Have you ever had a sinking feeling? The worst sinking feeling I can remember is when I came into my bedroom and found that my laptop was missing. Not stolen – that would have been better; my fear was that it had been borrowed.
The reason that it bothered me so much was that I had been rather indiscreet. That laptop was my best friend when it came to relieving my sexual lust. I was shy, particularly around girls and it seemed so much easier to look at pictures of naked women than actually find a woman who wanted to be naked with me.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t interested or that I didn’t try – I just hadn’t found the right girl.
On the internet, I had found lots of girls; lots of girls doing things that I could barely believe – but the one thing that I kept coming back to over and over again as I masturbated was girls peeing. I couldn’t get enough of them. I had tripped over the first pictures when a porn star that I liked had indulged in some wet sex.
It just seemed so intimate to watch a porn star peeing. I kept watching the same clip every time I wanted to get off. And then I’d found the videos of her peeing on a man. It shocked me to find that people did such things. Perhaps it was something to do with my Catholic upbringing but it seemed to connect with me - it seemed natural for me to be submissive and to accept the punishment and the humiliation – for as I watched that video, I became the man being peed on.
I became obsessed; searching for and downloading clip after clip of girls peeing on men – that was why I had a sinking feeling when my precious laptop went missing. I hadn’t even closed the video that had been playing when I’d finished – I’d just wiped-up my spunk and headed into the shower. I didn’t even bother throwing the bedclothes around to see if it had somehow got underneath – it had been bang slap in the middle of the duvet. Obvious – a little too obvious. My heart pounded as I pulled my clothes on and went to face my fate.
My sister was in the kitchen but she totally ignored me as she always did. Since she had got her degree, she considered herself in a league above me, not that’d we’d got along particularly well before she’d gone. The important thing was that she obviously didn’t have my laptop – so who did?
I tried to be casual as I wandered into the living room but my stomach dropped. Alexa…sitting with my laptop perched on her knees. She was the most glamorous woman I’d ever seen. A goddess from the highest of the high. Her strappy shoes were a tangle of leather and buckles on the floor in front of her. My mum would have said skinny, but I preferred to think of them as slender legs with a gentle tan; an animal print skirt and a grey fluffy sweater which was somehow tight without revealing the contours of the body beneath.
“Alexa needed to check her email; my battery was flat,” Becky offered by way of explanation.
"Oh, right,” I said, trying to be cool. Alexa had done something with her hair since I’d last seen it. It was shorter with stronger curls, one of which was wrapped around her finger and was being twisted and pulled. “I like your hair,” I said, hopefully, trying to engage the goddess in conversation.
Alexa wasn’t paying any attention to me, as usual. “Get lost, squirt.” My heart stopped for a moment as I wondered whether the wet reference was going to be the opening salvo of my complete and utter humiliation but the follow-up never came.
I retreated to the kitchen, wondering how the hell I had been so lucky. Alexa had been using the laptop, yet I seemed to have got away with the fact that various videos and pictures had been open – the ones I had used to get off.
I made myself cheese on toast just to pass the time and it was just as I had pulled them out from under the grill that Alexa snuck into the kitchen. To be fair, she probably didn’t sneak – it’s just that I didn’t hear her come in and I jumped enough to send my plate, lunch and cutlery crashing to the floor.
“Are you always this nervous around women?” Alexa asked softly, bending down to help me gather my lunch. Miraculously, the sandwich was still on the plate and even more miraculously, I managed to catch an ‘accidental’ look up Alexa’s skirt. There had been a definite white ‘v’ of knickers.
“Erm,” I said, as we both stood up. For a woman with such long legs, she was really short.
“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’,” she said, smiling mischievously. “Or is it just hot girls that you find intimidating?” she added breathily.
“Erm…” I said, desperately. “I don’t…”
“I saw what was on your laptop.” Oh shit! “It was interesting. Most guys are into facials and anal and stuff.” Alexa moved right up close to me. Her perfume smelt different this close up – woody. “Have you ever let a woman do that to you?”
“No,” I croaked.
“This might sound a bit weird…” Please God, just this once?
“But?” I prompted.
“Would you let me…?” I ruined the moment.