and realised it was just one of those living statues dressed up as Abraham Lincoln.He was covered in cheap gold paint. She resisted the urge to flash him and instead focussed all her energy on...
.....spraying him with furniture polish and giving him a good buffing to bring out the lustre in the paint. Satisfied with her efforts, she slipped her duster in her handbag, turned to the audience and.....
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
...but I had a jar of Ursine Brand Honey -- copyrighted, all rights reserved, plagiarisers will be cooked as usual, you know, all the usual warnings apply -- cleverly concealed in the palm of the hand I extended to him! He was instantly mollified by the sight of it, to my relief. Turning ever so slowly and quietly away, I headed towards the exit...
and gingerly applied some of the remaining sugary glop to my own honey pot! The effect was sensational and I made a mental note to buy stock in that company, just as soon...
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
...washed the mess off my hands in the men's room. I couldn't help but notice the Zeppelin music being played on accordian from the Muzak. The pain was unbearable, so I....
...some late night informercial about chatting with hot-looking women in my area. I thought about calling the number on the screen, but when I looked at the number, I realized it was the number to...
my mother's 93 yr old aunt Hilda; "WOW" I thought, now feverishly eager to call. Carnal phone sex and it wasn't even going to be an expensive 900 number charge to me; but then as I excitedly pressed the buttons on my cell phone and was unzipping my slacks...
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
I realized that I'd wandered into the visitor's area. With my hand in my pants, I took one look across the room at a beautiful blond with bedroom eyes and...
"Happiness is doing it rotten your own way."Isaac Asimov (1994)
...."Hiya Bill, they turned the Footie off in there, can I join you?" He tossed back his golden locks, pulled back the covers on his gurney, gave me a wicked smile and......
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
... jumped to his feet and started doing a Highland Fling, dressed as he was in a kilt, sgian dubh tucked into his hose and a rather furry sporan covering his...
... to a doorway that I had never seen before, before I realised what was going on I was slipping through this door myself and was met on the other side by a beautiful, but small, girl. Hi i'm Alice, have you come for the.......
...the erectile function test? I was led by the hand to a small, sterile room and asked to remove my clothing. Once naked, I stood in front of the small woman as she, in turn, reached toward me and ...
....removed all the lint from my belly button and carefully placed in it a small glass jar. She then opened the door, letting in an 8 foot tall gorilla, and left me standing there waiting for.....
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
.... said, you know what? I see a lot of lint in my job but this is high content Viscose, Its really bad for sensitive skin like yours! I not sure if I was more amazed at the fact he could talk or when he dropped his trousers and showed me his....
...'scientific credentials' allowing him to conduct research on primates. Hey, I'm a primate, I thought a millisecond too late, after the gorilla had already...
... scooped me into his strong arms, and commenced that Highland Fling, treating me as though I were a set of bag pipes. As my wind box was compressed to the maximum tolerable...
...compression ratio allowed under guidelines of the International Society of Pulmonary Physicians (see the paper, Maximum Tolerable Laryngeal Effect of Being Squeezed Like a Bagpipe by an 8-Foot Gorilla, 2006), my mind drifted to thoughts of the lead researcher on that project, a firm and statuesque Swedish scientist who...