Am i really that unattractive?

Quote by TheDevilsWeakness
Flirting is just talking. It's showing an interest in someone else. It's not difficult, but it does take practice.
It should never be derogatory. It should feel natural. Except maybe for someone that's shy, but even I overcame that. ;)
Keep trying!

Quote by Shylass
One thing that might help in talking to lasses is being positive.

Take a look back through your blogs on here. Overall, what is the lasting impression that you get from them? Read them at face value, as if they were my blogs on my profile. How do they make you feel? What do they say about me as a person? Could you seek to change any of those statements, for better or worse? Do you think that I would be a person with whom you could find instant amusement and shared happiness?

Blogs often tend to be overthought, or spur of the moment. But they all reflect a part of our inner self. Looking back at our history and statements is sometimes a good way to find out what sort of impression we give people, or how they might read us.

As soon as I notice myself moaning (not in the fun way) about the state of my inner being, where anybody and everybody can read it (sadly, I do it all the time), I know I have to stop and take positive action.

Sometimes, an issue is not about getting people to fancy us and want to be with us. Sometimes, it's about learning to look at how we show which parts of ourselves. don't mean hide the pain, loneliness and frustration. I mean look at and share the better parts of ourselves in not just our words, but our attitudes too. Because our attitude to life really does come across. This in itself can have an enormous impact on how others see us.

It doesn't matter how you try to behave or flirt or treat women, in my opinion. If your attitude is similar to mine, then that will come across in your very atmosphere. You can be the most wonderful man in the world, but if most of what you display is a poor ol' me mentality, then that will have an effect on your "aura", even unconciously.

What makes you feel good? What do you enjoy? What makes you want to share the fun in your life? What is great about the person that you are? If you can begin to find those things, it will come across in your words and personality. As I said before, try to stop worrying about the reactions of other people to you. Try to think about the effects of yourself on them. And the first way to do that is to honestly look at yourself from outside.

I'm not saying that this is easy; far from it. But perhaps this might be a key to you finding some confidence in currently being single, and later, confidence in sharing a growing relationship with somebody.

Quote by Shylass


I am sick and tired of the "stick to your own league" attitude that I often see on these sorts of threads. It's rubbing salt on the gaping wound. Thanks so much for that reminder. Sadly, I think the only people who don't care about what a person looks like are the ugly, desperate ones like me. And we're desperate, so what do we know?!

Fucking hate that mentality.

Quote by WellMadeMale

Fuck no...I'm not living in that kind of fantasy world and I never have. There are literally hundreds of thousands of women in this world who are way the fuck outta my league. They wouldn't look at me once, let alone twice and certainly I would be surprised (dare I say stunned - if someone I thought was out of my league - winking at me and flirting with me even moderately).

Quote by Magical_felix


More like hundreds of millions if we are being honest now.

Quote by WellMadeMale


Well it goes without saying, doofus, that there are indeed, several million of whom for which I am out of their league.

Welcome to the Human Race, Jack.

Quote by TheDevilsWeakness
Oh would you two take your bromance elsewhere... It's making me feel icky.

Confidence is generally described as a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective. Self-confidence is having confidence in oneself. Arrogance or hubris in this comparison, is having unmerited confidence—believing something or someone is capable or correct when they are not. Overconfidence or presumptuousness is excessive belief in someone (or something) succeeding, without any regard for failure. Confidence can be a self-fulfilling prophecy as those without it may fail or not try because they lack it and those with it may succeed because they have it rather than because of an innate ability.

Self-confidence does not necessarily imply 'self-belief' or a belief in one's ability to succeed. For instance, one may be inept at a particular sport or activity, but remain 'confident' in one's demeanor, simply because one does not place a great deal of emphasis on the outcome of the activity. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more 'self-confident' because one is worrying far less about failure or the disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable. Belief in one's abilities to perform an activity comes through successful experience and may add to, or consolidate, a general sense of self-confidence.

Quote by TheDevilsWeakness
Oh would you two take your bromance elsewhere... It's making me feel icky.

Quote by Ravyn


A-fuckingMen. I agree

Quote by TheDevilsWeakness


This is why men and women will never understand one another. You guys don't think like we do.
If you were friend zoned... You would almost certainly remain there.
Either you're totally bullshitting us on scoring with 5 women that would be considered friends or you've been encouraging them all along without realizing it. Which would NOT put you in the dreaded friend zone. At least in their eyes.
By the way... We call them groupies.

Quote by Magical_felix


It's this kind of homophobia that keeps the human race from reaching enlightenment.

So sad.

Quote by sprite
sometimes it's as simple as this - others see you as you see yourself. yeah, we all have our insecurities, our shynesses, our fears to overcome. it's hard! go with your strengths, tho. most of what i post here is funny silly stuff - that's my strength - i'm funny and i'm silly - i recognize that and so that's the side of me i put out there, either in the forums or when i was dating. i wasn't the sex siren, i was always the cute girl. you really need to figure out who you are - and yeah, the bitter, angry bit won't get you dates, nor will the friendzone ploy - pay attention to what Doll said in regards to that. i'm not going to say that the whole out of your league thing is something you should pretend does or doesn't exist - it is very real - it's not just a physical thing, tho - charisma, personality, and charm go a long ways sometimes - still, first impressions also matter, and girls, like guys, are going to notice the hot people first - it's just the way it is - you walk into a room, you notice Bradly Cooper before you notice Seth Rogan.

Quote by Magical_felix

It's this kind of homophobia that keeps the human race from reaching enlightenment.

So sad.

Quote by WellMadeMale


Don't let any real truths hurt...address the truths and live in reality...Remember too - that you are the only one who can control how you feel.

I suggest to ease up on the hating and anti-social things. But that too is just a suggestion.

Quote by Shylass


(Sorry, I had to cut the quote down so I could type in the field)

That is a much kinder and clearer reply than the first one you put in this thread. The reason I jumped on it is because I know for a fact that other people have done the same thing in the past on here, but much more brutally, and in many cases, it isn't helpful. This is one of those cases.

I was brought up to care about how a person behaves and acts. There are many people I stay away from because of it, and many others I gravitate to because of it. But their outside is still just a shell to me, the thing that houses them, with its own individual characteristics and beauties. It makes me angry when I see somebody crying because their nose is a little bigger than what the social guidelines dictate, or a person starving themselves because they have a pear-shaped figure. Dress one up as an ancient Roman, and he would look commanding and authoritative. Dress the other up in very little with her hair down, and she could replicate a Rubens painting, which many call sensual and erotic. An African friend told me that in his country I would be treated like a queen, whether I had money or not, just because of my size.

Society changes what they think is "acceptable" in appearance. What I hate is the fact that others with a narrower view are constantly forcing that opinion on those who can do nothing about it. "Don't bother talking to those kinds of people, they won't want you." What sort of attitude is that? How do you know? Why can't each person make the call as to whether they like a person, without being told by others who they should and shouldn't bother trying to get to know?

Yes, I know full well that appearances matter. I have that said to me every day. I read it all over the forums here. I know "that's how it is". People who subscribe to that way of thinking are all over the place and say it all the time. Is that helpful for everybody? No. Sometimes there are different and deeper issues at play.

I am anti-social in my profile for a few reasons. It's a way to protect myself from people who want to push me further than I am able to cope with. Some people say that their master/mistress won't allow it. I put up a bigger barrier. I am also not able to respond sometimes, due to panic attacks or a very low concentration level. Often, I can lurk over the forums, but I can't take anything in. I sometimes read posts four or five times and still can't take it in. And as soon as that black box noise goes off, because I forgot to turn the sound off, I'm in a panic again.

I advertised that I'm inexperienced for the same reason. When I joined, I wanted to be honest about why my writing would be crap. As it turns out, I did much better than I could ever have imagined, but that also meant that people wanted certain things from me that I couldn't give, and called me a liar. So I left that comment as it was, and it helps. It's how it is on Lush. I'm not looking for a relationship on here.

As for laying myself open, that's the sort of person that I am. I keep many things inside, and trust comes very slowly, if at all. But the one thing I do believe in is being open and honest as far as I am able. I came here to learn and explore, as my real self. Others like to be imaginary selves, and that's fine for them. But I share what I share if I think it can help somebody else, or make them feel not so alone, or if it means I might find the answers I'm looking for, or lay out my own thought process to view it better.

With regards to why I'm like I am, I think that my replies to the original poster show that I do have a certain measure of self-awareness, and the things that I am trying to do are in order to combat and change that. I even made a private album that a very small handful of people can see, in order to find out what I am happy with sharing appearance-wise, and to see if I can learn to view myself in the same way that I view others.

I see beauty very differently to most of the world, and I'm glad. I use that view in my photography, and people can see what I see through it. That's wonderful, because there is a lot of beauty out there that we miss. It's all about what we think beauty is, and how we look for it. Much of the time, we don't realise that we can look for it. We are used to looking for it in the shapes and angles that require less work or getting on our knees to see it differently.

But I'm damned if I let somebody get told (again) that they should stick to their point of whatever scale societal norms have chosen for them just because of how they look, without calling it out in some way! The world might think that way generally, but it doesn't make it right. Why shouldn't a lone voice damn it for the discriminating condemnation that they see it is, even if they know full well that they can't change it? But who says we can't change physical discrimination? You all have your "preferences", as you call them, and that's fine. That's your choice. But it's cruel and unnecessary to tell somebody who doesn't meet them that the entire world thinks like that. Or is it just the people who don't fit into those preferences that thinks like I do? My bad. It looks like I'm on the lesser being scale after all.

I used to be outwardly outgoing and self-confident. I wore it as a mask, and whilst it was a front, it was still a part of who I was. That changed for a few reasons, most of which were outside my control, and they are not relevant here. But in living a simpler, smaller life, whilst there are still issues I have to deal with, it's much easier for me to manage. I'm stand-offish from people here for a reason, and I make no apology for that. You don't know me, although I laid certain things out for you. I am very well aware of my failings, thank you, and I am learning to deal with them. But I still won't let a person be kicked when they're feeling down without expressing my feelings about certain aspects of it.

And I still fucking hate that mentality. I will never accept it, and I blame it for three suicides, two of whom were children. That's my right, and I shall hold it. It doesn't mean that I necessarily judge a person who thinks the way that I hate, because that depends on the rest of their character. But I do fucking hate that way of thinking, and I always will.

I'm done here now, so don't worry, there are no more essays for you to have to trawl through. Oh look, there goes my anti-social streak. I appreciate you taking the time to give a full reply earlier, and I thank you for it.