I walk through the gardens outside Bamebridge Boarding School when I hear a scream come from the old barn. Everyone else is meant to be in class. I immediately run to the barn and find a tall man clutching at Daisy, a young student.

“Hey! Don’t you dare hurt her.”

The young man turnd to face me, and my heart sinks. His lips spread into an only too familiar smirk as his deep blue eyes graze over my body, taking in every part of me. He pushes his dark brown hair off his forehead with his free hand, still holding Daisy’s arm. My heart skips a beat, unnerved by the hungry look Tom gave me.

“Well, it has been a long time, Miss Grey, hasn’t it?”

“Don’t play with me, Tom, let her go.” His grip loosens and Daisy runs towards me, desperate to escape.

“I wasn’t going to hurt her, she was just in the way,” Tom says as he looks down and kicks two bags of corn at his feet.

“Daisy, go back to the house and tell everyone to lock the doors.”

“What about you, Miss Grey?”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” I reply, never breaking Tom’s gaze.

As soon as Daisy leaves, Tom laughs bitterly, “Lock the doors? Are you really that scared of me?”

Anger starts to cloud my vision. I can’t believe how selfish and ignorant he is. Does he not realise how much he hurt me when he left me five years ago, alone, with no-one? And now what has he done with himself – living on stolen goods and killing anyone who gets in the way?!

“Are you serious? Fuck Tom, two people were killed by your group only a week ago in the next town over! Do you really have no clue how much fear you, and your so-called friends leave in your path?”

Tom looks at his feet, shame painted plainly on his face. It startles me to see it. I know he left the life we had to escape reality, escape the loss of his father and the empty shell of a mother that remained after his father’s death. I told myself he left with those thieves because it was an exciting new start for him, one that I couldn’t and would never want to be a part of. But if he's ashamed or unhappy, then why hasn’t he left?

“I've never killed anyone Mya, I thought you would believe that I’m not capable of that” Tom mumbles before staring at me, the accusation and hurt in his eyes.

“Right, but you stealing from families who will starve as a result of your visit is okay, is it? Worse than that, you watching someone get murdered without saying a word against it. You’re capable of that? Where is the line, Tom? Can you really blame me for thinking you would be capable of killing somebody? I don’t know who you are anymore!” As I talk, he shakes his head furiously, starting to pace in agitation, his hands clenching into fists of anger.

“You don’t know what it’s like!” he shouts. “Within a year of leaving you, all I wanted was to come back, to have what we once had again. I would have done anything to come back to you. But you were engaged to that arsehole Christopher and I had to pay my debt.”

“What debt?”

“Yes, now you ask what debt.” He stares outside the barn towards the green fields, his eyes sad and full of regret. “To join the group, you pledge to serve three years. But I refused to kill anyone and never will. So my time got extended, that is why it is taking me so fucking long to get out of this! But I have one more day, Mya, one more and then I’m free.”

“And then what? Then where will you go?”

He looks at his feet again. “Well... it wasn’t entirely a coincidence that I showed up here...” I stare at him in disbelief.

“Are you insane? You think after how you left me and everything you have done with that group that I would be able to let you back into my life again?” Now I start to pace, desperately trying to control the anger and the flood of tears that are threatening to break free. “Take the bags of corn and leave. I want you to leave and never come back again.” We stare at one another in silence.

That isn’t true. Some part of me has always dreamt of this reunion, for Tom to beg to come back to me, to have that life we had five years ago. But the audacity to assume that I would have been waiting for him all of this time and that I would welcome him back into my life straight away after everything. I can’t do that to myself.

Tom looks pale and sick, like I have crushed his last dream. “Mya, please just give me a chance. I promise you, I am not so far from the man you knew five years ago, I just need the chance to get away from this madness.”

“You can do that in Glasgow. You don’t need me.” I turn on my heels and start to storm out of the barn but a rough, calloused hand grips my arm.

“I’ll make a deal with you.” Tom whispers, his eyes desperate. “Spend one weekend with me and then I’ll leave and never see you again, if that's what you still want.”

He wants a chance to explain himself, to try to reconnect. Maybe if I give him this time, it will help him see how serious I am. “What will we do in this weekend?” I question.

He smirks, the playful young man I used to love coming to the surface, “Whatever I want to do.” His words are followed by his gaze travelling down my face to stare longingly at my lips. I swallow nervously, my breathing coming faster once more. How can I go from wanting to never see him again to considering spending a weekend with him? Memories fill my head: of us walking hand in hand through the markets, stealing kisses every chance we could get, long hot nights touching and kissing one another until we fell asleep exhausted. We had everything. I turn away, feeling my cheeks heat up.

Maybe one night wouldn’t be so bad?

I turn to face him again, “I’ll give you 24 hours.” He nods. “And I will leave whenever I want to.”

Tom’s smile spreads into a wide grin. “Of course.” He takes two steps forward, his hands gently clutching either side of my face as his lips collide with mine and he pushes my body backwards. My back slams against the barn wall with more force than I expect. I don’t have time to say anything as Tom’s tongue spreads my lips apart. His kisses are feverish and overwhelming but nostalgic and addictive at the same time.

Hidden by shadows in the corner of the barn, my hands run up his back over his shirt and rest in his hair, desperately pulling him against me. “Tom...” I try to say breathlessly before my lips are enveloped by his again. “Tom... what are we... we doing?” I eventually get out. But I’m not committed to hearing the answer as his lips trail down my jawline to my neck and his hands roam down my back, massaging my ass through my dress before travelling round to my breasts. He lightly brushes my nipples with his thumbs, recalling exactly how to make me weak at the knees. I quickly grab his wrists. Breaking us out of the trance we were in before we go too far. He looks up at me and we both stare at one another, the silence filled with our heavy breathing. He presses his forehead against mine and closes his eyes, his hand moving gently to my hips to hold me.

He nods slowly, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”

“Me too,” I reply breathlessly, my eyes closed.

“I’ll come pick you up tonight?”

“No, I don’t want anyone to see you. Send me where to go and I'll meet you there at six o’clock.” I reply, pushing him away gently as I come back to my senses.

***

I arrive at the large wooden doors to the boarding school and ring the doorbell. A small wooden panel at my eye level lifts up and Mr Moore’s nervous eyes blink at me. Immediately the doors are pulled open – “Oh thank goodness you’re okay Miss Grey! I was starting to think we would need to arrange a search party soon!”

I smile gratefully and step inside. “Thank you, Ryan. I can assure you that I'm fine. The thief ran away with the corn bags as soon as Daisy left and I hid in the forest awhile to see if there were any others around. We seem to be safe now. I'll go and rest in my room for the evening I think” I say, giving him a polite nod as I walk past him and up the stairs to my room.

After two hours staring at my ceiling trying to comprehend what happened today, I am startled by a sharp knock on my door. I quickly rise to my feet, met at the door by Christopher, my ex-fiancée and the school’s postman. “Christopher...” I mutter in impatience.

His lips flatten into a single line as he presents a large, rectangular, blue box held together by a red bow with a small note tied to the middle. “For you.”

“You can keep your gifts to yourself” I reply and go to shut the door.

“Mya, it obviously isn’t from me, the last thing I want is you to think I like you, especially dressed like that,” he annoyingly smirks. "It was found outside the main door on the ground."

And with that I pull the box from his grasp and slam the door in his face. “Fucking prick,” I mutter under my breath, sitting down on my bed again. This is just another reason why I need to find myself a new job, I think to myself. It had been one year now since Christopher ended our three year engagement. I wanted to focus my time, money and energy into furthering my career as a teacher instead of a wedding, house and children. Granted, I didn’t know it would take more than five years to do so but Christopher always said he was fully supportive of my dreams. Until he told me one day that at 27, I was too old to be his fiancée and he couldn’t wait any longer to get married and have kids. If I’m honest with myself, I've never been sure about having children anyway. I probably wouldn’t have been able to give him what he needed in a wife. He didn’t have to be such an arsehole about it though. 

I prise open the box and found two beautiful silk garments – all black lace. Butterflies rise in my stomach as I read the note attached to the ribbon:

“I remembered you talking about these years ago,

wear them for me?

6 Saddlebrook Road

 - Tom

P.S. In case you were worried, I paid for them myself”

I untie my dress from behind and let it fall to the ground, before removing my plain, well-worn underwear. The silk and lace make me feel beautiful again, strong and confident, matching my long, brown hair and blue eyes.

He’s right. I have always wanted these, but never wanted to spend my money on such frivolous things. How on earth did he afford these? I glance over at my bedside table and see the clock hands almost touching six! “God, I’m going to be late!” I think, hurriedly pulling my nicest dress over my head. He didn’t need to know that I was wearing the underwear he bought me, right?

***

Within ten minutes, I'm standing in front of a black gate with 6 Saddlebrook Road signposted on the front door behind it. My heart starts to race. What am I doing? I could tell him that I don’t want anything to do with him, that I want him to leave me be and move on without me. But do I want that? Today has scrambled my thoughts, dreams, hopes and fears.

I don’t know what I want any more.

Before I have the chance to unlock the gate, the oak front door is pulled open revealing Tom, grinning. He tucks his hands in his pockets and leans against the door frame, clearly amused.

“Are you going to stare at the gate all day?”

I glare at him, push the gate open and walk past him into a small cottage.

“I have many questions,” I reply.

“Okay, hit me,” he prompts as he closes the front door and leads me into a small room. To the left is a stove and kitchen, to the right a fireplace is roaring on the far wall, two couches nestled opposite each other, against the other two walls with a table in between.

I lie down on one couch forcing him to sit opposite me. “Why do you have a place to live if you fulfilled your last day only hours ago and how can you afford expensive underwear?”

He smirks at the second question. “Ah you got my gift then? Did you like it? Are you wearing them?” His gaze travels down my body.

“Will you just answer me?” I reply, struggling to keep a smile off my lips.

Tom sighs quietly, his eyes returning to mine, “The group hangs around for a few weeks at a time, and I knew that at the end of this trip I would be done and I wouldn’t sign on for another round. So, when we arrived, I found a place I could go after I left. I've managed to save up a decent amount of money –“

“You mean money you've stolen,” I reply coldly.

“No,” he pauses. We deliver correspondence as well, and our clients would pay well if we were discreet.”

A silence lingers in the air, before Tom sighs.

“Look Mya, I know that you’re disappointed in me and probably hurt and angry still, but I do want to change. I know I chose this life at the start but I had no idea what it would be like. I was young and naïve and stupid and I have been stuck for five years now with no way out. I watched men try to run away and it never ended well. The pledge is upheld though, I've completed my time and I'm free now.

“What made you think that I would have space for you in my life? That I wasn’t married to Christopher or with someone else?” Tom looks down, his expression unreadable.

“At the start of this year, I reached out to your sister, explained that I wanted to reconnect, try to make things right again. She told me you were a teacher at that boarding school and that you were single.”

“And you just thought that –“

“I never assumed that you would want me back.” He says steadily. “But I had to try.”

Clasping my hands together, I stare at the ceiling. The more information I get from Tom, the more confused and lost I feel. I shake my head.

“I’m over the hurt and anger Tom. God, I was engaged to Christopher for three years -”

“You and him were never going to work out –“

“Don’t you dare comment on my last relationship. Not after what you did. I don’t think you realise how devastating it was when you chose to join that group and leave me, Tom. I’m over it now, but I never want to put myself in that same position where I let you have the power to hurt me like that, ever again.” He stares at me earnestly, reality hitting him.

“Right, will you give me the house tour then?” I ask after a long pause, desperate to change the subject.

Smiling weakly, he nods and springs to his feet. Stretching his arm out, he offers me his hand. I let his fingers gently slide between mine, the warmth comforting. He leads me towards the front door again and turns right down a narrow, cobblestone hallway. We pass the bathroom on the left and end up in a brightly lit bedroom. He pulls me to the right to a balcony and leans his arms against the metal bannister, pressing his shoulder against mine. It's getting dark now. The sun almost set behind the surrounding hills.

“You look gorgeous tonight,” Tom states. I look to my right to see him already staring at me. My smile blossoms before I can stop it. His free hand gently caresses my cheek, jawline, neck, his eyes taking in every feature. I look down, a giddy feeling rising inside of me.

“I’m sorry, I'm not trying to pressure you into any-“

“One night,” I whisper.

“What?” He asks, surprised.

“Let’s have one night, just you and me, just like we used to be...”

“Are you sure? Mya, we don't have to do anything” he replies, facing me now. His blue eyes still shine with kindness after all of those years. I nod and wrap his arms around my waist. My arms circle around his neck and draw him closer towards me. I watch the lust and need only grow as his gaze sweeps over my body, lips, neck, breasts.

“You know we used to be pretty dirty...” I whisper, biting my lip at the memories, waiting to tip him over the edge. His breath hot against my ear. “Can you remember what you used to call me? What you would do to me?” His fingers grip my hips tighter, pulling me hard against his chest as he begins to growl in my ear.

“Tell me what you want.” My whole body is on fire, my thoughts flooding with memories of Tom and me.

“Nobody has ever, been able to make me as wet as you have. I want you to use me, harder than you have ever done before.” Suddenly I’m pinned between the balcony bannister and Tom’s body. He desperately kisses me, covering my neck and lips with impatient kisses, his tongue dancing with mine. I run my hand down his left leg until I feel his hard erection throbbing against his clothes. His gasp at my touch fills the night’s silence before I feel him bite my bottom lip, sliding his hand up to close firmly around my neck.

“It’s been way too long since I’ve done this.”

“You had better get me inside before we disturb the neighbours,” I reply breathlessly. Strong hands easily lift me up and doors slam behind me as I am shoved against a cold wall of Tom’s bedroom, the room illuminated by a single candle.

“You sure you want all of this, fucktoy? I won’t hold back if you say yes.” I nod, biting my lip in anticipation of what’s to come. He grips my hair tightly, dipping his head to suck and bite my neck before forcing me down to my knees.

“I want everything, Sir. All of you. Fuck, please use me, please use your dirty slut.” He smiles down at me as he unbuckles his belt. The sound makes me shiver, my thighs dripping wet now. The belt loops around my neck and is pulled tight, the feel of the leather gripping my throat making me gasp and reach down to touch myself.

As Tom’s trousers fall to the ground, he pulls his hard cock out of his pants and using the belt, tugs my face towards him, forcing my mouth open. Holding the belt in one hand, he grips my hair tightly with the other, giving him more leverage to use my mouth. He pulls me up and down his cock, shoving me down harder each time so it slams against my throat making me gag. He twists his hand around the belt making it tighten around my neck.

I gag with every thrust, spit starting to drip down my chin and his cock. “Fuck! Yes, fuck toy, your throat feels amazing,” he groans. The belt tightening makes my throat grip his cock, barely enabling me to breathe. I slip the sleeves of my dress down so Tom can see the underwear I’m wearing. He immediately pulls his cock out and loosens his grip on the belt, his cock glistening in my spit.

“Look up at me, fucktoy,” he says pulling my chin up. I smile just before he spits on my face rubbing it over my eyes and mouth before pulling my head down onto his cock again. The room is filled with me gagging and Tom groaning, my head hitting the wall repeatedly as he speeds up. Just before I use our sign to slow down, Tom drops the belt and grips my hair tighter before shoving his cock balls deep down my throat, holding me there. His spare hand reaches down to stroke my neck, rubbing his cock.

“Fuck, look at what a good cumslut you are. You like having my cock deep down your throat?” I nod and moan “yes” before choking spit onto his cock again. “Fuck yes, get me ready to fuck you. Choke on that cock.”

He reaches down to pinch my nipples as he speaks, making me squeal. “I am desperate to fuck you properly, but before I do, I just need to test one more thing...” His fingers release my nipples and cover my nose, cutting off my final supply of air. I throw my head back at how dirty this is, he knows I love him controlling my breathing.

Spit and drool pour from my mouth and onto my chest as Tom forces my face down so my nose is touching his balls. “Touch yourself, fucktoy,” he whispers before realising that I am already rubbing my clit. “Good girl, touch yourself for me.” I squirm and wriggle on my knees, overwhelmed by how amazing everything feels but starting to feel dizzy from the lack of air. I tap Tom’s knee and he instantly drops his hands and takes a step back, bending down to kiss my forehead.

“Come with me,” he holds my hand and guides me to the bed, my dress falling to the ground as he gently pushes me down on my back. I wipe some of the spit from my face, my breathing slowing and open my legs for him. “God, you’re beautiful,” Tom whispers, the candlelight flickering across his face. He slides the black lace panties off my smooth legs and uses his finger to feel how wet I am. “Fuck, it has been way too long since I have made you this wet.”

He brings his finger to his lips and licks it clean. I am entranced by the pure lust written all over his face, mixed with adoration for me. My thoughts are broken by his tongue flicking over my clit. Moans escape my lips and I do nothing to hold them back. His touches become needy again, his fingers clutching at my hips and thighs, scratching marks into my skin. My hands fist the sheets as his tongue dives deeper inside of me, making my body ache for him more.

“Fuck... Tom...” I say breathlessly. “Please... please fuck me.” Tom breaks away from my body for a second to strip his clothes off. Beneath his shirt he reveals a strong, toned body, his muscles more defined than when we were last together. He climbs on top of me, I am overwhelmed with the warmth of his body pressed against mine, his hard cock light against my thighs.

“Say that again.”

I grin at him, loving how badly he needs to hear me to beg. “I need you Tom.”

“More,” he growls, grabbing my wrists and pinning them above my head.

“I need you to use me, Sir.”

“Hmm, more...” his fingers tug and pinch my nipples before taking my left one between his teeth, rolling it around in his mouth.

“Fucckkkk,” I groan. “Fuck me, please please fuck me, as hard and rough as you want to, Sir.” Both of his hands run up my body to circle my neck again making me smile, as he slams his cock balls deep inside of me, holding him there. “I’m not letting go of your neck until you cum on my cock, whore.”

My eyes roll back and my hands grip Tom’s hair, pulling him harder against me before moaning as loud as I can and scratching down his back. He only tightens his grip around my neck before pulling his cock out and slamming into me again and again. I reach down to rub my clit again, getting closer and closer as Tom fucks me.

“Open your mouth, slut,” he demands, my breathing rasping as he chokes me. I do as he asks to see him drip his spit into my mouth.

“Fuucckkk,” I mouth, only opening my mouth wider to accept more of his spit.

“Good girl, fuck I love how dirty you are, how much you love being used by me.” I nod, getting closer and closer to cumming, his grip on my neck and cock pounding me, driving me crazy.

“I’m not stopping, slut. I’m not letting you breathe or rest, until you cum all over my cock.” Tom leans down and kisses me with such passion that I feel my orgasm ripple through my body. His tongue teases mine, playing with my tongue and lips as I shiver underneath him, cumming harder than I have done in years. He releases my throat and starts to fuck me slower. “Do you have any idea how hot you are?” I smile and bite my lip.

“I want to make you cum,” I say, licking my lips.

“Oh, you want to swallow my cum, you little whore?” I nod desperately. Just thinking about tasting his cum is driving me crazy. He pulls out of me slowly, my cum pooling on the bed, ruining the bed sheets, as he moves up my body to straddle my chest. “Open wide, gorgeous,” he demands, pressing his hard cum-soaked cock against my lips and pushing it into my mouth. I start to lick and suck my cum off him, my hands massaging his balls, sticking my tongue out to lick them, the deeper he goes. My moans send vibrations up his cock, making him use my face harder.

Tom’s movements become stiffer, more urgent. The whole time I stare up at him, his cock stretching my mouth wide, my face covered in our spit, which he only adds to the closer and closer her gets. With one last thrust, his cock flexes in my throat and he forces my head down, giving me no choice but to swallow every last drop of his cum.

Tom kisses my lips gently before rolling off of me. We both stare at the ceiling, waiting for our breaths to calm down.

“Um, that was –“ I start

“Amazing,” he finishes.

“Yes,” I laugh back turning onto my side to face him. “I am going to go and freshen up.” In the bathroom I wet a face cloth and wash my face and body before trying to tame my tangled hair. I sigh, gripping the sink and stare at myself in the mirror. “It doesn’t mean anything, Mya, it’s only one night,” I tell myself, trying to suppress any emotions I once had for Tom from resurfacing. 

I return to the bedroom and Tom is sitting under the bed sheets, two glasses of water and a plate of cheese and crackers on the table beside him and an oversized shirt for me lying neatly on the bed. “I remembered that we didn’t get around to dinner,” he said cheerfully, nodding at the plate of food. I smile back, pull the shirt over my head, to Tom’s exaggerated disappointment, and seize several crackers from the plate, suddenly realising how hungry I am. Tom stares at me smiling until I ask him what is on his mind.

“I’m just happy,” he replies, shaking his head. “Will you tell me more about the last five years then?” I raise my eyebrows but nod, still munching on my crackers. “So how on earth are you not principal yet? You would be an amazing head teacher!” I chuckle at his enthusiasm.

“Well, thank you. I too, ask myself that but every day,” I laugh in reply. “It really all fell apart when Christopher and I broke up. He is friends with everyone. Of course, he didn’t want our engagement to seem like a failure on his part and so he told everyone, and I mean everyone, that I cheated on him and that I can’t under any circumstances be trusted.” Tom stares at me in disbelief.

“Did nobody believe you?”

“I have never had many friends at that school. The main reason I came here was Christopher. And for the past year, I've been searching every week for a new position away from here so I can make a new start.”

 “You deserve better than Christopher. Hell, it breaks my heart to say it, but you deserve better than me too.”

I sigh.

“I know,” I reply, a small smile on my face, because if I don’t laugh then I’ll cry. “I need to sleep now Tom,” I whisper, already closing my eyes. I feel his stubble brush my cheek as he nods before sweeping his lips across mine.

“Sweet dreams, gorgeous,” I hear as I curl onto my side, facing away from Tom, his arms wrapping themselves around me.

Just like they used to. 

***