For those ladies with children or that just want to answer

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 20 Sep 2012

Ok i am married to someone who is more like a roomate now than anything and one of the main reasons was lack of communication (ie i have tried to get her to talk to me and she just doesnt) and my problem is we have a 3 year old that as much as i love her drives us beyond insane, which then pushes her mother to constantly yell at her which still accomplishes nothing as far as our daughter is concerned but try as i might i just cant seem to get her to calm down or to stop yelling so often any ideas?

MarySweets

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 20 Sep 2012

From what I have read maybe it is time that you could have a break from your daughter even just for a few hours so you two can spend some alone time.

Maybe get grandma to babysit her and you two start slow maybe go out for a romantic meal. Sit and talk like the old days. You could talk about the fun times you had before getting married or having baby.

I"m certain your wife is also feeling like your relationship feels like being roomates looking after a toddler. Maybe she is snapping because she is feeling fraustrated and hasn't had any alone time to herself so she feels like her old normal self. Once she became a mother, she has lost some of her identity. Now life revolves around your little one.

I just got a great idea. Have grandparents or someone you trust look after your daughter for a night. Plan a surpise for your wife.

Cook her a meal, lavish her. When you finish dinner/dessert. Take her to the bathroom, run her a bath or shower and wash her. After that give her a massage and then make love. Tell her how happy you are with her. What an incredible woman she is. (Make sure not to mention your daughter).

You never know she will be so thankful for the attention smile

"Sexual pleasure in woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon; if words or movements oppose the magic of caresses, the spell is broken."

Simone de Beauvoir

Dirty_D

Head Nurse

0 likes 20 Sep 2012

Yeap, when my girls were small, I was frustrated regularly because All I did was look after this child, go to work, look after the child, go to work, look after the child, go to work...you get the idea. Break the cycle for her!

littlemissbitch

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 20 Sep 2012

my daughter is insane and i shit you not. she picked locks at age two. yesterday she came up to me with a broom stick and said "im going outside to train" shes FIVE. at 22 months i caught her with my bread knife in one hand and the freaking dogs tail in the other. i am not kidding when i say my daughter is "different" like i watch for small mammals you know? we are thinking career in CIA.

and do you know what?? i LOVE it. i love that shes super naughty and sneaky and totally ninja! i dont yell too much except when im just driven beyond my breaking point or when she is being just entirely too willful.

so i say...embrace it a little more. they DO grow out of it some. after she turned 4 she wasnt so bad. cuz all i know is that i have the most GLORIOUS little girl this planet will ever see and i want to enjoy all of her smile

littlemissbitch ~ professional face ripper offer, at your service..

musicluver

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 21 Sep 2012

Hmm though the advice is all great my problem well the problem im looking for help on is the problem with her yelling at our child. if she wont talk to me how else am i supposed to get over this problem?

iceman7570

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 21 Sep 2012

Find a sitter and take her to dinner and just talk, you cannot do it when the child is around .........So you spend sometime with each other and talk ....

1nympholes

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 21 Sep 2012

Quote by MarySweets
From what I have read maybe it is time that you could have a break from your daughter even just for a few hours so you two can spend some alone time.

Maybe get grandma to babysit her and you two start slow maybe go out for a romantic meal. Sit and talk like the old days. You could talk about the fun times you had before getting married or having baby.

I"m certain your wife is also feeling like your relationship feels like being roomates looking after a toddler. Maybe she is snapping because she is feeling fraustrated and hasn't had any alone time to herself so she feels like her old normal self. Once she became a mother, she has lost some of her identity. Now life revolves around your little one.

I just got a great idea. Have grandparents or someone you trust look after your daughter for a night. Plan a surpise for your wife.

Cook her a meal, lavish her. When you finish dinner/dessert. Take her to the bathroom, run her a bath or shower and wash her. After that give her a massage and then make love. Tell her how happy you are with her. What an incredible woman she is. (Make sure not to mention your daughter).

You never know she will be so thankful for the attention

I do not have kids, but have friends that do. MarySweet advice is great. However could you need professional help with this little one who maybe just as frustrated as Mom and Dad are.

shadowcat

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 21 Sep 2012

Hi.

I had the same problem. I have 2 children aged 10 and 6. I found myself shouting at them a lot.

The one thing i can say is take a look at the help you think you are offering her and see if it is actually helping. My Fiancee thinks he is helping by cooking dinner lets say, however on the face of it it is helpful, he is messing up my routine and making me cranky. Quite often the things you think you are doing are not really what you are actually doing! I know it sounds crazy but with the help of your partner make a timetable and stick it on the wall, door or wherever. Then if you want to help you will see what is on the list to do next and you can do it for her. This way you can open the lines of communication i.e "i see babys bath is next, let me do that for you"

This timetable will also help your daughter understand the day to day life, mummy has to wash up now but its ok because she plays dollies with me after that. This helped us with our children and as they got older and could read the house rules got put up there as well.

It is hard work and things will get better in time. One tip i can give you is that if you lower your voice right down your child will have to stop what they are doing and concentrate on what you are saying rather than the usual tuning out of shouting.

Hope i have helped and feel free to mesage me to talk more.

WellMadeMale

Constant Gardener

0 likes 21 Sep 2012

Quote by musicluver
if she wont talk to me how else am i supposed to get over this problem?

Tranquilizers & booze. One of each for both of you. Nightly.

Problem solved.

Next?

The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.

Dirty_D

Head Nurse

0 likes 21 Sep 2012

Quote by shadowcat
Hi.

I had the same problem. I have 2 children aged 10 and 6. I found myself shouting at them a lot.

The one thing i can say is take a look at the help you think you are offering her and see if it is actually helping. My Fiancee thinks he is helping by cooking dinner lets say, however on the face of it it is helpful, he is messing up my routine and making me cranky. Quite often the things you think you are doing are not really what you are actually doing! I know it sounds crazy but with the help of your partner make a timetable and stick it on the wall, door or wherever. Then if you want to help you will see what is on the list to do next and you can do it for her. This way you can open the lines of communication i.e "i see babys bath is next, let me do that for you"

This timetable will also help your daughter understand the day to day life, mummy has to wash up now but its ok because she plays dollies with me after that. This helped us with our children and as they got older and could read the house rules got put up there as well.

It is hard work and things will get better in time. One tip i can give you is that if you lower your voice right down your child will have to stop what they are doing and concentrate on what you are saying rather than the usual tuning out of shouting.

Hope i have helped and feel free to mesage me to talk more.

Again this I'd good advice. I did a lot of telling when the girls were younger. I worked a full time job, so I was always exhausted. There was always a huge list of things to be done. To be fair, my ex also had a lot to do(we both worked ft plus lived on a farm/heated with wood) so part of my short fuse was just the overwhelming amount of work to be done. In the end I realized I had to do things differently.

Use some of the suggestions here, take here to a dinner, adults only, wine her dine her. Then talk to her as an adult. Explain she looks overwhelmed, ask what you can do to help. Make a couple suggestions, carefully, without implying she's not doing a good job!