My best friend has been in a relationship with the same guy for 4 years. They've always been really happy together, and are quite young. She's 19, he's almost 21. They got engaged last year when she joined the Army.
My question is, if a woman has been in a happy relationship for years, but the man doesn't want to have a family, should she end the relationship? They've argued about this for a while now, and he doesn't budge, in fact he gets downright MEAN when she asks about having a family.
Should she just cut her losses and end the relationship, or should she bear with and hope he gets over this?
thanks everyone.
Nikki
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She wants kids, he doesnt?
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If he says he doesn't want kids, and sticks to saying that then he definately doesn't want kids. I would say for her to talk to him and explain that she really would love kids and if he isn't prepared to give her one then she will have no other option but to leave. If he loves her he should want her to have his kids when the time is right unless he doesn't like children .. but its always different when their your own. So yeah i would say cut her losses and end the relationship if he isn't prepared to give her a family because if she grits her teeth and gets on with it hoping he will get over it and give her a child/children then she might just be waiting forever. Sorry to your friend.
Personally I think they are way too yung to have kids.
I strongly believe that they need to finsh education first and find good jobs so they will be able to afford the life every children deserve.
Unfortinally it is not enough to gave a birth to a child and love it.. You need to raise it well and you can do that with education and money.
But if they would be older I would say if one partner doesn't want kids no one can put pressure on him/her to have it.
To raise a child is not piece of cake, you need to be 100% in it if you want do, a most difficult job on earth, to be done well.
Every decision needs to be done responsible, specially this one.
I strongly believe that they need to finsh education first and find good jobs so they will be able to afford the life every children deserve.
Unfortinally it is not enough to gave a birth to a child and love it.. You need to raise it well and you can do that with education and money.
But if they would be older I would say if one partner doesn't want kids no one can put pressure on him/her to have it.
To raise a child is not piece of cake, you need to be 100% in it if you want do, a most difficult job on earth, to be done well.
Every decision needs to be done responsible, specially this one.
Moderator
I understand her desire to have children, but I think she's putting unnecessary stress on their relationship. He can only give his opinion based on how he feels now. He's being honest with her and deserves points for that.
He may change his mind a few years down the track, or he may stick with his original decision. She's only nineteen. She's got plenty of time if she wants to play the waiting game for a while and see what happens.
He may change his mind a few years down the track, or he may stick with his original decision. She's only nineteen. She's got plenty of time if she wants to play the waiting game for a while and see what happens.
Active Ink Slinger
I feel very bad for both. He may be one of those guys that will never want kids. Her, being in the Army now, should rethink her position. While being in the military does have advantages, there are also many disadvantages. What if she is assigned to a combat unit and something very terrible happens? He could be left as the sole parent. It would be better, in my humble opinion, if she found someone who will embrace her views also. But, she should also rethink her wanting children while in the Army. Good luck to both.
Quote by MockingBird69
My best friend has been in a relationship with the same guy for 4 years. They've always been really happy together, and are quite young. She's 19, he's almost 21. They got engaged last year when she joined the Army.
My question is, if a woman has been in a happy relationship for years, but the man doesn't want to have a family, should she end the relationship? They've argued about this for a while now, and he doesn't budge, in fact he gets downright MEAN when she asks about having a family.
Should she just cut her losses and end the relationship, or should she bear with and hope he gets over this?
thanks everyone.
Nikki
I don't mean to be rude, but at 19 and 21 children are the last thing you want! She is also in the Army?? So the odds of her being killed or running off with someone else are high, what 22 year old wants to be lumbered and I say lumbered because that's how he will feel, and he will have to stay at home raising the child, I presume this because if she is going back to the army, then he will be raising the child???
Personally it's none of my business, but at the age of 19 and 21 they really do not have any life experience and have only just entered the big bad world themselves....have fun enjoy life and then have children, being adults at there age is crying shame, even though they sound like responsible people children raising children its an all too often occurance, life should be enjoyed and having children at that age is a trap your never going to get out off, personally I think the guy has thought this out already.
Even if she cuts her losses and goes elsewhere?? no bloke is going to take on that responsibility, unless of course she quits the army and raises the child herself?? maybe you ought to include more info?
Quote by iceman
I feel very bad for both. He may be one of those guys that will never want kids. Her, being in the Army now, should rethink her position. While being in the military does have advantages, there are also many disadvantages. What if she is assigned to a combat unit and something very terrible happens? He could be left as the sole parent. It would be better, in my humble opinion, if she found someone who will embrace her views also. But, she should also rethink her wanting children while in the Army. Good luck to both.
Women are never put on the frontline iceman....although they do see combat, this is for 2 simple reasons.
1) A man will put his own life before anyone elses to save a woman (distraction)
2) No Nation or country wants to see women coming home in body bags.
Although women are better fighter pilots than men, this has something to do with the structure of the body, they can handle more hahaha (G-force) than men can lol.
Although I've made a joke of it the above paragraph is true.
I think she should break up with him and not in a nasty way. So he doesn't want kids. So what? Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't share your view on life in general? Why should he be forced to comply with her wishes? Smile, say thanks for everything and move on. If she forces him to have children that he doesn't want then he'll be unhappy for the rest of his life. Why would you want to do something like that to someone you're "supposed" to love? Sounds like she's too immature to have kids to begin with. And women wonder why they end up in unhappy relationships. Tsk,tsk.
I would think the man is having to mean becasue the message isn't gettling through. Wow, 19 and wanting a baby that is really young, but not compared to the UK average which seems to be around 13/14. The man is entitled to his opinion and she should respect his decision, the last this this girl needs is to get pregnant have a baby and then get angry at her partner when he leaves becasue he can't handle the responsibility.
Active Ink Slinger
Forcing or tricking a man into having children who does not want them is a recipe for unhappiness, divorce and scared children. That's all I'm saying. When you know you don't want children it's best not to have them.
Bunny12
Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
I can not believe anyone would trick someone they love into having children. Perfect plan for disaster.
I knew no man would ever want to marry me with my sexual history, so children were not even a consideration.
Then Robb started to pursue me and I knew when I told him how many men I had been with he would run. If I recall he said something like "So whats the big deal." We dated for six months when he gave me a ring with the understanding that one child came with it. Surprise the ring, but not the child because we had discussed it many times and found this common ground of one pregnancy. Even more of a surprise we got twin daughters.
Yes they are too young, but when are women going to learn we can not change men, they are what they are and we either accept them or look elsewhere. Give great sex anyway they want it and good food on the table and they are generally happy.
How could you even discuss marriage and not procreation? Is this not the most basic subject?
I knew no man would ever want to marry me with my sexual history, so children were not even a consideration.
Then Robb started to pursue me and I knew when I told him how many men I had been with he would run. If I recall he said something like "So whats the big deal." We dated for six months when he gave me a ring with the understanding that one child came with it. Surprise the ring, but not the child because we had discussed it many times and found this common ground of one pregnancy. Even more of a surprise we got twin daughters.
Yes they are too young, but when are women going to learn we can not change men, they are what they are and we either accept them or look elsewhere. Give great sex anyway they want it and good food on the table and they are generally happy.
How could you even discuss marriage and not procreation? Is this not the most basic subject?
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Quote by ShakespearesHeartQuote by iceman
I feel very bad for both. He may be one of those guys that will never want kids. Her, being in the Army now, should rethink her position. While being in the military does have advantages, there are also many disadvantages. What if she is assigned to a combat unit and something very terrible happens? He could be left as the sole parent. It would be better, in my humble opinion, if she found someone who will embrace her views also. But, she should also rethink her wanting children while in the Army. Good luck to both.
Women are never put on the frontline iceman....although they do see combat, this is for 2 simple reasons.
1) A man will put his own life before anyone elses to save a woman (distraction)
2) No Nation or country wants to see women coming home in body bags.
Although women are better fighter pilots than men, this has something to do with the structure of the body, they can handle more hahaha (G-force) than men can lol.
Although I've made a joke of it the above paragraph is true.
Obviously you haven't seen the news lately, there are women serving on and leading combat patrols in both Iraq and Afganistan.... and they are coming back home in body bags, missing limbs and otherwise wounded...
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by ShakespearesHeart
Women are never put on the frontline iceman....although they do see combat, this is for 2 simple reasons.
1) A man will put his own life before anyone elses to save a woman (distraction)
2) No Nation or country wants to see women coming home in body bags.
Although women are better fighter pilots than men, this has something to do with the structure of the body, they can handle more hahaha (G-force) than men can lol.
Although I've made a joke of it the above paragraph is true.
My cousin's wife happens to be preparing to get back on the front lines over in Iraq as we speak.
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"Nil satis nisi optimum. (Nothing but the best will do.)"
"I hate it when things don't go my way. It makes me so...horny." - Sarah Michelle Gellar (Kathryn, Cruel Intentions)
"Sex is just alone time with someone else there." - Taint on The Lex And Terry Show, 11/11/09
"Stupidity isn't a crime, so you're free to go."
"I am The Devil, too. There can only be one devil. One of us must go." - Ozzy Osbourne at the end of his cover of "Sympathy For The Devil"
"Your ego is not your amigo." - Nikki Sixx, The Heroin Diaries
"It's my world. I'm just letting you live here." - Mandy, The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy
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Both Chef & Honeybee get my vote for sensible advice. 
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"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
Quote by INNOCENTMISERYQuote by ShakespearesHeart
Women are never put on the frontline iceman....although they do see combat, this is for 2 simple reasons.
1) A man will put his own life before anyone elses to save a woman (distraction)
2) No Nation or country wants to see women coming home in body bags.
Although women are better fighter pilots than men, this has something to do with the structure of the body, they can handle more hahaha (G-force) than men can lol.
Although I've made a joke of it the above paragraph is true.
My cousin's wife happens to be preparing to get back on the front lines over in Iraq as we speak.[/quote
Quote by INNOCENTMISERYQuote by ShakespearesHeart
Women are never put on the frontline iceman....although they do see combat, this is for 2 simple reasons.
1) A man will put his own life before anyone elses to save a woman (distraction)
2) No Nation or country wants to see women coming home in body bags.
Although women are better fighter pilots than men, this has something to do with the structure of the body, they can handle more hahaha (G-force) than men can lol.
Although I've made a joke of it the above paragraph is true.
My cousin's wife happens to be preparing to get back on the front lines over in Iraq as we speak.
Well no I havent heard of this?? esp in the UK?? I personally was under the impression women did not serve on the frontline, we have been debating
this for years in the UK?? and actually seeing reports of women being killed in action is a NO in my books. Maybe im old fashioned but I believe in women being the nuterous and the men being the destroyers, it seems ive been in my cave too long, but the world has gone and got it self crazy and reversed the roles.
Quote by MockingBird69
My best friend has been in a relationship with the same guy for 4 years. They've always been really happy together, and are quite young. She's 19, he's almost 21. They got engaged last year when she joined the Army.
My question is, if a woman has been in a happy relationship for years, but the man doesn't want to have a family, should she end the relationship? They've argued about this for a while now, and he doesn't budge, in fact he gets downright MEAN when she asks about having a family.
Should she just cut her losses and end the relationship, or should she bear with and hope he gets over this?
thanks everyone.
Nikki
Just a quick apology for my misunderstanding of the above about women serving.
MockingBird, On a furher serious note, 4 years is not "years" they hardly know eachother in a relationship sense. Plus she is in the Army, this also adds to time not spent together, maybe she is afraid he will leave her?? or maybe she is afraid something will happen to her?? and she has left nothing behind, hence the desperation for a family?? who knows?? one thing is for sure there no where near the 7 year itch, and for those who know what the 7 year itch means (basically means) whether they still want to be together or not?? after the 7 year itch if there still together it will be about learning about one another what make them tick even down to what an expresson means, these 2 people are just starting out in everything, I think she needs to take a step back and look at things before jumping the gun.
On another note. If she goes anywhere near combat in the time that she serves in country, she is going to come back a different person. They all do. They may have to rethink their relationship altogether. IF they even stay together. People change in war. Having bullets fired at you changes you a lot.
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Quote by MockingBird69
Shanice, thank you.
She, I very well believe in the finished education and having a job. Fortunatley my friend isn't saying she wants a kid now, she wants one in about 3-5 years. She'll be getting shipped to AFG soon and would like children when she comes back from war.
Some people are saying that their 2 young to have kids. Thats their choice if they was older he would still be saying that he doesn't want kids he won't be saying it because he is to young, if that was the case he would tell her he wants her to have his babies but in the future as they have a lot to look forward to and dont want to rush into having kids. When he says he doesn't want kids hes not saying it because he doesn't want them at the minute hes saying it because he doesn't want them at all and to be honest i think its a very sad situation to be in. I feel so sorry for your friend but its true and the sooner she faces that he isnt going to give her a child then the sooner she can move on and find some one who loves her and wants her to have their babies. I think people are forgetting 19 is an adult and some people grow up faster than others if they want kids at 19 then i think their mature enough to do so. Having a baby is a very rewarding job and i bet anyone who has had kids wouldn't change anything for the world!