I'm a new sub who is very close to signing my contract to start my training.
Although, I have lots of questions about so many facets and Sir is willing to answer them. He has not chosen to tell me if he desires more than me as a sub.
I accept that he will have multiple playthings and actually that doesn't bother me.
What I'm having a hard time with is that I'm not comfortable with another kneeling at his feet during my training. I know communication is key, so there is no reason to repeat that.
My questions is simple - I find that I may not want to go forward with my training in knowing this. But, why is the idea of my Dom having another sub bother me more than a FWB? Especially during my training.
What is your opinion of the right thing here? And do most Doms want multiple subs? I want there to be a clear distinction here - not multiple sex partners, but multiple subs.
I want to embrace this entire process as I desire it so...and have for years. And I haven't found many opinions on this subject.
Thank you all.
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About to sign training contract, but do Doms want multiple subs?
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Advanced Wordsmith
That should be part of the contract negotiation. As well as any other things you feel strongly about. It isn't a one-sided thing entering into a contract...and you need to insure that your needs and hard limits are incorporated into such a contract.
Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.
*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Quote by BlackTalon
That should be part of the contract negotiation. As well as any other things you feel strongly about. It isn't a one-sided thing entering into a contract...and you need to insure that your needs and hard limits are incorporated into such a contract.
Thank you for the information.
I understand that it can be part of a contract. It is also quite possible that this "hard limit" would kill my training by this particular Dom entirely.
Would you have any input into the general desires of Doms wanting multiple Subs? (By the way, I did read the entire post by Callisto with a similar topic.)
Advanced Wordsmith
Guess I should have read your entire question first LOL
Some Doms do...some don't
I personally only want 1 slave... so My attention isn't spread over a "flock". Though there could be a possibility of adding a sub later, the RIGHT one to fit into what W/we already have without wrecking anything...and I would offer My slave the option of approving the sub as well so it didn't cause irreparable damage to O/our relationship. As the relationship is MUST-TRUST based I can't allow myself to do something with the potential to destroy everything, based solely on My opinion. A good Master realizes that His decisions affect more than Himself.
Make your feelings known....up front. You can't hold Him responsible for things He doesn't know about.
Some Doms do...some don't
I personally only want 1 slave... so My attention isn't spread over a "flock". Though there could be a possibility of adding a sub later, the RIGHT one to fit into what W/we already have without wrecking anything...and I would offer My slave the option of approving the sub as well so it didn't cause irreparable damage to O/our relationship. As the relationship is MUST-TRUST based I can't allow myself to do something with the potential to destroy everything, based solely on My opinion. A good Master realizes that His decisions affect more than Himself.
Make your feelings known....up front. You can't hold Him responsible for things He doesn't know about.
Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.
*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Advanced Wordsmith
OMG... My brain won't stop.. keeps wanting to push you out from in front of a speeding bus...
OK... as One in the life for 20 yrs... I feel I MUST warn you... You can't enter into this type of life if you're weak... you'll get pushed around and kicked all over.
Submission is NOT a sign of weakness, It takes a strong intelligent person to make such a decision... as such it is imperative that you be able to stand your ground negotiating a contract. If you back down from your hard limits during a contract negotiation you will continually let yourself be pushed in the direction He sees fit. IMHO
OK... as One in the life for 20 yrs... I feel I MUST warn you... You can't enter into this type of life if you're weak... you'll get pushed around and kicked all over.
Submission is NOT a sign of weakness, It takes a strong intelligent person to make such a decision... as such it is imperative that you be able to stand your ground negotiating a contract. If you back down from your hard limits during a contract negotiation you will continually let yourself be pushed in the direction He sees fit. IMHO
Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.
*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Quote by BlackTalon
OMG... My brain won't stop.. keeps wanting to push you out from in front of a speeding bus...
OK... as One in the life for 20 yrs... I feel I MUST warn you... You can't enter into this type of life if you're weak... you'll get pushed around and kicked all over.
Submission is NOT a sign of weakness, It takes a strong intelligent person to make such a decision... as such it is imperative that you be able to stand your ground negotiating a contract. If you back down from your hard limits during a contract negotiation you will continually let yourself be pushed in the direction He sees fit. IMHO
I appreciate this advice very much. Truly.
Thank you.
Alright...here I am trying to understand this lifestyle...and failing miserably. Contract? Does the contract come with a money back guarantee? I totally understand the trainees apprehension to have to deal other subs. I kind of like the "exclusive" aspect of my relationships, myself. And I kind of have a hard time calling anyone "Sir" (besides the traffic cop that pulls me over). As much as I try to understand this lifestyle....I guess I'm just not cut out for it. I have read the posts that say it takes a real strong person to enter the dom/sub lifestyle and I guess you're right cuz it's going to take a real strong person person to put up with the humiliation and physical abuse dom's seem bent on dishing out.
*Sighs*...I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with my guy using his brains and sensuality to seduce me, his animal instincts to satisfy me and his love to bond with me as we lay in our pool of vanilla bliss.
Oh...I would take out an insurance policy with that contract, honey. I'm sure Lloyds of London can help you with that.
*Sighs*...I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with my guy using his brains and sensuality to seduce me, his animal instincts to satisfy me and his love to bond with me as we lay in our pool of vanilla bliss.
Oh...I would take out an insurance policy with that contract, honey. I'm sure Lloyds of London can help you with that.
Cock Connoisseur
Quote by Kristind
Alright...here I am trying to understand this lifestyle...and failing miserably. Contract? Does the contract come with a money back guarantee? I totally understand the trainees apprehension to have to deal other subs. I kind of like the "exclusive" aspect of my relationships, myself. And I kind of have a hard time calling anyone "Sir" (besides the traffic cop that pulls me over). As much as I try to understand this lifestyle....I guess I'm just not cut out for it. I have read the posts that say it takes a real strong person to enter the dom/sub lifestyle and I guess you're right cuz it's going to take a real strong person person to put up with the humiliation and physical abuse dom's seem bent on dishing out.
*Sighs*...I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with my guy using his brains and sensuality to seduce me, his animal instincts to satisfy me and his love to bond with me as we lay in our pool of vanilla bliss.
Oh...I would take out an insurance policy with that contract, honey. I'm sure Lloyds of London can help you with that.
Yes, you are correct this lifestyle does not seem to be for you. You are under the misconception that submissives/slaves and Dom's are into humiliation and physical abuse. That is NOT the case. Yes, there are those out there who have that need for humiliation but it is certainly not for everyone. As for your claim of physical abuse, there should NEVER be any of that in any type of relationship.
Each submissive/slave's needs are going to be different and not every Dom/Master out there will be able to fulfill those needs. It like any other relationship takes the right combination of parties involved to make it work. Communication and more communication is the only way it stands a chance of working. A contract is one of those forms of communication and each party puts for their needs and desires, limits, hard and soft etc. It's for the good of both parties to have such an agreement and yes, as Talon said the submissive/slave must be able to stand strong in communicating those to his or her perspective Dom. Thus, the strong person comes into play.
Please do some research if you are interested in the lifestyle before you keep making blanket statements as you did above that are simply not true. Not every person who is into this lifestyle is bent on humiliation and or physical abuse. It just adds to the misconception that many such as yourself have about this amazing lifestyle. I have no problem with honest intelligent questions. You may disagree with things just don't do it in a belittling or negative way.
To the OP, as Talon said, stand strong in your contract negotiations, Do not settle for something that will bring discord down the road. If your wants, needs and desires do not fit this particular Dom, then he is not the one for you. It is not something easily found and should NOT be easily entered into.
Good Luck to you.
Her Royal Spriteness
not really addiing to this, but reinforcing some things.
if you're going to be doing the contract thing, it's got to be drawn up together with your input. do not sign anything until yo have discussed and thought out every possibility. make sure there is a clause that makes it null and void if you should start having reservations. if you aren't comfortable with him having another sub, that needs to be in the contract. anything else that you are uncomfortable with needs to be in there too - a contract is as much to protect your rights and it is to give yourself to your Dom. i have no idea what kind of a man he is or what kind of relationship you have, but the ONE most important word in bdsm is TRUST. if you have any doubts at all of whether you can trust him, it won't work. period.
part of why i don't like the contract thing - it sort of says that the party of the first part doesn't trust the party of the second part and it intimates that there won't be constant discussion and evolution within the relationship, but that's just me. not saying it doesn't work, just that it wouldn't work for me, is all
if you're going to be doing the contract thing, it's got to be drawn up together with your input. do not sign anything until yo have discussed and thought out every possibility. make sure there is a clause that makes it null and void if you should start having reservations. if you aren't comfortable with him having another sub, that needs to be in the contract. anything else that you are uncomfortable with needs to be in there too - a contract is as much to protect your rights and it is to give yourself to your Dom. i have no idea what kind of a man he is or what kind of relationship you have, but the ONE most important word in bdsm is TRUST. if you have any doubts at all of whether you can trust him, it won't work. period.
part of why i don't like the contract thing - it sort of says that the party of the first part doesn't trust the party of the second part and it intimates that there won't be constant discussion and evolution within the relationship, but that's just me. not saying it doesn't work, just that it wouldn't work for me, is all
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by Kristind
Alright...here I am trying to understand this lifestyle...and failing miserably. Contract? Does the contract come with a money back guarantee? I totally understand the trainees apprehension to have to deal other subs. I kind of like the "exclusive" aspect of my relationships, myself. And I kind of have a hard time calling anyone "Sir" (besides the traffic cop that pulls me over). As much as I try to understand this lifestyle....I guess I'm just not cut out for it. I have read the posts that say it takes a real strong person to enter the dom/sub lifestyle and I guess you're right cuz it's going to take a real strong person person to put up with the humiliation and physical abuse dom's seem bent on dishing out.
*Sighs*...I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with my guy using his brains and sensuality to seduce me, his animal instincts to satisfy me and his love to bond with me as we lay in our pool of vanilla bliss.
Oh...I would take out an insurance policy with that contract, honey. I'm sure Lloyds of London can help you with that.
there are different degrees of D/s relationships. some are very hardcore, some are not. the hardcore ones work for some, not for others. i'm more of a 'lightcore' girl. no contacts, an obvious heirarchy within the relationship, me being the submissive one, having a few evolving rules, some bdsm play when we choose, and living out a fairly 'normal' life when we don't. i don't think of myself as in the lifestyle, as they say, and most in it would agree - that doesn't mean we don't practice bdsm, it just happens to be a brand of bdsm that fits us as a couple. there is no right way to do it, as long as it's consensual and all involved enjoy it. the only wrong way to go about practicing bdsm is it's non consensual. a good Dom(me) won't ever EVER let that happen - they genuinely care for their subs and there is an amazing amount of tenderness that you might be missing, because it's all done privately - it's not just whips and ropes.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Quote by Ravyn
Yes, you are correct this lifestyle does not seem to be for you. Please do some research if you are interested in the lifestyle before you keep making blanket statements as you did above that are simply not true. Not every person who is into this lifestyle is bent on humiliation and or physical abuse. It just adds to the misconception that many such as yourself have about this amazing lifestyle. I have no problem with honest intelligent questions. You may disagree with things just don't do it in a belittling or negative way.
Good Luck to you.
Yes......ma'am.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by sprite
i don't think of myself as in the lifestyle, as they say, and most in it would agree - that doesn't mean we don't practice bdsm, it just happens to be a brand of bdsm that fits us as a couple. there is no right way to do it, as long as it's consensual and all involved enjoy it.
Within your own description... you proved that you are in the lifestyle ... you have the knowledge it takes.. and implement it to some degree in your life
As you said there are varying degrees... just because you don't participate to the degree I do does not mean you aren't in the life(triple negative.. going for a record) ..as you truly are -- I know ppl who feel if you aren't 24/7 you aren't real, and they seem to be bigger idiots than noobs --at least noobs are open-minded. It is not My place to say someone doesn't meet the requirements unless I see something seriously dangerous happening. (edit: after rethinking this - I'm more opinionated than that, I also speak up when I spot fakes trolling. Which could be considered dangerous too, guess I edited this for no fukkin reason LOL)
Refreshing to see that unlike others who claim to be in the life with little or no knowledge, you seem to be the other side of the coin...having knowledge and claiming you're not really in the life lol
Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.
*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
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Let me know...I'm getting the munchies...
Let me know...I'm getting the munchies...
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Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by Ravyn
Thank you and the name is Ravyn not ma'am
you gonna take Kristend over your knee now?? ROFL
Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.
*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Cock Connoisseur
Quote by BlackTalon
you gonna take Kristend over your knee now?? ROFL
No, I am not a ma'am and I do not like being referred to as such
Active Ink Slinger
I like your style Ravyn.
Quote by sprite
if you're going to be doing the contract thing, it's got to be drawn up together with your input. do not sign anything until yo have discussed and thought out every possibility. make sure there is a clause that makes it null and void if you should start having reservations. if you aren't comfortable with him having another sub, that needs to be in the contract. anything else that you are uncomfortable with needs to be in there too - a contract is as much to protect your rights and it is to give yourself to your Dom. i have no idea what kind of a man he is or what kind of relationship you have, but the ONE most important word in bdsm is TRUST. if you have any doubts at all of whether you can trust him, it won't work. period.
Thank you for your response.
On the other side of this post in the wee hours of the morning, I've realized I'm trying to discern if this is a hard limit for me or not. I imagine the desire to have multiple subs is just as personal to the individual as it is if they are into this lifestyle or not.
I will definitely communicate my position on this and ensure my voice is heard.
Quote by Ravyn
To the OP, as Talon said, stand strong in your contract negotiations, Do not settle for something that will bring discord down the road. If your wants, needs and desires do not fit this particular Dom, then he is not the one for you. It is not something easily found and should NOT be easily entered into.
Good Luck to you.
Ravyn,
Thank you, too, for responding.
And you said it true. Let my needs and wants be known. If these cannot be respected and accepted, then I will need to find another Dom to train me.
Thank you all.
E
Active Ink Slinger
This would be something to bring up in your petition