My best friend has been in a relationship with the same guy for 4 years. They've always been really happy together, and are quite young. She's 19, he's almost 21. They got engaged last year when she joined the Army.
My question is, if a woman has been in a happy relationship for years, but the man doesn't want to have a family, should she end the relationship? They've argued about this for a while now, and he doesn't budge, in fact he gets downright MEAN when she asks about having a family.
Should she just cut her losses and end the relationship, or should she bear with and hope he gets over this?
thanks everyone.
Nikki
If he says he doesn't want kids, and sticks to saying that then he definately doesn't want kids. I would say for her to talk to him and explain that she really would love kids and if he isn't prepared to give her one then she will have no other option but to leave. If he loves her he should want her to have his kids when the time is right unless he doesn't like children .. but its always different when their your own. So yeah i would say cut her losses and end the relationship if he isn't prepared to give her a family because if she grits her teeth and gets on with it hoping he will get over it and give her a child/children then she might just be waiting forever. Sorry to your friend.
Personally I think they are way too yung to have kids.
I strongly believe that they need to finsh education first and find good jobs so they will be able to afford the life every children deserve.
Unfortinally it is not enough to gave a birth to a child and love it.. You need to raise it well and you can do that with education and money.
But if they would be older I would say if one partner doesn't want kids no one can put pressure on him/her to have it.
To raise a child is not piece of cake, you need to be 100% in it if you want do, a most difficult job on earth, to be done well.
Every decision needs to be done responsible, specially this one.
Shanice, thank you.
She, I very well believe in the finished education and having a job. Fortunatley my friend isn't saying she wants a kid now, she wants one in about 3-5 years. She'll be getting shipped to AFG soon and would like children when she comes back from war.
I understand her desire to have children, but I think she's putting unnecessary stress on their relationship. He can only give his opinion based on how he feels now. He's being honest with her and deserves points for that.
He may change his mind a few years down the track, or he may stick with his original decision. She's only nineteen. She's got plenty of time if she wants to play the waiting game for a while and see what happens.
Yep.. exactly what Lisa said.
I think she should break up with him and not in a nasty way. So he doesn't want kids. So what? Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't share your view on life in general? Why should he be forced to comply with her wishes? Smile, say thanks for everything and move on. If she forces him to have children that he doesn't want then he'll be unhappy for the rest of his life. Why would you want to do something like that to someone you're "supposed" to love? Sounds like she's too immature to have kids to begin with. And women wonder why they end up in unhappy relationships. Tsk,tsk.
I would think the man is having to mean becasue the message isn't gettling through. Wow, 19 and wanting a baby that is really young, but not compared to the UK average which seems to be around 13/14. The man is entitled to his opinion and she should respect his decision, the last this this girl needs is to get pregnant have a baby and then get angry at her partner when he leaves becasue he can't handle the responsibility.
Forcing or tricking a man into having children who does not want them is a recipe for unhappiness, divorce and scared children. That's all I'm saying. When you know you don't want children it's best not to have them.
Bunny12
Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off! I can not believe anyone would trick someone they love into having children. Perfect plan for disaster.
I knew no man would ever want to marry me with my sexual history, so children were not even a consideration.
Then Robb started to pursue me and I knew when I told him how many men I had been with he would run. If I recall he said something like "So whats the big deal." We dated for six months when he gave me a ring with the understanding that one child came with it. Surprise the ring, but not the child because we had discussed it many times and found this common ground of one pregnancy. Even more of a surprise we got twin daughters.
Yes they are too young, but when are women going to learn we can not change men, they are what they are and we either accept them or look elsewhere. Give great sex anyway they want it and good food on the table and they are generally happy.
How could you even discuss marriage and not procreation? Is this not the most basic subject?
My friend is in the Army Reserves for Convoy driving, she is aware that at some point, yes she will be shipped overseas to serve.
She plans on having children AFTER she comes back from serving.
On another note. If she goes anywhere near combat in the time that she serves in country, she is going to come back a different person. They all do. They may have to rethink their relationship altogether. IF they even stay together. People change in war. Having bullets fired at you changes you a lot.
