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Sexless Marriage?

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ricinatl
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Quote by secretspice
I haven't had sex in over 6 years and I hate it, but I swore that I wouldn't cheat on this husband, but that might be ending soon, love the toys but I need more then that...



6 years. And to think some of us get upset over a month.
I'm sorry honey, I hope something changes for you, that is really unfair that you should be going through some years of your life without sex.
BelleduJour
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I've spoken about my own sexless marriage on various other threads before, so here I go again...

I was married for 20 years. We were that couple that fell madly in love and couldn't keep our hands off of each other. But like all good things, it started to change and shift, for HIM in particularly and especially after we started our family. Sex got less and less frequent to the point where it came to a full stop altogether. When we did have sex, I was always left feeling empty, like he wasn't really present, that he just wanted to get it over with. It was never the same again. I was young and didn't know any better than to just suck it up thinking if I changed myself, things would get better again. And so I did, I read books and watched videos, I lost weight (which eventually tuned into bulimia), changed my hair colour, cooked more, cleaned better, complained less but it was all for not. I started to develop a serious complex and it took a toll on my self esteem. The sadness grew into frustration which grew into resentment. After YEARS of going without sex completely and only the occasion touch or kiss, I couldn't take it any more. I spent years in therapy on my own to help deal with this and then begged my hubby to go to couple's therapy but he refused. I was WAY too young to be in a sexless marriage and the thought of spending another 10-20 years still sexless, was enough to make me want to commit suicide.

I agree that sex isn't and shouldn't be everything and am well aware that sex fades and/or shifts the longer you're together with your SO but at the same time, sex is a form of intimacy which is critical to a healthy relationship. It's a barometer for how the relationship is going. Unless you both settle into a place where sex isn't a priority and are content with it, great, more power to you. But if one of you makes the decision for both of you that sex isn't that important and/or pulls if off the shelf without your consent, that's when it becomes problematic.

After 20 years of being together and spending nearly half of that marriage pretty much sexless despite countless attempts at trying to make it work, I had enough and chose to tap out. It was the hardest decision I ever made because I still loved him but I knew there was a part of me that was dying a little bit every day that I continued to spend in that relationship. It takes two people to make it work, bottom line. I suppose I could have stayed married forever and taken on plenty of lovers and played on Lush or other similar sites where I could get my rocks off as often as I wanted but that wasn't the kind of life I wanted to live nor the kind of woman I wanted to be. No offense to anyone who does this, but it's just not for me.

I'm always conflicted when I hear of people living like this, sticking it out in their sexless marriage or relationship - a part of me applauds them while another part of me shakes my head. Some of them stick it out because they genuinely love for their partner while others do it because they're just scared to be alone or can't be bothered to divide the property and split up the family. I've been there and therefore I completely understand. I can see both sides of the coin. To stay or go, neither one of those decisions is an easy one. At the end of the day, we have to live with our choices. The question is what are we willing to live with...or without.
Nyaeve80
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Quote by Ravyn
You do what you have to do, simple as that.


I think anyone in a sexless marriage should follow this advice.
Dangerous_Intentions
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I just wrote on my blog about this very subject just a few hours ago.. Your words touched my heart women to women.! We should start a god damed club!
Dangerouss
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Quote by BelleduJour
I've spoken about my own sexless marriage on various other threads before, so here I go again...

I was married for 20 years. We were that couple that fell madly in love and couldn't keep our hands off of each other. But like all good things, it started to change and shift, for HIM in particularly and especially after we started our family. Sex got less and less frequent to the point where it came to a full stop altogether. When we did have sex, I was always left feeling empty, like he wasn't really present, that he just wanted to get it over with. It was never the same again. I was young and didn't know any better than to just suck it up thinking if I changed myself, things would get better again. And so I did, I read books and watched videos, I lost weight (which eventually tuned into bulimia), changed my hair colour, cooked more, cleaned better, complained less but it was all for not. I started to develop a serious complex and it took a toll on my self esteem. The sadness grew into frustration which grew into resentment. After YEARS of going without sex completely and only the occasion touch or kiss, I couldn't take it any more. I spent years in therapy on my own to help deal with this and then begged my hubby to go to couple's therapy but he refused. I was WAY too young to be in a sexless marriage and the thought of spending another 10-20 years still sexless, was enough to make me want to commit suicide.

I agree that sex isn't and shouldn't be everything and am well aware that sex fades and/or shifts the longer you're together with your SO but at the same time, sex is a form of intimacy which is critical to a healthy relationship. It's a barometer for how the relationship is going. Unless you both settle into a place where sex isn't a priority and are content with it, great, more power to you. But if one of you makes the decision for both of you that sex isn't that important and/or pulls if off the shelf without your consent, that's when it becomes problematic.

After 20 years of being together and spending nearly half of that marriage pretty much sexless despite countless attempts at trying to make it work, I had enough and chose to tap out. It was the hardest decision I ever made because I still loved him but I knew there was a part of me that was dying a little bit every day that I continued to spend in that relationship. It takes two people to make it work, bottom line. I suppose I could have stayed married forever and taken on plenty of lovers and played on Lush or other similar sites where I could get my rocks off as often as I wanted but that wasn't the kind of life I wanted to live nor the kind of woman I wanted to be. No offense to anyone who does this, but it's just not for me.

I'm always conflicted when I hear of people living like this, sticking it out in their sexless marriage or relationship - a part of me applauds them while another part of me shakes my head. Some of them stick it out because they genuinely love for their partner while others do it because they're just scared to be alone or can't be bothered to divide the property and split up the family. I've been there and therefore I completely understand. I can see both sides of the coin. To stay or go, neither one of those decisions is an easy one. At the end of the day, we have to live with our choices. The question is what are we willing to live with...or without.


omg, I'm 23, is this what I have to look forward to? I can't imagine sex being a problem with two people who are in love, except for medical reasons. You have my head spinning. I wish this was a thread I missed.
doctorlove
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sucks...why put up with it. you only live once, by happy and have lots of sex
BelleduJour
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Quote by Red_Head


omg, I'm 23, is this what I have to look forward to? I can't imagine sex being a problem with two people who are in love, except for medical reasons. You have my head spinning. I wish this was a thread I missed.


Sorry to frighten you and no this isn't how EVERY relationship or marriage turns out but it can if you don't BOTH work at it and BOTH want it. I've known many couples who have beautiful relationships and who still chase one another around the kitchen table (my brother and his wife are exactly that way after 20 years together). So it does exist but even they will tell you that it takes work and commitment and lots of communication as well as a decision to remain on the same page. Complacency is the death of any relationship. It's that simple.

Don't be disheartened. I certainly didn't get married thinking it would turn out this way otherwise I would never have married. The one good thing I take away from this experience (other than our beautiful son) is the clarity it gave me regarding what I want and especially what I don't want and I'm not only not afraid to ask for it, but I now demand it. Life is too short not to be happy and live fully. I'm much happier these days as a result and despite how things turned out with my ex, we really are the very best of friends. Had we stayed together, I'm certain that would never have been the case.
Plushbunny
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I understand completely Belle as I just did the same thing after 31 years. It wasn't just the sex, obviously, but lack of affection and caring just wore me down. It 's very hard when you still love someone and I hate all the repercussions but I am now with someone who loves and cares for me very much ( my beloved Screwloose) and I am happy. I am certainly not happy at the effect that had on my husband. So even though it seems obvious to leave, it's a very difficult thing to do when you have been married a long time.
" I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer"
Woody Allen
matureman56
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Hope you don't mind my posting on the gal's forum. It's interesting hearing women who have suffered what is usually thought of as a man's problem. Having experienced it for the last 5 years what I discovered was that the lack of sex and that intimacy that goes along with it causes other problems, rejection, hurt, and resentfulness being some. I am sure there are relationships that survive but if you really need sex and miss it and if your partner or you wouldn't entertain finding it elsewhere then I think you should leave. It will only eat you up.
BelleduJour
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Quote by matureman56
Hope you don't mind my posting on the gal's forum. It's interesting hearing women who have suffered what is usually thought of as a man's problem. Having experienced it for the last 5 years what I discovered was that the lack of sex and that intimacy that goes along with it causes other problems, rejection, hurt, and resentfulness being some. I am sure there are relationships that survive but if you really need sex and miss it and if your partner or you wouldn't entertain finding it elsewhere then I think you should leave. It will only eat you up.


Hearing women complain they're not getting enough sex may seem like a crazy notion to most men especially on here where most are sex crazed to begin with. To be honest, I too thought I was an oddball for wanting and aching for more intimacy in my relationship. It seemed that everyone I came into contact with in my real life, men or women, all agreed that it was the men who wanted more sex and the women just wanted more shoes in their closets. Not me (okay, I wanted both the sex AND the closet full of kick-ass shoes) It was hard to talk about it with my friends who were either so grateful their hubby's didn't pester them for sex any longer or they had men that still chased them around the kitchen table - no one seemed to be able to relate to what I was going through.

Regardless, it can definitely eat away at you if you want things to be different than they are and your partner doesn't for whatever reasons. And yes, it's not just the act of having sex, it's the whole package; sex, affection, love, attention, intimacy, tenderness, connection - again, all very important ingredients to a happy, fulfilling and successful relationship.
Hotnripped
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Quote by Langley
I have been married 31 years to a nice girl, but she is not a girl that likes or even wants sex. I can not even tell you the last time that we kissed. So I come to lush looking to find a special lady or special ladies to become friends with. I am room mates with my wife and that is fine but I am looking for someone to have some romance with even if it is just on lush. I am sure every one on here has a story close to mine but I am a very nice guy who is not all about sex. I want to get to know the ladies of lush better


Well said. I can relate to that. My wife doesn't kiss or show much intimacy. I do all the work on that end. I have tried lots to get her turned on and sometimes it works but often I am rejected. After 7 years of decreasing sex it's frustrating. So I understand where you come from and why your here.
Dangerous_Intentions
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There are many reasons why women and men stay in a sexless relationship. There are many things I love about my life... but the very thing that defines me I live without.

I am pissed off that settled...... but I think that as I age I felt that I should not let those things define me like they did when I was younger.

I agree with one post that toys are nice.. but what I miss is a touch that is electric.... a kiss that leaves me and him weak and out of breath.....a look...Toys give a quick result...... with minimal build up but nothing is better like human touch.

I try not to think of this to much.. it makes me sad and very angry that I did settle.
Dangerouss
BelleduJour
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Quote by Dangerous_Intentions


I agree with one post that toys are nice.. but what I miss is a touch that is electric.... a kiss that leaves me and him weak and out of breath.....a look...Toys give a quick result...... with minimal build up but nothing is better like human touch.

I try not to think of this to much.. it makes me sad and very angry that I did settle.



Couldn't agree more
Guest
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I am in this same boat, and it sucks not feeling wanted or desired after 4 years..
BelleduJour
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Quote by torontocub
I am in this same boat, and it sucks not feeling wanted or desired after 4 years..


You've been married for 4 years?? And I thought I was young when I got married! Whatever you do, DON'T wait 20 years like I did before doing something (or nothing) about it. You might not realize it at 25 but life is WAY too short not to be happy and fulfilled most especially from your relationships. Trust me on that.
Guest
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Quote by BelleduJour


You've been married for 4 years?? And I thought I was young when I got married! Whatever you do, DON'T wait 20 years like I did before doing something (or nothing) about it. You might not realize it at 25 but life is WAY too short not to be happy and fulfilled most especially from your relationships. Trust me on that.


Thanks, yeah 4 years and im only 25... and its been bad since day one. That what happens when you wait till marriage i guess
fuck_the_police
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It's hard to imagine a marriage being sexless...but I only know from talking to friends and my own personal experience. I fuck my husband 4-5 times a week (granted I'm still horny on those days I don't get sex) but I can't imagine any marriage being sexless sad
TonyT
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Quote by BelleduJour
I've spoken about my own sexless marriage on various other threads before, so here I go again...

I was married for 20 years. We were that couple that fell madly in love and couldn't keep our hands off of each other. But like all good things, it started to change and shift, for HIM in particularly and especially after we started our family. Sex got less and less frequent to the point where it came to a full stop altogether. When we did have sex, I was always left feeling empty, like he wasn't really present, that he just wanted to get it over with. It was never the same again. I was young and didn't know any better than to just suck it up thinking if I changed myself, things would get better again. And so I did, I read books and watched videos, I lost weight (which eventually tuned into bulimia), changed my hair colour, cooked more, cleaned better, complained less but it was all for not. I started to develop a serious complex and it took a toll on my self esteem. The sadness grew into frustration which grew into resentment. After YEARS of going without sex completely and only the occasion touch or kiss, I couldn't take it any more. I spent years in therapy on my own to help deal with this and then begged my hubby to go to couple's therapy but he refused. I was WAY too young to be in a sexless marriage and the thought of spending another 10-20 years still sexless, was enough to make me want to commit suicide.

I agree that sex isn't and shouldn't be everything and am well aware that sex fades and/or shifts the longer you're together with your SO but at the same time, sex is a form of intimacy which is critical to a healthy relationship. It's a barometer for how the relationship is going. Unless you both settle into a place where sex isn't a priority and are content with it, great, more power to you. But if one of you makes the decision for both of you that sex isn't that important and/or pulls if off the shelf without your consent, that's when it becomes problematic.

After 20 years of being together and spending nearly half of that marriage pretty much sexless despite countless attempts at trying to make it work, I had enough and chose to tap out. It was the hardest decision I ever made because I still loved him but I knew there was a part of me that was dying a little bit every day that I continued to spend in that relationship. It takes two people to make it work, bottom line. I suppose I could have stayed married forever and taken on plenty of lovers and played on Lush or other similar sites where I could get my rocks off as often as I wanted but that wasn't the kind of life I wanted to live nor the kind of woman I wanted to be. No offense to anyone who does this, but it's just not for me.

I'm always conflicted when I hear of people living like this, sticking it out in their sexless marriage or relationship - a part of me applauds them while another part of me shakes my head. Some of them stick it out because they genuinely love for their partner while others do it because they're just scared to be alone or can't be bothered to divide the property and split up the family. I've been there and therefore I completely understand. I can see both sides of the coin. To stay or go, neither one of those decisions is an easy one. At the end of the day, we have to live with our choices. The question is what are we willing to live with...or without.


Very well said. I miss the passion. I miss the wanton need for each other and knowing she wants me. It has been years. 2014 is the year that I am going to look for some satisfaction.
ISO sexy married women to fulfill their deepest desires... did i mention I love it really wet?
XblueX
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I have experience a huge drop in sex in my marriage, if I were to put an amount on it I would say once or twice a month. It never was this eye before and now when we have sex it feels like pitty sex. In the beginning our sexual relationship was strong but through the years my wife would get annoyed at me when I would flirt or try to touch her. Eventually I stopped trying and now I go through the motions, I wake up work come home cook help clean, go to bed, start over again.
Now when she try's to catch my attention I'm numb to it and would rather watch TV or go outside. It's not me being cold or trying to get back at her I'm just not interested anymore I have been turned down so many times it just doesn't "do it for me" anymore.

We all have our relationship problem, they are all different but I love my wife and I love our marriage and would never cheat on her. So my solution is to accept that this is the way it is and enjoy my time with her.
Guest
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Quote by Guest
Are any of you ladies in a sexless marriage or, have been in a sexless marriage? How do or did you cope with this?


I am in a sexless marriage... been married for 5.5 years, we are (26 and 28)... We've had sex twice in the last 7 months(TMI)

I am coping with it by doing nothing. Until we decide there is a problem and whether or not we want to work on it, it will stay like this. I am not missing the sex, to be honest, it wasn't that good. Married too young and too fast, love was enough to over shadow bedroom problems but now that things have settled and life is happening it's not enough and not worth the effort. I carried the sexual relationship myself, getting him off, and then getting myself off after he fell asleep. He doesn't deserve that if he isn't willing to even try! Sooooo I have my online partner, and we are working to fill the holes hahaha... and it's working.
jolander055
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Gals forum I know. This is the one thing i do love about the Bible though. The bible literally says not to withold yourself sexually from each other except for a time of fasting and worshipping, and then come together again so that you might not be tempted to be adulterous. (I know Old Testament and laws etc etc.) But the basic thing is in order to have a healthy marriage sex is a crucial thing. As well as communication.
submissivemom72
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I have never experienced it, but I do realize that eventually many men get to the point that they cannot perform as they once did. If that happened to my husband, I am pretty confident that he would still want me to enjoy the physical pleasures of sex with other men, hopefully while watching and perhaps even holding me while they fucked me. I think he would want to cuddle with me after I had sex with other men, even if he could no longer penetrate me himself.

Hopefully this situation is many decades away.
maturemaleinmo
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Quote by BelleduJour


Hearing women complain they're not getting enough sex may seem like a crazy notion to most men especially on here where most are sex crazed to begin with. To be honest, I too thought I was an oddball for wanting and aching for more intimacy in my relationship. It seemed that everyone I came into contact with in my real life, men or women, all agreed that it was the men who wanted more sex and the women just wanted more shoes in their closets. Not me (okay, I wanted both the sex AND the closet full of kick-ass shoes) It was hard to talk about it with my friends who were either so grateful their hubby's didn't pester them for sex any longer or they had men that still chased them around the kitchen table - no one seemed to be able to relate to what I was going through.

Regardless, it can definitely eat away at you if you want things to be different than they are and your partner doesn't for whatever reasons. And yes, it's not just the act of having sex, it's the whole package; sex, affection, love, attention, intimacy, tenderness, connection - again, all very important ingredients to a happy, fulfilling and successful relationship.


Well said. I do find it hard to believe that men don't want sex any longer. Usually it is the other way around as in my marriage. Just goes to show you the grass isn't always greener............
hotnsweethunk
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Yes iam also in a relationship where it's kind of sex less because we have sex once in 3 months which very less as I have a great appetite for sex. But I love this girl and it's been 3 years that we are in a relationship I don't wana break her heart. Sometimes I think if I gonna demand sex then it's not right cause it's demanded and it's not right because sex is not just being physical but it's also connecting and intimate and going out side for sex is wrong for me so iam here reading stories which atleast keeps me in my limit.
Greybeard
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Quote by submissivemom72
I have never experienced it, but I do realize that eventually many men get to the point that they cannot perform as they once did. If that happened to my husband, I am pretty confident that he would still want me to enjoy the physical pleasures of sex

As a man who's reached that point (it's not bad yet, we still have lots of fun, I just realize that I don't get or stay hard as easily as I did even a few years ago)... I can't help but point out that I think you're skipping at least one big step in your thinking. I don't mean to be presumptuous, and I'm reading a lot into not a lot of text, so forgive me if you think I'm speaking the obvious.

Sex isn't just about "sticking it in", and if you haven't already found lots of other ways to pleasure each other sexually .. what are you waiting for!?!


with other men, hopefully while watching and perhaps even holding me while they fucked me. I think he would want to cuddle with me after I had sex with other men, even if he could no longer penetrate me himself.


I don't know your husband, obviously, but please don't assume without explicit discussion that your husband is going to find it easy to let you carry on with other men, no matter how much he loves you and wants you to be satisfied and sexually fulfilled. For what it's worth, the "Awakenings" series currently being posted has some of the most thoughtful writing about this topic that I've ever read.

Hopefully this situation is many decades away.

Amen. But, please, don't wait until hubby has ED issues to experiment with and experience lots of ways of pleasuring each other. I haven't got a submissive bone in my body, but I still absolutely love going down on my wife... and I'm pretty sure her strongest orgasms ever involved my mouth and fingers working together...
Guest
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I have been divorced for four years after what was a long and virtually sexless marriage. I often think that the conception of my daughter must have been immaculate conception! How did I deal with it? I masturbated a lot. I still masturbate a lot and sometimes enjoy it more than having sex, but it has been a relief to be able to occasionally get to bed with a man. Of course, if you don't want to masturbate there are always cold showers, long runs, or trying to create permanent menstrual discomfort!
anonymous1526
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I am in a sexless relationship, it is more a platonic relationship but he doesn't want me to see other guys... As the saying goes 'what they don't know can't hurt them'!
Everything happens for a reason. Live for the moment and have no regrets.
mashman
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Agree with anonymous1526 what they don't know doesn't hurt them, for myself photography is starting to fill the gap & has create unexpected opportunities to with one or two. Fun fun fun
Anyone need a photographer?
Guest
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This thread brings tears to my eyes.
rach_
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I'm currently in something similar to this we have been married three years and had sex twice during this time. I tend to cope with my needs myself but i love my husband too much to do anything else.