Time for a serious question ladies.
Is there reason for a man to be chivalrous anymore?
I would consider myself to be some what of an "old soul" when it comes to treating a woman, the epitome of the word gentleman. I open and hold doors, make sure I'm walking on the outside of the sidewalk, open car doors, pull out chairs, offer to take their coats, pay for meals, am loyal, etc., and lastly honest to a fault.
I am definitely not what anyone would consider a handsome or attractive man by any means, and have heard too many time that I am a "good soul", which I translate to mean, "you just aren't attractive enough to excite me".
Recently all I have heard from others is how nice it is to see someone "going out of their way" to be a gentleman to a lady, however this hasn't seemed to do me any good in the way of relationships. I just cannot seem to comprehend why I keep getting left, especially when they leave to enter into an abusive relationship, be it physical or emotional abuse.
Is chivalry an attribute that women even notice anymore, and if so, is it considered to be attractive or a sign of weakness?
Feel free to check out my newest attempts at writing with my series, A Teasing Journey.
"Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand."
- Albert Einstein
I notice and appreciate chivalry. I will admit that I am actually caught off guard in many instances. Why you keep getting "left for abuse" is a question I can not answer. Perhaps the women you choose to spend time with are a certain "type" that you need to stay away from. Be yourself, that will always be you at your best. Most of all, good luck!
I see chivalry as kindness and deference, which I love in any person, especially men. If chivalry includes dominance, and making my decisions for me, forget it. I have a couple friends who keep going for bad-boys, and keep getting hurt over and over, and come crying to me about it. I've gotten to the point where I have no sympathy for them anymore because they're just being stupid going for these jerks.
Guys, keep being chivalrous. Even feminists like me appreciate nice guys! That's part of my decision whether to go to bed with a guy. Bad-ass jerks don't get between my legs!
I prefer being kind over being chivalrous. Kindness is not tied to outdated traditions or gender roles. It is being nice to someone who has zero chance of improving your lot. It is in its simplest form, living the Golden Rule. Some folks will be suspicious when you are kind to them. Be kind to them anyway. Being kind has nothing to do with whether the other person is a man or a woman. Some folks will question your manhood if you are kind. Be kind anyway. Kindness is giving free hugs with no strings attached. Kindness is lending an ear to someone who needs one, with no expectations of getting anything from them. If you still wonder about the nature of kindness, watch Ellen.
it's not just about chivalry. men can be incompatible with women for other reasons, such as having different tastes etc. being chivalrous does not guarantee a woman will want to be with you forever. but don't stop with the door-holding. you'll attract more girls and one of them will eventually fit you. hang in there!
Many men use the rules of 'chivalry' for their daily behavior for the simple reason they consider it is the right way to act. If I open the door to a woman, it is not because I want to attract her: I consider this gesture a form of respect. And these ethics should determinate a man's conduct in a deeper way than just opening doors or opening legs.
First of all, loyalty and honesty aren't chivalrous, that's just being a decent human being.
But, chivalry can be a good thing, if it isn't overbearing. I'll hold the door open for a woman, but I'll hold it for dudes too if the timing works out a certain way. Which happens frequently. I do think the man should pay, or at least attempt to pay for a first date. Or two. Eventually though, if you date someone long enough, she's going to want to pay sometimes... refusing to "allow" at any point, that's when it becomes offensive chivalry. Also, when you're in a relationship for a while, you get to learn a person's tendencies and know what things the woman you're dating likes you doing for her and which things she'd rather do herself. Respecting her boundaries is the most chivalrous thing you can do.
It can go bad in the other direction. I dated (not for long) a woman that refused to open a door. I recall one cold and windy night, I let her out of the car at the door of the mall while I parked. When I walked up, she was standing and looking at the door... shivering. "Took you long enough". Wtf, if you're cold, open the fucking door and walk inside.
Now, I do believe that men should offer their seat to a standing woman in certain situations. And should always offer his seat to an elderly person, man or woman, and a pregnant woman (most women should do this too, btw).
When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates During the Middle Ages, knights really weren't very chivalrous, based on those rules of chivalry. They were actually a lot more like Mafia thugs. They helped create and enforce the feudal system, keeping the common people, serfs, in their place, and protected the Lord of the estate. And did that only as long as he could pay them. When an army of knights with their entourage was on the move, they lived off the land, meaning they pillaged everything in their path. So the Age of Chivalry? Not so much.
So this is the 21st Century. Being a gentleman, I think, never goes out of style. And a true gentleman is not condescending and most certainly not a misogynist.
My mom went to a great deal of work teaching me how to be a gentleman when I was a kid. My mom is a very strong woman in most respects. She is a working professional with a doctorate degree, and has advanced very far in her field. Besides the opening of doors, pulling out of the chair, and all, respect was at the top of her list of things she taught.
I don't care how you classify your behaviour as long as you are kind. Chivalry is gendered which I disagree with on principle, as is being a 'gentleman'. Kindness is universal.
"A dirty book is rarely dusty"
I must be a closet bi I open doors for anyone and have even paid for meals for both genders. I draw the line on draping coats over puddles though - must be my dominant side kicking in.
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