I see that most of the people complaining about the sexless marriage seem to be the guys, however, I have been through the same thing, I was married for 17 months, and even on our wedding night, my husband turned over and went to sleep, so I drank the champagne and ate the wedding cake and then masturbated until I fell asleep!
In those 17 months, I learned to really love myself and woke up one morning and had just had enough of that BS. I walked out, cant say I never looked back, I did, but realized that life is too short.
On my own again and loving it.
I guess since I am allowed to cross the bed's centerline a couple or handful of times a year, that it does not qualify as 'sexless.'
Like Batman wrote earlier in this thread, it was, for me, about 27 months into our marriage before I was allowed to engage in intercourse. (She was getting it manually from me from near the beginning, but could not tolerate intercourse.....issues that have taken years to realize...) And then, it was clinical - "c'mon, do your thing" so she could get pregnant. Very inspiring, romantic and all the rest....NOT.
She has issues, from an incident when she was quite young, and has never been able to put it behind her in order to have a healthy positive thought about sex. So, there is no fun in it...just occasional hormonal release I am suited to satisfy for her. She is getting help after 25 years, but I am afraid we are in such a rut that even with a reformed sense of how things could be, I am on my own too 'trained' or hesitant with the broken eggs shells so prevalent underfoot to try anything adventurous....
I have to say I thought I was in a sad minority, and so am surprised to hear that perhaps 20% of us live life the same way.
It's about 11 months for me. We have had droughts before especially when she was pregnant (we have 5 children) she didn't want to be touched during the pregnancy and at least 3 months after. I gave her that space even though I was more than raring to go just about all the time. Now is different though. I don't blame my wife and I have come to terms with myself that it's not my fault either. I guess that's just the way it is. My biggest problem is that when we did have sex I made sure she really enjoyed it giving her all of the attention and being a patient lover. I have always been that way, making sure my lovers' gets most of the pleasure. It makes me wonder sometimes that she doesn't want that even a little bit anymore.
I make a offer, you can't refuse! Just putting another $0.02 out there and am interested in the women's responses....(guess it should be posted into their room in the forii....)
Like Paco and many other men, I feel I am a decent guy in part because I want to do for her, bring her to a peak or three of pleasure before I expend my energies or welling-up feelings, free-er verbalizations of my emotions and affections, and contents and stamina in 'taking my own.' (No, I don't roll over, away, and immediately go to sleep, and become a deaf mute after an ejaculation, or head back to the late scores on ESPN either, but indeed some of my looser and more appreciated moments from her side come before I lose my breath, when my thoughts are flowing freely, and/or the effect of the hormones subsides, etc)
I get the feeling though, in trying to understand women (give it up, right?) that sometimes they just like to 'be of service' or to have her man lose control and take his pleasure, and that is the kind of attention emotionally or sexually she needs at the moment. Perhaps we sometimes put undue pressure on her to achieve orgasm, when she wasn't really in the mood for that? Am I making sense, or is my limited personal experience with a dispassionate spouse got me all screwed up?
a question -Was wondering if many men in sexless marriages have gone about it in the way nature intended?
Despite personal in deference, If a man I care about dominates me, there is no way I can physically and emotionally resist. I have resisted to the point of exhaustion and self removal but, with this kind of work, a strong willed man can have me completely in his power.
Unfortunately in nature, this maybe the way a dominate figure must work for some time before patterns are made and are observed I believe. : )
Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
Married for 35 years, last 5 = no sex at all. First excuse was it was painful, months passed & nothing changed. She came to my Dr. with me one day so I brought it up with the Dr. in front of her & she jumped down my throat saying it wasn't me, it was her. No further discussion except when I mentioned it again about a year later & she responds with "I miss it too". Have tried to just cuddle ..nope, just no reaction. I have slept in the lounge room for 3 years & she's happy in the king bed with a 50' TV. It may hormonal but she doesn't seem interested in any fix. I feel like I have wasted so much time & energy that I wouldn't fuck her if she pleaded.
Been together about 18 years and married 6. We’re at the stage where my wife;
Doesn’t want sex at night when has to go to work the following day
Doesn’t want sex in morning if having to go to work, as to much of a rush to get out
Doesn’t want sex if kids are in the house
Prefers mornings to evenings
As such there is a single Sunday every 6 or 7 weeks when all the conditions are met, as long as there are no rearranged shift to work that happens 1 weekend per month, where when she eventually wakes up, she jump into bed naked, says something like ‘let’s do it’ then proceed to lay there for 20 minutes making as little effort as possible. Missionary is all that is on the cards these days as she likes to relax and enjoy things rather than having to do any of the work.
Oral of any form is now off the cards since we got married. If I bring sex up in a conversation it’s always not the right time to talk about it, or I’m being critical or she is uncomfortable discussing it, so as such it’s just never spoken about, also gets annoyed if and she finds out I’ve been masterbating as she says it makes her feel bad “doing that tells me your not satisfied with me or your thinking of others”.
I’m left with no sex, and trying to sneak in a sneaky wank once a week.
I was aware that marriage councillors say that less than 10 times a year is a sexless marriage, I think this year, in the last 10 months we’ve had sex maybe 5 times, the next day the her schedules will align I think is middle of February, which will be a gap of 14 weeks.
Sometimes I think it's tougher when you actually like your partner.
The problem of a major serious problem in our extended famiy (including messy legal issues and 'reverse' racial discrimination by child services) as well as wife's deteriorating health has killed our sex life, even though we get along well otherwise. After a while I stopped trying.
Don't judge me but, some years ago I connected emotionally with a woman in the most unlikely of circumstances, and it evolved into a very intense discreet relationship. Neither she nor I saw this coming, but she 'sends me to the moon' and back (both emotionally and sexually) like no one I've ever know. We keep a low profile but text whenever we're apart (our texting is more 'love notes' than 'sexting', interestingly)
I don't know where it's going. neither I nor my lover really want this to hurt the wife but I don't know what the future holds (I'm 70 now)
Its been 10 years, i wonder if this guy has gotten laid yet.
