Quote by 1ball
But I'm at least one generation older than most women here. I would have hoped they would have made more progress.
Sorry, some of us are going backwards and are currently stuck in the Victorian era.
Quote by 1ball
So, what exactly can we take away from this? Did the women refuse to provide direct answers because they didn't like his self-description? Were they saying he wasn't worth seducing? Or were they saying they just aren't confident enough to seduce? Or what?
I can believe that women of my generation, in general, aren't confident enough to seduce. It matches my experience with them. But I'm at least one generation older than most women here. I would have hoped they would have made more progress.
Quote by Shylass
Sorry, some of us are going backwards and are currently stuck in the Victorian era.
Quote by one_winged_angel
Most are confident enough, but there has to be something about the guy that draws the woman in. Unless you're desperate and looking for a quick hook-up, there needs to be something about a guy that makes you WANT to seduce him. Just standing there looking all pretty doesn't really make me want to seduce you
Quote by 1ball
So does this mean that if he's standing there looking pretty enough as opposed to not pretty enough you'll go talk to him? That's basically what a lot of women expect from guys. The wait to see if they will be the flower and he will be the bee, even if they really like what they see. Am I wrong about that?
Quote by 1ball
LOL! Nothing to be sorry about. Us shy people are not the trend setters. But I've recently read threads asking why guys like older women, MILFS, etc. I can't help but think there might be some relationship between a lack of pursuit from younger women and an attraction to older women who don't wait to be pursued. The younger women might think "I'm just not that desperate yet" while the guys might be thinking "she's just too 'full of herself' still".
Quote by one_winged_angel
That's not what I'm saying. Just describing your looks isn't enough. Even if you're super hot, there has to be something about you that draws me in and attracts me to you before I go up to you and try to seduce you. If I want to talk to a guy, I'm not going to sit there and wait for him to come to me, I'll go up to him and strike up a conversation, but there has to be something about you that makes me want to do that.
Quote by 1ball
But all you know about the guy across the room is his looks plus maybe a little bit of body language. That's all he knows about you. Let's forget the word seduce for a moment and say it's "pursue the possibility of a connection". Let's also assume that all is presumed equal except for gender. Let's assume that both want to feel worthy of pursuit. Is there something that makes the woman more deserving of pursuit than the man? Has there been no progress in shedding that sense of entitlement since the invention of The Pill?
Quote by Shylass
That's soooo not true! Quite a few people on here are now talking about Gingas! Before I joined, nobody knew what they were (gingerbread men).
Quote by one_winged_angel
I think you're missing my point. A lot of women have no trouble going up to the man and being the pursuer, but most of the women I know (myself included) need a reason to do that. If I don't want to pursue a guy, I don't want him to try to pursue me.
Quote by 1ball
But it seems like you're saying that being attractive from afar isn't a reason. Am I wrong about that? And is that a different standard than you would hold him to? In other words, to get you to pursue him he has to be more than attractive but assuming he is merely attractive, you would want him to pursue a connection with you based on attraction alone? Do I have that right?
Quote by one_winged_angel
Attractiveness is a factor, but it's not the only thing.
Picture the scene:
I'm at a bar with a few friends, just unwinding, not necessarily looking for a guy.
If I see a cute guy standing across the room, I shrug and go "hmm, cute."
He looks up and something about the way he smiles is creepy as hell, I am not going to approach him and if he approaches me, I won't be rude, but I'll be clear that I'm not interested.
I see a different guy, sorta cute and he shoots me a shy smile or something that makes him seem adorable to me, I'll go up to him and start a conversation, I won't wait for him to come to me.
If he's simply "hot" with nothing else that draws me to him, I won't leave my seat.
Quote by 1ball
Fair enough. So it's the body language that does it for you, but look again at your "I won't leave my seat" case. Would you prefer that he also doesn't leave his? Or do you want to feel like a flower? And if you want to feel like a flower, would you think less of him if he did the same after deciding you were "hot" with nothing else that draws him to you?
Quote by one_winged_angel
I wouldn't want to feel like a flower. Waaay too fragile, too delicate, I like to think that I'm a lot tougher than that. If he's approaching me just because he thinks I'm "hot" then he's probably just after a quick hook-up and that's not something I do.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Quote by one_winged_angel
You know me so well ^_^
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Quote by one_winged_angel
hahah, I've got the handprints to prove it
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Quote by one_winged_angel
I wouldn't want to feel like a flower. Waaay too fragile, too delicate, I like to think that I'm a lot tougher than that. If he's approaching me just because he thinks I'm "hot" then he's probably just after a quick hook-up and that's not something I do.
Quote by 1ball
I think you're making a little too much out of the metaphor, It's just about sitting and using only appearance to attract. But you said you might approach a guy if he gave you a shy smile, and that if he's approaching you just because he thinks you're "hot" then he's probably just after a quick hook-up. Shouldn't he think the same of you if all you're doing is approaching him after getting a smile? And are you saying you would respect him more if he didn't approach you until you at least gave him something other than your appearance to draw him to you? If both are the case, then maybe some progress has been made, but do you think that's become true of women in general, that they prefer having the exact same standard applied to them that they apply to men?
Quote by naughtynurse
While it may in fact be a complete double standard, I expect more from the guy than to just sit there looking pretty. I get enough attention doing that myself to barely notice the quiet wallflower unless he put himself out. As for me, I put myself out enough when I'm out by dressing up showing some skin/nice heels that I've already got your attention. Now it the guys turn to attract my interest.
Yes, I am quicker to try to seduce a woman. For the same reasons mentioned. She has already attracted my attention.
Quote by 1ball
So, if you are representative of much of your gender, it seems little progress has occurred.
In my case, back when I was on the market, I would walk away from a woman who wouldn't meet me half way. It would start with shy smiles and would continue with glances and cautious steps toward each other (sometimes literally in an "across the room" situation). If her steps stopped before we were at what I considered to be half way, I rejected her. Little ventured, little lost. The women that I met this way were easier to treat as equals, something I find to be sexy. They were also very rare. Plenty of flowers waiting for bees, not many women who honestly showed interest where it existed. Maybe I just didn't do it for them or maybe they just didn't have the whatever to not be flowers.
Quote by naughtynurse
Ahhh, but you see a meeting of eyes & a smile is more than just sitting there looking pretty! It can be so many things!