Once upon at time… no, that won’t work. How about Long ago in a galaxy far, far away … yeah, not that either. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times?   Oh, wait, festive. It said to be festive, so yes, I think I got this!

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the night, the sex elves were stirring and wow, what a sight…

Okay, that’s a little better. At least it’s festive. What else? There needs to be sex? What kind of contest is this?  Obviously dreamed up by perverts. Well, fuck. I guess I’ll have to re-think things a little… Back to once upon a time.

Once upon a time there was an elf. Not just any elf (and not one of those boring pretty boy elves from Lord of the Rings) but a proper sex elf. Her name was Peach and she had luxurious blond hair and a friendly smile. More importantly, she had nice boobs. Impressively nice boobs. All the other elves were jealous and called her names, which was kind of mean, especially since she was a very sweet person… err… elf. So, that’s really all the background you need. Now we can get on with the story.

Fuck. I just wasted about 200 words on this drivel? Better tighten things up a bit. I can probably leave out giving detailed descriptions of the setting and shit like that. Really, it’s a sex story. No one really wants to know what the city streets or the buildings look like, right? I mean, it’s mostly perverts reading this smutty little holiday tale and we all know what perverts want.

Speaking of perverts, Tommy Boyd was in a panic. It was Christmas Eve and he had no freaking idea what to buy his girlfriend.

Wait, how many words? 300 and I just now started the story? Fuck me. Ok, let’s get this thing rolling. Elf named Peach with awesome tits. Dude named Tommy with a girlfriend who is probably hot. And bi. No reason other than it would make a good threesome scene if she was. What else. Festive. Check. There needs to be flashing! I got this. I can do it. I am so going to take fourth. I mean, fuck the cash. I want me a Canadian boy toy, baby.

Ahem… so…

Tommy’s wandering around the city looking for a present for his hot bi girlfriend. Let’s say her name is Sassy. Or Saucy. Maybe Spicy? I’ll figure it out later. Really, it’s not all that important. And Peach is out spying on people for Santa, cause Santa is kind of a perv too. Only, not tonight. Tonight he’s just making his list and checking it twice and Peach is out making sure that all dudes (and dudettes) aren’t cheating and are on the correct list.

Take Tommy, for instance. Nice guy. Holds the door open for people. Practices correct elevator etiquette.  Puts out food for all the street cats. Gives money to the Salvation Army. Seems like he’d be in the nice list, right? That’s where Santa had him currently, but Peach? She wasn’t so sure about that. Seems she had some insight. Maybe out in public he was nice, but behind closed doors?

So while Tommy was out doing last minute Christmas shopping, Peach made a bee-line for his place, perched upon a goat named Bill (take it from me, goats give your stories a boost. I mean, people dig goats. I actually won a contest because of a goat). And what do you think she found there? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. At least not at first. That was before Bill started eating the couch.

“Bad goat. Bad!” she admonished him. That was before she realized that underneath the couch was a trap door, one she would never have discovered if it wasn’t for the absence of the couch.

“Oooh,” Peach oohed, opening the door and peering down into the darkness. All she could see was a set of stairs going down into the inky depths below. Curious, she went down very carefully. And quietly. Okay, not so quietly. Being an elf, she was prone to giggling inappropriately when she was nervous. She also tended to get really horny, as you do. Well, as elves do. Except for those damn stuck up Lord of the Rings elves, that is. As an aside, Galadriel makes me giggle too. And horny as fuck. But that’s not really relevant to this story…

So, what does she find in the inky depths of Mordor… umm… Tommy’s basement? A dungeon! Not just any dungeon. A sex dungeon! Peach giggled some more. And got even hornier. A little known fact; elves like bondage and all that shit. And Peach liked it more than the average elf.

How many words do I have left? Less than 200? FUCK!

So Tommy eventually found a lovely pair of earrings for his girlfriend and returned home. Meanwhile, Peach updated his standing as naughty, but in a good way. She also tried out his spanking machine and gave herself a good paddling that resulted in a really nice orgasm after which she went upstairs to wrangle Bill the goat so they could resume their quest to update Santa’s list.

And that is exactly when Tommy returned.

“Woah,” woahed Tommy when he saw Bill (who had a huge grin on his face after devouring a La-Z-Boy recliner).

“Whoops,” whoopsed Peach as Tommy woahed. Panicking, she did the only thing she could think of at the moment. She lifted her cute little elven skirt and flashed her panties at him, only… well, she’d left those downstairs on the spanking bench, so what really happened was she flashed her cute little elven pussy at him.

“Wow,” Tommy wowed, having never seen an elven pussy before. A little known fact? Elven pussies were magical and they sparkled like…

Fuck! I have 5 more words before I hit the 1000 word limit? 

The End.