There is a lot of bullshit written about vampires. Yes, they do exist, so that’s not a myth, but all the rest, well, the crap people think they know about vampires is mostly nonsense.
Firstly, they do not live thousands of years long, and around two hundred years is as good as it gets for them. When their time on earth comes to an end, they go to a remote place and do away with themselves. Fortunately, while they are around, they do not age in the usual manner, and all mature vampires look like they are in their mid-twenties. This advantage, of course, is a great benefit and sets them apart from boring humans.
They do procreate from time to time to ensure the perpetuation of their species, and this they do in the usual fashion. Sadly, the human female selected for this privilege always dies after childbirth, and then the boy usually grows up in foster care or some suchlike institution.
You see, to dispel another myth, vampires are only ever male, and the boy only begins to manifest his otherworldliness after puberty. He instinctively keeps this secret from the persons who know him. Dissimilar to human beings, vampires are innately astute.
Once fully grown and after severing ties with the people who raised them, vampires then have to move around periodically to protect their ‘anonymity and ageless’ identity. With their ability to hypnotize persons in officialdom, however, it’s never a problem for them to ‘update’ all documentation they require in their daily lives.
Vampires do not gorge themselves on blood incessantly, and they can get by with far less blood than the silly myths chronicle. As much as human blood is a delicacy, raw meat is also able to sustain them rather well. In particular, animal organs are high up on their preferred list of food. All vampires are, therefore, excellent hunters.
They are capable of consuming regular food but do so in limited quantities. The one thing that they never touch is anything sugary, which is despicable to their taste buds. also drink water in preference to most other fluids because everything needs water, after all.
Although vampires are sensitive to sunlight, the crap about being burned by the sun is one of the silliest legends of all. Much as they are mostly nocturnal beings, limited exposure to the sun is not a problem. Naturally, you will never see one of them sunbathing, and as long as they are predominantly in the shade, they suffer little discomfort. Vampires are, therefore, paler than humans, and their body temperature is also lower.
Of course, the Christian cross fable has them all doubling over with laughter. When they infrequently interact, because they are generally solitary creatures, someone always brings along a crucifix as a party trick.
There are also a few more things that also set them apart from humans:
Vampires are incredibly powerful, and given the speed with which they move, not even the most skilled martial artist can even come close when they find themselves in a combative situation. With hypnosis being natural to them, they can submit anyone to their bidding, and therefore, they very seldom get into unnecessary scraps.
Sexually speaking, they are totally in a league of our own. Not only are vampires well-endowed, but able to perform at a level that most humans could only ever imagine. If you have never had sex with a vampire, well, simply put, you have never been properly fucked. Incidentally, all vampires are wholly bisexual.
They do not come in all shapes and sizes like humans and are generally around six feet tall, with lithe well-proportioned bodies. Generally good-looking and picking up sexual partners, or ‘prey’ as they like to joke, is therefore never a problem for them. This fact, coupled with the mind control they possess, makes snacking on human blood the easiest thing in the world when that urge arises.
They do not leave a multitude of exsanguinated corpses lying about, as the silly myth purports. After all, why would they risk unnecessary attention? They suck as much blood as is needed, with the victim unaware and left almost unscathed afterward. Once they have fed, they merely lick the wound, and their curative saliva makes humans think that they have two mosquito bites.
Finally, they don’t fly or turn into bats, as the silliest of all the myths purports.
***
When I once more decided to move on to new surroundings after being in the same place for a little too long, I soon established that there was a gay bar very close to my new apartment. Having not fed on my favourite delicacy for a couple of weeks, I decided to visit this pub to satisfy my blood lust.
As I sat sipping on my mineral water at the bar, a handsome young man entered. I was elated when he sat on the barstool next to me. After introducing ourselves, me as Lou, and he as Lenny, we exchanged a few pleasantries. With my extraordinary sense of smell, I detected that his blood was very agreeable. The intoxicating smell of his blood almost overcame me, and I had to guard against pouncing on him and sucking his blood out, there and then. After working my hypnotic magic, we were soon on the way to my apartment.
Lenny was horny, and within a short time, we were undressing in my bedroom. After we got on the bed, I moved onto his body.
“You’re cold,” he exclaimed.
“I’m cold-blooded,” I joked.
“Well, maybe I can warm you,” Lenny murmured as he embraced me.
‘Jesus… this blood smells sooo good,’ I thought, ‘I can’t wait to sink my fangs into this guy.’
After a short while, I ordered him onto his stomach.
‘Give your prey some pleasure before you strike,’ I admonished myself.
My entry into Lenny was harsh, but the cock-hound loved it. As I began pummelling into him, Lenny commenced purring. I could smell the sweet blood racing through his veins as his excitement grew.
‘I have to snack right now,’ I mentally concluded.
Within seconds my soothing voice had worked its charm, and with my huge cock embedded in his arse, my fangs extended. I then pushed Lenny’s longish hair up and picked my spot after sniffing the region. I then bit onto his neck, and as my fangs entered, Lenny’s blood pulsed into my mouth. I was a little overexcited and had to remind myself to take it easy. The heavenly taste throbbing into my mouth was delectable.
‘Stop… fucking stop,’ I told myself, ‘Keep some for later.’