I was a pretty popular guy in high school, and I honestly attribute most of that to being a bully. I made people feel like they had to like me, or at least fear me, to avoid becoming my next victim. I was huge - a six-foot-four linebacker, totally jacked and over two-hundred pounds. I was such a talented athlete, that most of my coaches saw me going pro, or at least playing D1 at a huge university stadium. 

Well... the ironic thing is that I hated myself. Once I hit adolescence, it didn’t take me long to realize I was attracted to men, and coming from a Christian background, the guilt and disgust I felt for myself was absolutely heart-wrenching. Plus, what kind of big manly football player was actually a closeted gay?

I tried everything to convince myself I wasn’t gay. I even had a steady girlfriend, California, all throughout high school. She was gorgeous by any man’s standards, even a gay man’s, as well as kind and well-liked. Everyone in school thought her name was so cool, fitting, and matched her tanned skin and olive eyes perfectly. She was a real California girl, that was for sure.

Whenever she wanted to fool around, however, I could never even get hard enough to go all the way. Once she blew me under the bleachers while everyone else went to the after-party of a big game, and the only way I could force myself to cum was to imagine the team quarterback who was also my best friend, Jacob, doing it. 

The next day at practice, however, I bragged about it to everyone in the locker room like it was the most exciting thing to happen to me. I smirked as I shared the details about how California couldn’t wait to get her mouth on my cock - so much so that she sucked me off under the bleachers. This was just so the other football players knew how much I, “liked girls.” 

I picked on everyone, especially gay kids, to make sure all the attention was off of me and to ensure no one thought I was gay. This especially scrawny and openly gay kid, Mikey, was my favorite victim. He was a nerd and the star of the school drama. No one really liked him, so he was an easy target. 

One day during lunch I bumped into him on purpose. Being about twice his height, he only stood tall enough to reach my crotch. I used this a cruel joke. 

“Staring at my cock again, you fucking queer-boat?” 

Mike stuttered, “No- no, Jonathan. I’m sorry... I, I...” 

“What’s the matter? Sucking so much dick and taking cock up the ass so often you can’t even talk right?”

The group of friends I was with laughed hysterically, then took their own opportunity to make a couple of gay jokes on Mike’s behalf. 

Later, after practice, me and Jacob were hanging out in his basement while his parents were away. 

“You know, man,” said Jacob, “it ain’t fucking cool how you pick on that gay kid. He didn’t do nothin’ to ya...’” 

“The kid’s a queer!” I exclaimed immediately. 

There was a long uncomfortable pause. 

“I think YOU’RE a fuckin’ queer, Johnny,” Jacob said.

Calling me out, he continued confidently, “Every little thing you do with your girl, you kiss and tell the whole team. It’s real disrespectful, John, and I think you do it because you don’t want no one to know you’re fruity.” 

For the first time in my life, I was the one stuttering. 

“That’s - that’s... BULLSHIT!”

Jacob rolled his eyes, “You know, John. I talked to Cali. She said you haven’t even FUCKED HER. Y’all been goin’ steady since freshman year. We’re seniors, John. We’re 18 now! She’s horny as fuck and she says you can’t even get hard enough to do her!” 

I felt my face flush red. Gossip was already spreading about. 'What if everyone started to suspect things?' 

... And I think you project your hatred of yourself on to that poor kid, Mikey! I fuckin’ see you trying to hide your boner when everyone is showering in the locker room, dude. Your cock is huge; everyone sees it!” 

I wanted to tackle him, to take the kid out. I wanted to fight him and deny everything like I have for so long. The truth was, however, I couldn’t. I had been called out,  and soon everyone would know I was gay. 

I DID get hard in the locker room. I DID avoid fucking California. I DID bully Mike for no other reason than I was gay as well. I even jerked off to gay porn. 

I started to tear up and look the other way when Jacob’s voice broke the silence.

“It’s ok, man. I, uh, I think I’m gay too. That’s why it bothers me when you pick on Mike. I do the same shit because I don’t like being a queer, either.”

I started to say something when Jacob leaned in for a passionate kiss. I felt my body light up like life had been breathed into me. I kissed him back intensely, sticking my tongue into his mouth and placing my hand on his chest. We kissed for a few minutes before I grew brave and felt his cock through his pants. I had never felt a cock besides my own before, and the feeling was exciting. 

“Wanna see it?” Jacob whispered to me. I nodded hesitantly.

When he took it out, I was amazed. It was cut and big - maybe even larger than mine. At first, I just jerked it.

“Can you suck it for me?” Jacob asked, a little sheepishly. 

I smiled seductively and took him into my mouth. Sucking his cock was so exciting, and I felt my own dick become wet with precum. I had never been that hard in my entire existence. I took him as deep into my throat as I could, occasionally gagging. He moaned and groaned, which encouraged me even more. 

He suddenly stopped me, “I don’t wanna cum yet. Let me return the favor.” 

I took off my pants and my shirt. I still felt a little shame about what we were doing, but that somehow made it hotter. Jacob began sucking me, and holy shit - it was better than Cali ever fucking did it. 

Suddenly, Jacob said, “lean back.” 

I did so a little cautiously. Jacob moved his mouth from my dick, then down to my balls, sucking them intensely, and then... 

Oh, my fucking God!

He started to rim my tight little asshole, and stick his tongue in. He was eating my ass and I never felt anything better.

I was moaning like a mother fucker, “Oh fuck, Jacob. Eat that little asshole, baby”

I couldn’t just have his tongue anymore. I wanted all of him, his length - his entire cock - inside my ass. 

Jacob stopped, smiled, and brushed his hand through my hair. Kissing my lips, he said, “Ok babe, let me get some lube.” 

I watched as he got up, and put lube all over his cock, jerking himself slightly as he did it. I never wanted anything more in my life. Suddenly I was on all fours, and he was pushing it in. At first, it hurt like crazy, but then I felt nothing but pure pleasure. He started slow and gentle, gaining momentum until he was fucking my man pussy hard and fast. 

“Jesus Christ, Jonathan,” Jacob moaned in ecstasy, “you’re so tight...”

He continued, “yeah... take that hard cock you little bitch.” 

I loved the sound of his hard, powerful thrusts, slapping against me. I began to jerk myself, and nearly brought myself to the edge when I heard Jacob yell,

“I’m cumming in your ass!”

I suddenly felt Jacob become incredibly hard and stiff, and then suddenly a release of warmth. This sent me flying, and I came too, having such an intense, long orgasm that my vision temporarily blurred. We laid down together, cuddling and making out for a while, and then the shame came. I could have denied everything and went home. It was all just hear-say. I could have controlled myself. Now there was undeniable proof that I was gay. 

“Hey man,” Jacob said, “you’re my buddy, alright? Whatever happens off the field stays off the field. Just promise you’ll leave Mikey alone...”

I nodded. “You got it! Mikey’s off limits.”

I put my pants on and left, never expecting to return again to commit the sin I just had. 

However, that was just the first of the many times me and Jacob had gone at it, and I had fucked his ass a couple times too, but I preferred to be the one taking it. No one ever found out, and to this day, I deny being gay. I did make it to the pros and live happily with my wife and beautiful daughter. When I fuck my wife I imagine I’m breeding Jacob’s ass. 

I can’t afford to live as an openly queer professional football player. That would end my career.

But oh man... those uninhibited high school days are my absolute dearest memories.