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Virgin guys.

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Droids
Rookie Scribe
Now i'm 19 and still a virgin and i'll admit i've never kissed a girl. Why is this so looked down upon by most people? It's not my fault that my parents barely let me do anything let alone have a girlfriend or go out and meet girls. Just wanting your opinion on this. Thanks. Oh and please don't even try to Flame me or make fun of me it gets really old. :l And yes i've had girlfriends before i've just never done anything.
lustfulgreen
Active Ink Slinger
Dude I give you coo-does for coming out and saying it. And its ok to be the V at 19, virgin just means you have not sexual experience. Now you know the saying "just be yourself" right, well yourself is a virgin so don't hide it or lie about it just roll with it. FIST BUMP ...BOOM
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
you know something? virgin, non virgin. it doesn't matter what age you lose your cherry. do it when it feels right and to hell with anyone who thinks less of you for that - they're idiots. and honesty, it's no big thing.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
FelineFantasy
Active Ink Slinger
Not flaming you... just pre-warning. Consider this constructive suggestions than you can choose to follow and have a greater chance of getting fucked.

Number one: Upon looking at you, girls are all about first impressions and body language. You hiding half of your face with a hat is a red flag for insecurity. You're hiding behind something and not showing who you really are and can also be misconstrued for a D-bag with the whole slanted hat thing.

Number two: I hate to say it, but no matter if they deny it girls are vague and base their prospects off of looks. The "looks don't matter" thing is total bullshit because it does to an extent. But I will touch deeper base on that later.. Point being that it doesn't look like you have great personal hygiene or really care about how you present yourself. Try getting a hair cut, bed hair only looks sexy on Italian models. Try shaping up your eyebrows a bit. Don't get them waxed because girls can tell when they are. Just get them threaded or tweezed by a professional. Do not I REPEAT: DO NOT try to do this on your own. You can do your haircut and my next step by yourself. But leave the brows to the pros. Next step? Lose some weight. It is the ultimate confidence boost. Take it from me! It may not look like it now, but I used to be fat when I was younger. Don't worry so much about the results you want to see, just be consistent and you will reap the ultimate reward- not having sex, but just self respect and high self esteem. When girls see this they will be enlightened by your esteem. Which brings me to my next point.

Number three: I studied psychology in college. When people hide behind clothing it is a sign off insecurity as well as poor posture. When you believe in yourself, people will believe in you. Even if you really don't, just hold yourself to that degree and you will see things turn around for the best. Be more sure of who you are! "I am a good person", "I'm funny", "I know I have a lot to offer" these are the positive thoughts that you should carry about yourself. But really believe in it because I am sure it is true.

Point in case? Focus on yourself and better yourself before bettering other aspects of your life, and nature will take it's course. Good luck Xx
Droids
Rookie Scribe
So basically let me sum up what you just said.
1. I'm fat and need to lose weight.
2. I look like i don't have any personal hygiene.
3. I have a bad hairstyle.
4. I'm hiding behind my hat because i'm insecure

Did i miss anything?
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
Quote by Droids
So basically let me sum up what you just said.
1. I'm fat and need to lose weight.
2. I look like i don't have any personal hygiene.
3. I have a bad hairstyle.
4. I'm hiding behind my hat because i'm insecure

Did i miss anything?


Yeah, the fact that she actually gave you good advice.
Droids
Rookie Scribe
I was being serious.
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
Oh okay. Then yeah, that list you made. I imagine she meant work on those.
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
Quote by Droids
So basically let me sum up what you just said.
1. I'm fat and need to lose weight.
2. I look like i don't have any personal hygiene.
3. I have a bad hairstyle.
4. I'm hiding behind my hat because i'm insecure

Did i miss anything?


I just realized she also stressed that you should have your eyebrows professionally worked on.

You asked...
Piquet
Active Ink Slinger
Firstly, as this is the 'Ask the Girls' thread, I'll keep my advice brief. Given what you've told us Droids, my advice to you would be :

1. Move out of home and start running your own life. Your parents will probably be glad to be rid of you.

2. If you've had girlfriends in the past who didn't even let you kiss them, then you've never had girlfriends. How old were you anyway, 11?

3. Don't chase after girls who look like FelineFantasy - they are way out of your/our league now and always will be, no matter how professionally your eyebrows are plucked.

4. Be realistic; there are plenty of sweet, ordinary single girls out there who would be glad to go out with you; some of them will even be virgins.

5. Relax

Cheers from Pete (who lost it at the ripe old age of 21)
Droids
Rookie Scribe
Thanks for the reply. Just have like one thing to add lol, I'm in college and and moving towards getting all that set up. And i have had girlfriends i just chose not to kiss them. And i may seem like i need to relax but that's just because i have really bad social anxiety and depression. No matter what i do i'm going to think i'm ugly and fat etc...But anyways thanks for the reply. smile
Guest
Lurker
Firstly you need to get over this "I'm ugly" hang up. That is paramount ... and you also need a hell of a boost to your self esteem. Next you need to deal with the parent situation as painlessly as possible for you all. Nothing wrong with being a 19 year old virgin - I've known quite a few and it's nice to take a boy and tranform him into an accomplished lover.

Your first time may well be a disaster and the girl you're with should know that unless she is also a virgin. A guy I deflowered thrust inside me twice and then orgasmed. No matter, within 6 weeks he was able to do more than satisfy me and would be a credit to some future girlfriend.

Your 'problem' is anything but insoluble - but constant and continued worry about it will make matters worse. Looks are important to any girl but much more important is a guys personality. Work on those things .. you won't go far wrong.
Instinct79
Active Ink Slinger
Don't worry about it.

I'm 26 and still a virgin myself.

Yes, I consider myself a social outcast myself, and have never been great at talking with women. While I have had several dates (and many cancellations) I'm glad I didn't end up hastily loosing it to some woman I barely knew out of desperation.

In the past 6 months I've finally found a woman who cares about me for me, flaws and all, and I care for her just as deeply.

You may have days where you think the whole situation sucks, but just know, it does get better.
clum
Clumeleon
Quote by Droids
Now i'm 19 and still a virgin and i'll admit i've never kissed a girl.


Not a big deal at all; you'll probably find that there are a number of members here in similar positions. I got my first kiss at 18, lost my virginity at 19 but then didn't have sex again until I was nearly 21. Don't get hung up on it; we all go at our own pace. I believe (in the UK at least) that 19 is the average age people first have sex.[citation needed]

Quote by Droids
Why is this so looked down upon by most people?


Based on my own experience, I would have to disagree with your premise. Almost none of the people I know would think any less of a virgin of any age. Even my most jock-esque friends would have a few jibes and a laugh and then say no more about it (or take you out and try to get you laid).

If you are finding that a lot of people around you are looking down on you because of this then you probably need to surround yourself with different people. I get the feeling, though, that they are only looking down on you in your mind.

Quote by Droids
It's not my fault that my parents barely let me do anything let alone have a girlfriend or go out and meet girls.


A fair enough point but I warn against always blaming others for your own circumstances; it will not lead to a happy life. Having protective parents isn't always the terrible thing that people make it out to be. You may find that one day you look back and thank your parents for the way they were because it led to a much more fulfilling life for you.

Quote by Droids
Oh and please don't even try to Flame me or make fun of me it gets really old.


On Lush, it is very rare for this to happen. People are generally very accepting here.

Quote by Droids
And yes i've had girlfriends before i've just never done anything.


If you're not ready to kiss a girl who is supposed to be your girlfriend then you are definitely not ready to have any kind of sexual relationship. Baby steps, Droids; baby steps.
Shylass
Gingerbread Lover
Quote by Droids
Now i'm 19 and still a virgin and i'll admit i've never kissed a girl. Why is this so looked down upon by most people? It's not my fault that my parents barely let me do anything let alone have a girlfriend or go out and meet girls. Just wanting your opinion on this. Thanks. Oh and please don't even try to Flame me or make fun of me it gets really old. :l And yes i've had girlfriends before i've just never done anything.



You may or may not be interested in this thread I started: http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postst21610_Is-It-So-Hard-To-Believe.aspx

It's kind of asking the same thing, but in a different way.

As you have seen, a lot of people automatically make assumptions about you based on one snapshot, a few sentences, a tiny little glimmer of your life. They have no way of knowing YOU or what YOU have to offer. We do not all think or act like everybody else on the forums - all you see is one tiny sampling of the people on here.

Parents do have a huge effect on our lives, whether they have been part of it or not. And yes, our appearance means a LOT to others. I have learned in the forums, that the people who matter don't care how I look. But the majority of people on here do. That's why I don't have my photo on here. It isn't just because I don't want to be recognised. I know all about my looks, and what other people think about them, and what THEY think I ought to do about it.

But as far as I am concerned, a person who gets to know me has two choices. They can love the way that I am, the person that I am, and the character that they get to know, or they can decide they don't want to know me because of how I look. If it is the latter, they can sod off. I don't want people like that in my life anyway.

I am 35. I never had a boyfriend (and all the gorgeous, attractive, many-partnered people know why that is, or so they think). I once heard it said that ugly people always say it's what's inside that counts because it makes them feel better.

And I can honestly say I would rather be with a person the world considers ugly on the outside, but beautiful on the inside, because it is the inside that you communicate with. Gorgeous and judgemental people will say that's because it's all I can get, and in a way, it's true. But I would rather be with a person who is my Shrek, because Shrek is a hero to his Fiona, and whilst he is not perfect, he Loves despite appearances, and even better, Loves because of them. he sees a person as a Whole, not in bits. An ugly face is beautiful to me because I view it differently to the world. To me, it's just a shell that houses the person I am communicating with.

Yes, there are certain things we should do, like look after ourselves, etc, but they are only things people have to do to be healthy.

You are now making your way in the Big Wide World, as we all do at some point, and I understand about issues with being in social settings and even going out of my bedroom on some days. I didn't even have my first kiss until I was 32! Without wishing to be patronising, you have a lot of growing time, and things you will have to experience. You also have a LOT of people to meet!

You will meet many people in life, and now is the time where you can explore the man you are becoming. Do not allow yourself to be battered down by the cruel and criticising comments of people who don't know you. Instead, note down the kind things people say to you (I write mine down in a notebook, and whilst I don't believe them, it helps a bit). Then when people criticise, you can hold the two things together, and find the balance between them. But don't let others' views of you shape you as a man. Let them merely smooth off rough edges or toughen up the more delicate parts of you. Explore what you think about the world and people in general, and go with what your conscience tells you. Learn to use the intelligent part of your brain to help lead the emotional part of your heart, so that the two make you more intuitive and discerning.

My best advice to you is to hold some things in your heart, get to know people in your own time, hope you don't meet judgemental people, learn to recognise people for both their good and bad, and do as I am trying to do - Hope for the Best. Because for some people, the Best arrives. And I sincerely hope it arrives for you. Life has yet to happen for you, you are only just on the beginning of your path. You will learn that some people think your path should look like theirs. That's crap. Your path looks like yours, and you are only just starting to travel down it. Use your own map, and let them use theirs. If you travel alongside others as you go, brilliant! But make sure you only follow where you wish to go, not the way they think you ought to.


Good luck!



PS Sorry for waflling!
Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

 ***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
baconbutty
Active Ink Slinger
I know exactly how you feel, being 18 and still a Virgin i have also, experienced things from others because of it.

Personally as much as you may want or not want to loose your virginity, it may or may not happen as easy as that. That is life. Be comfortable as you are.
Guest
Lurker
Droids, I think that Clum and Shylass put it best...

Take care of yourself, but most importantly, BE yourself...

Don't listen to the ones who tell you what you SHOULD do.... Do what feels right.
clum
Clumeleon
Just a little add-on that may be of interest:

I have a friend who just turned 21 last month. He is a very attractive young man: tall, dark and handsome. Of all my friends, he is the most intelligent (and I go to a good uni). He's funny, charming and just an all-round good guy.

He's a virgin.

Do we think any less of him because of it? Heck no.

My point? Even if you weren't as fat and ugly as you think you are, it doesn't mean you would've gotten laid by now. Everyone has good qualities; focus on yours.
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
I've been thinking Droids... It sounds to me like you are the "wait for the special one" type of guy. Is it fair to make this assumption? I mean from some of the things you are saying. I feel you have walls that a girl must get past to reach the real you and understand you and make you feel comfortable enough to kiss and ultimately get naked with.

This kind of girl only comes around once in a while, maybe only once in a lifetime. The last thing you want to do is fuck it up, right? I mean not all girls that can connect like this for you are gonna be virgins, especially as you get older... They will have certain expectations, sexual expectations that they base connections on. Now I am sure you have heard many stories and jokes about guy's first times. Like how girl's don't write home about that one virgin guy who rocked her world and now she can't go 10 minutes without thinking about the motherfucking pussy pounding he gave her. No, that is make-believe.

What I am getting at is this... You need to save up your allowance or whatever income you have. I don't know your money situation. But save up some scratch and go and get yourself a hooker. Some of them even specialize in this kind of deal. A teaching you the ropes kinda deal... Fuck it, go a few times, once you can get one of those girls to give you one or two real moans then you are ready to fuck the hell out of normal chicks.

You get that first awkward time out of the way... That way when that one-in-a-billion girl comes along you can wreak havoc on her vagina like a vengeful God of fucking.
clum
Clumeleon
I've been on this site too long - I just mentally agreed with MF.
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by clum
I've been on this site too long - I just mentally agreed with MF.


and you admitted it? wow...

btw, i'm a virgin too! smile no, really!

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Guest
Lurker
I've always loved playing teacher ;) Congrats on having the balls to admit it.
Droids
Rookie Scribe
Thanks for all the comments guys. At first i debated about even posting the thread at all but now i'm glad i went ahead and grew some balls and posted it.
FelineFantasy
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Magical_felix


Yeah, the fact that she actually gave you good advice.


Thanks for agreeing, it's the harsh reality of the world that we live in.
All I was saying is these were helpful ideas, no one is holding a nice to Droids neck saying "Hey, do this!".

Quote by Piquet


Don't chase after girls who look like FelineFantasy - they are way out of your/our league now and always will be, no matter how professionally your eyebrows are plucked.


Who's to say that I am or not? Someone may be deemed attractive but have an ugly soul and there can be an ugly person with a beautiful soul.. Of course society will favor someone with the brighter exterior but at the end of the day it is the perceived "ugly" person who comes out on top. Food for thought perhaps?
budwilliams
Active Ink Slinger
First off, you don't need to be good looking to get a hot girl ... Just ask Lyle Lovette or Prince Charles. Not all women want the Brad Pitt or Arnold Schwarzenegger type, any more than all men want the Jane Russel/Rachel Welch type.

Making the best of what you have (such as being in shape and stylish) is good, but it's not everything. I've seen some smoking hot women on the arm of guys who looked real losers

Secondly, never try to anticipate what a woman will do with logic. When it comes to emotional attachments, logic goes right out the window. If it didn't, there would be a lot fewer battered wives out there.

Just relax and have fun with them, and they'll get the idea that they can relax and have fun with you.

Typing is often easier than talking; consequently, chat rooms make great "woman simulators" where you can practice talking to women without the social anxiety of having them right there. And if one goes away, there will always be more
budwilliams
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Droids
So basically let me sum up what you just said.
1. I'm fat and need to lose weight.
2. I look like i don't have any personal hygiene.
3. I have a bad hairstyle.
4. I'm hiding behind my hat because I'm insecure

Did i miss anything?


Unless she's seen more than what's in your profile, I doubt anything other than the comments about the hat were specifically directed at you. Just hypothetical things you might want to look at to see if they might need improvement. Just like I could give you five points to look for in buying a car without knowing anything about the one you are actually looking at
Piquet
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by FelineFantasy


Who's to say that I am or not? Someone may be deemed attractive but have an ugly soul and there can be an ugly person with a beautiful soul.. Of course society will favor someone with the brighter exterior but at the end of the day it is the perceived "ugly" person who comes out on top. Food for thought perhaps?


Food for thought indeed. I don't agree with you that at the end of the day it's the 'ugly' person who comes out on top. That might have been true back in Abraham Lincoln's day but not now. It has often been said that if Lincoln were around to run for president today, he would be a total failure due to being a very unattractive man physically. As you said, "society will favour the brighter exterior."

I think part of Droids' problem, in common with many guys his age, is that he aims too high; his imagination runs away with him and he sees himself with some drop-dead gorgeous babe (like you) Because he has such low self esteem, he thinks this is what it would take to make him feel good about himself. So he ignores all the many ordinary looking, single girls out there...and does not even bother to kiss them. It's the same mind-set that makes people think that money will make them happy and the more money they have the happier they will be.

I may be wrong, it's only a theory of mine, but I used to be just like this at 19 and many guys I grew up with were exactly the same. But with age comes wisdom.
Shylass
Gingerbread Lover
Quote by Droids
Now i'm 19 and still a virgin and i'll admit i've never kissed a girl. Why is this so looked down upon by most people? It's not my fault that my parents barely let me do anything let alone have a girlfriend or go out and meet girls. Just wanting your opinion on this. Thanks. Oh and please don't even try to Flame me or make fun of me it gets really old. :l And yes i've had girlfriends before i've just never done anything.


Am I the only who thinks this is slightly off-topic? I am interested in the answers to the question in bold, personally.

My answer is that I think it's looked down on by most people for a few reasons. Mostly, because they are either narrow-minded or judgemental. And the reasons for that are because they cannot believe some people have self-control, some people cannot understand a different lifestyle or culture, and some people cannot understand that not everybody has the same opportunities in life as them.

It used to be the case that people frowned on sex before marriage. Now people are frowned on for not shagging every available body. One day, I would love to see a world with people who say, "You're a virgin? And...?" or, "You sleep around? And...?" Why does it even come into equation? Why does it have to be a deal? Because people are involved.
Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

 ***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
Piquet
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Shylass


Am I the only who thinks this is slightly off-topic? I am interested in the answers to the question in bold, personally.

My answer is that I think it's looked down on by most people for a few reasons. Mostly, because they are either narrow-minded or judgemental. And the reasons for that are because they cannot believe some people have self-control, some people cannot understand a different lifestyle or culture, and some people cannot understand that not everybody has the same opportunities in life as them.

It used to be the case that people frowned on sex before marriage. Now people are frowned on for not shagging every available body. One day, I would love to see a world with people who say, "You're a virgin? And...?" or, "You sleep around? And...?" Why does it even come into equation? Why does it have to be a deal? Because people are involved.


Good point Shylass, but the bit that frightens me is in red,"my parents barely let me do anything let alone have a girlfriend..." Dude, what are they going to do to you if they find out you are a member of Lush !
FelineFantasy
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Piquet


Food for thought indeed. I don't agree with you that at the end of the day it's the 'ugly' person who comes out on top. That might have been true back in Abraham Lincoln's day but not now. It has often been said that if Lincoln were around to run for president today, he would be a total failure due to being a very unattractive man physically. As you said, "society will favour the brighter exterior."

I think part of Droids' problem, in common with many guys his age, is that he aims too high; his imagination runs away with him and he sees himself with some drop-dead gorgeous babe (like you) Because he has such low self esteem, he thinks this is what it would take to make him feel good about himself. So he ignores all the many ordinary looking, single girls out there...and does not even bother to kiss them. It's the same mind-set that makes people think that money will make them happy and the more money they have the happier they will be.

I may be wrong, it's only a theory of mine, but I used to be just like this at 19 and many guys I grew up with were exactly the same. But with age comes wisdom.


Excellent point Piquet. Ahh, the workings of a teenage man's brain. I will never understand it!