A few years ago my wife lost interest in sex, she claims it wasn't me but her medicine so I understood and just masturbated. I was waiting to see if she would come back around but it's getting worse because she gets angry now when she wakes up and I'm jacking off to porn. We argue back and forth over this and now I have been flirting with another who is close to both of us. And knows our situation. Well last week she sent a text with herself naked and spread eagle with the words "all yours for the taking our little secret" I text back that my wife must be seeing if I'll cheat. A few days ago I got home from work and she was naked in my house and I took her for hours. We both felt guilty afterwards. My wife has no clue and I have made plans"with guys" For the whole weekend and I'm asking since I've already fucked her the bad deed has been done do I keep fucking her? I so badly enjoy the feeling of pussy again.
This is now quite a complex situation of which a professional counsellor would be better placed in assisting. However. having a fling with a third party isn't going to help things longer term.
Not only counseling but will she go to her Doctor with you and discuss if there are other medical options that may not have the same side effects.
Or maybe you think she has just lost her libido period.
If she declines it seems to me you have just been given permission to get satisfaction anywhere you must.
A friend of hers would be more painful than required.
Dude, this is a situation for a medical professional and a great councilor. If your wife did not give you the go ahead to be with another woman, then at some point all hell is gonna brake loose. Her losing her libido is a sickness and that part of the vows that say "in sickness and in health" kinda implies that you will do what it takes to make the situation work.
There is probably stuff in her head, past trauma's, hurt's and abuse that is contributing to her physical situation. I don't know y'all, however most women that get married want their man to fight to make the relationship work on all levels. She may not wan to be "sexless" anymore than you do, but has no idea what to do about it. Thats why you got to seek medical and mental attention for you both.
Unfortunately, you took a big withdrawal out of 1st Fidelity Bank of Relational Trust. That is going to have to be dealt with. No matter when or where you confront it it's gonna suck. The question is, do you want to come clean, meaning you start the sh*t storm with hopes of rebuilding the trust. (basically only a few issues to deal with) or wait till she finds out and she starts the sh*t storm.
If she discovers it (and most of the time things like this come to light) you got two big issues working against you.
1. You went outside the relationship to get some without her express permission
2. You lied to her about it
3. She had to find out from another source.
So there are 3 bombs going off as opposed to one big bomb if you tell her yourself.
Now this is the kicker. If you want to keep your wife then dont do anything until you both get in counseling. The counselor has to be someone who shares your values. Lets face it there are tons of great therapists out there but they all have different priorities. Some are solution focused while others are just looking to get you connected with your feelings. So research the ones in your area to get one that is going to help you walk the path that you want to be on.
It's a tough situation and I am sorry that you have to deal with it. However, marriage is a real serious thing weather we realize it or not. You needs are important and need to be addressed. Its figuring out how to accomplish all that in the challenging system you are in.
I hope you find your peace and joy.
All great advice but I think besides cheating the worst thing is that you did it with someone she knows. Some women might be ok with that but I think you’ve stepped over the line.
Keep doing it and you’re making the decision to hurt her more. You just have to decide is your friendship and love you have with her worth decimating her as that will be what will happen when she finds out.
What if it was you who had a problem would it hurt you if she fucked someone else?
Rip the bandaid off tell her she may not even care
I’d wish you luck but it is going to take more then luck
My wife and I have been married 37 years and we have 3 grown children. Sex between us was always the basic, even though I was opened to trying anything, she on the other hand just wanted to be fucked. In the beginning of our marriage she would suck my cock but never more than a few minutes, and never allowed me to cum in her mouth. With my insistence she reluctantly agreed to try anal but that ended seconds after I pressed the head of my cock against her asshole. During the past 10 years I was lucky if we had sex once a week, and then for no explainable reason sex stopped altogether 5 years ago... most likely since I had always been the initiator I had finally decided not to ask any longer, partly in the hopes that she would see that I seemed to be "ok" not having sex and then become the one who asked, but nothing. So I've had to resort to jerking myself off, watching porn late nights after she's gone to bed. What advice can anyone offer?
My wife lost her libido and finally said I sd go find another woman. I did on craig's list and bought a large silicone dildo since I am in 60s and squirt too soon. I had a great night with an married elementary teacher who came to town for a class reunion. She had me take photos of my cock in her cunt for her husband. My wife got so excited about the liaison and dildo she got her libido back big time. My problem now is mine has declined and hers is up. This a true story.
My husband lost not interest but the ability. I went without sex for 17 years. We had discussed options before we even married, but oportunity never presented itself until last year. I now have a girlfriend, my husband has met her.
It is entirely possible that one partner or the other may lose the inclination or the ability to have sex. Talk about it when it starts, not years later.
As for the original poster, IMPURETHOUGHTS may be right. By going behind his wife's back with a mutual friend he has done serious, possibly irreparable damage to the relationship.
good luck. My wife lost her sex drive many years ago. Same situation basically. Her medications ruined it for her along with her body changing and generally the married wife mentality. We've talked about it and she just doesn't care. She had sex with me to get me. Now she has me and doesn't need to. I haven't gotten a BJ in at least 15 years. We've been married for 18 years. Sex happens maybe once a year if the mood catches her right and she isn't pissed off at me. Counseling did not work for us. It always became combative whenever the counselor would even hint at taking me side on any issue, whether it was money or sex. The good thing for me is she doesn't care that I watch porn and jerk off. In fact that has always been her thing if I started anything with her. She would tell me to go away and take care of it myself. She's told me I make her feel dirtyon a few occasions when I did try touching her years ago now. I've given up. OP, If I was in your situation, I'd be laying pipe as often as I could. Sorry for the bad advice.
This type of thread is always one to be remade by husbands but have you ever thought that may be she didn't lose her sex drive but instead is no longer sexually attracted to you?
Partner-in-Lust / Cummunist
Totally agreed with Impüre here.
I was the "child" once, it's a futile and useless reason. You only add to the suffering of your children. I would have rather my parents to split than continue building up resentment and hatred for each other, which is the only thing I remember. I'd never feel like saying "oh thank you for staying together even though you hated each other's guts, being miserable on my account".
Curiosity is one of those insatiable passions that grow by gratification.
And this is why we were so happy to find a mate who was as equally into sex, so we didn't have to go through this sort of thing. Also when looking for a mate make certain they agree, if they are no longer giving it up you have license to do whatever it takes to keep up the sex.
I know this is an old post but there's something significant not addressed in threads like this...
A big problem is sex is the concern when it should be her health and bettering communication. She might have a hormone imbalance that needs to be treated or other issues. Weaponizing it only makes if worse.
You cannot enter a relationship, define it as monogamous, and just ignore a potential health crises just because sex is involved. Put the sex interests aside and actually get her to go to a doctor. Not because of sex but because of her and your emotional, physical, and psychological health.
And be respectful. Honestly conducting yourself as if sex is suddenly more important than anything is something that i would define as juvenile if I were directly involved.
