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Unexpected endings - writing challenge (ongoing)

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Guest
Lurker
...and this rally would be a good chance to show off the new 87-blade razors, with the lubricated strip. Knowing he would need supplies, he quickly...
WellMadeMale
Constant Gardener
dialed the number to Nicola's Hair Removal and Carpet Emporium. Or so he thought; in his haste he reversed two digits and instead was greeted with the husky voice of...
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
nicola
Matriarch
his mother in law, who smoked 80 ciggies a day. Cursing his misfortune at being talked into going over to her place for dinner that evening, he suddenly came up with a cunning plan, which was to...
M1R
Divine Rapscallion
...ring up his friend Baldrick to inquire about the availability of a truckload of turnips. He laughed sinisterly to himself as he plotted the nefarious deed that he was about to commit, which involved...
Maggie R
Guest
Lurker
... shimmying down a drain pipe outside the Moldavian Embassy in the capital of the country this thread takes place in, and attempting to walk nonchalantly away, all the while smoking a real stinko of a cigar and caressing his ideals of...
Guest
Lurker
'Allisms' as he had not decided which 'idealism' he preferred and was briefly flirting with Facism at the moment. He then dropped his cigar as the the most peculiar vision he had ever seen strolled into view. Consuela was...
WellMadeMale
Constant Gardener
was straddling Javier's shoulders as he was stumbling down the cobblestone street, a bottle of cheap scotch in his left hand and a fatty blunt of primo Afghani redbud in his left. Consuela had a firm hold of his ears, with her calves locked under his arms and her feet pinned to Javy's chest; she was also...
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Guest
Lurker
...wondering how the hell she got there, since she was meant to be preparing the cabbage for the upcoming...
mercianknight
Active Ink Slinger
.....Mr Universe tournament. Feeling bad about always referring to Javier as 'Cabbage', she decided to......
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
MrNudiePants
Active Ink Slinger
...give cabbage a little more respect from now on. After all, of all the vegetables in the world...
LadySharon
Active Ink Slinger
are used for sex demonstrations. She then proceeded to explain the reason the importance of kiwis when...

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mercianknight
Active Ink Slinger
...Crocodile Dundee rushed into the room wanting to know why she thought only those from New Zealand were worthy of mention in this thread. He quickly threw her over his shoulder muttering, "Don't worry sheila, after a little down under you'll be ready to......
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
nicola
Matriarch
finally slay the dragon, who had been hanging around middle earth for months, demanding a higher appearance fee. Strangely, Hugh Laurie appeared out of nowhere, reminiscing about the days before "House", when his humourous ditties on the piano would get him into trouble, and he'd have a blast doing his impersonation of...
mercianknight
Active Ink Slinger
....Dame Vera Lynn singing "We'll meet again". Quickly dismissing the idea of wearing a frock again, Hugh instead reprises one of his "Black Adder" roles and....
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
M1R
Divine Rapscallion
...exclaimed how happy he was that someone brought this thread back to the Baldrick/turnip reference! Seeing the blank look on everyone's faces, though, he...
Maggie R
Guest
Lurker
... scratched his nose, sniffed a turnip, found it to be, well, a turnip, and therefore lacking! Then he called in his mates before heading to the turnip exchange, from which doom none were likely to ...
Guest
Lurker
metamorphosize into abstract thought as hard as he wanted it to. With a sigh of annoyance he drop kicked the turnip and watch it collide with...
Guest
Lurker
... a double strand of pearls, around Lois's neck! How on earth did a truck load of turnips metamorphose into a pearl necklace? Stunned at the revelation, he ...
WellMadeMale
Constant Gardener
fantasized about giving Lois his own version of a pearl necklace. Meanwhile, in Tripoli, MercianKnight was spotted stroking and petting a braying camel, which seemed to...
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Guest
Lurker
have developed a weird habit of spitting at passers by who wore hats. He pondered the meaning of the trilby for a second too long. Realising with a start that he was late for...
MrNudiePants
Active Ink Slinger
... his "Camel Lovers Anonymous" meeting, he decided to hurry along. Unfortunately, up ahead in the street was a...
WellMadeMale
Constant Gardener
large, steaming pile of fresh Tyrannosaur dung, which meant the fearsome predator was still somewhere, relatively close to the neighborhood. Friar Tang carefully opened the envelope in such a manner as to not...
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
mercianknight
Active Ink Slinger
....let the waiting throngs see the name of the winner for this years L.A.F.T.A. (Lush Academy Forum Thread Award). He scanned the contents of the card, looked up and proudly proclaimed.......
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
WellMadeMale
Constant Gardener
"This year's most creative Lush Username is awarded to: BangNMommaDoNDaddy. Unfortunately that person could not be here tonight due to a previously scheduled incestuous engagement, accepting the honor on behalf of BNMDND is last year's winner...
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
M1R
Divine Rapscallion
...firmtitstightpussy4u. As the elderly gentleman made his way to the podium, his walker became entangled in...
Maggie R
Guest
Lurker
... a mess of hair curlers, inadvertently abandoned by the Lush X-Dressing Beauty Queen contestants, who were the previous group to have access to the stage. In the long slow downward slide to the floor, he had time to regret...
M1R
Divine Rapscallion
...his choice of attire this evening. Really, an 89-year-old man probably ought to have left the five-inch stilettos and tight leather miniskirt in the back of the closet, he thought during the slow motion fall. Instead, he should have worn...
Maggie R
Guest
Lurker
... an inflatable body suit that would have a release sensor which would activate automatically in order to buffet the portending impact of his frail but still virile frame with the supposedly resilient...
mercianknight
Active Ink Slinger
...cushioning of a Pilsbury Doughboy suit. Fortunately, the MC for the night's festivities, Nicola, was a fully trained para-medic and she quickly leapt into the fray licking her lips at the prospect of giving the wrinkly old gent a good.......
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw