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Am i really that unattractive?

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Guest
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Well, you are really opening yourself up to a lot with this thread and in turn you have generated quite a bit of commenting.

I know from experience of being very shy as a young person that the more comfortable you are with yourself, and the more positive attitude you exude, the more attractive you are to others. Its about energy and connection.

I mean yes, as people have stated, certain people look for certain qualities in a man/woman. There are certain characteristics that appeal to me more than others, but it doesn't mean that people can't be attractive anyway.

For example, I love a tall man, but there are some hot guys that are not so tall. I have fallen for all kinds of men who have all kinds of looks, but the common thread remains. The inner beauty illuminates the outer shell, for however lovely a person can look, the spark from within is what ignites a meaningful connection between two people.

I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I'm still a hot cup of tea. Chin up and think positively about life and yourself!
Guest
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Interesting thread..... lots of great posts. What I will add is that we see downright physically UGLY people (by almost anyone's standards) dating, having sex, and even having families. If a person can't get a date, it can almost always be attributed to things other than their looks, or their looks alone. And for the OP, I see guys who look like you all over the place (you actually have a quite common look) and they are happy, and have girlfriends if they want them.

It is also often difficult to pinpoint reasons why a person is not able to find dates simply by what they provide in online conversations, even if they think they are being extremely open and honest. But many times spending some time (even just a little) around that person or observing them in the real world can easily identify the reasons why they may be having difficulty. It could be body language, a facial tic or expression, voice or tonal issues, and countless other things that you can't see or experience when reading text on a computer screen.

However, true confidence and how you present yourself is probably a good place to start looking (as others have pointed out). Many times people give off signals they don't realize they are giving off. But good luck with it all. Like I said, I see guys who look like you do all the time. They are fun to be around, and they almost always have a girlfriend; except when they don't WANT one. And darn ugly people are bumping uglies (sorry could not resist the pun) all the time. Ever been to Walmart? ;)

Again, good luck and try to HAVE FUN. smile
WellMadeMale
Constant Gardener
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Quote by Dancing_Doll
The whole 'maybe you are trying to date someone above your level' thing isn't actually meant as an exclusionary thing. On the contrary, it's asking someone to see *all* females (or males) as potential prospects and not to just concentrate on girls that fall into the 'upper echelons of hotness'.

Sometimes people get frustrated with their inability to find dates because they have a narrow view of what they want and often that too is coloured by societal standards of beauty. Their quest for the perfect 8-10 may fall flat and thus it encourages the person to include more types of females as potential love or sexual interests - to widen the playing field and take into account the ones that might be overlooked because everyone (regardless of their own attractiveness) are focused on the hot people only.

I'm not saying that's what's happening in this case with the OP at all. But as far as the general theory goes, I'm sure we all know of several guys and girls IRL where this can happen and it affects their success with dating and relationship. And then they get upset that 'nobody' wants them because they're only focused on chasing the big fish, which are usually the harder ones to catch. So it's not that the advice-giver is telling them to only date down at their level, it's just telling them that perhaps they need a a wider net of what they deem acceptable or attractive in a mate... to be more open-minded about potential love interests and to broaden their standards.

Again - not directed at the OP - just wanted to add my two cent about the theory in general because I can see how it might be misinterpreted.



Thank you very much... Perhaps you should open up an advice column here at Lush as the lead relationship & self image adviser.? This answer further clarifies exactly what I meant with my original post.

I'm not even going to bother reading the wall of text which I knew was probably going to be delivered in my direction. Ugh
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Shylass
Gingerbread Lover
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Quote by WellMadeMale


Thank you very much... Perhaps you should open up an advice column here at Lush as the lead relationship & self image adviser.? This answer further clarifies exactly what I meant with my original post.

I'm not even going to bother reading the wall of text which I knew was probably going to be delivered in my direction. Ugh


Then why did you bother responding to me? Bleurgh.
Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

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********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
ranuover
Active Ink Slinger
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that seth rogan bit always made me wonder, just what exactly is it that girls find attractive about guys who aren't all pretty faced or fashionable.
for example i have always viewed my older brother as more attractive than me. i mean in my eyes i believed if i copied him i would get girls, but then one time i overhear 2 girls speaking and one of em says "i prefer the smaller over the older one" her friend agreed and i was mind blown because i didn't find my self attractive. then i look at my brother and i realized "holy shit this guy is a goofball". i was only being my timid self not trying to impress anyone and he was doing the "yo yo yo i like rap and im loud" shit. even though he was getting the attention of the other girls, 2 of em liked me over him and i gained more confidence knowing that. but still i have always been shy and had never had the courage to ask someone out, because i doubted that they might not find me attractive back. even though i have initiated the flirting i have never been able to say"hey wanna go out" etc. instead i have treated them as if they were my friends, which in some cases came off as "rude" and eventually as a sign of interest towards me they would correct me with like "don't whats up me, say hi and my name and give me a hug" which then followed with get togethers initiated by them then after a while becoming bf and gf.

i have had friends with similar problems like yours coming to me for advice but they honestly came they off too needy and believing that just because they were friends with a female, it meant they had a chance if they approached em with the intent of dating. one of the friends i tried to help actually stopped trying and focused on his passion for cooking and became a chef, and now guess who's popular? and honestly that friend is fugly and does that annoying facebook spam crap. if i was a girl i would run away from him but hes out there now playboying it up having girls fight over him because of that great quality that he has to offer. so my advice would be to just be patient and wait for someone to find you and venture out, cause because of where i lived it took till high school for me to find the type that wanted to date me back. (i was a rocker kid surrounded by "gangsta" wannabees )
WellMadeMale
Constant Gardener
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Quote by Shylass


Then why did you bother responding to me? Bleurgh.


Ever heard of this nifty invention called private email? I think Gav installed that functionality here a few years ago.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Shylass
Gingerbread Lover
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Quote by WellMadeMale


Ever heard of this nifty invention called private email? I think Gav installed that functionality here a few years ago.


Ooo, sarcasm. Post something publicly, and of course you will get a public reply. Let's just leave it there, shall we? Or would you like to display your fine wit some more? Go ahead, I've seen where discussions with you go, and I thought this time could be different. Obviously not.
Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

 ***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
Guest
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You've gotta accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

You've got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom, down to the minimum
Otherwise pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
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Quote by WellMadeMale


I'm not even going to bother reading the wall of text which I knew was probably going to be delivered in my direction. Ugh


Dude, remember when I used to say one little thing to you and you would start foaming at the mouth and downing your last Keystone light and then writing a fucking novel in response to whatever thing I said that got your old man jeans in a bunch? .......that was so funny

You were like...

And I was like...
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by Magical_felix


Dude, remember when I used to say one little thing to you and you would start foaming at the mouth and downing your last Keystone light and then writing a fucking novel in response to whatever thing I said that got your old man jeans in a bunch? .......that was so funny

You were like...

And I was like...



kind of like what i do to you now.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
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Quote by sprite


kind of like what i do to you now.


*pats rachel on the head and hands her a lolly*
1ball
Active Ink Slinger
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The thing is, you probably have victim written across your forehead in an invisible tattoo that only women can see. Many women are little more than parasites, given the chance. They measure their self-worth by how much attention they can get from men and how hot of a bf they can attract. Even if they don't want to be with you, they could be helping you find a gf, but they're getting what they want from you, so why should they? You really don't want to know them, at least not on their terms. If they don't want to meet you halfway, kick them to the curb.
My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
Mazza
Mazztastic
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So, back to the original question... Are you that unattractive?

Well, I think that there have been some excellent points made and you can probably get the answer you need from those.

I think CG put quite bluntly, but kindly nonetheless, that you don't always give off a great vibe [sic] and I agree.

Any dealings I've had with you have been pleasant and I've enjoyed talking to you, but the blog posts can be off-putting, well, to me anyway, but I'm guessing it will be the same for others.

I'm not saying that the image you project is wrong, but maybe it's revealing too much too soon? I wonder if that's the way you are IRL? Being perhaps overly down gives the impression (to me) of you being what I'd call a 'fixer upper'. By that I mean that it would be a lot of work to lick you into shape (oh my god, I'm coming across as a real cunt here, but I'm honestly trying to be helpful)

You know, what people have said about league/ 'punching above your weight' when it comes to choosing prospective partners, well, I've seen that happen. I don't actually believe in the league thing - there are so many examples of very different people having successful relationships, well, for as long as people in 'regular' relationships, so to speak - I mean, Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett is one example, if you think that way - it's all subjective anyway.

It can often be a self-sabotage thing, you know, going for people who are completely incompatible (rather than 'out of your league' - I don't believe in the league thing at all - you should see my husband, he's fucking gorgeous (the relationship is fucked, but he is actually very handsome)) because you're actually scared of getting into a relationship? People do this all of the time - choose people who are simply never going to work as a prospective partner - I mean, why do some women always choose guys who humiliate/abuse them?

I have this friend... She is totally gorgeous, I mean an absolute knockout, but she NEVER gets any interest whatsoever from guys. Now, I'm at best average in the looks department but when the two of us go out together, guys never talk to her, they speak to me but not her - I never used to get it and I know it used to piss her off, but it's the vibe she gives off - she is totally self deprecating, dismissive of a compliment and very needy.

I've spoken with male friends who've said that they would just 'never go there'. When asked to explain, they would often not be able to say why, but that there was just something about her, that she seemed 'off' somehow.

Anyway, guess that's a bit of a random rant, my take on things - hope you can get something useful from it?
Mazza
Mazztastic
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Quote by 1ball
The thing is, you probably have victim written across your forehead in an invisible tattoo that only women can see. Many women are little more than parasites, given the chance. They measure their self-worth by how much attention they can get from men and how hot of a bf they can attract. Even if they don't want to be with you, they could be helping you find a gf, but they're getting what they want from you, so why should they? You really don't want to know them, at least not on their terms. If they don't want to meet you halfway, kick them to the curb.



Did you seriously just say that??
Shylass
Gingerbread Lover
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Quote by 1ball
The thing is, you probably have victim written across your forehead in an invisible tattoo that only women can see. Many women are little more than parasites, given the chance. They measure their self-worth by how much attention they can get from men and how hot of a bf they can attract. Even if they don't want to be with you, they could be helping you find a gf, but they're getting what they want from you, so why should they? You really don't want to know them, at least not on their terms. If they don't want to meet you halfway, kick them to the curb.


And there was me thinking it was clear who was today's biggest wassock on Lush. It certainly is now!
Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

 ***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
Guest
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Quote by 1ball
The thing is, you probably have victim written across your forehead in an invisible tattoo that only women can see. Many women are little more than parasites, given the chance. They measure their self-worth by how much attention they can get from men and how hot of a bf they can attract. Even if they don't want to be with you, they could be helping you find a gf, but they're getting what they want from you, so why should they? You really don't want to know them, at least not on their terms. If they don't want to meet you halfway, kick them to the curb.


This is a joke right?
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by 1ball
The thing is, you probably have victim written across your forehead in an invisible tattoo that only women can see. Many women are little more than parasites, given the chance. They measure their self-worth by how much attention they can get from men and how hot of a bf they can attract. Even if they don't want to be with you, they could be helping you find a gf, but they're getting what they want from you, so why should they? You really don't want to know them, at least not on their terms. If they don't want to meet you halfway, kick them to the curb.


now, girls, before you go attacking 1ball, he's got a point. most of us are merely wannabe blood sucking leeches. speaking for myself, my only real joy comes from dragging men down and fucking them up so badly that they're broken for life. really, that's how i roll - i get a guy interested in me, get him to buy me lots of nice things and then, when i get bored of him, i fuck his best friend and then take off - if i really play it right, it's after he marries me and then i even get half of his stuff, further emasculating him! total win-win for me. smile

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Liz
Scarlet Seductress
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Quote by Shylass


And there was me thinking it was clear who was today's biggest wassock on Lush. It certainly is now!


I like that word, "wassock"

DontHaveASexyCliche
Active Ink Slinger
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I think physical attractiveness is only important initially. We may notice a stranger across the street because they're beautiful and have a great body, whereas we may not notice someone otherwise. That being said, I've found (and I really do mean this) that a person's attractiveness changes based on what kind of person they are.
If I'm thrown into a situation, say at work or with mutual friends, and there is a less attractive man who happens to be funny, nice, awesome, and lots of other good things: all of a sudden, I find myself attracted to him. I've also noticed the opposite: I've gotten to know people who I initially thought were completely gorgeous, and later found their personalities reprehensible. Their physical attractiveness is suddenly irrelevant.
It's important to get to know a person and to allow them to get to know you. There is so much more to attraction than just physical appearance, except to those who are utterly shallow, and why would you want those people to like you anyway?
DontHaveASexyCliche
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by 1ball
The thing is, you probably have victim written across your forehead in an invisible tattoo that only women can see. Many women are little more than parasites, given the chance. They measure their self-worth by how much attention they can get from men and how hot of a bf they can attract. Even if they don't want to be with you, they could be helping you find a gf, but they're getting what they want from you, so why should they? You really don't want to know them, at least not on their terms. If they don't want to meet you halfway, kick them to the curb.



Sadly, there are women like this. But there are also men like this. It goes both ways. Some people just suck.
Dani
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
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Quote by 1ball
The thing is, you probably have victim written across your forehead in an invisible tattoo that only women can see. Many women are little more than parasites, given the chance. They measure their self-worth by how much attention they can get from men and how hot of a bf they can attract. Even if they don't want to be with you, they could be helping you find a gf, but they're getting what they want from you, so why should they? You really don't want to know them, at least not on their terms. If they don't want to meet you halfway, kick them to the curb.


Oh for Pete's sake. Don't you guys recognize fresh bait when you see it? 1ball is just dangling the proverbial carrot in front of your faces in hopes that you all lash out at him. I'm sure his dick tingles when he logs on and sees so many replies to his obviously and intentionally obnoxious posts. Please don't feed the troll. If we all ignore him, he'll crawl back to whichever hole he crawled out of...until he gets another opportunity to piss people off and trigger/fuel some shit-slinging and gets to sit behind his computer screen like this:



So, for goodness sake:

░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░
1ball
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by Mazza



Did you seriously just say that??



Yep. Haven't you met any women who do that? I'm sure many guys have.
My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
1ball
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by sprite


now, girls, before you go attacking 1ball, he's got a point. most of us are merely wannabe blood sucking leeches. speaking for myself, my only real joy comes from dragging men down and fucking them up so badly that they're broken for life. really, that's how i roll - i get a guy interested in me, get him to buy me lots of nice things and then, when i get bored of him, i fuck his best friend and then take off - if i really play it right, it's after he marries me and then i even get half of his stuff, further emasculating him! total win-win for me. smile


Nobody (but you) said anything about "most of you". Was that a deliberate misunderstanding?
My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
1ball
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by DontHaveASexyCliche



Sadly, there are women like this. But there are also men like this.


I've never sought a bf, so I couldn't speak to that, but I can believe it. I've met guys that are parasites.
My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
1ball
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by slipperywhenwet2012


Oh for Pete's sake. Don't you guys recognize fresh bait when you see it? 1ball is just dangling the proverbial carrot in front of your faces in hopes that you all lash out at him. I'm sure his dick tingles when he logs on and sees so many replies to his obviously and intentionally obnoxious posts. Please don't feed the troll. If we all ignore him, he'll crawl back to whichever hole he crawled out of...until he gets another opportunity to piss people off and trigger/fuel some shit-slinging and gets to sit behind his computer screen like this:


I'm just giving the OP the benefit of my experience. Apparently I touched a nerve that was covered by thin skin.
My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by 1ball


I'm just giving the OP the benefit of my experience. Apparently I touched a nerve that was covered by thin skin.


no, actually you made such an incredibly mysogynistic statement that it just had to be addressed:

"Many women are little more than parasites, given the chance."

had i said "many men are little more than rapists, given the chance" i'm sure that some of the guys might feel the need to make a rebuttal as well, seeing as i'd be unfairly slandering a fairy large cross section of people based on their gender of a very heinous crime. fortunately, i'm smart enough to realize that A), it's not true, and B) it's an incredibly hurtful statement to make.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Guest
Lurker
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I was thinking a lot about this thread and came to conclusion, however I didnt have time to read all responses, so i apologize if this was said already..

I was wrong. I completely put aside that there are people different than me, that there are women who would be attracted to a guy who is in lack of self confidence, whiny and dont look like latest super star. There are wome who are attracted to that kind of men. So when it was said in the begining of the thread about stepping out of the league, was actually correct in basic literall meaning. Jay was looking out of his league, but not better or worst..he was just not fishing in the pool of women who are attracted to his type of guy.

I dont know about you people but I had Epiphany smile
1ball
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by sprite


no, actually you made such an incredibly mysogynistic statement that it just had to be addressed:

"Many women are little more than parasites, given the chance."

had i said "many men are little more than rapists, given the chance" i'm sure that some of the guys might feel the need to make a rebuttal as well, seeing as i'd be unfairly slandering a fairy large cross section of people based on their gender of a very heinous crime. fortunately, i'm smart enough to realize that A), it's not true, and B) it's an incredibly hurtful statement to make.


If I had said, "Many women are lesbians" would you have (conveniently) assumed that I meant, "most women are lesbians"? If you had said, "Many men are little more than parasites, given the chance.", I would have, knowing that it didn't apply to me, not taken offense and assumed you were speaking of experiences you had with men. Playing the card makes you seem even less rational than assuming that "many" means "most".
My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
Mazza
Mazztastic
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Quote by 1ball


If I had said, "Many women are lesbians" would you have (conveniently) assumed that I meant, "most women are lesbians"? If you had said, "Many men are little more than parasites, given the chance.", I would have, knowing that it didn't apply to me, not taken offense and assumed you were speaking of experiences you had with men. Playing the card makes you seem even less rational than assuming that "many" means "most".


I never took offence at your sweeping generalisation, I just found it surprising that not only does someone think that way, but had the (what I deem) poor judgement and lack of class to 'say it out loud'.

I can honestly say that I've never encountered anyone, male or female, who behaves that way.

I don't see how such a statement as the one you made can possibly be either conducive to the thread or helpful to the OP. surely such negativity is what we are trying to avoid?
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
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Quote by 1ball
The thing is, you probably have victim written across your forehead in an invisible tattoo that only women can see. Many women are little more than parasites, given the chance. They measure their self-worth by how much attention they can get from men and how hot of a bf they can attract. Even if they don't want to be with you, they could be helping you find a gf, but they're getting what they want from you, so why should they? You really don't want to know them, at least not on their terms. If they don't want to meet you halfway, kick them to the curb.


I take it some girl must have done quite a number on you at one point in your life and you really loved her so the pain was deep.

Thinking this way about women or anything in life really will just make you fail at everything. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You will see things that aren't there. You will close doors. You will radiate bitterness and attract the worst people amongst us.

This may be a stretch, to assume you have female friends, but how many of them have you helped find boyfriends? I mean "getting what they want?" Like what? I mean, don't you do favors for your male friends? Do you expect your male friends to suck your dick if you help them move or something? Why is there a double standard for attractive women? How come doing a normal friend gesture or favor for a woman you find attractive somehow obligates her to have sex with you, go out on a date with you, or be your girlfriend?

What if a woman you were just not attracted to but was your friend all of a sudden hit you with, "Uniball, I take you to the airport, I have you over to my parties, I make you food, I listen to you bitch and moan about your life, I am such a good friend to you... BUT you don't want a sexual relationship with me, why are you using me like this? If you don't start putting out, I'm kicking you to the curb." That would feel pretty awful wouldn't it? Like she was never your friend to begin with, right? Like all she wanted was sex or everything she did was to eventually get you to be hers? Which I suppose is a form of courtship, but how much did your friendship really mean to her? It's even worse for women since men tend to think more this way. It makes them feel like the only thing they have is their looks since you only value their friendship if it leads to more. Like if she was unattractive you would have never been her friend. It's like saying, your personality sucks and I don't like you as a human being but since you're attractive I'll put up with it... Unless you don't put out, then I'll cut you off.

Something tells me you may not always be honest about your intentions from the start of any kind of relationship with a woman when you need to be. Thinking in the way you do makes me feel like you only interact with women to try and get sex. That is hardly looking at them as equals and they can smell it on you the same way you can smell it on some guy that wants something from you... Be it business related, drugs, trying to date a woman in your family etc. You know his intentions of being your friend are dishonest and you treat him accordingly.