" relationship. No amout of Dom-Psycho-Babble or "training" will make it possible that you can put your emotions into a box just to please your dominant. You cannot escape being a human being with human needs, and if you try to prevent sub-drop by saying your Daddy's "mantra" that you "feel no pain" (e.g. sub-drop doesn't exist), you will only make yourself metnally ill.
Talk to your Daddy about your emotions when you feel the drop. And ask him to make some decisions how he might increase aftercare or change play to prevent you from ever falling into that dark place. It's a legitimate need and a legitimate fear. And if he treats you like you have an "attitude" or "mental" problem it's time for you to throw the collar at his feet. I had to do that. But, believe me, it was better than living in that god-awful sub-drop abyss. That's not how it's supposed to be.
Si vos postulo me, sed non vis me, oportet me manere.
Sed si vis me, sed non vos postulo me, oportet me abire.
Sed si vis me, sed non vos postulo me, oportet me abire.
This is very very very awful to go through!
I had a 14 month intense, and VERY loving and monogamous dom/sub relationship(online). I am talking hours together every day, morning, noon, night... every second we had we were touching base. We rarely missed a day, literally took one of us to be in the hospital to stay apart(and even that didn't work). Almost 2 months ago now he went away for work, it was to be 2 weeks- the longest we were ever without each other by far. He just never came back! After being dominated mentally and physically for that long, to just be left without a single word, not even a good bye was the hardest thing i've been through. My life flipped upside down! The lowest of lows no doubt. I changed my whole way of thinking in terms of what love is, to be with him, and now I feel like I am damaged goods because I am so closed minded to being with other people. <--- this is a work in progress
I'm back on Lush now, where I met him before leaving to pursue our relationship in private. I find myself comparing everyone to him. But not the him he was in the beginning(because he was a dick haha), the him that I was madly in love with a year later. I know it's impossible to replace what's lost, and I need to start at the bottom and work towards and build something great again. It's still depressing, and hard to breath when I think of him!
Sighhhhhhhhh
I had a 14 month intense, and VERY loving and monogamous dom/sub relationship(online). I am talking hours together every day, morning, noon, night... every second we had we were touching base. We rarely missed a day, literally took one of us to be in the hospital to stay apart(and even that didn't work). Almost 2 months ago now he went away for work, it was to be 2 weeks- the longest we were ever without each other by far. He just never came back! After being dominated mentally and physically for that long, to just be left without a single word, not even a good bye was the hardest thing i've been through. My life flipped upside down! The lowest of lows no doubt. I changed my whole way of thinking in terms of what love is, to be with him, and now I feel like I am damaged goods because I am so closed minded to being with other people. <--- this is a work in progress
I'm back on Lush now, where I met him before leaving to pursue our relationship in private. I find myself comparing everyone to him. But not the him he was in the beginning(because he was a dick haha), the him that I was madly in love with a year later. I know it's impossible to replace what's lost, and I need to start at the bottom and work towards and build something great again. It's still depressing, and hard to breath when I think of him!
Sighhhhhhhhh