Have you ever just craved to be truly owned and treasured by a Dom and then slowly start to feel like it was only a phase?
For years I pride myself in being a feisty lovable kitten who went overboard in showing how much I craved to please my Dom. (Online mostly)
I even lived the lifestyle for awhile with my husband.
We had highs and lows and grew so much closer together than we ever were. Then life got busy and time just flew by and I started to noticed we stopped living the lifestyle and just embraced our marriage without the rules and tasks of a D/s relationship.
I’m 36 now and I’ve been thinking about how much I’ve changed
Yes we enjoy kinky sex
Yes he’s still very dominant
Yes I’m still extremely submissive
But I no longer crave the structure the way that I used too
Was it only a phase?
Has anyone else gone through this??
You should thank your lucky stars that it was only a phase. Especially with your online masters.
Hard to say. It's a fine line. I am a bad example I think. I am reliving a lot of past abuse that happened with the wrong person at the wrong time. My S.O. can say the same. We give each other a relatively healthy outlet-it can go to far sometimes even if both parties know it and we don't have safety words-but we can also be gentle. Also there ARE safety words but I'd NEVER use them. Which is mean on my part.
i think the expression of a true commitment of submission is different in every bdsm relationship
and will evolve, so it is hard to comment on your sense that the craving for the structure of it may have diminished.
While the nature of my submission has developed over time, one thing i know...the tone of His voice can immediately bring me to realise who i am and to whom i belong.
Perhaps that is a more revealing test?
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable."
C'è un fascino per il proibito che lo rende indicibilmente desiderabile.
— Mark Twain
I have to agree with tigger everyone's relationship and bdsm experience is different. It's very difficult to know what one person needs compared to others. There are so many different aspects in this lifestyle as well. You may not need to have structure compared to someone else. My s/o is not dominate at all and is really the complete opposite. I crave dominance and have certain words that can just put me in the headspace I need as well as I know when I am being put to task for my actions. How is your headspace with your s/o? Can he use "that" tone to put you to task or make you known who you belong to?
I've never wanted to be owned
Probably because only i can rightfully own me
Being treasured is nice though.
For me its the opposite I did the whole dominate thing
I enjoyed it for the most part
but i also in many ways found it to be hollow and quite shallow.
and I began to need more than just being in control...
When life gets busy and you have too many other things going on, it can be hard to sustain D/s. In a calmer period of your life in the future, you may find that it feels right again.
You say phase as though it means a fleeting thing, or something that goes away completely. I see my submissive nature as the phases of the moon, waxing and waning in their intensity. A lot of it is depends on how much my husband is pursuing, but it all comes down to communication.
