Hello I have a concern with my girlfriend. First I'll explain that I am 25 and she is 21. We have been together for 2 and a half years. She wants to explore with other guys while I am away at college. I have my doubts about it but I let her and gave her some rules to follow like no sexual things with them. Kissing and making out is okay. Everytime we talk it seems like other guys are brought up since I let her go out and explore. But I am afraid that she may use that as a way to cheat am I going overboard with it? I love her.
Also my other question is how do I deal with her parents especially her mom. She literally makes it sound like she hates me because I have depression and anxiety. She wants her daughter to have someone without baggage as she calls it and I'm never allowed over. That could be because we got caught in an intimate moment and I decided to get her while she was sick since the gf wanted to hang out with me. She thinks I'm creepy that I come over unannounced but my gf and I talk about me getting her at her house and my gf doesn't tell her mom. Please let me know what you think about the situation. Thanks!!
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Gf issues and gf parents
Scarlet Seductress
Your girlfriend told you she wants to 'explore' with other guys while you are away at college, and you said that was cool as long as it was only making out? I think that's your first mistake right there. That's like telling a girl she can smell the chocolate cake, but she's not allowed to taste it. As Oscar Wilde once said, "I can resist everything except temptation."
Advanced Wordsmith
How is this working out in practice? You allow her to explore but are you allowed the same? In my experience, these type of things never work out if one person is allowed to roam while the other is just sitting at home and agonize about what the other is up to.
Since the damage with letting her out is already done, maybe you should get out there and kiss some girls. You are in college after all. Once you are back together again you don't ask about what she did and you don't tell her about what you did.
As for her parents, there is really not something you can do to instantly fix things between you. As long as their daughter still want you then just be the best possible partner for her and eventualy they might come around
Since the damage with letting her out is already done, maybe you should get out there and kiss some girls. You are in college after all. Once you are back together again you don't ask about what she did and you don't tell her about what you did.
As for her parents, there is really not something you can do to instantly fix things between you. As long as their daughter still want you then just be the best possible partner for her and eventualy they might come around
Quote by Liz
Your girlfriend told you she wants to 'explore' with other guys while you are away at college, and you said that was cool as long as it was only making out? I think that's your first mistake right there. That's like telling a girl she can smell the chocolate cake, but she's not allowed to taste it. As Oscar Wilde once said, "I can resist everything except temptation."
^^^What she says!
This is a sliding scale. Either you're being exclusive or you're not, and there's simply no way that anybody could agree literally every act which is permissible and then stick to the list without everything getting very messy and resentful.
I'm very firmly of the opinion that with some relationships one could commit adultery without laying a finger on another person. Faithfulness is not automatically about what you physically do, it's about what you are each OK with the other thinking, feeling and wishing with another person. There are times (and relationships) when internet relationships between people who have never even met could be considered cheating, and I would definitely expect to be accused of breaking a trust if I were to kiss someone else.
Relationships are fragile things which rarely survive once they are injured. If yours is already damaged then it may be more sensible to move on, but if both you and your GF wish to be together then you need some really decent ground rules (like what is permissible for one is also permissible for the other) and then you also need some rules on how BOTH of you deal with her parents. It's not down to YOU to handle this because apart from anything else, you can't say things to her parents that she can, so you both need to agree what is said and when, and then she needs to do her part in resolving the issue.
Active Ink Slinger
25 and 21 don't mean either of you are mature enough for a relationship.
Active Ink Slinger
You've had unleashed the "temptation" now ..better be ready to face the consequences as well.
Advanced Wordsmith
First of all, I must mention that I'll give my opinion. You can use it only as a guide for a further understanding.
Anxiety and depression is not an end of world, https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mixed_anxiety-depressive_disorder , it can have various causes and it's treatable. You need a bit of more attention, effort and time to solve that, have courage!
What you've did is not only a test for her, but also a test for you. It looks like you don't trust her, at the moment when you've posted. Maybe you've never trusted her or maybe you've began to have doubts. What's more important for you is to know if you trully love her - if you'll go to the end of world for her, throught fire and ... Whatever else go in your way or if it's just something that was 'influenced' by external factors (well 'wished' 'friends', her mother and so on). If you've began to doubt her loyality, first of all, calm yourself, organize your toughts and have a thruthfull conversation with her. Put on paper your main 'problems'/fears and have a calm discussion with her, tell her what you feel, why do you feel that and that you're wishing for her true feelings. Give her the benefit of doubt, a chance to explain herself and don't torture you more by giving free reign to your doubts.
If you feel that you can't manage that conversation, invite or go to a specialist/third party that have experience with that type of situations and is impartial, delicate and know what he/she does/manage (job).
You decide what limits your relationship have. A relationship is like a line, it has two ends: you and her. You don't have to compromise with her, be even more sincere and truthfull with you. You need to know, fully, what notion of love do you use, what do you understand by love and how far will you go for her love and, more importantly, for your love. Pay attention to the fact that, you can't force your love on her. If she doesn't share your love then, you've got nothing more to do than to break up. Beside that, ask yourself if you wish to continue the relationship with her and what its basis is. By saying: 'i love her', you've expressed your love, but, you didn't define your love. Maybe she doesn't know how big your love is. Love isn't a mirror, it's a perpetual change of your beliefs, a further understanding of your feelings and toughts
. You define love, you learn what love means to you.
Some people are like bees, they go from flower to flower and you can't stop them. Like it was saied, sometimes you need common rules. But you can't reduce her to a thing and deny her any and every action.
A breach of trust is hard to mend and only time can show if you can cope with it - once burned, twice shy. You decide if you'll give another chance, if you and her deserve another chance. But know this, there can be suffering - you can suffer whatever decision you make, that's what life's about and it will pass, you'll learn how to cope with it. It's not an end of the world if she... made a mistake, you can 'conquer' her back, there are so many possibilities, be a bit more positive and don't give up so fast. There are worse things that can happen.
Read this article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love , see how many notions are for love? Find yours:) and you'll see the light.
Your love is yours, not mine, nor of anyone else. You 'own' that love.
Anxiety and depression is not an end of world, https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mixed_anxiety-depressive_disorder , it can have various causes and it's treatable. You need a bit of more attention, effort and time to solve that, have courage!
What you've did is not only a test for her, but also a test for you. It looks like you don't trust her, at the moment when you've posted. Maybe you've never trusted her or maybe you've began to have doubts. What's more important for you is to know if you trully love her - if you'll go to the end of world for her, throught fire and ... Whatever else go in your way or if it's just something that was 'influenced' by external factors (well 'wished' 'friends', her mother and so on). If you've began to doubt her loyality, first of all, calm yourself, organize your toughts and have a thruthfull conversation with her. Put on paper your main 'problems'/fears and have a calm discussion with her, tell her what you feel, why do you feel that and that you're wishing for her true feelings. Give her the benefit of doubt, a chance to explain herself and don't torture you more by giving free reign to your doubts.
If you feel that you can't manage that conversation, invite or go to a specialist/third party that have experience with that type of situations and is impartial, delicate and know what he/she does/manage (job).
You decide what limits your relationship have. A relationship is like a line, it has two ends: you and her. You don't have to compromise with her, be even more sincere and truthfull with you. You need to know, fully, what notion of love do you use, what do you understand by love and how far will you go for her love and, more importantly, for your love. Pay attention to the fact that, you can't force your love on her. If she doesn't share your love then, you've got nothing more to do than to break up. Beside that, ask yourself if you wish to continue the relationship with her and what its basis is. By saying: 'i love her', you've expressed your love, but, you didn't define your love. Maybe she doesn't know how big your love is. Love isn't a mirror, it's a perpetual change of your beliefs, a further understanding of your feelings and toughts
. You define love, you learn what love means to you.Some people are like bees, they go from flower to flower and you can't stop them. Like it was saied, sometimes you need common rules. But you can't reduce her to a thing and deny her any and every action.
A breach of trust is hard to mend and only time can show if you can cope with it - once burned, twice shy. You decide if you'll give another chance, if you and her deserve another chance. But know this, there can be suffering - you can suffer whatever decision you make, that's what life's about and it will pass, you'll learn how to cope with it. It's not an end of the world if she... made a mistake, you can 'conquer' her back, there are so many possibilities, be a bit more positive and don't give up so fast. There are worse things that can happen.
Read this article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love , see how many notions are for love? Find yours:) and you'll see the light.
Your love is yours, not mine, nor of anyone else. You 'own' that love.
"You can't stop perfection" - Meng Hao (character, main character)
There is an old expression" if you love something, set it free! If it comes back to you it was meant to be!" (My last verse ... "If it doesn't... Hunt it down and kill it!"
Now i am not trying to instigate violence by any means... But relationships can't be held so tight you smother them. Trying to strong arm the situation by setting limits only makes you look jealous and weak. I suggest you call a sabbatical to your relationship while you are away at school. Rushing home weekends will only hurt your grades and deny you the fun you are supposed to have being away at school.
She asked and you allowed her to sample the menu... It will be impossible for her to set limits. Meanwhile you should be sampling the buffet too!usually there are lots more girls at scho than guys hanging in the neighborhood!
Been there... Done that...earned my lesson!
Now i am not trying to instigate violence by any means... But relationships can't be held so tight you smother them. Trying to strong arm the situation by setting limits only makes you look jealous and weak. I suggest you call a sabbatical to your relationship while you are away at school. Rushing home weekends will only hurt your grades and deny you the fun you are supposed to have being away at school.
She asked and you allowed her to sample the menu... It will be impossible for her to set limits. Meanwhile you should be sampling the buffet too!usually there are lots more girls at scho than guys hanging in the neighborhood!
Been there... Done that...earned my lesson!
There is an old expression" If you love something, set it free! If it comes back to you it was meant to be!" (My last verse ... "If it doesn't... Hunt it down and kill it!"
Now i am not trying to instigate violence by any means... But relationships can't be held so tight you smother them. Trying to strong arm the situation by setting limits only makes you look jealous and weak. I suggest you call a sabbatical to your relationship while you are away at school. Rushing home weekends will only hurt your grades and deny you the fun you are supposed to have being away at school.
She asked and you allowed her to sample the menu... It will be impossible for her to set limits. Meanwhile you should be sampling the buffet too!usually there are lots more girls at scho than guys hanging in the neighborhood!
Been there... Done that...learned my lesson!
Now i am not trying to instigate violence by any means... But relationships can't be held so tight you smother them. Trying to strong arm the situation by setting limits only makes you look jealous and weak. I suggest you call a sabbatical to your relationship while you are away at school. Rushing home weekends will only hurt your grades and deny you the fun you are supposed to have being away at school.
She asked and you allowed her to sample the menu... It will be impossible for her to set limits. Meanwhile you should be sampling the buffet too!usually there are lots more girls at scho than guys hanging in the neighborhood!
Been there... Done that...learned my lesson!