“Any plans during the break?” Sue asked.

“No,” Diane said.

The bell rang, ending their conference period, so they headed back to their classrooms. Sue was the best friend Diane had at work; for that matter, she was probably her best friend anywhere, at this point, though they rarely saw each other outside work.

Since Diane and Bill split up, most of her former friends had slipped away. Splitting up was complicated, after eighteen years of marriage and two children, and the holidays seemed to make it worse. While Diane had always enjoyed having so much time off, as a teacher, this year she wasn’t looking forward to it. She had rejected all invitations to holiday parties; the wounds were still too fresh. And worst of all, her children would be gone.

Their father had asked her if he could take them skiing for ten days. She didn’t feel she had a choice. Steamboat Springs had always been the family’s favorite vacation destination. Since Diane had custody of the kids much more than Bill, it would have seemed unnecessarily mean-spirited to deny him. He had custody for a week at Christmas, but he had never cited technicalities when she wanted to take them to her parent’s house on his weekends.

The kids were home when she got there, already packing. Their excitement was obvious, as was the fact they were trying to hide their excitement. Children shouldn’t have to be put in this situation; they knew their mom was going to miss them during Christmas, but what could they do?

She cooked a turkey dinner on the twenty third, and they celebrated Christmas, then exchanged gifts after dinner. The kids would be leaving early the next morning. After they were in bed, she stuffed their stockings and put them in their spot on the mantle, then poured herself a glass of wine. She had a fire crackling in the fireplace, and put up her feet. It was bitterly cold outside, but toasty inside. She took a sip of her wine; it was good. She poured herself another when it was empty.

“Why did the son-of-a-bitch have to betray me?” she thought, bitterly. “What did I do to deserve it?”

She had asked herself that question a million times in the two years since the split, and she still had no answer. He’d wanted to atone, had wanted to stay together, but how could she possibly get past what he’d done?

The glow of the lights on the tree, and the dancing of the shadows from the fireplace mesmerized her. She was watching A Christmas Carol on the TV. Gradually, she drifted to sleep.

Suddenly, Diane woke. The TV was still on, but an infomercial was playing. The old grandfather clock she had inherited from her parents struck one A.M. A strange light filled the room, but she couldn’t tell where it came from. It seemed to come from everywhere at once. Glancing at the armchair, she was astonished to see the strangest figure. It was the size of a child, but had long, white hair. It appeared to be old, but the face was smooth and fair, as a child’s. Light glowed from all over its body, but not steadily. As a section became lighted, another went dark, making it look alternately as though it had one leg, then one arm. When it removed its cap, a bright light shone from its head.

“Who are you?” Diane asked.

“I am the ghost of Christmas past.”

“Long past?”

“Your past.”

“Can you put your cap back on?” she asked.

The light was blinding.

“Would you so quickly extinguish the light I give? Isn’t it enough that you’re one of those whose passions made this cap?”

Diane was shaken by the specter’s vehemence, and tried to change the subject.

“Why are you here?”

“Your welfare.”

Diane could think of nothing that would suit her welfare more than being left alone. The apparition disturbed her mightily.

Apparently, the ghost heard her thoughts, because he said, “Your reclamation, then. Call it what you will. Take notice!”

Rising from the chair, it approached Diane and took her arm. As the specter led her across the room, they approached a solid wall and miraculously passed through it. Immediately, they were transported to a rural lane on a cold, clear winter’s day.

Excitedly, Diane said, “Why, I know this place. I grew up here.”

A group of children noisily played with a couple of sleds, taking turns dragging it up a hill, then riding down, spilling into the ditch below, and arguing over whose turn it was next.

“That’s me, when I was a child, with my siblings and friends.”

She called out to one by name, but the spirit said, “These are but shadows of things that have been. They have no consciousness of us.”

Immediately they were transported to another place. A Christmas dinner, a noisy Christmas dinner, with relatives, and noise and children running amok.

“That’s the first Christmas Bill spent with my family,” Diane said, quietly.

A tear ran down her cheek. The spirit pretended not to notice.

“That’s the day we announced our marriage to the family. I didn’t think he’d want to marry me, after that day. Uncle Bob and my dad drank too much, and they embarrassed him.”

“But you forgave your dad?”

“I loved my dad.”

“Good people hurt those they love, sometimes, don’t they?”

Immediately they were in a different place, back in Diane’s home, in much less happy times.

“Is sex all you think about?” Diane said, bitterly.

“No, it isn’t, but Diane, we’re too young to have a sexless marriage. Please, can’t we talk about it? I want to love you, and I want you to love me. Is that wrong?”

Again, they were in a different place, this time a doctor’s office.

“All your test results are normal, Diane. Unless there’s anything else going on, I guess I’ll see you next year. I hope you have a merry Christmas.”

Diane sat, not looking up at the doctor.

“Is there anything else?” the doctor asked.

“No. I guess not.”

The doctor sat on the table, next to Diane.

“I guess I’ve known you long enough, Diane. What is it?”

A tear trickled down Diane’s cheek. The doctor noticed it.

“Diane, you can tell me anything. I’m bound to confidentiality. I’ve seen everything over the years. Please.”

Diane was extremely embarrassed. She was reluctant to talk about sex even with her husband, let alone anybody else.

“My husband’s unhappy,” was all she could bring herself to say.

“Oh?”

Diane didn’t say anything.

“Diane, at your age, there’s really only three things couples fight about. The kids. Money. Sex.”

“Yeah.”

“Sex?”

“Yeah.”

“He wants it more than he gets it?”

“Yes.”

“Do you enjoy sex?”

“I don’t know.”

“That means one of two things, Diane. It either means no. Or it means, you don’t enjoy it with your husband.”

“It’s not him.”

“Why don’t you tell me what you think it is?”

“Never mind,” Diane said. “Thank you,” she said, as she got up.

“Wait a minute, Diane. This is extremely important. There’s nothing more important to your health and happiness than intimacy. There’s much we can do nowadays, with hormone therapy, to awaken your drive.”

“Thanks, doctor. I’ll think about it,” she said, blushing furiously, as she nervously gathered her things.

“Are you sure?”

“Thank you, doctor.”

As the scene receded from view, Diane turned to the specter and said, “Why are you showing me this? Are you taking his side, too?”

“Who’s?”

“Why, Bill’s, of course.”

“I don’t know Bill. My only concern is your welfare.”

They were in the house that Diane had shared with her husband for over ten years. The house was decorated for Christmas, but the mood was anything but festive. The children were asleep, so the couple tried to keep their voices down.

“For the sake of the children, we’ll pretend nothing is wrong, tomorrow. We’ll have our Christmas. The next day, you’ll have to leave on a business trip. Then you’ll not come back. Ever.”

“Diane. I love you. I’m sorry for what I did. Please, let’s work this out.”

“There’s no way to work this out. You can’t undo what you did,” she said, turning her back on him.

She saw him tossing on the couch in the den as the spirit led her away.

She woke with a start, as the clock was tolling the quarter hours. It took her a moment to realize she was back on her couch. One chime. Two. Three. Four. She listened to hear the hour. One deep toll. Then silence.

“Impossible,” she thought.

Looking outside, it was pitch black, so it couldn’t be one in the afternoon. Is it possible she could have slept through the day? No. Then what? She had just had the clockworks repaired a year ago, and it worked perfectly. Or it used to.

Noticing a light coming from the kitchen, she got up and went in. There she saw a huge, jolly giant sitting on one of her chairs. Food of every imaginable sort was set on her table, and though the giant was so thin his purple robe barely stayed on his shoulders, he was stuffing a prodigious amount of food into his mouth. His entire being oozed goodwill, and a bright light seemed to glow from within him.

“Come in, woman,” he said, good-naturedly. “Pull up a chair and enjoy! There’s more than enough.”

The previous visitor had seemed more of a shadowy apparition, barely perceptible when it put its hat on, extinguishing the light. This spirit seemed more alive than any person Diane had ever known. It brimmed with excitement and joy.

“Pardon me; what or who are you?” Diane asked.

“You’ve never seen the likes of me before?” it asked.

“Never.”

“You’ve just forgotten. You’ve walked with my older brothers, many times.”

“Brothers?”

“Aye. I have over 2000 brothers, and counting. One is added each year.”

“But who are you?”

“I’m the Ghost of Christmas Present.”

“Spirit, take me where you will. I was reluctant to go with the previous specter, but I’m better for it now. If you have something to teach me, I’m ready.”

“Touch my robe.”

Diane reached out and touched the white fur trim on the spirit’s robe, and immediately they were transported to a Christmas gathering. Diane recognized the participants; they all lived in the condo complex she lived in. A pot luck Christmas meal was laid out on the kitchen island, and people were grazing as they laughed and talked. They were all around her age, and all single. Don, the host, had invited her, explaining that it was for orphans who didn’t have holiday plans. Thinking back, Diane was a little embarrassed by the shortness of her response to him. It pained her to think about Christmas without her children. He had asked at the wrong time, just as she had found out they wouldn’t be there.

“Has anyone met the lady in unit 3?” someone said.

“I’ve seen her a few times, but not met her,” another answered.

“Her name’s Diane,” Don said. “I asked her to come over tonight, but she said she couldn’t. I saw a man come and take her children away this morning, with lots of luggage and snowboard equipment, so I guess she must have had other family in the area to visit.”

“Or just be unsociable,” another said.

“No, I don’t think that’s it,” Don said. “I think she’s hurting. Remember how you were when you first moved here, Darla? Right after your divorce? It takes time.”

“There’s our Don,” a man said. “Always giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. Especially attractive women.”

The crowd laughed.

Don had tried to befriend Diane ever since she moved to the complex, and she often saw him hosting dinner parties, but she had never had interest in attending. She figured he was coming on to her, and she had no interest in men. Now that she was there, the group appeared nice enough.

“Ah, this warms my heart,” the spirit said. “This is what Christmas is about. People reaching out and sharing with others. People opening up their hearts, at the risk of getting hurt, on the off chance of finding true friendship. Ah, well, I guess it’s time we left them to their festivities.”

At that, they were transported to a place with driving snow, so much so that Diane couldn’t see anything. They magically passed through the wall of a building, into a room with a crackling fire, burning fragrant Pinon wood. Her husband and family were sitting at a table with a take-out pizza in front of them, holding hands as Bill blessed the meal.

“And please, God, be with our wife and mother this Christmas season. Watch over her and keep her safe until we return. Amen.”

“Amen,” the children said in unison, then tore into the pizza.

“That was a brutal trip, dad, especially when it started snowing”, Buddy, their son said. “But you made it. This is going to be a great vacation and it looks like it’s starting out with a lot of snow. I hope it snows all night, then clears up in the morning. Can we make first tracks tomorrow?”

“Not tomorrow. Today was a long day, and tomorrow we’ve got to sort out our equipment and get lift tickets. We’ll be here ten days, so there’s plenty of time. I don’t want to break our neck trying to get on the first lift up tomorrow. Besides, what if we set our alarm early, and it’s still a blizzard? You can go right back to sleep, but I can’t. Maybe day after, okay?”

“Okay, dad. Thanks for bringing us. This is going to be great.”

Amanda, their daughter had been quiet. She was often that way, especially since the separation.

“Dad?”

“Yes, princess?”

“I wish mom was here.”

“I do too, sweetie. More than you know. I know she misses you, but she knew that you would enjoy the trip, so she let you come anyway.

She’s good, that way.”

“Dad?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think you and mom will get back together?”

“I hope so, sweetie. Put it on your Christmas list, and pray for us, okay? Everybody needs prayers, even mommies and daddies.”

“Okay, dad,” she said, a smile appearing.

Buddy rolled his eyes. Buddy had always been the strong one. He seemed be handling the separation better than any of them, though who knew what he felt inside. No child wants their parents to fight, or be unhappy.

“Ah, it’s always the children,” the spirit said, shaking his head. “Still, the beauty of the human spirit, especially this time of year, is hope. There’s no family that isn’t broken, in some way, but hope shines eternal.”

“So you think I should forgive and forget, and take him back, even after what he did to me?” Diane said, angrily.

It appeared that everybody was against her, and sided with Bill. Even her parents, who had been devastated when they found out. They were devout Catholics, and would never understand. Diane had spared them the details. Since she had no interest in remarrying, divorce had not been considered. She was a bit surprised that Bill didn’t ask for one, since sex was so important to him.

“Still, marriage hadn’t prevented him from having sex with another woman anyway”, Diane though to herself, seething.

“I don’t care if you forget, and I’m not the one to say if you should take him back. That’s your decision. Still, your welfare is my concern, and I do believe you should forgive.”

“Why?”

“Anger is a cancer that eats a bit of you every moment, until you resolve it. People were made to disappoint one another, partially to give them an opportunity to practice forgiving. Don’t let Bill have power over your happiness. Forgive, and live.”

“You will be visited by one more visitor; the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. Pay heed, woman!” he said. “Your time is shorter than you suspect. Pay heed to his lessons!”

With that, Diane was back in her home. She turned to see the giant, but he was nowhere to be found. Lifting her eyes, she beheld a solemn Phantom, draped and hooded, coming, like a mist along the ground, toward her.

She fell to her knees as it slowly approached. It seemed to spread gloom and mystery as it came. It approached silently.

“I am in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?” she said.

The spirit didn’t answer, but pointed onward with an outstretched arm.

“You will show me shadows of things to come?”

The upper portion of the garment inclined forward, the only answer she would get. Though used to ghostly company by this time, Diane feared this spirit so much her legs trembled and she could hardly stand.

“Ghost of the Future,” Diane said. “I fear you most of all, though I know you mean me well. Will you not speak?”

Again, the specter pointed with an outstretched arm. Diane rose, and walked in the direction indicated, and immediately entered a bedroom she didn’t recognize.

“You can go if you want,” a man she didn’t recognize said. “I won’t. And the kids don’t want to, I can tell you that.”

The woman to whom he addressed this sat wringing her hands.

“So you won’t go? Well, I’ll go without you, and take the kids. And I don’t care if you’re here or not when we get back.”

“Amanda, this is lunacy. You can’t enjoy visiting your mother. Your dad’s cool, and the kids love visiting him. Your mom’s a downer. We’ll do nothing but sit in her house, watching her be miserable, and feeling miserable with her. Why are you pretending that isn’t true?”

“She’s my mother.”

“I understand. We can’t pick our family. And I’m not suggesting you never see her. But not during Christmas. Let’s have fun. Who knows how many Christmases we have? We’ll blink our eyes and the kids will be grown. She’s chosen to be miserable, don’t let her take us there with her.”

Every word she heard stung her, as she realized she was coming between her daughter and her daughter’s husband.

The Spirit raised its arm and led her onward. The ruins of a Christmas feast were on the table, and the family sat at the table, talking.

“Why didn’t you ever make up with mom, dad?” a woman asked.

The pained look in the man’s eyes cut Diane to the quick, as she recognized her husband, old and gray.

“I tried, sweetie. I really did,” he said. “I invited her to every family occasion we ever had. You didn’t know, but I invited her every single time we were together. I didn’t want her to miss the times we had. It’s all we had, and I wanted her to be part of it.”

The woman looked taken aback by that.

“But why? Why did she never come back?”

“I don’t know. It was my fault. I hurt her, and she never got over it. I didn’t mean to, but I did,” he said, a tear streaming down his face.

The woman’s children, who were nearly adults, obviously felt awkward. The woman’s husband sat quietly, feeling for the old man.

Reaching over, he gripped the old man’s arm and said, “For what it’s worth, pop, I love you. You’ve been a great father-in-law and grandpa.”

“Thanks,” the man said, trying to fight back his tears. "My biggest regret is not being a better husband."

The spirit stretched out his arms again, urging Diane on. Her emotions rose up into her throat, choking her.

A small group clustered in a room. She recognized her husband, older now, and bent. Who was that old woman with him? Impossibly old, she still recognized her old friend Sue, who she had worked with for over twenty five years. Coming closer, she could hear their muted conversation.

“I wish I had been a better friend,” Sue said.

“You were the best friend she had,” Bill said. “Thank you for that.”

The kids, old now, were there with their spouses, and those children who were too young to have been able to get away with skipping this unhappy occasion. An old man walked into the visitation room of the funeral parlor and signed the guest book. Bill eyed him, but was unable to put a name to him.

“Thank you for coming,” he said. “Do I know you?”

“No. My name is Don. I lived next door to Diane for almost thirty years. I can’t say we were friends, though I tried. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” Bill said.

The men chatted for a while, then Don left. Shortly thereafter, with no more visitors expected, the group left the room. Two attendants came in and wheeled the casket out of the room, turning off the lights behind them.

“Please, Spirit,” Diane pled. “Tell me these are only shadows of things that might yet come, not things that will come. I’m changed. I promise. Please.”

She pulled at the sleeve of his gown, but the Spirit only pointed forward, into the darkness. She approached a mound of earth, and could barely make out the headstone. It was hers.

“Please, Spirit,” she pled again, turning toward him.

Grabbing the sleeve of his cloak, she clung to it, begging for another chance. But the specter shrunk and collapsed, and his sleeve turned into a bedsheet, and she saw that it was hers. She was back in her home! Best, and happiest of all, she had time to make amends, to change her future.

The light began streaming into the room, and Diane realized she didn’t even know what day it was. Opening the door, shivering, she claimed her newspaper and brought it in. Christmas Day! Her thoughts were so scattered, she couldn’t bring them to bear on any single subject. There were so many things she needed to do, wanted to do.

First things first. After showering and putting on her makeup, she went to her church for morning mass, making sure to visit with everybody she knew. People seemed amazed at her transformation, as she couldn’t spend enough time with each and every person she saw. They hadn’t seen her in such a mood, since,… well, they had never seen her this giddy!

After lunch, she decided to cook some Christmas goodies. She had sent all the ones she cooked earlier with Bill and the kids when they left on their trip. After all, she didn’t want them around for her to eat. After they cooled, she wrapped them in decorative foil wrappers, divided them among festive Christmas tins, and set out to distribute them among her neighbors, stopping to talk to each and every one as long as they would have her.

She left Don for last. Though it was barely six o’clock, it was already darkening and snowflakes fluttered in the gray, cloudy sky. She knocked on his door, and when he opened it, he stood silently for a moment.

“Well,” she said. “Aren’t you going to invite your neighbor in?”

His mouth had been agape, and he quickly closed it and said, “Yes, of course. I’m sorry. Come in here, you.”

He took her coat, and she set the tins down on his counter-top.

“These are for you,” she said. “You don’t have to eat them, if you don’t want, but you have to pretend you did, and that you liked them. That’s the way it’s supposed to be, at Christmas, don’t you think?” she said, smiling.

He laughed. A nice laugh, a bit too loud, a sincere laugh. She like that.

“Thank you for coming. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me.”

Crinkles formed at the sides of his eyes as he smiled.

“I was planning to heat up the leftovers from our big Christmas Eve party last night later on. I don’t like to eat alone. Heck, I don’t like to do anything alone. Won’t you join me for dinner tonight?”

Diane determined at that moment that she was going to learn to say yes to friends. It would inevitably lead to pain. But it was an honest pain, much better than the pain of remaining isolated from people.

“Of course I’ll join you. I’m sorry I missed your party last night.”

“Oh, don’t be,” he said, with a broad smile. “It was boring, without you.”

The twinkle in his eye made it impossible for her to tell if he was playing with her, or if he was coming on to her. She decided that either was okay.

He looked up, and she followed his eyes. They were standing under the mistletoe at the entry to his kitchen, and he gathered her into his arms and held her tightly as he kissed her. It was the first time she had touched, or been touched by anyone other than her children in over two years, and the emotions running through her body made her struggle to keep her tears from flowing.

“Why, you’re crying,” he said, holding her at arm’s length. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, silly,” she said, dabbing at the tears. “It’s exactly what I need right now. Please don’t be put off by it. It’s a good kind of crying. You know?”

“Yes,” he said, gathering her back up into a tight hug. “I do know.”

The transition from that hug to his bed was a blur. They were nude, caressing each other, and it seemed so right. It had been many years, if ever, since Diane had felt such an urgent need to be entered.

Was it a gift of the spirits? Was it because it had been so long since she had felt the touch of a man? Whatever it was, Diane resolved that for once, she would enjoy what life had to offer, rather than push it away. He took her forcefully in his urgent eagerness, and she let him. He took long, steady strokes, his thick dick reaming her opening. It felt so good to be used, to see the pleasure she was bringing him, to feel every sense alive.

She shivered as they unmated. Sweat coated their bodies where they had touched, and now it made her shiver in the cold bedroom. He pulled her to him and they just hugged for a moment as he rested. She had never experienced this before; cuddling, after beginning to have sex, but before finishing. It was nice.

He rolled her onto her side and held her from behind, burying his face in her neck, nuzzling her ears and cheeks as he fondled her breasts. He briefly let go of her as he reached into his nightstand drawer, bringing out an object.

“Hope you don’t mind. I kept this in my drawer, just in case you ever came over,” he lied.

She had never seen a vibrator, had never even had an orgasm. Good Catholic girls don’t touch themselves, so she was taught.

He entered her from behind, filling her as she could never feel filled in the missionary position. It felt so good, as his hands were free to roam her body while he entered her. After he had penetrated her fully, he brought the buzzing vibrator toward her pussy, attempting to find her pleasure. When he did, she jumped, never having felt anything like it before. As she felt his warm stickiness enter her, a warmth permeated her body, from her toes to her feet. She involuntarily sobbed and grunted as she felt a pleasure unlike any other. They lay, panting, until she slept.

When she awoke, she was alone, in her bed. Was it another trick of the Spirits? Had all this transpired? Or had none of it transpired? She looked at the clock, and it wasn't yet six. Though it was still dark outside, she knew she couldn’t go back to sleep, so she got up and put on her robe.

She flipped on the coffee pot and went to get the newspaper. December 24th ? Was is possible? Another miracle of the Spirits? Had she dreamt it all? Looking into the garage, she saw the pile of luggage and snowboard equipment that they had packed. It wasn’t too late!

She quickly jumped into the shower, then dressed and frantically began throwing things into suitcases.

Bill pulled into the driveway and stood by the garage door, waiting for it to open so he could load his Yukon with the gear. As much as he wanted to see Diane, he knew it upset her, and he didn’t want the children to see her upset, especially while they were leaving her alone for the holidays.

Opening the garage door, she said, “It’s cold. Come in.”

He tentatively came in. She had never asked him in before.

“Coffee?”

“Love some,” he said, though he had already stopped at Starbucks, and had a hot cup in the car.

As the kids tumbled down the steps, excitedly preparing to load their stuff in the car, Diane said, “So, do you have room in your condo for one more?”

Bill looked at her incredulously

“Do you mean that?”

“Yes,” she said, falling into his embrace.

“Yea, mom,” the kids shouted, excitedly.

From that point forward, it was said of Diane that she knew how to keep the spirit of Christmas all year long. And, more importantly, she had forgotten how to keep score in her relationships. She did have that conversation with her doctor, who prescribed supplemental estrogen and testosterone, restoring her libido to levels she had never known. And Bill was pleasantly surprised when she introduced vibrators into their bedroom.