Safe words online?

8 Feb 2013

Do you think a safe word is still necessary in an online D/s relationship?
Safe words are meant for when things go to far or one partner is uncomfortable, can that still happen online?
Share your thoughts please.

You seem sweet, mind if I lick you to make sure?

8 Feb 2013

Quote by findingnichole
Do you think a safe word isi still necessary in an online D/s relationship?
Safe words are meant for when things go to far or one partner is uncomfortable, can that still happen online?
Share your thoughts please.

simple answer. yes. in ANY type of D/s relationship a safeword is a MUST. NO exceptions. sure, to an extant, it's RP, but we get lost in it, emotions come in and it can be intense - sometimes someone might introduce and element that the other is not comfortable with for whatever reason. there needs to be a way to slow things down or stop them if this happens that still preserves the atmosphere of the scene/relationship/whatever.

one of my early partners when i first joined lush introduced, without talking about it first, breath play int the scene. it's a huge trigger for me and i was not only taken off guard, but genuinely upset. being able to stop cold right there became very important to me.

My 2 cents

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

8 Feb 2013

I agree Sprite, whether it be online or in person it is a must to have a safe word. Emotions can run high and its easy to get lost in the moment, there needs to always be a safe word to make it all stop.

9 Feb 2013

Online, in real always there should be safe words. I think more so online because the other person doesn't know or can’t see you or sometimes even hear you. I can see and hear my pet but can’t be there with him. I am always telling him he needs to tell me his limits so I don’t hurt him. The last thing I want is to hurt him. Not in the bad sense of hurt, the good kind of course! ;) I don’t want to ever see or hear someone being hurt because there was no safe words or feeling comfortable or safe enough to say it’s going too far for me, I need this to stop. Please never be afraid to tell your Master/Mistress the truth when it comes to this, a good proper true Master/Mistress WON’T be mad, they’ll respect you all the more.

9 Feb 2013

......Can't you just close the window?

9 Feb 2013

Quote by Magical_felix
......Can't you just close the window?

yeah, but if you're in a D/s relationship, it's preferable to stop and talk over the issue instead of just going off line in the middle of something.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

10 Feb 2013

I completely agree with Sprite, Ravyn, and Poppet....things get heated in RL and online...safe words are just that...keep us safe and secure from ourselves sometimes.

my newest :)

10 Feb 2013

Quote by Magical_felix
......Can't you just close the window?

Can't I just slap you? Geez lol

10 Feb 2013

Quote by Magical_felix
......Can't you just close the window?

Slaps your ass Behave!

10 Feb 2013

Safe words online are a must if you are doing serious play. Because the mind is a very fragile thing and you can damage it psychologically with play that you can't stop. As for closing the window of course you can. But then you have to avoid Online Messages and all the other possible ways you have let that person get in touch with you. Just set up a safe word. It is "SAFER"

If you have read 50 Shades of Gray and think that you are ready to be a dom or a sub. Then you have a lot to learn.

Follow my slave's blog slave skye's real life blog if we can get 100 followers she is going to start posting pictures!!! I know there are at least 100 of you that want to see that click the link enter your email and follow. We hit 100 then she has said she will post a picture of herself.

11 Feb 2013

Agree with Raywin,Sprite, and Poppet, callisto, and babydollslave.. girls know what they are talking about... hats off to the girls.. so sensible... safe wird is a MUST ... RL or online... No ifs or buts...

13 Feb 2013

Quote by ProfessionalMaster
Because the mind is a very fragile thing and you can damage it psychologically with play that you can't stop.

If the participant's mind is so fragile that some words are going to damage it... Shouldn't they be avoiding the internet and dicking around with professional masters, whatever that is?

13 Feb 2013

Quote by Magical_felix

If the participant's mind is so fragile that some words are going to damage it... Shouldn't they be avoiding the internet and dicking around with professional masters, whatever that is?

That is so not behaving. If I am not mistaken his context was not meant that the submissive/slave has a fragile mind, it was more in the global sense that a persons mind is a fragile thing. A non submissive person can be damaged by words as well using in the way you speak of. When submission is given in most cases the person its given to has a great responsibility. But I digress.......Behave or else Callisto is going to crack the whip on you.

13 Feb 2013

Thank you Ravyn.

If you have read 50 Shades of Gray and think that you are ready to be a dom or a sub. Then you have a lot to learn.

Follow my slave's blog slave skye's real life blog if we can get 100 followers she is going to start posting pictures!!! I know there are at least 100 of you that want to see that click the link enter your email and follow. We hit 100 then she has said she will post a picture of herself.

13 Feb 2013

Quote by ProfessionalMaster
Thank you Ravyn.

Good thing she saved you huh? You can put your own thoughts in, not that I really expect you to or be surprised if you don't. But you should, I mean you're a master. a professional one. I don't recall saying the submissive was fragile. I said if the participant's mind is too fragile for bdsm CHAT, then maybe they shouldn't be partaking in it. And maybe the master shouldn't be preying on a girl who's too fragile for even chat of this nature.

Quote by Ravyn
If I am not mistaken his context was not meant that the submissive/slave has a fragile mind, it was more in the global sense that a persons mind is a fragile thing. A non submissive person can be damaged by words as well using in the way you speak of. When submission is given in most cases the person its given to has a great responsibility

So we have all heard of girls that don't like anal sex and won't do it because they had awful experiences with it. Girls that have had this horrible experience with anal tend to avoid it. Why wouldn't they? Obviously, it's not for them and it triggers bad memories.

Like if a sub is too emotionally fragile for bdsm sexual releases then they shouldn't be participating to begin with. Especially if words are enough to scar them mentally. I mean if words are too much, how are they gonna do with physical pain which scars both mentally and physically? In real life the physical pain is accompanied by words as well. It's like an alcoholic staying away from bars. A war vet with PTSD not watching overly gory and realistic war movies. etc.

I find it irresponsible for a master to try and introduce such a fragile mind to this sort of activity. And yes I know it's the sub trying to please the master but what exactly is the pleasure a master gets from putting a fragile girl through this? Reminds me of a bully and a victim.

Quote by professionalmaster

Before you say I just don't understand or that I need to read a book, trust me when I say I am very dominant in bed. I just don't ritualize it and plan it out and remind the girl I am in charge, they just sorta know, it comes natural. You think spanking takes a lot of trust, anal sex has more levels of trust involved than you can imagine.

Use your own words to explain please.

13 Feb 2013

Jack makes some good points, or at least points the way to this answer: in a GOOD bdsm relationship the Domme should KNOW what bothers the sub and really, there shouldn't be a reason to need to use a safe word often if ever. that said, think of it as a security blanket. the sub knows that, if they are getting into unknown territory, she has it to use, making it easier for her to relax and be guided into something that she wants to experience but also makes her quite nervous. i hope that helps? smile

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

13 Feb 2013

I was really debating how to go about responding to this. Let me start by saying that I will not respond to certain things you have said. Such as commenting on my handle or taking shots at me. The reason is that frankly that adds nothing to this discussion but to distract from what I think the question was and the answers have been.

Quote by Magical_Felix
Like if a sub is too emotionally fragile for bdsm sexual releases then they shouldn't be participating to begin with. Especially if words are enough to scar them mentally. I mean if words are too much, how are they gonna do with physical pain which scars both mentally and physically? In real life the physical pain is accompanied by words as well. It's like an alcoholic staying away from bars. A war vet with PTSD not watching overly gory and realistic war movies. etc.

I find it irresponsible for a master to try and introduce such a fragile mind to this sort of activity. And yes I know it's the sub trying to please the master but what exactly is the pleasure a master gets from putting a fragile girl through this? Reminds me of a bully and a victim.

You bring up physical scars and PTSD. But the mind for anyone whether a submissive or a Dominate can be manipulated with the right touch (both physically and metaphorically speaking) to bring about a negative or positive change in a persons behavior.

You talk as if the solution to online bullying or people that are of a weak mindset getting taken advantage of is to remove them from the world, limit their choices or protect them from themselves.

I would say that is as harmful as the bullying itself and really the same thing in a different form.

Safe words are just what they say. "Safe". There is nothing weak about having a safe word in place and ANY real dom or Master understands that having one in place is not to make it so they don't have to communicate, but to make the communication that much better.

See I know that my girls will let me push their boundaries as far as they can take it. Because they know that if at any point they feel that something is happening they are not able to handle, they can stop it immediately, enter a mode of conversation that takes place on a very even base that allows us both to understand where, why, how and what to do in the future to make sure this doesn't happen again OR to make it so they can proceed more comfortably.

This is needed online and in person. Especially if you are on cam with someone.

My answer stands as it did in my first post that a safe word is a safety net. Protection and a way to enhance the consenting communication between the two parties in the relationship so that they can both get 100% out of it and feel that both parties are respected.

Lastly, my thanks to Ravyn was not because I felt that I needed someone to defend me. Trust me, I have no problem defending myself, opinions, beliefs and status. It was because I read her response and saw someone who understood what I was saying and gave a very good explanation of it.

If you have read 50 Shades of Gray and think that you are ready to be a dom or a sub. Then you have a lot to learn.

Follow my slave's blog slave skye's real life blog if we can get 100 followers she is going to start posting pictures!!! I know there are at least 100 of you that want to see that click the link enter your email and follow. We hit 100 then she has said she will post a picture of herself.

13 Feb 2013

Quote by ProfessionalMaster
I was really debating how to go about responding to this. Let me start by saying that I will not respond to certain things you have said. Such as commenting on my handle or taking shots at me. The reason is that frankly that adds nothing to this discussion but to distract from what I think the question was and the answers have been.

Don't be a baby, be a master.

Are you paid or are you not paid to be a master?

Quote by professionalmaster
You bring up physical scars and PTSD. But the mind for anyone whether a submissive or a Dominate can be manipulated with the right touch (both physically and metaphorically speaking) to bring about a negative or positive change in a persons behavior.

The PTSD was an example.. Like a vet not exposing themselves to things that will trigger bad memories... Do you think it's a good idea for someone suffereing from PTSD from war to go to shooting ranges and violent war movies? Are you serious?

Quote by professionalmaster

You talk as if the solution to online bullying or people that are of a weak mindset getting taken advantage of is to remove them from the world, limit their choices or protect them from themselves.

I would say that is as harmful as the bullying itself and really the same thing in a different form.

When did I say remove them from the world? I said someone that is of a weak mindset and getting taken advantage of shouldn't expose themselves to things that would trigger bad memories to the point of emotionally scaring them. You seem to think someone getting taken advantage of and emotionally fragile is the a good candidate for this stuff. Seems predatory.

Not exposing a fragile girl to something that will emotionally scare her is as harmful as triggering bad memories in her mind that you know are there?

Yeah ok.

Quote by prfessionalmaster

Safe words are just what they say. "Safe". There is nothing weak about having a safe word in place and ANY real dom or Master understands that having one in place is not to make it so they don't have to communicate, but to make the communication that much better.

Who said the safe word is weak? You can barely comprehend what is typed out. No wonder they need safe words. You don't seem to be good at comprehending. Yeah and I understand why safe words are important when girl is tied up, she might panic or something and need a word so the master can untie her real quick. The original poster of this question is asking about a safe word in ONLINE CHAT... So you are chatting and you emotionally scare her with words and she says the safe word... Aren't the words still there right above? it's not like in real life where everything goes away. The words are still there. Like I am imagining a girl typing to her master then all of a sudden the master says something that crosses the line and she has a mental breakdown.. It's funny isn't it? It's funny because it is so far fetched and that's why the original poster is asking if it's needed in online roleplay. It's silly and if a person can be mentally scared in this way a safe word with her online master is the least of her problems. Again why do you think this type of person is a good candidate? Could it be because they are easily manipulated?

Quote by professionalmaster

See I know that my girls will let me push their boundaries as far as they can take it. Because they know that if at any point they feel that something is happening they are not able to handle, they can stop it immediately, enter a mode of conversation that takes place on a very even base that allows us both to understand where, why, how and what to do in the future to make sure this doesn't happen again OR to make it so they can proceed more comfortably.

I find it irresponsible for a master to try and introduce such a fragile mind to this sort of activity. And yes I know it's the sub trying to please the master but what exactly is the pleasure a master gets from putting a fragile girl through this? What do YOU get from getting a fragile girl to get to break down only to just discuss so it doesn't happen again and again and again.. Seems like sadism masquerading as something else.

Quote by professionalmaster

Lastly, my thanks to Ravyn was not because I felt that I needed someone to defend me. Trust me, I have no problem defending myself, opinions, beliefs and status. It was because I read her response and saw someone who understood what I was saying and gave a very good explanation of it.

Yeah I don't know man.

26 Mar 2013

While it is true that in a good and proper D/s relationship, the Dom should know the sub well enough not to have to use the safeword - online or in real life. HOWEVER, being as safety is our number 1 concern here, you should still have a safeword/safesignal, just in case. Things can get heated and you could lose yourself in the moment and not even be aware of what is going on. It is never a bad idea to have a backup just in case. You may never use it, but it's there - like the spare key for your car or house - just in case.

Safewords always, always, ALWAYS have a place in any D/s relationship - online or real life. Period.

4 May 2013

First off... yes safeword always online or IRL.

Quote by Magical_felix

If the participant's mind is so fragile that some words are going to damage it... Shouldn't they be avoiding the internet and dicking around with professional masters, whatever that is?

If you don't realize how deep the connection between Master/slave goes you may want to know of which you speak. A simple look or touch can send a slave off in a direction they may not have seen coming when they are in "heavy" situations or edge play. That makes the situation very fragile at that point, as the slave is in what is called "sub space" and thoroughly connected to their Master. Anything He may say at that point can have much greater weight to it than at other times.

Quote by Magical_felix

So we have all heard of girls that don't like anal sex and won't do it because they had awful experiences with it. Girls that have had this horrible experience with anal tend to avoid it. Why wouldn't they? Obviously, it's not for them and it triggers bad memories.

As someone who has been through this with a few women, it can often come down to trusting the person they are with. If they trust their Master they may be more than willing to try again with someone who they know won't take things too fast and give them an opportunity to have a positive experience to outweigh a previous lovers "bad memories". It can, in fact, lift the slaves connection with their Master by being able to let trust outweigh their past experience and build new memories to replace bad ones. In my case..every time I've run into this situation, not only did they consent to try it again, but also they completely enjoyed the experience and wanted to do it again...and again...and again.

Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.

6 May 2013

Quote by Black Talon
If you don't realize how deep the connection between Master/slave goes you may want to know of which you speak.

LOL, calm down Shakespeare.

A simple look or touch can send a slave off in a direction they may not have seen coming when they are in "heavy" situations or edge play. That makes the situation very fragile at that point, as the slave is in what is called "sub space" and thoroughly connected to their Master. Anything He may say at that point can have much greater weight to it than at other times.

Putting someone so fragile in a situation like that is predatory. I mean you are sitting there typing and the master is going to say something to send someone off the deep end? *holds in a laugh* Excuse me... Where was I? Oh yeah, you are typing on the computer pretending to be a master and then you say something where the sub is going to need a safe word... Even if they say it, the shit you typed is still there so what is the difference...

Also, I imagine you don't just go right into heavy "edge play" with someone you have only talked to for a few minutes right? I mean I don't with my slaves. I get to know them first, see what makes them tic. See what puts those bitches in stitches, know what I'm sayin'? I would imagine you would know this too so if you insist on taking your sub to that dark place they don't like, it seems like you get off on actually abusing them and not pleasuring them.

As someone who has been through this with a few women

Do they keep leaving to look for a better master or something?

it can often come down to trusting the person they are with. If they trust their Master they may be more than willing to try again with someone who they know won't take things too fast and give them an opportunity to have a positive experience to outweigh a previous lovers "bad memories".

Why does it get you off to insist a girl do what makes her feel negative sexually? That is like taking a girl that was molested by a coach and insisting on wearing coach clothes and a whistle for roleplay. It's demented.

In my case..every time I've run into this situation, not only did they consent to try it again, but also they completely enjoyed the experience and wanted to do it again...and again...and again.

Sounds like you don't take no for an answer. Again, sounds predatory.

6 May 2013

Safe and sane sex (like fireworks) is tantamount to good, satisfying sex or scenes. Safe words, if that's what it takes, should be arranged, but what I question here is an obvious lack of communication before you get to that point. Most adept practitioners of BDSM behavior openly communicate about what is going to happen, what might happen, safety concerns, experience, practice runs, talking it through, etc. etc. You do not just spring something on someone and expect them to know their own level of comfort at the time, so that a safe word is so vital. I know of no real Master/Dom/Mistress/Domme who purposefully or even accidentally leads their slave/sub into a danger point without super deep communication about it beforehand. It's just not done. It is always, always, always the responsibility of the one in charge to handle things like this. That said, yes, there are times when a safe word may be the best resolution, but consider how and why you are bringing the sub/slave to that point.

6 May 2013

What's your safe word, Jack.

It's prudent to have one, you know - for the next time Scooter or Nudie or Dude or I are rag-dolling you around the forum.

Just for future reference I think mine shall be: shutthefuckup - that's easy to remember, isn't it, everyone? evil5

The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.

7 May 2013

Quote by WellMadeMale
What's your safe word, Jack.

It's prudent to have one, you know - for the next time Scooter or Nudie or Dude or I are rag-dolling you around the forum.

Just for future reference I think mine shall be: shutthefuckup - that's easy to remember, isn't it, everyone?

Don't break your hip on the way to the pisser tonight, you old twat.

7 May 2013

Quote by yourmisterdark
Safe and sane sex (like fireworks) is tantamount to good, satisfying sex or scenes. Safe words, if that's what it takes, should be arranged, but what I question here is an obvious lack of communication before you get to that point. Most adept practitioners of BDSM behavior openly communicate about what is going to happen, what might happen, safety concerns, experience, practice runs, talking it through, etc. etc. You do not just spring something on someone and expect them to know their own level of comfort at the time, so that a safe word is so vital. I know of no real Master/Dom/Mistress/Domme who purposefully or even accidentally leads their slave/sub into a danger point without super deep communication about it beforehand. It's just not done. It is always, always, always the responsibility of the one in charge to handle things like this. That said, yes, there are times when a safe word may be the best resolution, but consider how and why you are bringing the sub/slave to that point.

really, i could post something in my own words, or i could just point to the above and go "he gets it".

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

7 May 2013

Quote by Magical_felix

Don't break your hip on the way to the pisser tonight, you old twat.

don't mess with my secret boyfriend, Jack, or i'll piss on your leather couch (again). smile

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

7 May 2013

Quote by Magical_felix

Don't break your hip on the way to the pisser tonight, you old twat.

Really? Surely you can do this without those names. As wrong as this feels, bend over Jack a1089

lol

7 May 2013

Quote by Ravyn

Really? Surely you can do this without those names. As wrong as this feels, bend over Jack lol

He's definitely going to need a safe word, now. evil4

The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.

7 May 2013

Quote by sprite

don't mess with my secret boyfriend, Jack, or i'll piss on your leather couch (again).

7 May 2013

Quote by sprite
Jack makes some good points, or at least points the way to this answer: in a GOOD bdsm relationship the Domme should KNOW what bothers the sub and really, there shouldn't be a reason to need to use a safe word often if ever. that said, think of it as a security blanket. the sub knows that, if they are getting into unknown territory, she has it to use, making it easier for her to relax and be guided into something that she wants to experience but also makes her quite nervous. i hope that helps?

As a relationship grows, the boundaries keep getting pushed. The safe word is good to slow things down if you're not quite ready yet. A sub might use the safe word for something today that a month from now will be okay.

Always use a safeword. It's a matter of trust on both sides. You have to know that the other person will stop when you use it. They have to be willing to stop no matter how hot and exciting the moment is. It should be used online for verisimilitude, if nothing else. I'm really into ritual and getting the safeword is part of the ritual.

You should try to create as realistic a scene as you can for the person you're chatting with. If it's a BDSM scene, the safeword should be part of it.

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