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Dominance
Rookie Scribe
As I believe, the women must completely trust the man at first. It's just what they need. Later on, when the girl is more experienced with being dominated and loves it no matter what, she can do it with any guy I suppose.
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by ohai
As I believe, the women must completely trust the man at first. It's just what they need. Later on, when the girl is more experienced with being dominated and loves it no matter what, she can do it with any guy I suppose.
no - most subs 'might be able to do it with any guy'. that doesn't mean they well. the relationship between a D and their s is a lot more complicated than just random kinky sex. it takes trust, as you said, and getting to know the other person, it takes time, as well. it's not just sex, btw. it's not just something you do to get off on - it's a lot of responsibility on both the D and the s.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Active Ink Slinger
wow Sprite ..you are so right..If he is a good Domme and knows you are new to it, he will know how to introduce you to the Dom life...Takes a lot of trust and also time...
doing my best to be good..
Rookie Scribe
Dont think a woman can be trained to become submissive, its more a natural inclination
Rookie Scribe
Dont think a woman can be trained to become submissive, its more a natural inclination. I believe guys can tell who is likely to fall for their dominance. In my experience this is the case with older guys at least
Not only do I think a guy will tell who will "fall for their dominance", I believe that a true submissive will clearly let the man KNOW. They will seek out the dominant partner (applies to both men and women). Now there are things that can be tweaked and the relationship worked out to the degree each person feels comfortable with, needs, and desires though. As pointed out by others as well, the rolls are more than just kinky sex for most; they are part of a relationship. If they are not, it is IMO simply roll playing just like any other "sex game".... no different than pretending to be a fireman, nurse, baby, child/sibling, etc.
Active Ink Slinger
There are two different levels of submissive-ness. Those that are looking for a bit of what might be called ‘kink in the bedroom’ and those who are treating it as a lifestyle choice. I think that you are asking about the former. If it is the latter then I am not qualified to have an opinion except to say that if it is something new to you I believe you will get more out of it if you pair up with someone who has experience of taking the Dominant role. Perhaps Sprite/John C or others would give you their view on this
If I am right in thinking that this is little more than adding an extra dimension to vanilla bedroom sex then I would suggest the following
Talk through with your partner what your hard and soft limits are. Hard would be what are you not prepared to do under any circumstances, for me that would be cutting the skin, scat and piss. Your soft limits would be what are you possibly prepared to do under some circumstances but only if you are really turned on and it is ‘in the moment’, eg anal, mild whipping. Make sure both of you fully understand
Discuss safe words, in the heat of passion it isn’t always easy to spot the punctuation that separates ‘For God’s sake don’t stop’ and ‘For God’s sake don’t’ ‘Stop!’. It completely ruins the atmosphere if your partner has to stop to check whether you mean one or the other. Many people adopt the traffic light system, Red means stop, yellow; I’m getting close to saying stop but a little bit more, please and green means more, more, more!
There is no place whatsoever for a sadist as a Dominant at this level. Only enter into the play if you completely trust that other party. Their raison d’etre should be your enjoyment. If they don’t get turned on by making you come then avoid them.
Play safe. If you are using ropes never go near your neck, if they are around your limbs make sure they are tied loose enough so that blood can still circulate, have a pair of blunt nosed scissors available in case of emergency.
A good place to start is with a blind fold, 2 or three hanks of 8 metre long x 8mm rope – obtainable from any ships chandlers, some clothes pegs and a big heap of imagination!!
If I am right in thinking that this is little more than adding an extra dimension to vanilla bedroom sex then I would suggest the following
Talk through with your partner what your hard and soft limits are. Hard would be what are you not prepared to do under any circumstances, for me that would be cutting the skin, scat and piss. Your soft limits would be what are you possibly prepared to do under some circumstances but only if you are really turned on and it is ‘in the moment’, eg anal, mild whipping. Make sure both of you fully understand
Discuss safe words, in the heat of passion it isn’t always easy to spot the punctuation that separates ‘For God’s sake don’t stop’ and ‘For God’s sake don’t’ ‘Stop!’. It completely ruins the atmosphere if your partner has to stop to check whether you mean one or the other. Many people adopt the traffic light system, Red means stop, yellow; I’m getting close to saying stop but a little bit more, please and green means more, more, more!
There is no place whatsoever for a sadist as a Dominant at this level. Only enter into the play if you completely trust that other party. Their raison d’etre should be your enjoyment. If they don’t get turned on by making you come then avoid them.
Play safe. If you are using ropes never go near your neck, if they are around your limbs make sure they are tied loose enough so that blood can still circulate, have a pair of blunt nosed scissors available in case of emergency.
A good place to start is with a blind fold, 2 or three hanks of 8 metre long x 8mm rope – obtainable from any ships chandlers, some clothes pegs and a big heap of imagination!!
Active Ink Slinger
This seems like a good place to post "A Submissive's Bill of Rights", which I found on the website of the Iowa BDSM group. There are similar documents elsewhere, but this is the best-written one I've found. I've shared it with every sub I know and I think it should be read by EVERY sub and Dom(me). (Moderators, can this be reposted someplace here where folks are liable to find it on a regular basis?)
A SUBMISSIVE'S BILL OF RIGHTS
1.You have the right to be treated with respect. Not only do you have this right, you have the right to demand it. Being submissive does not make you a doormat or less of a person than anyone else. The word "submissive" describes your nature and in no way diminishes you as a human being. You have the right to respect yourself as well.
2.You have the right to be proud of what you are. Being a submissive is nothing that should ever bring you shame or feelings of reproach. Your submissive nature is a gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness.
3.You have the right to feel safe. Being a submissive should not make you feel afraid, insecure or threatened. Submission is not about living on the edge or flirting with fear. In any situation you should feel safe or there can never be true surrender.
4.You have the right to your emotions and feelings. Your emotions and feelings come from you and they are just as valid as anyone else's. You have a right to them. Those feelings, whether positive or negative, make you who you are and suppressing them will only bring unhappiness later.
5.You have the right to express your negative feelings. Being submissive does not make you an object that no longer has negative thoughts or concerns. Your concerns are real and you have every right to express them. If something doesn't feel right, bothers you, makes you feel bad or you just plain don't like something, say so. Failing to express your negative feelings could give the mistaken impression that you are pleased or satisfied with something that is not pleasurable or agreeable.
6.You have the right to say NO. Being submissive does not take away your right to have dislikes or negative feelings about things. If something is happening or about to happen that you feel strongly opposed to, it's your duty to speak up. Remember, failing to communicate the word NO is the same as saying YES.
7.You have the right to expect happiness in life. Being submissive is not tantamount to being miserable, suffering or a life of despair. Your submission should bring you joy, peace and fulfillment. If it doesn't, then something is wrong.
8.You have the right to have input in a relationship. You are an active partner in any relationship you enter and have every right to contribute to it. You are submissive, not passive. A relationship that doesn't include your needs, thoughts, hopes and desires is not one you should be in to begin with. This applies to friendships, partnerships and D/s relationships.
9.You have the right to belong. Being submissive greatly involves the feeling of belonging. Many submissives have expressed that it was in discovering their submissive nature that they felt as through they "belonged" for the first time in their lives. You belong to the lifestyle and will eventually belong to the One. It's in that relationship you should find the final fulfillment of "belonging" at last.
10.You have the right to be loved and to love. Anyone who tells you that love doesn't fit into a D/s relationship has never experienced the fulfillment of all it truly can be. Submissives are by nature loving and needing of love and have every right to expect this to be a part of their lives. It takes love to bring your submission into full bloom, so don't settle for less.
11.You have the right to be healthy. Health involves your physical, mental and emotional well-being. Any relationship, D/s or otherwise, that causes you to suffer physically, mentally or emotionally, beyond your limits, is abuse. There is no place for abusive behavior in a D/s relationship and it's up to you to make sure those lines are not crossed. Being a submissive does not give anyone the right to harm or injure you in any way. The D/s community will stand behind you if you should encounter such a situation but you are the one who has to make them aware before they can help.
12.You have the right to practice safe sex. Not only is this a right, it's a duty to yourself and others you may come into contact with at a later date. Sexually transmitted diseases have reached epidemic proportions and must be a concern to any sexually active person. Safe Sex is something you have the right to insist upon and protecting yourself should never be discouraged by anyone who really has your best interests at heart.
A SUBMISSIVE'S BILL OF RIGHTS
1.You have the right to be treated with respect. Not only do you have this right, you have the right to demand it. Being submissive does not make you a doormat or less of a person than anyone else. The word "submissive" describes your nature and in no way diminishes you as a human being. You have the right to respect yourself as well.
2.You have the right to be proud of what you are. Being a submissive is nothing that should ever bring you shame or feelings of reproach. Your submissive nature is a gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness.
3.You have the right to feel safe. Being a submissive should not make you feel afraid, insecure or threatened. Submission is not about living on the edge or flirting with fear. In any situation you should feel safe or there can never be true surrender.
4.You have the right to your emotions and feelings. Your emotions and feelings come from you and they are just as valid as anyone else's. You have a right to them. Those feelings, whether positive or negative, make you who you are and suppressing them will only bring unhappiness later.
5.You have the right to express your negative feelings. Being submissive does not make you an object that no longer has negative thoughts or concerns. Your concerns are real and you have every right to express them. If something doesn't feel right, bothers you, makes you feel bad or you just plain don't like something, say so. Failing to express your negative feelings could give the mistaken impression that you are pleased or satisfied with something that is not pleasurable or agreeable.
6.You have the right to say NO. Being submissive does not take away your right to have dislikes or negative feelings about things. If something is happening or about to happen that you feel strongly opposed to, it's your duty to speak up. Remember, failing to communicate the word NO is the same as saying YES.
7.You have the right to expect happiness in life. Being submissive is not tantamount to being miserable, suffering or a life of despair. Your submission should bring you joy, peace and fulfillment. If it doesn't, then something is wrong.
8.You have the right to have input in a relationship. You are an active partner in any relationship you enter and have every right to contribute to it. You are submissive, not passive. A relationship that doesn't include your needs, thoughts, hopes and desires is not one you should be in to begin with. This applies to friendships, partnerships and D/s relationships.
9.You have the right to belong. Being submissive greatly involves the feeling of belonging. Many submissives have expressed that it was in discovering their submissive nature that they felt as through they "belonged" for the first time in their lives. You belong to the lifestyle and will eventually belong to the One. It's in that relationship you should find the final fulfillment of "belonging" at last.
10.You have the right to be loved and to love. Anyone who tells you that love doesn't fit into a D/s relationship has never experienced the fulfillment of all it truly can be. Submissives are by nature loving and needing of love and have every right to expect this to be a part of their lives. It takes love to bring your submission into full bloom, so don't settle for less.
11.You have the right to be healthy. Health involves your physical, mental and emotional well-being. Any relationship, D/s or otherwise, that causes you to suffer physically, mentally or emotionally, beyond your limits, is abuse. There is no place for abusive behavior in a D/s relationship and it's up to you to make sure those lines are not crossed. Being a submissive does not give anyone the right to harm or injure you in any way. The D/s community will stand behind you if you should encounter such a situation but you are the one who has to make them aware before they can help.
12.You have the right to practice safe sex. Not only is this a right, it's a duty to yourself and others you may come into contact with at a later date. Sexually transmitted diseases have reached epidemic proportions and must be a concern to any sexually active person. Safe Sex is something you have the right to insist upon and protecting yourself should never be discouraged by anyone who really has your best interests at heart.
Clever Gem
Quote by Zenmackie
This seems like a good place to post "A Submissive's Bill of Rights", which I found on the website of the Iowa BDSM group. There are similar documents elsewhere, but this is the best-written one I've found. I've shared it with every sub I know and I think it should be read by EVERY sub and Dom(me). (Moderators, can this be reposted someplace here where folks are liable to find it on a regular basis?)
Actually it may suit the BDSM area better.
I've only been a submissive to my boyfriend, who is also my dominant, for a year now. We've maintained both our Dom/sub relationship, and our love for one another as equals. We keep the BDSM in the bedroom. Basically, my boyfriend took it very slowly with me, getting me used to being in vulnerable positions. The only advice I can really give is that you build up a lot of trust for one another and take things slowly. Good luck.
Quote by Emeraldgreen
How do you train a woman to be a new submissive, ive just been online flitting with a younger guy who told me hes very dominate, even with my lack of knowledge I'm turned on
It's not that you train a woman to be submissive, it's their natural state. Many have a hard time giving into it but a milk-toast hubby who doesn't put his wife through her paces for him is the biggest cause of women experimenting with other men. They're seeking dominant men to help them explore being girls/women. Women are feminine and naturally submissive so give them a chance to show you how much you can enjoy them if you are ever able figure that out. Be a man...not a politically correct metro-sexual...women love that in their man.