My mind tries to comprehend what my eyes see. Trembling hands hold the phone as I continue to stare at the videos, as if they will magically change. They don't. Then, my heart drops down to my toes as I realize he has been lying to me. My husband is gay ... or so I think.

My thoughts immediately go to the bedroom. Do I not satisfy him? I clench my pained eyes in disbelief. I freakin' love our sex life and thought he did too. How could I have been so wrong? I throw my body onto the bed and have my girly cry-fest, twisting my hands in the sheets, staining them with mascara running down my face.

This scene plays out for quite a while and then I do what I always do and put on my big girl panties and "the fixer" in me takes over. I love my husband more than anything and deep down I know he loves me. Whatever this is about, we can fix it. But, I need to approach him the right way. He can get defensive and then we won't get anywhere, so I want to get him to talk about this on his own - with gentle nudging from me, of course.

Later that evening, we pile on the couch together to watch a movie. He hasn't sensed anything amiss with his wife yet. "Honey, what do you want to watch tonight? How about Brokeback Mountain?" I can't believe this stupid sentence came out my mouth, but I can't think of anything else to say to get the uncomfortable ball rolling. Real subtle, huh?

He turns to me, shaking his head. "Brokeback Mountain?"

"Sure, why not. If you wanna watch it?"

"You know it is about two men having sex, right?"

"Well, yeh, but I will watch it if you wanna watch it."

"You are being weird - er than usual. Why would I wanna watch it?"

"Okay. Please, don't get mad," I say placing my hand on his shoulder.

"I always get mad when you start off with that sentence."

"Earlier, when I was looking at your phone for the video we took hiking yesterday, I saw your other videos."

He jumps up from the couch, turning his back to me. A lot of sighing follows. An awkward silence follows his sighs. We stay like this for what seems like an eternity, each of us afraid to speak next.

I can't stand it anymore and blurt out, "So, are you gay or bi?"

He sighs his loudest sigh yet and turns around to face me. "I knew you would think that. No, it's not like that. It's just ... just a fantasy, okay. I don't know why, I just have that fantasy." His voice is edgy and he is clearly frustrated by this situation already.

"Okay, well, first of all 'Whew!'. I was afraid I was one of those women who was finding out she had been married to a gay man. To be clear - you do not want to be with a man? Please look at me when you answer," I plead, reaching for one of his hands.

He takes my hand and his eyes meet mine. They look like he is in pain. "No, I am not gay or bisexual. I just fantasize about being in that position sometimes - with you doing it to me. Not all the time, just sometimes."

He sits back down beside me on the couch. What follows is one of the most intimate, revealing conversations we have ever had. I thought his man-in-charge alpha-male persona came so easily to him - was ingrained in him. It turns out, it isn't always so easy for him, but someone he has a deep-rooted belief he is supposed to be. But, we end our discussion with a better understanding of each other and a promise to not keep any more secrets. And most importantly, I am not married to a gay man. Again ... whew! The fact that I immediately jumped to that conclusion was part of our discussion and part of his reluctance to confide in me. We have both learned important lessons already.

~~~

The next day...

He walks into the living room and sees me sitting at the desk, eyes focused on my laptop while scribbling on paper.  

"Hi baby, what are you doing? You look all 'librarian-like' with your hair up, a pen tucked behind your ear, and glasses on, studying your screen." He leans down to kiss my cheek.

"Researching. I am researching your ass, honey."

"Ha!" he laughs, then looks closer at the papers on my desk. "Wait ... what the fuck? You really are," he says rifling through my notes. "You are writing down all this stuff? And stick people drawings? What are these stick-people drawings?" he asks laughing again.

"Those, my dear, are the various positions we can get in as I fuck your ass. I sketched them to show you and let you pick."

He continues laughing, then leans in and kisses my cheek again. "You are one in a million, baby. And I like that one," he says, pointing to the drawing with him on his knees on the bed with me on my knees behind him.

"I have a question. How will I know when you want me to fuck your ass, honey? You said you didn't want to do it all the time. Do we need a code word?" I am teasing him, sort of. I really do wonder how this new sex act will come about.

He plops his deliciously firm ass on the edge of my desk and smiles, saying, "Well, how about I just say, 'Baby, I need you tonight'."

"Hmmm. Simple. I like it," I say, pulling his handsome face down to kiss me. 

"I will get the 'equipment' and have it ready for whenever you say the word."

"Thank you, babe. I mean it. You have been really great about all of this. Who knows, maybe it is just a fantasy and I won't really want to act on it. But, it's nice to know you are willing." 

He runs the back of his hand across my cheek, showing his appreciation. God, how I love this man and I know he loves me.

It is strange as I have always been solely focused on his cock. However, since the new discovery about his fantasies, I am thinking about his gorgeous ass now and what lies between his cheeks. I find myself hoping he wants to play out his fantasy with me. 

~~~

A few weeks later...

We are lying on the bed, tangled in each other's arms kissing, doing the pillow-talk thing. I don't have the feeling we are going to fuck, but just enjoy a relaxed, still-intimate, time together. Man, am I wrong. The next thing I know, something hard is pressing against my leg. He pulls back and looks at me, desire in his eyes. "I need you."

"Oh honey, I need you too," I say kissing his yummy lips again.

"No, baby, I need you," he says, with a sudden look of what I would call anxious excitement on his face.

A lightbulb suddenly comes on in my brain. "Ooooooohhhh. I am so ready! Be right back, honey," I say as I scamper off to gather the "equipment."

I am glad I had practiced putting it on as soon as it arrived. After I am "strapped" in, I look in the mirror at my new erect appendage. Shaking my hips from side to side, it wiggles and wobbles. What an interesting feeling this is! I mean, it looks like a real cock. 

I walk back into the bedroom purposely swinging my hips a little so my new cock will bounce. His eyes shoot to my new body part, but I can't read his expression. Is it apprehension? Arousal? I am not sure. When I reach the bed, I decide to stroke my cock in front of him. It just feels like the thing to do. His eyes lock with mine and he starts stroking his cock as well, matching my strokes. This is so fucking erotic. However, I am jealous he can actually feel his cock lengthen in his hand. 

'"I will make you feel good, baby," I say. My words are more for my benefit than his. Nerves have taken hold of me. Do I know how to even do this?

Anxious to begin, I climb on the bed and he moves into position on his hands and knees. My fingertips trace his tattoo running from his back down to his thighs. His hands are clenching the sheets already and his muscles are taut. I am trying to relax him but face the fact we are both wound pretty tight right now.

I relish in my new viewpoint of his sexy body. When we make love, I always see his front side. Excitement builds as I take notice of his broad, well-developed shoulders, leading down to a well-formed ass. His tattoo really is beautiful and enhances his muscled body. So far, I am loving playing out this fantasy of his and realizing it is quickly becoming a new interest of mine.

Picking up the lube I reassure him. "I got you."

He turns his head toward me, his eyes on the lube I am generously applying to my cock.  

"I won't hurt you." He just nods his head in appreciation.

His eyes are still unreadable to me.

"What are you thinking, baby?" I ask as my hands caress his ass cheeks.

"You are so fucking hot right now," he says smiling.

Those words give me confidence and I position myself on my knees behind his magnificently-presented ass and slip my hand around to give his hard cock a squeeze. Then, I withdraw my hand and separate his cheeks, exposing his asshole. Never seeing this part of him this close before, I am interested. My thumb explores, rubbing around his hole up towards his balls. Back and forth. Back and forth. I delight in hearing a soft moan from my husband.

With bravery increasing, I dribble some lube down his crack and rub my thumb in circles around his puckered hole, occasionally dipping my thumb inside. I see his body slowly relaxing as I gingerly work his ass, slowly increasing the pressure around his asshole. This interesting role reversal is not lost on me. I am getting a glimpse at how he feels when I am the one in the vulnerable position before him. 

"How does that feel?" I ask.

"Good," he moans.

I want him to feel my cock touching his body - get used to it before penetration. Moving forward, I slide it up and down his ass crack, pausing just momentarily to carefully press against his asshole. He gasps each time my cock touches his previously untouched area. 

"I am going to love to fuck you," I purr.

Glancing back over his shoulder, he mouths, "Do it."

I stop my cock-teasing and line up with his asshole, positioning using one of my hands, gently pressing at the entrance. My other hand moves to his waist. Little by little, I inch my way inside, continually checking that he feels comfortable. I can tell when his muscles relax and his ass finally accepts this intrusion. I have my cock all the way inside now. Not moving, I encourage him to breathe deeply, allowing his ass to adjust to me. When I see his muscles relax, gently and slowly, I pull out and then press inside again. Once again, I hold my position. Thoughts of my power hit me - I decide how far, how fast, how hard. My pussy tingles. Arousal washes over me with these new feelings. 

"Oh, God," he gasps, refocusing my thoughts.

"You like that, baby?" I ask.

"Fuck, yes."

I pull out and then push my cock inside him again. God, how I wish I could feel inside him. I am jealous again of his ability to feel my walls tightening around his cock when he fucks me. My hands spread his cheeks so I can watch my penetration. With my clit aching in desire, my pussy dribbles. Words can't describe how powerful this moment is to me. Powerful. I am feeling what he feels when he is in this position fucking me - another connection between us is formed.

I settle into a fucking rhythm and reach my hand around again to stroke his cock, delighting in finding it still rigid. I alternate between massaging his cock and caressing his balls. 

"You like me fucking you?" I whisper. 

"Yes, baby! Yes!"

"Do you think you can cum for me?"

"Yes ... don't stop ... don't stop. Harder!" he gasps. He has pressed his head down against the bed and his hands twist the sheets.

I squeeze his balls as my cock fucks him harder ... and faster ... until he loudly groans with each thrust. Instinct takes over and I just give him what I think his body wants - plundering his ass with my big cock. The cock feels a part of me now as my hips comfortably move back and forth. I hear my voice grunting with each push. Enjoying the control. Loving the effect I have on my husband.

"I'm cumming," he growls. "Fuuuuuuuuck! Gasp. Fuuuuuck! Gasp."

I watch his ass clench and release, clench and release. His biceps flex. His knuckles turn white gripping the sheets. What a new view of him cumming I am privileged to witness! Needing to feel deeply connected to his orgasm, I grab his cock and squeeze, envisioning I am helping him release every last drop, while slowly easing up on my thrusts. He has spurted huge amounts of cum all over the covers. I withdraw my cock and unfasten my strap-on. Rolling him on his back, away from the enormous wet spot he just made on the bed, I slide onto his body, covering his with mine. 

It takes him some time to regain his regular breathing. I just cling to him, kissing him, snuggling against him. Then, I see a different side to him - a string of emotional thoughts comes pouring out his mouth. I just listen and my heart rejoices to hear what this experience means to him.

"I was worried you wouldn't see me as a strong man anymore," he reveals.

I snuggle closer to him and explain, "You know what a man is in my eyes? Someone who is who they say they are. Does what they say they will do. And always considers my feelings and cares that my needs are met. That is you, honey."

"I don't want this to change things."

"Of course it changes the dynamic a little. You have always been dominant and me the submissive. And you said you still prefer these roles most of the time. But, we don't have to be one thing all the time. It is fun to mix it up some I think. I love switching my role and feel like I was taking care of you this time. It felt good for me to be in the 'power' position, for once."

"It felt incredible. It really did. Indescribable really. Thank you."

"You are welcome, honey. You give me so much, I am happy to do something for you too." 

I roll off him and snuggle my backside against him. Within minutes, I hear his deep breathing, signaling he has fallen asleep. Tonight added a new level of intimacy between us. Maybe it was him showing me his rarely-seen vulnerable side. The strap-on is much more than a sex toy for us - it is a symbol of deep trust. It feels good and I drift off to sleep smiling.