"Don't be a baby," Jess scolded.
"We've all done it. It's kinda fun, actually," Annie coaxed.
"They can't see you,” Taryn added, “and it's a quick way to earn fifty bucks.”
I don't know how my friends coerced me into doing it, but there I was inside the women's locker room at a run-down gym, about to offer my services to men on the other side of a wall in exchange for money.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah… I get it. Now, where is this hole to hell? I wanna get it done and over with already," I huffed.
"Whoa, okay, bible thumper," Taryn chuckled. "Like Annie told you, we’ve all done this. We all still have our flowers so it's not likely that any of us will go to hell for doing a bit of dick sucking."
Taryn walked to the end of the locker room and pulled back the torn curtain to one of the older shower stalls while Jess picked up a wooden stool from next to the rusted, purple lockers. She placed it in the middle of the stall and I swallowed hard, trying to gulp down my nerves. Seeing me struggle to take my first step, Annie wrapped an arm around me and led me forward.
"It's not that bad," she whispered, "think of it as good practice. It's actually kinda fun if the guy responds well to you. It's even… enjoyable.”
"Annie... it's filthy," I said.
"Yeah, but the good kind of filthy, Vic. I swear to God that you won't hate it. Just relax and think of someone sexy. That's what I do sometimes," she laughed. "Oh, and most of them really like it when you swirl your tongue over the tip before sucking on the head. So, give that a try first and maybe their reaction will give you the confidence boost you need to finish?"
I couldn't believe what I was hearing; from Annie of all people. My shyest and most frail-looking friend was giving me advice on how to give head. The petite blonde with an angel face who looked like innocence walking was telling (me) how to enjoy sucking a stranger's cock through a glory hole. Flabbergasted? Not a strong enough word.
"Isn't this all wrong?” I asked Annie. “I mean, we live in a small town full of holy rollers, for heaven's sake… so to speak.” I gave a small smile. “Really, though, isn’t this what we’ve been taught not to do?"
"Well, yes, but haven't you ever wondered about it? Have you ever thought about it, even enjoyed it? You know, on your own. Even just a little?"
I ignored her questions, unwilling to admit to the salacious ideas I had and my activities during my time alone at home. I’d had to keep my erotic side a secret as it was and, having grown so used to keeping quiet about it, I didn't think I could be honest, especially since Annie had starred in a fantasy or two of mine.
I never understood the distaste of sex or the restrictions on who you had sex with but, growing up in our town, things had been made very clear for those of us who might stray from the designated path. I wasn't sure I could handle the kind of consequences my parents and pastor would have in mind.
"It's basically giving into the temptations that we have been told all our lives to avoid, right? I just don't want to be..."
"Dirty like the rest of us?’ Jess cut in as we all finally huddled around the shower where the hole came into view. “Listen, Vicki… yes, we live in a small town. But, do you wanna know a secret about all the hypocrites who live in our lovely little town? Everyone, and I mean everyone, uses this gym. They always have. Which means everyone knows about the little sex hole here and have probably used it at one point or another before marriage. Hell, some of them even use it after their marriage. Everyone seeks a little pleasure, it's natural, and you don't have to ride in on your high horse when you’re going to be just as filthy and lusty as the rest of us by the time this is said and done."
She wasn't wrong: I knew that as soon as I saw the hole in the tile. Its location, however, was more daunting than I’d anticipated. It would be at eye level when I sat on the stool and, as I continued to stare in its direction, impure thoughts filled my head, each one more indecent that the last. My imagination went into overdrive.
I took notice of the cracks surrounding the dark, gaping opening, all leading to what could be supreme pleasure for me — or something entirely different. The hole was wide enough to put my hands through and I thought about the more exciting aspects and contemplated the kind of arousal that I would more than likely experience there.
"Jess, that's enough," Taryn snapped. "She's scared. And you know damn well you just about pissed yourself when I first brought you here. So don't go getting mighty because you've now had more experience."
"At least I didn't complain as much as she is."
"No, but you clung to Jesus like no tomorrow. Now, get off your high horse and be a little bit more helpful instead of being a bitch."
Jess narrowed her eyes before finally stomping toward one of the lockers and opening it. "Don't forget the condoms," Taryn instructed. "The act is dirty enough; we aren't putting her at risk for anything else."
"Condoms? What’re they for?" I asked.
"To put on the cock, sweetie. So you aren't at risk of getting any diseases or infections," Annie said sweetly, pressing her lips together but failing to hide her amusement at my assumed naivety.
"No, I know about condoms, but I thought that they weren't needed when you… you know, did this sort of thing."
"Condoms are always necessary," Jess said, shutting the locker door. She walked to me and shoved a small notepad, pencil, and a box of condoms into my hands. “Now, sit on the stool. It's nearly four-thirty and the gym will be damn near empty, except for those who are waiting for you."
I slowly walked to the stool and I looked down at it with dread. I became as terrified of a few pieces of wood as if it were the Devil himself. My chest grew tighter as I tried to focus and find the courage to sit. My head was spinning a little when I lowered onto the seat.
"Okay, so here's how things normally go," Taryn began, getting my attention. "You use the notepad to write down how much you want them to pay, roll it up, and slip it into the hole. The first man will grab it and if he agrees to your price then he’ll wrap the money in the paper and place it back through the hole. After that, you slip the condom through and he'll put it on. Then, he'll carefully insert himself for you to do your thing.”
Taryn paused long enough to take a deep breath. “What all three of us did at first was charge fifty bucks for the whole thing. The better we got at it, the more we charged. Jess gets paid a hundred bucks per guy now and Annie's price is even higher. Another important thing is, they can hear you. The wall here isn't the thickest and you'll be able to hear them, too, which is a big help in letting you know if you’re doing good or not. But it’s not so clever if you speak and they can guess who is on this side.
"Most women normally come to the gym during daytime hours so right now is more than safe to be in this locker room. You won’t be bothered. When we leave, we’re going to lock the door behind us just in case," Annie said, obviously trying to help me relax.
"The campus girls don't show up till late at night. Most of them are aware of what goes on during this time anyway so they steer clear. A few even partake in a similar kind of explicit activity here anyway, so you don't have much to worry about. If you hear someone trying to unlock the door, though, you knock on the shower wall twice and then scramble for the windows by the bathroom stalls. It’s pretty easy to climb out,” Jess added.
"Explicit activities?" I asked, ignoring the other instructions. My interest centered on knowing what else might go on behind closed locker room doors.
"Oh yeah," Annie giggled, "several of the girls at school are ‘cam girls’. Most of the time they do it in their dorms but they also come here and film it. Some even bring a friend… or two," she winked.
My eyes widened with curiosity and disbelief. I couldn't believe that there was a whole world that I hadn't been privy to all this time. "How come you guys all knew this and I didn’t?” I was annoyed at not being told the secret before now. “We normally share everything.”
"We've only known about it for a few months, Vic. We haven't been doing it for long, honest,” said Taryn. “You're just the last one of our little group to join in. Anyway, it’s a very well-kept secret for a lot of reasons.”
"Well, how did you find out about it?"
"I'll tell you that another time," Annie interjected.
"It's time for us to go," Jess said, motioning the other girls toward the door. "You'll be fine," she added, "and if you don't like it, then you can just walk away."
They all waved goodbye, wished me luck, and Annie even gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before they strode out of the room, leaving me utterly alone.
My heart skipped a beat when I heard the door click shut and it began to race while I waited for the clock to reach four-thirty. I couldn't pinpoint individual emotions since I was feeling so many, but one that did stand out from the others was, unmistakably, fear.
I was terrified.