Looking closer in the mirror, Janey noticed a few stray hairs on her chin, which she quickly plucked. She cinched the waistband on her sweatpants and walked into her bedroom. Janey made sure the notepad and pen were on the beside table, and waited for her first call of the day at her job as a PSO (phone sex operator).
***
Dispatch : “Hi, Janey. Your first call up is Kevin. He wants a football player/cheerleader roleplay.”
“Hi, Kevin!” I’m so glad you called! I don’t know if my parents are going to let me go out after the game tonight. They’re being such assholes,” pouted Lana.
“Oh, Baby!” Kevin exclaimed. “You have to go out after the game. I thought we were gonna have some alone time. You know how worked up I get when I see you cheering for me on the sidelines in that short skirt. Every touchdown is just for you!“
“Kevin, you know I like totally love cheering for you. Oh my god, you’re like totally the most awesomest football player ever!” God, did she just channel a Valley Girl accent? Do Valley Girls even exist anymore, she thought to herself. “But, my parents grounded me for flunking that Algebra test,” she whined.
“Baby, you just have to. You know how hard coach has been working us. He won’t let up on me. He said I’ll probably qualify for a scholarship. That’s a lot of pressure on me. I need to relax and unwind with that special thing you do,” he hinted.
“Fine, Kevin. I’ll see what I can do, but you need to find somewhere else for us to go for that alone time you want so much. I’m tired of waiting for your parents to fall asleep, so I can give you a blowjob on their couch. You know that’s not very fun for me,” she added in an exasperated tone, remembering her own high school days and the awkward fumbling with her boyfriend.
“Baby, you’re the best girlfriend and hottest cheerleader ever! I’ll see if Johnny will let.. Oh Shit! Fuck !! I think my wife’s home early!! Will you be on the line same time tomorrow?” *click*
***
Dispatch : “Janey, Brian’s into mutual masturbation.”
“Hello, Brian, this is Lana. What’s got you all worked up this morning?”
“Hi, Lana. Your voice is so sexy. I’ve just been watching some porn, stroking my cock, and waiting for you.”
“Mmm, what a coincidence I’ve been waiting for you too Braa...err... Brian!” she stammered, looking at the name she had written down on the notepad. “Brian, I’ve definitely been waiting for you! I love thinking about you stroking. Tell me all about your cock. How big is it, Brian?”
“Oh, it’s not that big, Lana. It’s only about 10 inches,” he boasted, “and I’m fully shaved.”
“Wow!” Lana stifled a yawn, “10 inches? That’s almost unbelievable. So damn hot! Are you naked and stroking your cock for me now, Brian?”
“I am stroking my man meat for you, Lana,” he almost purred before adding, “But I’m not totally naked.”
“You’re not? Why aren’t you naked, Brian? I certainly am!” She exclaimed sitting on her bed in her sweatpants and an oversized, slightly wrinkled T-shirt of questionable cleanliness.
“Well, I’m almost naked. I’m lying here only in a full-length white mink coat, which used to belong to my ex-wife. The bitch!” He spat, “It’s the only thing I got to keep in the divorce.”
“Oh, you’re a lucky boy. That sounds heavenly,” she cooed. “What do you have in mind today, Brian?”
Then he asked, “How do you feel about mutual masturbation? I would love for us to play together. Do you have a vibrator, Lana? I really would love to hear it.”
“What kind of girl do you take me for, Brian?” Lana clucked. “Of course , I have a vibrator! Let me just grab it,” she said walking into the bathroom. Picking up her electric toothbrush, she turned it on, and brought it to the phone.
Lana shook her head in disgust as she recalled the 100.00 she plunked down for that damn silent Lelo vibrator she purchased last year and here she was using her electric toothbrush to get her callers off.
“Do you hear that, Brian? That’s my silver bullet. It’s so damn powerful. He never lets me down.”
“It must be strong, Lana, because I can hear it really well,” he coaxed. “I want you to rub that vibe on your clit, while I stroke my...”
She started brushing her teeth as Brian went into explicit detail about how he wanted her to masturbate with the vibrator.
“Mmmm, so good,” she murmured through a mouthful of toothpaste. She then muted the phone, leaned over and spit out a wad of toothpaste in the sink.
“Oh, god. I’m getting so close, Brian” she moaned putting the toothbrush against the phone and rinsed the toothpaste down the drain.
“My balls are pulling tight. I’m right on the edge. Do you squirt, Lana? I love a woman who squirts.” He asked excitedly.
“How did you know, Brian? I think I am going to squirt. I haven’t been this turned on in ages,” she squealed as she picked up the toilet seat.
“Squirt for me, Lana, squirt for me!” He commanded.
Grabbing the bottle of toilet bowl cleaner from under the sink, Lana yelped, “Listen, Brian! Fuck, I’m gonna squirt,” as she held the phone down and splashed bleach-scented cleaner with a hint of lavender into the toilet bowl and thought to herself improvise, improvise, improvise.
“Goddammit, I can hear it! That’s so fucking HOT, Lana!”
“Oh god, I can’t stop squirting, Brian! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” again putting the phone near the toilet as she shot another generous stream of cleaner under the rim of the bowl.
“FUCK! There’s cum everywhere, Lana. I shot ropes of it all over the fur!” He sighed, another satisfied customer.
***
Dispatch : “Janey, Paul wants to discuss the renovations on his old house.”
“Hi, Paul. This is Lana. I hear you’re working on a great house project!” She enthused actually interested in a call for a change.
“Yes, I’m in the process of restoring an old brownstone in New York City. It’s a labor of love,” he responded almost dreamily.
“Oh, I love New York. I’m in Las Vegas,” she shared sitting on her now very clean toilet seat in Cincinnati.
“I love New York, too. I’m a New Yorker born and raised. I couldn’t live anywhere else,” he agreed.
“Wow, that renovation must be so amazing! I love working around the house myself,” she quipped, spraying glass cleaner on the bathroom mirror. “My house has never looked better since I started working from home. What are you working on now, Paul?”
“Actually, I’m restoring all the old wooden doors right now. They have layers of paint, so I’ve been stripping the paint and polishing the door knobs. I love all the old door knobs. They don’t make door knobs like that anymore. They’re so beautiful, such craftsmanship,” he all but drooled.
“You’re so right,” Lana agreed. “I’ve seen some beautiful door knobs in old houses. I think the cut glass ones are gorgeous.”
“Yes, the glass ones are very pretty, but they can be sharp,” Paul chuckled into the phone. “Do you really want to know my favorite thing about the door knobs?” He queried.
“Of course, I do, Paul. It’s so fascinating,” she encouraged while taking one last swipe of the bathroom mirror with the paper towel.
“After I have them all cleaned, polished and shining, I insert them into my rectum,” Paul moaned.
“Holy Shiiiii... err, uhh, I mean... DAYUM! That is the hottest thing I’ve ever heard!” Blurted Lana, with a flush rising on her cheeks.
“I love that full feeling when I insert the knob and my rectum closes tight around it. I can’t explain... it just feels so... so good... so full... oh god, so damn good... ohhh ...ohhh... owww... owwWW... OWWW!”
“Paul?” she called, “Paul? Is everything OK? Do you have a door knob inserted now?” she cringed asking.
Yowling now, “I think... I think it’s stuck! I can’t get it OUT!”
“Paul, please do not tell me that you have a door knob stuck in your ass?” She asked fearfully.
“God! Fucking! Damn! It!” He all but screamed. “Do you think I want to have this big ceramic door knob stuck in my ass? It’s a one of a kind antique. What if it breaks in my ass? How will I replace it? Will you fucking do something!” He screeched.
“Do? What the hell am I supposed to do, Paul? Do you want me to call 911 for you?” Thinking quickly, she asked, “Do I need to dial the area code for New York before I call 911?”
“Huh? What? Why are you calling New York? Just fucking dial 911! I think I tore something!” He yelled.
“You tore something? Stop pulling on the fucking door knob, PAUL!” She yelled, wiping the sweat from her temples with the glass-cleaner stained paper towel clutched in her hand. “If I dial 911 from here, then I’ll get the local police. I need the area code for New York, so I can send the police to you!” She explained rationally, if not a bit hysterically.
“No, not New York. I live in Aberdeen... Aberdeen, SD. The area code is 605,” he stated sheepishly through his obvious discomfort.
“South Dakota? You live in South Dakota? What the hell happened to the brownstone in New York, Paul?” Came her sharp retort.
“I didn’t want to tell you that I inherited my parent’s old farmhouse where I was born and raised in South Dakota. It didn’t seem cool,” he admitted, embarrassed.
“Paul, I don’t think it’s very healthy for you to lie about who you are and where you’re from,” Lana lectured, not realizing the irony of her own words.
“Fine, fine, fine! I’ll never lie about where I’m from. Just call someone. I think I’m bleeding!” Paul replied, obviously agitated.
Trying to be helpful, Lana said, “Paul, I need your name and address before I call 911, so they can find you.”
“No fucking way am I giving you that information. I’ll call myself. I’m hanging up now!” He said brusquely.
“OK, good luck! I really enjoyed talking to you, Paul! Call me again!” She added, always the consummate professional.
***
Dispatch : “I think Terrence might’ve started without you. Oh, by the way, we’re having a domination class next Tuesday. It’s just a bit of a refresher. You can sign up in the chatroom.”
“Hi, Terrence. I’m Lana. What's got you so turned on today? It certainly sounds like you’re having a good morning,” she stated to the unmistakable *slap* *slap* *slapping* sounds coming from the other end of the phone.
“Oh, Baby. It's the power of pussy. I’m just watching me some hot lesbian strapon porn and stroking my Big Black Cock.” *slap* *slap* *slap*
“Strapon? You like strapon sex, Terrence? Is that because you’d like to be fucked in the ass with a strapon?” She prompted.
“Oh, HELL NO ! Nobody fucks me, Baby! Terrence is the only one who does the fucking!” He proclaimed with some indignation. *slap* *slap* *slap*
“Well, what’s got you so worked up about the video, Terrence?” Absentmindedly filing her nails and realizing she was in desperate need of a manicure.
“I want that hot bitch who’s getting fucked with the strapon to suck my Big Black Cock while she’s being fucked.” *slap* *slap* *slap* faster now. “You like Big Black Cock, Baby?” He asked breathing heavy.
“Yum! I looove Big Bla...”
He interrupted with, “Oh FUCK, Baby!! I’m cummmingggg!” *click*
Lana laughed to herself and shook her head. Just like a man. Hanging up as soon as they're done cumming really is the telephone equivalent of rolling over and falling asleep as soon as they’re done humping you .
***
Dispatch : “This is Allen. He’s wearing his mother’s sexy lingerie and would like you to watch.”
“Hi, Allen. My name’s Lana. How are you?”
“Lana, I love your name. It’s just so sexy.”
“Awww, that’s so sweet. Thank you, Allen. I hear you’re pretty sexy yourself today. Why don’t you tell me a little bit about what you’re wearing.”
“You’re right. I am kinda sexy today,” he simpered. “I’m wearing a pretty, pink nightie with black lace and black panties that I borrowed from my mom. I’m also wearing 4-inch black patent leather Mary Janes.”
“Oh, I love Mary Janes!! Can I borrow those? They sound fabulous!” She interjected.
“Yes, Sweetie. Of course, I’ll share. They’re size 14. Will they fit you?”
“14? Size 14? I will make them fit, Hon,” giggled Lana. “What other fun do you like to have while you’re dressed up, Allen?”
“Actually, I love to be watched,” he admitted shyly.
“Watched? What naughty thing do you want me to watch you doing, Allen?” Lana gently prodded.
“I want you to watch me working in the kitchen. My mom doesn’t like me to cook when she’s not home.”
“It’s probably a good idea if you don’t cook if she’s not there. Do you mind me asking how old you are, Allen?”
“Oh, I’ll be 51 next month,” he volunteered.
“Really? 51? I’ll be sure to sing you Happy Birthday. Why don’t I join you in the kitchen, so we can be sure there are no problems,” realizing that she needed to empty her dishwasher. “What are you going to cook for us, Allen?”
“I’m going to make Cream of Wheat.”
“I’m sorry? Make Cream of Wheat?” She puzzled opening the dishwasher door. “You want me to watch you cook... hot cereal?”
“Why, yes. I haven’t had breakfast yet. I also add my own special cream if you know what I mean?” he snickered. “It makes it really thick and delicious.”
“That certainly sounds yummy, Allen,” gagging a bit at the thought and almost dropping the stack of plates in her hands.
“Oh, it is so yummy. Maybe we can then have breakfast together?” He asked hopefully.
“For some reason, I’m not really very hungry this morning,” her stomach roiling at the thought of eating that concoction. Opening the pantry door, Lana removed the box of Cream of Wheat from the shelf and buried it in the bottom of her garbage can.