Turn-off and Deal Breakers for Readers

Food sex is one that does nothing for me. However, I think I was put off by an otherwise excellent story where the man breaks off from foreplay to go to the fridge and get something like grapes, which he then squelched into his partner's pussy. It may have been something that really turned the writer on, but I didn't get it.

Quote by WilliamGrey

Food sex is one that does nothing for me. However, I think I was put off by an otherwise excellent story where the man breaks off from foreplay to go to the fridge and get something like grapes, which he then squelched into his partner's pussy. It may have been something that really turned the writer on, but I didn't get it.

Quick anecdote from this… when my partners sister [removed by moderator] asked us if eating a girl out was like putting a hot dog in your snatch and having someone eat it. Think about that every time there’s food sex.

Another quick anecdote: My wife makes the same noises when eating her favorite dinner as she does when I lick her pussy. Both are turn-ons.

generally but father-daughter is beyond the pale for me.

I generally leave a story once the writer (male of female) provides a numerical measurement of the guy's cock. It is not the number that counts, but the action that is depicted. But I understand that big cocks are fetishized in porn world and many want to relish that fetish.

You don't need to spell everything out, or even very much. But I need some indication you've actually thought this shit through, and aren't just making it all up as you go along.

Quote by Ensorceled

You don't need to spell everything out, or even very much. But I need some indication you've actually thought this shit through, and aren't just making it all up as you go along.

Had a few funny times with my partner while reading bad erotica. One of us grab the other and fully clothed attempt to recreate the scene because we are so lost. Sometimes it ends with stuff like, “Ah, i understand now. He has a third arm growing from his back and that’s the only explanation as to what’s going on.”

Quote by Ensorceled

You don't need to spell everything out, or even very much. But I need some indication you've actually thought this shit through, and aren't just making it all up as you go along.

umm... just making it up as you go along just described about 90% of my stories here, ya know.

Quote by sprite

umm... just making it up as you go along just described about 90% of my stories here, ya know.

This stuff runs in your blood. Some of us have to work at it. :) Stories seem to show up in your head fully formed.

Quote by Ensorceled

This stuff runs in your blood. Some of us have to work at it. Stories seem to show up in your head fully formed.

well, to be blunt, i do sort of work them out in my head before i write them down. or just write them down and hope for the best lol

Quote by olemansteve

I generally leave a story once the writer (male of female) provides a numerical measurement of the guy's cock. It is not the number that counts, but the action that is depicted. But I understand that big cocks are fetishized in porn world and many want to relish that fetish.

If it's a well-written story, surely some reference to a guy's erectile dimensions is appropriate? Such as 'Chloe gasped when she saw his seven inches of throbbing manhood.'

"I'm rubbish at estimating sizes," he said tucking his fourteen-inch cock into his underwear.

Quote by DanielleX

If it's a well-written story, surely some reference to a guy's erectile dimensions is appropriate? Such as 'Chloe gasped when she saw his seven inches of throbbing manhood.'

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect with a twelve inch cock.

Call me Ish-‘9 inch’-mael.

Keep close to reality/ things that could happen to you...this is what I like in a story. Or at least try not to exaggerate too much. Like, today I read a story where she is 40 something, has 4 children, all grown ups ( or at least not leaving with parents) and she looks stunning and the husband same 40 something is very successful, makes a lot of money and looks stunning and has a big cock. I'm not saying that there isn't a tiny possibility for this to happen...but for me is too much to take 😉.

Ditto. I tend to write stories based in realism, so I prefer reading that type of story too. My characters often have wobbly bits and are usually embroiled in some everyday situation that turns sexy.

(They're not all big titted curvy blondes who fancy the hunk over the road and suddenly all their clothes fall off… which is another yawnsome deal-breaker for me. I like to know why characters do what they do, not just read descriptions of what body part is currently operating on another)

Couldn't agree more. The majority of my stories normally retain that sense that this could happen. I like to write so that the reader is observing the action and not just reading.

What Olga, WW, and Danielle said. Aside from self-evident just-for-fun absurdities like 'Tis The Night After Xmas and Fuck My Vampire Life, my stories tend to be ones that I believe are realistic, or even "likely". I think I've mentioned the size of a guy's junk once in 30+(?) stories, and none of my women have "the cutest bubble butt" or boobs bigger than a C cup. With all of my major characters (except the farcical 'Tis The Night After Xmas), I try to describe them in a way that doesn't try to make you believe that they're the hottest the other has ever seen; most often they have "regular" features but just enough of an allure to make you understand why they are attractive. My lovers have pubic hair and use condoms, and the guy has to work to give his gal an orgasm while trying to delay his; you know, things that happen in the real world outside of porn studios.

The two things I haven't seen covered that make me cringe a bit are

• when a couple seem to be having a casual give-n-take conversation while actually engaging in intercourse.

• squirting female orgasms. Unless I've just been unlucky, pretty damn rare in real life.

But the oft-covered laundry list is on my list too, with an asterisk. Mention bra size only if your characters go shopping. If penis measurement comes up, work in a situation where you actually break out the ruler. Otherwise, just break out the adjectives and let the reader come up with their favorite mental measurement.

Quote by DungBeetle62

• squirting female orgasms. Unless I've just been unlucky, pretty damn rare in real life.

Mention bra size only if your characters go shopping. If penis measurement comes up, work in a situation where you actually break out the ruler. Otherwise, just break out the adjectives and let the reader come up with their favorite mental measurement.

With you on the squirting female orgasms. The seem to have become nearly standard, even on Lush, as a requirement to prove that the woman came. In the reality that I’ve experienced, the vast majority of female orgasms are not accompanied by a large discharge of fluid as depicted in porn.

I have used penis length and cup size in some of my stories, along with other physical descriptions (and not just alpha/numeric measurements), especially when I’m explicitly trying to paint a more vivid picture and not leave it all to the imagination. I think most people know A, B, C and D cups by both sight and feel, even if they’re not bra shopping, so to me that’s legit. But I don’t cite chest inch measurements, because while I can tell a C cup I could never say without looking at her bra tag whether someone wears a 34C or 38C.

But I don’t use dimensions of these in all my stories, and it’s important to me not to give very many of my characters exaggerated measurements: I don’t think there have been any dicks longer than seven inches (maybe there was one eight-incher?), and the bi guys who inhabit most of my stories have been thrilled to experiment with another guy who had just five or six.

Likewise, no shortage of women with A and B cups in my stories - even though my real world encounters as a young man tended towards women who are larger in the hips, bellies, thighs and thus also tits. And when I have a female character who’s on the larger side, she is almost always rounder and softer in all those dimensions, not just the chest. I guess you could say I have a bit of a mission to normalize the hotness of normal women.

Put another way, as others have said I don’t find it hot when every guy has a big muscles and a nine inch cock, and every woman is rail-thin except for giant silicone boobs.

For me, it's these:

• someone's measurements (male and female). I'm not putting together a Build-a-Bear or a robot while I read. The only exception is if the story's well-written and it's mentioned in passing and is part of the story

• grammatical errors. I'm guilty of these myself, so a few here and there isn't going to bother me unless the story is easy enough for me to follow and get what's going on. If it's a lot of errors, I'm already moving on to another story

• I like my stories based on reality. When I write my stories, I either take inspiration from my own real life or a writer on here has inspired me to up my writing game in a category.

Quote by LadySharon
grammatical errors... If it's a lot of errors, I'm already moving on to another story

I prefer good grammar and typo-free prose too. As you say, the odd error is fine (I've made many that have thankfully been picked up) but on this site, if a story has more than a very small handful of mistakes, it should not have been passed by a moderator.

There is a fine line between being pedantic and militant about it, and leniency. I like to think the stories on this site strike that balance, and sit in the well-above-average-technically-correct category.

Yes, sometimes it pisses authors off to have to fix trivial things like run-on sentences and dangling participles and to format dialogue to English standard conventions so the story can be followed more easily. But to maintain a reasonable standard, moderators have to draw the line somewhere.

stories that have lots (or any) of this. OH MY GOD, FUCK ME BABY, STICK THAT BIG COCK IN ME. OH MY GOD, I AM CUMMING. YES! YES! YES! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Quote by sprite

stories that have lots (or any) of this. OH MY GOD, FUCK ME BABY, STICK THAT BIG COCK IN ME. OH MY GOD, I AM CUMMING. YES! YES! YES! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Damn it, there goes my next Micro...

Quote by kistinspencil

Damn it, there goes my next Micro...

don't test me. i've had a long day, Ms Pencilpusher.

Quote by sprite

stories that have lots (or any) of this. OH MY GOD, FUCK ME BABY, STICK THAT BIG COCK IN ME. OH MY GOD, I AM CUMMING. YES! YES! YES! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Stop eavesdropping on my sexy, naughty fun time!

Quote by sprite

don't test me. i've had a long day, Ms Pencilpusher.

“Yeah baby! RIGHT THERE! That’s where I want it! UHhhhhHHhh! I need this so badly….”

To be continued!

and submit to the mods….

Quote by sprite

stories that have lots (or any) of this. OH MY GOD, FUCK ME BABY, STICK THAT BIG COCK IN ME. OH MY GOD, I AM CUMMING. YES! YES! YES! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Sprite, I have a paddle laying around you can have for those that write garbage. Want it?

Quote by sprite

stories that have lots (or any) of this. OH MY GOD, FUCK ME BABY, STICK THAT BIG COCK IN ME. OH MY GOD, I AM CUMMING. YES! YES! YES! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

*Looks for an online story mod to return my submission

Quote by DanielleX

Couldn't agree more. The majority of my stories normally retain that sense that this could happen. I like to write so that the reader is observing the action and not just reading.

My husband calls this my 'Crazy Ivan moment' (it's from a film he says) when I suddenly veer the situation from where he thought I was going, to where I want to go.

I agree, try to keep the readers guessing.

Any story for me that has the women with 38EE breasts makes me sorry for their backache than any future sexiness.