On my hands and knees, I searched the floor of my boyfriend's bedroom closet for a pair of shoes I needed. Griffin and I had been dating almost a year and had recently discussed me moving in with him. Since a lot of my stuff had already migrated over to his place, the idea was a sensible one.
Tucked away at the back of the closet was Griffin's suitcase. I wouldn't have paid it any mind, but a scrap of fabric caught between its lid and bottom grabbed my attention. Frowning in confusion, I grazed my fingertips over the garment. Even in the shadowy closet, I could see it was a deep rose color. Very feminine.
And it wasn't mine.
Panic started welling inside me like a wave as I pulled the suitcase out into the bedroom. With trembling hands, I opened it. What was inside made my eyes widen.
It contained a woman's mini-wardrobe; the fabric I'd seen was from a babydoll nightie. There were matching thigh-high stockings and panties, too. Tossing them aside, I rummaged through the rest of the suitcase, discovering stiletto heels, some kind of leather corset, a flowing skirt, a white sundress...
And makeup. Also, a wig with long, dark locks.
"What the fuck?" Hot tears burned my eyes. None of this stuff belonged to me; it wasn't even in my size. My mind frantically searched for an innocent explanation, but I couldn't come up with one. Instead, I burst out crying. Griffin, the man I'd fallen so deeply in love with, the man I hoped to marry, was cheating on me.
But why would he be so stupid, keeping the other woman's things here? I thought back to a few weekends ago, when I'd gone out of town to visit my sister. Did he invite this woman over then? Did she bring all this shit to his apartment and end up leaving it behind? I remembered that I'd arrived back from my trip earlier than expected, and I'd called Griffin to let him know I was stopping by before heading home. Maybe I'd surprised the two of them, and the woman had to rush out before she could pack all her stuff.
It was the only explanation that remotely made sense. Still, I struggled to believe it. Not once since I'd met Griffin had I ever suspected him of lying to me. The man couldn't even tell a fib without flashing a guilty grin. How had he managed this level of deception?
I was still sitting on the bedroom floor with fat tears spilling down my cheeks when Griffin got home from work. I had a key to his place, and he must have seen my car parked outside, for he called out, "Nora, where are you, hon?"
I couldn't answer. Instead, I allowed him to find me. Reaching the bedroom doorway, he stopped short, his eyes growing wide. I stared up at him, making no attempt to hide my anguish.
"Shit," he muttered. "Nora—"
I held up a hand to stop him. "How could you do this?" I wanted to sound furious, but my question came out as a pathetic whimper. "How could you cheat on me, Griffin?"
He emphatically shook his head. "Nora, I'm not."
"Bullshit!" I sputtered, my rage finally taking hold. "You think I'm a fucking idiot? You have a suitcase full of some woman's clothing in your closet." When he tried to speak again, I rushed on. "If you're not happy with me, we could have talked about it. Instead, you betrayed me! Why did you—"
"The clothes are mine." Griffin's face grew ashen, and his large hazel eyes, normally so bright, now appeared forlorn.
My mouth dropped open in disbelief. "You asshole!" I shouted. "You're still lying! You expect me to believe that?" I hated myself for breaking down sobbing again. The moment I did, Griffin rushed to crouch before me.
"Nora, look at the size of those heels!" he urged.
I'd already noticed how large they were. "Looks like the other woman you're fucking has big feet."
In response, Griffin sat down and took off his shoes and socks. I watched as he retrieved the stilettos and slipped them on. They fit perfectly.
"They're mine," he repeated. "It's all mine."
I desperately wanted to believe him, but I was still reeling. After taking a deep breath, I said, "You have to help me understand this. Are you... experimenting? Are you attracted to men? Or questioning your gender identity?" My shoulders tightened as I waited for his answer.
Secretly, I'd always feared I wouldn't be enough for Griffin. He'd just turned thirty, while I was thirty-six. It wasn't a huge age difference, but I was sensitive about it. And Griffin wasn't just gorgeous—he was beautiful. HIs features were delicate, almost feminine. I loved running my fingers through his wavy brown hair, and I loved kissing his full lips.
At his side, I sometimes felt plain and frumpy. Already, I'd found several strands of gray in my ash blonde hair, and laugh lines had begun to appear on my face. While Griffin's frame was lean and sinewy, I was soft, with large breasts and a slight roundness to my belly. I struggled not to feel inadequate, especially since he constantly told me how beautiful I was, but finding his secret stash of sexy women's clothing had only increased my insecurity.
"It's none of those things," Griffin now told me. "I just feel so... different when I dress as a woman. I feel sexy, and also a little vulnerable in a way that excites me."
"Are you saying you want me to be like that?" I wore only the most subtle makeup each day, and my wardrobe was mostly practical. When Griffin and I first started dating, I'd worn lingerie to bed a few times, and while he seemed delighted with the sexy outfits, he seemed equally delighted when I was completely naked. I had no idea this stuff held such an appeal for him.
As gently as he could, Griffin said, "It's not about you, Nora. And I'm madly in love with the woman you are." His eyes suddenly filled with tears. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'll never forgive myself if I've fucked this up." He reached for my hand, and I allowed him to take it. "None of the women I dated in the past understood this side of me, and it caused major problems in my relationships. So I've learned to hide it. It's just something I do when I'm alone. But I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you."
I stared at him for a long moment, and he didn't once avert his eyes. I knew he was telling the truth. "Here's what we're going to do," I said in a low voice. "I'm going to sit here in this bedroom, and you're going to model all those gorgeous clothes for me."
My words rendered him speechless for a few seconds. Finally, he managed to say, "But I need to get ready first." Lowering his head, he appeared uncharacteristically shy. "I don't want you to see me that way if I'm not at my prettiest."
I felt such tenderness for Griffin then that I couldn't resist stroking his cheek. "Take your time getting ready. I'm going to have a glass of wine to ease my nerves."
He turned his face so he could kiss my palm. "I'm so sorry I upset you."
"I just wish you felt like you could have told me," I said quietly. "You know I've always been eager to hear about your fantasies and turn-ons."
Griffin's gaze grew pleading as it held mine. "But this is... a lot. I was afraid you'd freak out."
"I promise I won't," I told him. "I want you to be able to share this with me."
Whatever he saw in my face made him smile with clear relief. I watched him place everything back in the suitcase before closing it. A ripple of anticipation seemed to emanate from him as he left the room, his grip firm on the suitcase's handle. As soon as he was out of sight, I released the breath I'd bottled up in my lungs. Tonight, my relationship with Griffin would evolve into something new, I realized. He was the love of my life, and I grew even more determined to accept this newly revealed aspect of his sexuality.
Once I'd poured myself a large glass of Chardonnay, I carried the wine back to Griffin's bedroom. I knew he'd taken his things into the second bedroom, which served as an office when guests weren't visiting. Right now, he was in the shower. I stood before the full-length mirror in his room, sipping the wine as I regarded my reflection. The slacks I'd worn to work would do for what I had in mind tonight, I decided, but I removed my blouse and replaced it with one of Griffin's button-up shirts. I even went so far as to borrow one of his ties. Then I pulled my hair back into a severe bun. I'd never been all that feminine, so it wasn't difficult for me to achieve a fairly androgynous look.
Finally, I sat in a chair in the corner of Griffin's room. Sipping my wine, I waited patiently as he finished getting ready. The daylight had waned outside the window by the time he slowly opened the bedroom door, which I'd closed behind me earlier.
I struggled to hide my shock, for he was so different now, wearing the wig and expertly applied makeup. My boyfriend looked absolutely stunning. He couldn't meet my eyes while lingering near the door, but I allowed my gaze to roam all over him. He had put on the white sleeveless sundress, along with a pair of strappy sandals. The outfit was flawless, as if it had been made just for his frame. I found myself wondering where he'd bought these clothes; I imagined the care he took in selecting them.
I noticed he'd shaved off all his body hair. Even his forearms were silky smooth. The sight of his gorgeous legs, bare beneath the short dress, made me set my glass aside and lean forward in the chair. "Come here," I murmured.