I was wondering what the psychology aspect of this is.
We need to seek each other out?
It's an inherent need?
Our backgrounds, I get that.
What propels me to want to be so submissive?
Thanks for any input.
Just trying to understand things..
Myself
Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login
question about submissives, Dominants and Masters please..slaves too
Such a complex question, I almost didn't want to post a reply.
I'm sure you've done your own research on this subject, but here is an article I found interesting:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/unique-everybody-else/201307/bdsm-personality-and-mental-health
I don't condone self internet diagnosis. I think if something is negatively affecting a person's daily life, they should seek professional advice. However, like the article states, people that are into BDSM lifestyle aren't any less psychologically healthy than people not into it.
A website that provides a great outlet and resources is: www.fetlife.com
My wife and I were amazed at the number of Events going on in our ultra conservative area. We had no idea so many people are into the lifestyle.
Anytime you want to talk, look me up.
I'm sure you've done your own research on this subject, but here is an article I found interesting:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/unique-everybody-else/201307/bdsm-personality-and-mental-health
I don't condone self internet diagnosis. I think if something is negatively affecting a person's daily life, they should seek professional advice. However, like the article states, people that are into BDSM lifestyle aren't any less psychologically healthy than people not into it.
A website that provides a great outlet and resources is: www.fetlife.com
My wife and I were amazed at the number of Events going on in our ultra conservative area. We had no idea so many people are into the lifestyle.
Anytime you want to talk, look me up.
Thank you very much hon......you are kind to respond and answer. I think you're kind period...
I will look at those...I have the Loving Dominant book on kindle.
And screw the roses send me the thorns about sadomasochism
Although I think I'm more masochistic though.
I haven't found many books in brick and mortar stores but sure they have some on amazon I'm sure.
I will look at those...I have the Loving Dominant book on kindle.
And screw the roses send me the thorns about sadomasochism
Although I think I'm more masochistic though.
I haven't found many books in brick and mortar stores but sure they have some on amazon I'm sure.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Only you can answer the bulk of your questions. You'll never fully understand your submissiveness until you understand what drives you to be submissive.
I know that sounds redundant. But we're the only ones who truly know what our desires mean to us...and I'm not just referring to BDSM, but everyone's desires in general. I understand that doms and masters etc. express that they're there to guide their subs and such, but only the individual will ever truly know what the driving force is behind their desires.
And you can't seek that kind of information from anyone but you.
As far as your other questions go, that has to do with your psyche and past trauma, and you're better off seeking help from a professional before you can move on. It would definitely prevent you from being taken advantage of, as there are those who prey on the seemingly weak and fragile. And it would probably help you understand yourself a lot better.
I know that sounds redundant. But we're the only ones who truly know what our desires mean to us...and I'm not just referring to BDSM, but everyone's desires in general. I understand that doms and masters etc. express that they're there to guide their subs and such, but only the individual will ever truly know what the driving force is behind their desires.
And you can't seek that kind of information from anyone but you.
As far as your other questions go, that has to do with your psyche and past trauma, and you're better off seeking help from a professional before you can move on. It would definitely prevent you from being taken advantage of, as there are those who prey on the seemingly weak and fragile. And it would probably help you understand yourself a lot better.
░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Quote by daddysweetheart
Aww thank you Dani. You make total sense.
Sorry if any of this if *off topic*
I have toxic shame and ptsd..anxiety. I think.
I need a therapist or a professional badly..
Had repressed emotions towards my mother horribly after I joined here in December.
She failed me horribly...
Hardest month of my life December.
Had held the feelings down so long, was so painful.
((((I came here in a daze. Half- dead, or half- alive. Going through the motions.)))
I didn't know how to compartmentalize them or whatever.
Each day, excrutiating emotional pain.
I never get much sleep anymore.
Always tired from lack of sleep.
Thank you so much, gorgeous beautiful and so wise Dani.
Yes, the best thing you can do right now is get help sorting all of that out within yourself before you can even begin to focus on anything or anyone else.
░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░
Active Ink Slinger
Margot, sorry to butt in, but I read the thread. Dani is 100% correct.
“It's nice sometimes to open up the heart a little and let some hurt come in. It proves you're still alive.”
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Dani
As far as your other questions go, that has to do with your psyche and past trauma.
I agree with this and I believe it not only impacts on you being a Dom or a Sub. IMO you're early life experience have a considerable determining effect on how you turn out.KrVGvkgOR70WN7Uw
Quote by BigPuss
I agree with this and I believe it not only impacts on you being a Dom or a Sub. IMO you're early life experience have a considerable determining effect on how you turn out.2fY2lyhYwwT5mhjv
I know...I agree.
I'm sick of explaining myself and having people say I should behave like be this or this or feel this way.
Or I should do this.
Toxic shame is ******** bitch ...
I also get jealous of others when I feel threatened.
Bad side affect because I'm scared to be abandoned or rejected and I don't deal with those well.
Not sure if from toxic shame or an absentee unloving father..
Who I kinda hate....
No..I hate completely.
You're spineless coward piece of shit who does not deserve to be called a father.
It's insulting to those who are real fathers who love and care properly for their children.
If the relationship isn't going to be, or you suspect it may not be safe, sane and consensual on both sides then don't explore it with that person.
BDSM exist in the vanilla world in different forms - husband/wife - parent/child - boss/employee, as in why do certain people stick it out with others when they should have ended the relationship long ago?
If you're thinking of being a sub then do so once you know you're doing it for the right sane reason.
It's no different then any vanilla relationship.
If your relationships are happy in the vanilla world then they won't be any different in a BDSM relationship.
BDSM exist in the vanilla world in different forms - husband/wife - parent/child - boss/employee, as in why do certain people stick it out with others when they should have ended the relationship long ago?
If you're thinking of being a sub then do so once you know you're doing it for the right sane reason.
It's no different then any vanilla relationship.
If your relationships are happy in the vanilla world then they won't be any different in a BDSM relationship.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by daddysweetheart
I know...I agree.
I'm sick of explaining myself and having people say I should behave like be this or this or feel this way.
Or I should do this.
Toxic shame is ******** bitch ...
I also get jealous of others when I feel threatened.
Bad side affect because I'm scared to be abandoned or rejected and I don't deal with those well.
Not sure if from toxic shame or an absentee unloving father..
Who I kinda hate....
No..I hate completely.
You're spineless coward piece of shit who does not deserve to be called a father.
It's insulting to those who are real fathers who love and care properly for their children.
You appear to be a bright sensative lady. These are wonderful qualities.Don't dwell or wonder about the past - learn from it.
Love yourself.
If people can't see you for who you are then they are not worth your time - focus on those that can and love you.
Life is short, fear nothing and enjoy what you have and persue what you want and need.
Your father's absences is not a loss but a benefit. He was obviously not worthy of you.
All the best.
Quote by BigPuss
Don't dwell or wonder about the past - learn from it.
Love yourself.
If people can't see you for who you are then they are not worth your time - focus on those that can and love you.
Life is short, fear nothing and enjoy what you have and persue what you want and need.
Your father's absences is not a loss but a benefit. He was obviously not worthy of you.
All the best.
thank you hon Big hugssss
xoxoxoxo
you are very kind..... very interesting about my father-you are correct.
He's a bum. meaning not worthy... thanks for opening my eyes ....
Active Ink Slinger
I can't speak for anyone else, but for me it started as a pathological need to control. My life is chaos and I've always been answerable to someone, whether it be a boss, teacher, parent or authority figure, I've never been free to blaze my own trail. With BDSM I found a way to have control and it became addictive, in my bedroom I was absolutely and unquestionably in charge. Since then my life's gotten better and I've gotten it under control, but I found out how much I loved it and how easy it was for someone like me to make other people love it too so haven't given it up. It doesn't hurt that I'm a physically imposing man and I have a very forceful personality, so people don't tend to refuse me regardless. The power is a rush, the result is intoxicating and all of it wraps up in a nice little bow that makes anyone feel good about themselves.
Quote by TylerStark
I can't speak for anyone else, but for me it started as a pathological need to control. My life is chaos and I've always been answerable to someone, whether it be a boss, teacher, parent or authority figure, I've never been free to blaze my own trail. With BDSM I found a way to have control and it became addictive, in my bedroom I was absolutely and unquestionably in charge. Since then my life's gotten better and I've gotten it under control, but I found out how much I loved it and how easy it was for someone like me to make other people love it too so haven't given it up. It doesn't hurt that I'm a physically imposing man and I have a very forceful personality, so people don't tend to refuse me regardless. The power is a rush, the result is intoxicating and all of it wraps up in a nice little bow that makes anyone feel good about themselves.
thanks for your input Tyler.
I missed you.
Glad it works out so well for you..
xoxoxoxo
Why do you want to now "why" you are submissive? Whatever the reason, people are set in Dom/sub S/M to one degree or another all over whether they know or not.
You have to soul search yourself and look inside your personality make up and what factors you were born with, like you said: "inherent" and the aspects that might contribute growing up and later... just like anything else we would want to explore, you start with asking YOU, not really us. Our feedback from anything that touches, causes an a awakening or inspires you tor make you question~ still goes back to digging in you and coming to understand yourself better. We'd all be different and yet, as subs, share some of the same qualities and aspects.
For me.... I was the baby. I was the youngest in the entire extended fam and younger by a good 20-25 years ALSO with friiends, so I had siblings that were in a large gap older and gravitated that way to seek older people as friends to relate to similiarly.
As I got older, I had some younger friends.
My dad died at the time of tsunami. It left a hole that I did not dwell on and consider, but I did miss him. I met someone who took up a protective role (despite his age) about a year after.
I was eager to please by submissiveness out of gratitude, too. My personality is not always submissive. I can switch. The main part of personaliyy has BECOME more submissive and that is what I mainly am and want to be. My personality has changed and siftened as a result of my life experiences.
I was a happy, loving child who liked to play and make people smile. I had a outgoing personality more than some of the more fragile girlfriends but I was always seeking to please when little. I only rebeled when older. So, yes, it is complicated. I submit more by choice and desire. i am a very strong-minded person sometimes, lol.
I hope that gives some ideas and that your own insights will become more apparent as you get to know yourself.
You have to soul search yourself and look inside your personality make up and what factors you were born with, like you said: "inherent" and the aspects that might contribute growing up and later... just like anything else we would want to explore, you start with asking YOU, not really us. Our feedback from anything that touches, causes an a awakening or inspires you tor make you question~ still goes back to digging in you and coming to understand yourself better. We'd all be different and yet, as subs, share some of the same qualities and aspects.
For me.... I was the baby. I was the youngest in the entire extended fam and younger by a good 20-25 years ALSO with friiends, so I had siblings that were in a large gap older and gravitated that way to seek older people as friends to relate to similiarly.
As I got older, I had some younger friends.
My dad died at the time of tsunami. It left a hole that I did not dwell on and consider, but I did miss him. I met someone who took up a protective role (despite his age) about a year after.
I was eager to please by submissiveness out of gratitude, too. My personality is not always submissive. I can switch. The main part of personaliyy has BECOME more submissive and that is what I mainly am and want to be. My personality has changed and siftened as a result of my life experiences.
I was a happy, loving child who liked to play and make people smile. I had a outgoing personality more than some of the more fragile girlfriends but I was always seeking to please when little. I only rebeled when older. So, yes, it is complicated. I submit more by choice and desire. i am a very strong-minded person sometimes, lol.
I hope that gives some ideas and that your own insights will become more apparent as you get to know yourself.
Quote by 1LovelyKinkyKitsune
Why do you want to now "why" you are submissive? Whatever the reason, people are set in Dom/sub S/M to one degree or another all over whether they know or not.
You have to soul search yourself and look inside your personality make up and what factors you were born with, like you said: "inherent" and the aspects that might contribute growing up and later... just like anything else we would want to explore, you start with asking YOU, not really us. Our feedback from anything that touches, causes an a awakening or inspires you tor make you question~ still goes back to digging in you and coming to understand yourself better. We'd all be different and yet, as subs, share some of the same qualities and aspects.
For me.... I was the baby. I was the youngest in the entire extended fam and younger by a good 20-25 years ALSO with friiends, so I had siblings that were in a large gap older and gravitated that way to seek older people as friends to relate to similiarly.
As I got older, I had some younger friends.
My dad died at the time of tsunami. It left a hole that I did not dwell on and consider, but I did miss him. I met someone who took up a protective role (despite his age) about a year after.
I was eager to please by submissiveness out of gratitude, too. My personality is not always submissive. I can switch. The main part of personaliyy has BECOME more submissive and that is what I mainly am and want to be. My personality has changed and siftened as a result of my life experiences.
I was a happy, loving child who liked to play and make people smile. I had a outgoing personality more than some of the more fragile girlfriends but I was always seeking to please when little. I only rebeled when older. So, yes, it is complicated. I submit more by choice and desire. i am a very strong-minded person sometimes, lol.
I hope that gives some ideas and that your own insights will become more apparent as you get to know yourself.
Aww. I apologize for not seeing this before..
I too, am the baby..
I'm.sorry about your Dad hon..so sorry...that leaves a big hole in your heart?
Mine not loving me does. I always searching for a father's love..
Someone told me I looked for safety and protection or something like that..
My mother was very controlling and narcisstic.
I am very sweet. But wonder if that's somehow got to do with wanting praise or affection..
Even though many bad things have happened to me,.I'm still very sweet..and have an innocence still.
I don't want to comment on my childhood but I rebelled also.
I know I've been through many things that most don't know about on here..
If one read between the lines of all my posts, maybe someone would understand more..
You seem so very wise in all of your posts..
Hope we both some peace..xxxxx
I need healing myself...
Hugsssssss..xxxxx
Thank you for your input..xxx
Quote by daddysweetheart
I know I've been through many things that most don't know about on here..
If one read between the lines of all my posts, maybe someone would understand more..
You seem so very wise in all of your posts..
Hope we both some peace..xxxxx
I need healing myself...
Thank you for your input..xxx
*know
Thank you Sweetie, that was really nice to hear and good timing too. I needed that. I almost went to the "sad cage" today after being insulted on here repeatedly for no real reason other than someone saw I was in a committed relationship & was a stranger who felt the need to send me an ugly message! People ^0^ lol. I felt like saying "Well just insult my dog and my God too next time and then tell me I am a silly, trivial little girl who is not entitled to have any feelings?!" We both have feelings~ VALID ones. I think maybe I can read between those lines. T.T (*hugs*) I believe we are often given people in our lives to fill various holes that have been left as a void of something we need filling and healing, even to replace the sad or unhealthy relationships with loved ones and it is an opportinity.
You seem well on your way to understanding and seems to make perfect sense.
I think you have a mind of your own, opinions (?) and yet a strong 'need' & want for that precious gift of "Love."
I will hope you find all that you truly should have to feel valued and completely loved and accepted for you are.
(>^~^)> <(*v*<)
Quote by 1LovelyKinkyKitsune
*know
Thank you Sweetie, that was really nice to hear and good timing too. I needed that. I almost went to the "sad cage" today after being insulted on here repeatedly for no real reason other than someone saw I was in a committed relationship & was a stranger who felt the need to send me an ugly message! People ^0^ lol. I felt like saying "Well just insult my dog and my God too next time and then tell me I am a silly, trivial little girl who is not entitled to have any feelings?!" We both have feelings~ VALID ones. I think maybe I can read between those lines. T.T (*hugs*) I believe we are often given people in our lives to fill various holes that have been left as a void of something we need filling and healing, even to replace the sad or unhealthy relationships with loved ones and it is an opportinity.
You seem well on your way to understanding and seems to make perfect sense.
I think you have a mind of your own, opinions (?) and yet a strong 'need' & want for that precious gift of "Love."
I will hope you find all that you truly should have to feel valued and completely loved and accepted for you are.
(>^~^)> <(*v*<)
you are so very sweet..xoxo
I did yesterday cause someone insinuated that I get around....that pissed me off royally..
(hugsssssss) maybe I have been given those precious people by joining here..
I am loved..very loved by a few in RL.. lots of my best and closest friends have passed away and I am not close to my parents.
why when I feel close to someone it's extra special..and when they leave it hurts so very badly.....
thank you so very much for your most kind comments and opinions.. thank you
you are super special as well hon.. xoxoxoxoxoxo