Been married 29 years. She's my best friend. It its difficult to deal with the fact that her libido is very different from mine. When I visit here it is double edged, because I see that it could be different. There are ladies here with the same problem as me. (At least that's what their intro says). Perhaps, I would be happier if I moved on, perhaps not.........
As for me, and my wife, of 22 years, we have not had sex in, geez,well it's been so long I can't remember, I'd say six or seven years, maybe more. Our relationship other than that is fine, she is my best friend, but maybe that is the problem? I believe we have two entirely differing sex-drives. We have two great kids and the home life is fine. Unfortunately for me, as of last year I had to go seek sex outside of my marriage, I am not proud of it, more like ashamed, but I felt it had to be done.
I just got out of a relationship with a girl that went from orgasm at the simplest touch to no sexual stimulation at all. I don't know about other people, but ut seems to be anyone. We didn't break up because of lack of sex.
"So how does it feel to know that someones kid in the heart of America
Has blood on their hands, fighting to defend your rights
So you can maintain the lifestyle that insults this family's existence"
Security is mere illusion; yet in that illusion lies security.
wife used to be a bad girl, now makes mother terisa look like a tart
I know many married friends complain about this. I don't know the reason (great idea for a question for the girls here) this happens. Guys will typically have sex with their wife as much as possible until something stops them, they start having marital issues, health issues, personal/mental issues.
My Ex and I while still married had sex a fair amount, separated then still had sex, divorced and still had sex for a while then finally stopped. Every situation is different.
THERE IS NOT ONE CORRECT ANSWER!
my2cents
I could never imagine it. Me and my girlfriend have sex everyday usually more than once ;)
I could not go 20 years (as some post here), or even less, sexless. Period.
So here I"m going to spill a little of my personal story. When sex started to dry up with my ex wife it caused a lot of tension. It was very hard to deal with. But we still had closeness to a large extent, though other than the fact we slept cuddled in the same bed, she was more like my sister. Since I was missing sex, not contact, the two became separate to me. I found that strippers, or an occasionally masseuse, would (for a price) provide the sexual release I craved then send me home to my wife. This was so much less of a problem than having an actual affair where a girlfriend would be expecting much more from me. Back home, I could sleep relaxed. Did she suspect? Maybe. But I was home every night, and there was no pressure on my wife to have sex. So it probably worked out for the best for both of us.
Eventually she discovered that she was craving a very different sexual style, a world where she could completely dominate a man (or sometimes a woman), I really wasn't interested. So we took up separate lovers. Rarely did we have sex, though we still slept cuddled in the same bed. Eventually we divorced to free us our separate lifestyles.
I'm glad I did not remain sexless and that I worked it out through discreet encounters. That was the therapy I needed. The frustration would have turned to anger, would have destroyed what we had left.
Well, unfortunately, I am one of those in a sexless marriage. She's in her early 30s. I would say that overall we have a very happy marriage, but she just isn't a sexual being. I've questioned her many times. She claims she doesn't even masturbate. Ever. And calls herself a-sexual. It's something I hope she will work harder at than she currently does.
So, I have acquired a healthy (haha) porn addiction and will occassionally go off path with someone else.
A few friends have told me that anti-depressants helped them cope with problems but caused another problem: no ability to orgasm resulting in much less enthusiasm for sex. I think that could easily kill a marriage..
Now that so many women take ADs this is a bit of an epidemic side-effect. I advise trying a different medication or taking the dose down (or exercise a LOT).
CR
Sex definitely goes down after a few years of marriage. And becomes more boring too even when it happens.
Honestly, I'm younger but in a relationship with someone I love deeply.
I don't think i could be in a sexless relationship. Sex is an emotional connection not just a physical release.
I think not having sex is a sign of other problems.
"Do you want to live to work or work to live"
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing"
"Always hold you head up high, never come off weak"
Michael
My husband's first marriage was like that. Once they got engaged she stopped putting out. I have a couple of friends that in that situation as well. Their wives seldom want sex, one has a wife that when she is agreeable to sex will not allow anything other than one position and God forebid she give or recieve oral!
I know that health and meds and life sometimes get in the way of a healthy sex life. But all too often people marry someone they know they are not sexually compatible with; I am in that boat myself. And when you are not compatible with your spouse sex becomes a chore and is frustrating; it is easier to just stop having sex then to fight nature.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. ~Swami X
If it's a sexless relationship, it's a FRIENDship.
oh how life's experiences will tell. on never knows how one is going to react a you get older. it can be physical, mental or just no desire but at some point we all cross a plane that doesnt make sens to us when it comes to sex. personally today i dont care about,i could take it or leave it, but love reading it or teasing it. im sure there are others of both sexs my age that feel this way and i know there are those that are still just as horny as they were in high school, we all do things for any number of reasons but even a sexless marriage is still a love affair. ......................... and as all things in life this is my observation and experiences and dont hold for all
I'm a huge advocate about not judging relationships. To each their own. If the couple doesn't want to have sex then that's their deal. But there are some caveats:
Sex is great -- most people like it. So, one person not wanting sex in a relationship is typically going to cause issues. Either they have to settle that themselves or the other partner is going to have to be cool with their significant other finding some sex outside of the relationship.
I think you have just met the unfortunate few. It's cool if they have it all worked out but it's a monster waiting to rear its ugly head if one of the partners is suppressing their natural desires.
for me personally, i don't think age has anything to do with it. i just turned 43 and i have NEVER wanted sex more since i've been this age - think about it all the time and want it even more. i keep thinking my sexual drive will eventually fade away or tone down but it seems to be the opposite. having said that, i was in a very unfulfilling marriage for almost 20 years which ended up pretty much sexless for a ridiculously amount of years towards the the end. my ex just wasn't very sexual and didn't see sex as that important despite the fact that i wanted and needed it - OFTEN. he just couldn't keep up with me and therefore we just stopped having sex altogether. this was a HUGE reason why i ended the marriage. i refused to be one of those couples that stayed in a marriage/relationship only to pretend it was something it wasn't both to our friends/family and especially to ourselves. when the sex/intimacy is gone or mininal, whatever tiny cracks you have in your relationship, eventually will only become bigger...and then you end up on sites like lush looking for an escape or release from your reality :P
bottom line...a sexless marriage/relationship isn't just about the woman not wanting sex, it's also about men not wanting it either. it goes both ways. my ex has said to me now, after the fact, that he fucked up royally in not realizing what he had when he had me and that he didn't realize how important keeping intimacy alive was to a relationship. i'm glad he came to his senses but a little too late for me. i do wish him well in his next relationship...he may need it, lol.
This may be a subject all of its own, but I'll throw it out there anyway. As far as peoples reactions to sexless marriages and the break ups over it, do people think that men get the raw end of the deal regardless of who is ending the relationship?? By this I mean, if a guy decides he is not getting enough and its effecting the way he feels about his SO, women, particularly the friends of the woman involved, will be the first to jump up and down and say that the man is only thinking with his dick, that he is nothing but a shallow bastard only interested in one thing, getting laid. On the other hand, if the relationship ends because the guy is not the one putting out and the woman ends it, he also cops some stick, who would not want to have sex with their wife?? What's wrong with him, is he gay or something?? yeah, get rid of him if he is not going to satisfy you, you deserve better... I think guys are in a no win situation here, but that's just my opinion.
Thanks guys and gals. It has been more or less what I expected in splitting between men and women. But certainly not all men either.
You kids have made me certain that I am on the right path to study Human Sexuality. If Lush brothers and sisters have this kind of problem, what must the society in general be experiencing.
Thank You Again Whitney
It's a struggle to imagine how I would handle it. As it is, we tend to have sex far less frequently than I might desire, but it is far from sexless. Yet, my love for my wife is immeasurable, so I can't fathom how we would handle it if it evolved that way. After nearly 25 years together, what would I do without her?
