Huh? Who is it?
Oh, hey…
Yeah, hang on... Let me get dressed... Just give me a minute…
I um… Ah, there it is… Hold on. I’m coming… Okay, hi.
Yeah, come on in.
No, I just woke up.
Oh, is it three in the afternoon already?
I can’t believe I slept that late.
Yeah, sorry. I guess I slept through class this morning… But you went, right?
Well, maybe I can get your notes off you.
Come on... Please?...
Thanks. I’ll make it up to you, I swear.
You’ve always been so responsible.
Mhm.
No, I remember... We were supposed to study today after class.
Right.
Ah. So, when I didn’t show up to class, you got worried about me? And then you decided to come over here and check on me?
That’s sweet. But, you didn’t have to worry. Look: I’m fine.
I know, I know. It’s not like me to just disappear on you like that. I should have at least sent a text or something.
Uh huh. It’s my bad. I’m sorry. Are we cool?
Alright. Cool. Now come here and give your best friend a hug.
Mm. You smell nice.
Is it like a new conditioner or something you’re using?
Oh, I see. It’s nice... I like it... Want some coffee? I’m gonna put on a pot.
Huh? A good mood? What makes you think I’m in a good mood?
Okay, so I’m in a good mood. Why not? The sun’s out. It looks like a beautiful day. We’re a couple of young, healthy, care-free college students. Like Reverend Gary says, we’ve got freedom in our pockets and a promising future ahead of us. And now I’m going to spend the afternoon hanging out with my best friend in the whole wide world. There’s lots of stuff to smile about.
What's that?
You think I’m trying to hide something?... Something about last night?
Why? What do you think happened last night?
Mhm... Uh huh... Well...
Okay, okay, fine. You’re right. Something big did happen.
No, I probably shouldn’t tell you about it.
I don’t want you to freak out or anything.
No, it's not like that.
No! It’s nothing bad or anything like that… Not too bad, anyway, I guess... But it might be, like… Shocking to hear.
I know. We’ve never kept secrets from each other before, but this is like… It’s kinda really big.
I don’t even know how to start.
Okay, okay. I have an idea... Let’s make it like a game.
Just go along with it, okay? Alright, so, I’ll say a statement, and then if it applies to either one of us, we’ll raise our hands. Got it?
Okay, so… I’m a freshman at Clinton State University…
Yeah, raise your hand.... Good. See? Easy, right?
Alright. Here’s the next one: I’m a girl.
Yeah, I put my hand down, but you kept yours up. I think you’re getting it.
I slept through class today… Now you put your hand down and I put mine up.
That’s right. Now let’s try it a little faster… I know how to swim… I’m a straight-A student… I can’t parallel park a car… I’m still a virgin…
No, I didn’t forget to raise my hand…
Uh huh…
Ow! Dang! You don’t have to scream so loud in my ear.
Yeah, last night… Well, I mean, it was technically early this morning, but…
Remember that party I was telling you about... You didn’t want to go...
Yeah, I remember you saying something about how you felt like those kinds of parties were just for hooking up, and you weren’t into it.
I mean... I guess it turned out you were right?…
No, I know. I said I wasn’t going to go either. But then Vance wanted to go, and he practically dragged me there with him.
He was calling me a… Little bitch. I mean, what else was I supposed to do?
Well, when we got there, there were a ton of people there. It was so loud.
Yeah, I know you don’t do well with crowds. You would have hated it.
They kept playing all this lewd rap music. And everyone there was drinking...
No, I didn’t drink. Vance kept trying to get me to do shots with him, but I refused.
Yeah, it’s sad that everyone thinks they have to drink and do drugs to have a good time.
Yeah. And what if I got caught? I’m not even twenty-one yet. I could like go to jail for underage drinking, and then my whole future would be ruined.
Right. So, I wasn’t going to touch the stuff.
Mhm.
But there was music, and dancing, and so many girls...
You should have seen what they were wearing, though!
I mean, what’s the point of wearing clothes at all when you go out dressed like that?
Well, I saw one girl with a shirt so short… I could actually see her… Boobs…
Like, just the bottom parts, but...
Right! It’s still too much. I shouldn’t be able to see any parts. Like, have some modesty and cover them up.
Yeah. Like you... You always dress nice… You know, decent, classy, respectable…
I couldn’t even imagine you wearing something like that, with your… Well, you know… Just hanging out for the world to see.
Oh my gosh! What would your parents even say if they saw you dressed like that?
Your dad would kill me.
Maybe you, too. But definitely me.
Yeah, remember when we moved into the dorms?
Your dad, he took me aside and asked me to look out for you. I’m supposed to make sure you didn’t get into any trouble while we're away from home. He wanted me to keep you safe from all the bad influences of college, and stuff.
Well, I mean, we’ve known each other since we were kids. We grew up together, went to the same church. We've got the same small-town values. Our families are close. I guess they all just kind of think of me like your protective older brother.
No, I know we’re the same age.
Okay, fine. You were born a few months before me.
I don’t mean that I’m actually older than you, just that they see me that way.
It’s probably because I'm a guy, so I'm supposed to be... Like... The responsible one.
Sure, but they’re parents. They worry. That’s their job.
I’m just saying if you dressed the way the girls at the party dressed, our parents would have a total meltdown.
No, it’s definitely not somewhere your dad would want you hanging around. It’s good that you stayed home.
It wasn’t just the girls' tops, either.
A bunch of them… They had on these pants that were so tight... it really didn’t leave anything to the imagination.
I mean you could clearly see separate… Butt cheeks… Like, the exact shape of them.
Uh huh. And in the front, too… They were showing off…
Well… you know what I mean. They were so tight, you could basically see everything.
Can you even imagine exposing yourself like that in public?
It’s like they had absolutely no respect for themselves... I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be scandalous. It’s just what I saw.
No, you’re blushing. Am I embarrassing you? We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.
You’re sure you don’t mind?
Okay, thanks. I mean, I feel like you’re really the only one I can talk to about this.
Our parents and everyone back home wouldn’t get it. They’d totally freak out if they found out I was at a party like that. So, I can’t say anything to them.
And you can’t say anything to them either. Promise you won’t tell them?
I mean, Vance knows because I was there with him at the party, but he just thinks all this is normal and...
You know, he actually gave me a high five this morning when I got back home?
Seriously. He was like ‘congrats on finally losing your V-card, buddy. It’s about time.’
Uh huh.
Yeah, I kind of just rolled my eyes, too.
See? You’re like the only one who really gets me. That’s why we’re best friends. I can tell you anything.
Mhm. And I hope you feel the same. Like you can talk to me about anything, too.
Yeah, we’ll always be there for each other, no matter what. That’s just what best friends do.
Oh... You want to hear more about the party?
Well... like I was saying, it was loud and crowded, everyone was drinking… And I was surrounded by all these basically half-naked girls.
They had some games there. One of them was called beer pong.
You have to bounce a little ball into a plastic cup, and then the loser has to drink what’s in the cup.
Well, it’s beer.
No, I didn’t play because I didn’t want to drink. But Vance and I watched a couple of these girls playing.
One of them was this short little Asian girl, and the other was a blonde.
They were going back and forth, bouncing balls into each other’s cups, and...
Well, the blonde had on this really loose top, you know?
I tried not to look! But they were right there whenever she bent over to pick up the ball from the floor.
No bra or anything! I could see... everything... right down her shirt.
No, not just me. There was a whole crowd of people watching.
They were cheering them on.
And then the Asian girl…
It seemed like they were pretty drunk already, but people told them to keep playing.
No, I know. I tried to get them to stop, but Vance called me a little bitch again. And the other guys around said I was being a buzz-kill, and should stop white-knighting, whatever that is.
I don’t know what’s wrong with white knights, either. They’re the good guys. But they made it sound like that was a bad thing.
No… But no one else seemed to have a problem with it. So, I guess... When in Rome… You know?
Not even the girls. They were laughing and like, totally enjoying the attention. They kept flirting, and egging the guys on.
Anyway, the Asian girl had to take a drink, but she spilled it down her front.
She was wearing this thin, light-colored t-shirt, and the beer turned it completely... see-through.
Mhm. Everything. Even her… Nipples…
I tried not to stare, but it was really hard to avoid looking.
Uh huh. The rest of the guys were just hooting and hollering like a bunch of animals.
Right. But it didn’t stop there.
No. Instead of quitting, someone suggested raising the stakes of the game.
Yeah, gambling… Not for money, though.
Not only did the loser have to drink, but they also had to take off an article of clothing.
Sure, there wasn’t much to take off in the first place, but…
Well, the Asian girl lost the first match. She didn’t even hesitate. She just whipped her shirt off over her head and tossed it on the floor.
I couldn’t believe it. She was just there with her boobs exposed as if she were all alone in her bedroom instead of at a party surrounded by people.
Her boobs? Well, they were kind of small, I guess... Smaller than yours...
Not that I’m looking at your boobs all the time, or anything. I don’t mean it like that.
No, just for comparison. You know, she had a smaller figure than you, so… Smaller boobs. That’s all.
No, I wasn’t ogling her… But I did notice that her nipples were dark and really pointy.
Mhm.
Well, then they played again, and the blonde girl lost this time.
Uh huh. The shirt again.
They were bigger than the Asian girl’s.
Yeah, maybe something more like your size, I guess.
Sorry, I’m really not trying to get all pervy and keep staring at your chest. It was just so I could make an accurate estimate.
Yeah, I know. I couldn’t believe it either! They were both totally topless. But they kept playing.
For their pants, yeah.
Well, the Asian girl was actually wearing a skirt, but the blonde girl had on the sort of pants that I was telling you about before.
Yeah, the tight ones.
It doesn’t matter. Pretty soon they were both down to their underwear… If you can call it that.
The Asian girl had on a yellow pair. I mean, I guess they were kind of normal looking… Like the same shape as a swimsuit bottom.
Bikini briefs? Is that what you call them?
I mean, guys have briefs, too, but they don’t really look like that.
Okay. But the thing was, they were sheer in the front and back.
You could see right through them... Not that I was staring, but I couldn’t help but notice.
I mean, I thought I was imagining things, but I could actually make out her… Hair...
Yeah, black hair down there! It looked like she trimmed it, but it was still pretty obvious.
Uh huh. But the blonde girl… She made the Asian girl look modest in comparison.
Well, there wasn’t really too much to it at all. It was just a bit of pink string around her hips and between her… Butt cheeks.
It barely covered anything!
Uh huh.
No. It was weird. She didn’t have any hair down there at all.
Totally bald and smooth. Just like Reverend Gary’s head.
Absolutely none. I’m sure.
Because she lost the final match to the Asian girl. She had to strip out of even that last little shred of clothing. There was no hair anywhere on her body, except her head.
I mean, I’ve never actually seen a real girl naked before.
No, of course I’ve seen pictures of nude women before.... Lounging around, eating fruit, frolicking by the sea side… You know, like in those classical paintings at the museum. But this was nothing like that. I was totally shocked.
No, she just stood there, smiling and posing for the crowd. It was like she was actually proud of herself for being completely naked in public.
But then the Asian girl went over to the blonde girl and gave her a hug.
Uh huh. They were both topless.
Yeah, they were like… Boob to boob.
I know!
I mean, can you even picture it? Imagine that was you, as naked as the day you were born, in the middle of this crowded party... all these drunk perverted frat bros staring at you, practically drooling over you, while some other naked girl just throws herself at you, squeezing you so tight you can't get away, pressing her bare boobs against yours...
Uh huh. Not even the slightest bit of shame.
I know. It’s gross, right?
No, I can see how flushed you are. You’re turning red. And you keep fidgeting with your hair and rubbing your neck like you’re feeling bothered by all this.
Listen, if I’m making you too uncomfortable, just say so.
No, I appreciate you listening. I know you’re not used to hearing things like this.
You’re okay for me to go on? You want me to?
Okay. But seriously, stop me if it’s too much for you.
So, there were these two naked girls, and everyone started chanting ‘kiss her, kiss her...’ And then they did.
Yeah.
It wasn’t just a peck on the lips, either.
No, they were using tongues and everything. And their hands… they were just going all over each other.
Mhm. Even their boobs, and their butts, and a few times… Other places…
Can’t you guess?
I mean… Touching… Between their legs.
Yeah. But the crowd kept chanting. It changed from ‘kiss her, kiss her’ to ‘eat her, eat her.’
Mhm. That’s what I thought, too. Like was she supposed to bite the girl? Were they cannibals or something?
Well, the blonde girl leaned against the table. She kind of spread her legs apart. And then the Asian girl got down on her knees in front of her…
Uh huh...
I never even thought about kissing a girl down there, but that’s what she did.
Yeah. She was down there for awhile. And the blonde girl seemed like she was loving every second of it!
She was moaning and groaning…
You know Mrs. Lanover’s fresh-baked pies? They're so good, you can’t help but go, ‘mm mm mm’ when you taste it?
Yeah. It was like that, but like a hundred times more than that.
Right, like the greatest pie ever... The sort of pie you can only get in heaven.
I didn’t think it could get any worse, but the crowd started a new chant: ‘Sixty-nine, sixty-nine.’
I didn’t know what it meant either, but I figured it out pretty quickly.
So, you know how a nine is like an upside down six, right?
And you put them together, you get sixty-nine?
Well, they did that… But with their bodies.
Yeah, so the Asian girl, she got up and lay down on the beer pong table. Then the blonde climbed over top of her, but backwards, so that the her face was between the Asian girl’s legs and her… You know… Was in the Asian girl’s face.
That’s right. And then they kissed each other’s private parts.
Yeah, you’re right. There wasn’t anything private about any of it. They were totally out in the open. There were so many people watching, and cheering, and shouting. But they didn’t seem to care about any of that. They just kept on licking each other.
Yeah, they were both making those moaning noises.
It was totally dirty and disgusting! And now I’m going to have that image stuck in my head for the rest of my life!
I mean I did want to leave! I would have, but... I was sort of… Stuck… In a way…
I just mean that guys… We can get, um... tempted by things like that… And then when parts of us get… Excited… We…
I mean, didn’t you learn about this sort of stuff from your parents?
Oh, okay, good. Your mom gave you the talk about boys.
Mine, too. My dad, I mean, about... sex and stuff.
Well, it was mostly about respecting women, respecting myself, and saving myself as a gift for my future wife. But he also told me that guys can get… Aroused sometimes… And if it happened, I shouldn’t be ashamed or panic about it, but I should just wait for it to go away on its own... Or if it wouldn’t, I could deal with it... Privately... If I had to.
Yeah, so after seeing everything - I’m sorry if this is extremely TMI, but… I was… Um… Pretty excited in a way that would have been... very obvious if I stood up… you know?
I didn’t mean to! I couldn’t help it. All I could do was just sit there and hope it went down eventually. But it wouldn’t. I just kept getting more and more excited the longer I watched.
I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t be telling you about this.
I know, and I trust you completely. It’s just that... I was supposed to look out for you and instead, I’m filling your mind with all this trash.
Well, that was different before. That was girl-parts, and you’ve got the same things they’ve got. But… Should I really be talking about… penises to you?
No, I know you had the talk with your mom, but it’s not just any penis; It’s my penis we're talking about!
I don’t think it’s appropriate to put thoughts about my penis in your head, and make you think about it. We’re friends, and friends shouldn’t think of each other like that.
No.
I mean, it’s obvious that you’re embarrassed for me. You don’t need to pretend. I can see that flush that was in your face has gone all the way down to your chest. You keep rubbing there like you’re about to break out in a rash or something.
You didn’t realize you were doing that?
Okay, but are you sure you want me to go on?
No, I guess you have a point. If I stop, then you’re always going to be curious and wondering, and something like that could come between us…
Resolution? I guess that’s the word for it.
And you swear you’re not going to hold it against me, or think I’m some sort of perverted sex-freak or anything like that if I tell you?
I don’t know, it’s just weird talking about losing my virginity to you.
I guess it is kind of a relief that I don’t have to worry about my first time. Like, that’s done.
No, well, with the guys here… they make fun of virgins. It’s not like back home.
I mean, we were both raised to see sex as a sacred bond between a husband and a wife. There’s a big part of me that feels like I’ve just betrayed my future partner… And God… I know it was a sin.
Yeah, maybe you’re right. The first step is to come completely clean about it... And there’s no one I trust more than you to come clean with.
I mean it. You’ve always been there for me.
Thanks. You’re a really great friend. I mean, here I am, and I feel like I’m exposing the most base parts of myself to you. But you’re just listening and accepting me. I know it can’t be easy for you to hold space for me and for… everything.
Thank you.
Alright, so, I was sitting there in the crowd and watching the girls put on their show. Inside, I was totally freaking out. I didn’t know what to do about being aroused. I looked around and saw some of the other guys were just as aroused as me.
Mhm. I mean, I didn’t look for long, but I could see that some of them were actually… Touching themselves.
I know. Gross, right? They were just right there, sitting a couple of feet away from me, and… Stroking themselves to these two naked girls.
Through their pants. But yeah, it was pretty obvious.
And the girls were just loving the reaction they were getting. The more they saw the crowd getting turned on, the crazier they got.
They weren’t just moaning. They were actually screaming and saying all kinds of stuff.
Like, really nasty, dirty things.
I’m not sure I’m really comfortable repeating them in front of you.
You really want to know?
Okay, just brace yourself, and remember... you asked for it.
So… They said stuff like… ‘Stuff your tongue up my slutty little fuck box until I spray my pussy juice down your fucking throat, you cunt!’
I told you it was bad!
I’m sorry, but I did try to warn you. You insisted.
No, I can’t believe anyone talks like that… Especially not a lady! It was absolutely appalling!
Well, I couldn’t take it anymore. All that sex-stuff going on around me... It was like I was about to get sucked into a big orgy if I didn’t do something about it.
I knew I had to get out of there.
Yeah, it was time for plan B. If my arousal wasn’t going to go down, then I just needed to take care of it in private, like my dad told me.
Uh huh. I got up.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so danged embarrassed in my whole life.
I mean, I did my best to kind of cover it up, and everyone was so distracted by the girls’ show, they weren’t really paying me much attention.
It was still bad, though. Even telling you about it feels, sort of… humiliating.
I know. It's good to get it all out in the open with you. I just...
Okay, well, just so you know, it gets even worse from here. So, just… Be prepared.
Yeah, I know it’s like Reverend Gary says, we don’t drive out our demons by giving them shelter.
Right. We’ve got to confront them directly, baring our sins to God and to the people who love us deepest so that we can gain their grace and forgiveness.
And that’s how we cleanse ourselves. I know. But it’s never been this hard to be this totally honest about anything I’ve ever done before.
No, I guess it isn’t supposed to be easy… I know it can’t be easy on you either to hold witness for me.
I can see it. Your body is tense. You’re even squeezing your legs together and squirming in your seat. I’m really sorry I’m putting you through all this.
Alright, fine. You’re right. I’ll stop interrupting the story. The sooner it’s out, the sooner I can move on from it.
Just promise me, you’ll stay with me until the end.
Okay. Thanks.
So, with everyone watching the show, I was able to get away without drawing too much attention to myself. I had to walk kind of hunched over with my hands in front of me to cover my shame, though.
I went upstairs, where there were fewer people. Eventually I found an empty bathroom, so I could relieve myself privately.
Yes... Masturbation… Right.
I mean, I know we’re supposed to control our urges, but like… Everyone does it.
My dad said it was perfectly natural... And for guys like Vance, it’s as normal as eating.
I just meant for guys… but…
Uh huh. Sure. I guess… girls, too.
Oh… I mean I’ve never really thought about you… um… doing it, too.
No, it makes sense. Like if everyone does it... You’re part of everyone, and… I just…
Yeah. Like I said, friends don’t really think about each other in that way.
Uh huh...
I’m sorry. I really didn’t want things to change between us, but they are, aren’t they?
You’re okay with them changing?
Yeah, change can be good sometimes.
Uh huh. You’re right. If you really think about it, it would be kind of dumb to pretend like neither of us had that side to them. We’re both eighteen- technically adults. Adults have to deal with adult feelings, right?
Sure. It’s natural, and our nature was created by God...
Right. So, we’re both human. We both get tempted by our God-given urges sometimes, and we both... Um... masturbate to take care of them.
We don’t need to be ashamed to admit it, right?
Yeah. Right.
Okay, so I was in the bathroom, masturbating. I thought if I could just bring myself to climax, I could go back to the party and no one would be the wiser.
Sure, that’s a helpful way to look at it: I was doing it out of necessity, not out of perversion.
Well, I guess I was in such a rush that I forgot to lock the door.
Uh huh.
Yeah. I mean, imagine if it was you.
You’re trying to take care of these urges, sort of caught up in your deepest, most private moment of depravity-
Yes, necessary depravity, but all the same - Imagine being caught by a total stranger… Like you’re totally exposed in such an intimate moment of weakness with yourself at this crowded party, and someone walks in.
I froze. I didn’t know what to do.
It was a girl.
Uh huh.
I mean, yeah, I guess you could say she looked cute.
Well, she had chestnut hair, kind of wavy and down to her shoulders.
I don’t remember her eye color, but she had on a little black dress. Like everyone else, it was pretty tight, and it showed off… a lot.
Her boobs? I don’t know, maybe somewhere between the Asian girl and the blonde girl.
Yeah, not too big, but not tiny, either. Why do you want to know about everyone's boobs?
Just curious, huh? Okay.
Well, she froze too. I thought she was going to freak out or something. She didn’t, though. After a few seconds the shock wore off, and she got a kind of look in her eye. She was staring right at me.
No, not my eyes. I mean, at it. I was still holding it in my hand.
Yeah... She was smiling like a cat that’s cornered a mouse. She said something like ‘looks like you could use a hand.’ Something like that.
I don’t know. I guess I said something back, but I can’t remember. The next thing I know, she turned around and locked the door like I should have done earlier. Then she moved closer to me. She got right in front of me, put her arms around my neck, and kissed me.
Yeah, like the two girls from earlier... With her tongue and everything.
I mean… I wasn’t expecting it, and I didn’t know what to do. I just kissed her back, trying to copy what she was doing.
Yeah, I knew I shouldn’t, but... it felt really good.
Mhm.
Yeah, remember when we were sixteen and still in high school? A bunch people from our families were getting married that year, so we kept going to all those weddings?
You were getting so anxious because at the end of each ceremony, the groom kisses the bride. You were worried that if you didn’t know how to kiss, you’d embarrass yourself and your husband and everyone would laugh at you, and then he’d hate you forever. Remember that?
I remember you were totally freaked out.
You wanted to be prepared for when your wedding day finally came. So, for like a week after school, we used to sneak down to the creek and practice kissing. We swore we’d never tell anyone about it.
Yeah, until Mr. Frazier caught us and threatened to phone our parents. That’s right.
Well, kissing her wasn’t really like that.
No, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to criticize. It’s just that we were young and had no idea what we were doing. But you’re the only other girl I’ve kissed, and the only one I can really compare it to.
Yeah, this girl knew what she was doing… I think… And it was different than we thought it was supposed to be.
Well, what we used to do was kind of just mash our faces together, and with her it was… More… I’m not sure how to put it.
I mean… No, never mind... It’s stupid.
No. I was just going to say - Like, this is probably totally inappropriate, and I shouldn’t even put it out there, but… Maybe… I could… Show you?
You’re right. It wouldn’t be the first time we kissed.
And it would just be for educational purposes.
Uh huh. Friends helping friends. Nothing more.
Right.
Okay, so… Move a little closer… That’s good… Now close your eyes…
Right, so she, uh… Put her hand around the back of my head… Like this… And then she pulled me into her… And…
Mmm…
Yeah. So, how was that?
I know. Better, right?
You want to try it again?
Sure, practice makes perfect. Right.
Mmm… Mmm… Mmm…
Yeah, that was nice.
That’s it. So, now when you kiss your husband on your wedding day, you can do it right.
Mhm.
Anyway, this girl was kissing me like that for a little while, and it was making me even more aroused. But she was pushing her body so tight against me that my penis was caught between us.
Oh yeah. I’m a poet, but don’t even know it.
No, there was no way that she didn’t know how… Um… excited I was. I mean, she’d already caught me red handed, but she didn’t seem to care. She was kind of moving herself against me, rubbing me with her belly. There was nowhere to hide. And anyway, I’m a little ashamed to admit it, but I felt myself losing control.
Yeah. I knew it was wrong, and going against all the values we were brought up with. I knew I should save myself for my future wife, or at least someone that I really cared about. I shouldn’t just give my virginity to some total stranger in the bathroom at a frat party. But... the temptation was too strong, and I couldn’t think rationally anymore… I kind of allowed myself get carried away.
Yeah.
No, I know. It would be a lot for anyone to resist, but still…
Yeah, I guess it is hard to imagine how hard it can be to control temptation until you're actually in that situation. Until last night, I would have sworn that I'd never break as long as I kept my faith strong, but...
So, after awhile, this girl broke our kiss off.
I thought she was done, but then she got down on her knees.
There was a bathmat there.
Remember, my penis was exposed and... fully hard. Now it was right in front of her face.
Yeah, talk about awkward!
Well, she put her hands around it.
I mean, no one’s ever touched it before but me. Then she started to… uh... you know…
Masturbate me.
Well, it wasn’t exactly like when I do it myself.
Mhm. Similar, but different, too.
I gave up control to her and just received her pleasure.
Yeah, I was totally nervous. Like, I could barely breathe and I thought I might pass out. But it was a good, excited kind of nervous, mostly.
Oh yeah, kind of like the first hill of a roller coaster. That’s right.
So, then she started to kiss it.
Well, first she just kind of brushed her lips on it. Then she started licking around it, all over. Finally, she put it inside of her mouth.
Right. They do call it a blowjob, but you don’t actually blow on it.
More like sucking and caressing it with her tongue.
No, but I have to say it felt amazing, though!
Yeah, I can't even describe it.
Okay, so… Give me your hand… And now point out your finger… Just one…
Yeah, that’s it. So, it’s kind of like this… Mmm...
What do you mean what’s so special about sticking your finger in my mouth?
Oh... Well, imagine… You know that place between your legs that gets really sensitive and feels so good when you… um... masturbate?
Okay, well imagine all of those nerve endings were transplanted into your finger. Here, Let me do it again.
Mmm…
Do you get it now?
Mhm.
Oh, you shivered. Are you cold?
I can get us a blanket from my bed if you want.
Hold on. I’ll be right back…
Here. We can keep this over you. There you go.
Yeah, I’ll get under here, too. And why don’t you get closer?
Sure. Snuggle up right next to me. I'll put my arm around you like this to keep you warm… Though your body feels pretty warm to me, already. And you’re still really flushed, too. Are you sure you’re not coming down with something?
Alright. Alright... So, this girl with the brown hair at the party… She did a blow job on me in the bathroom...
Yeah. It only took like a minute for me to achieve climax.
Right inside her mouth.
I mean, I don’t know what most girls do, but she swallowed it all.
I’m not gonna lie... It was pretty sexy.
Right.
No, I guess it wasn’t that long. But she was nice about it.
She just said that it meant I’d last longer next time.
Yeah. She said we could go back to her place for round two.
Well, I thought that climaxing would have taken care of all my urges... and it did help my erection to go down… But my mind was still filled with temptations. I wasn’t thinking straight.
Yeah, I was so weak. All I could think of was that I wanted to go again with her… That I hadn’t gotten enough.
So, we went back to her room.
One of the dorms - You know, Regina Hall?
Right, it’s one of the nicer ones. She lived in this suite with her roommates, but each person had their own private room.
Yeah, a couple of her roommates were there, watching TV. I didn’t really get a chance to meet them, though, because she took me straight back to her room.
Not much. Just a bed, a closet, a desk, some shelves.
Anyway, she told me to lie down on her bed while she put on some music.
I don’t know. It was like some smooth R&B group, or something.
No, not Boyz II Men, but something like that. Anyway, she started moving with the music... dancing, but in this really slow, sexy way. It was almost hypnotizing.
Then she undid a zipper and slid the straps of her dress off her shoulder. She pushed the top down over her… boobs… down to her hips and then totally... off… All in time to the music, too.
Yeah. It’s crazy, right? I mean, before last night, I’d only seen one other pair of boobs in my whole life.
Well, yeah. But they were my mother’s so they don’t really count. But now, I’ve seen like three different girls completely naked in a single night.
Mhm.
She did have on panties. More like… What did you call them?… Bikini briefs?
Yeah, like that. They were black, just like her dress, and lacy.
Well, she didn’t have them on for long. After she stepped out of them, she crawled up on the bed, and started kissing me again.
Yeah, moving her body against me, too, just like last time. But we were lying down instead of standing.
I still had my clothes on. I was so caught up in watching her undress, I forgot to take them off.
No, I did. I mean, she kind of helped me take them off.
My shirt first, then my pants.
Huh?
Yeah, I was getting pretty aroused again. But this time I didn’t even care about trying to hide it. Not even when she yanked my underwear down.
Briefs... but not like the ones she had on.
Yeah.
Well, we kind of rolled around a little, kissing again, but both of us were totally naked this time.
To be honest, I think that was my favorite part of this whole thing. Not the sex, exactly, but feeling her next to me, her skin against mine. Just that physical closeness.
Yeah. Kind of like how you’re cuddled up next to me right now… But even more.
What?
You want to know what that felt like, too?
I don’t know, I mean...
You think we should?… What?
Oh, it might help you with your shivers? I see.
No, I noticed you were still feeling really uncomfortable. You’ve been pretty brave, but I could feel you squirming and fidgeting even more as I kept talking.
I don’t know. Maybe… Maybe we could try... If you think it could help...
I guess it would be okay as long as we stay under the blanket.
Right. It’s just skin. It’s not really that big a deal.
Yeah, like the skin on my arm is touching the skin on the back of your shoulders and that’s fine, isn’t it?
Right. So, like that… But... More…
Hm?
Oh, you read a study for your human lifespan class about this?
About how babies fail to thrive unless they get skin to skin contact with their mother...
Well, huh...
No, I didn’t know that.
Mhm.
Okay, hang on. Uh... Just hold the blanket, while I… And now… Alright. That’s it. Now it’s your turn.
Yeah. I’ll hold the blanket... And you can just take your clothes off underneath.
No, I promise I won’t peek. Go ahead.
Uh huh… Well… Okay… Done?
Yeah, come back here and let me put my arm around you again.
Sure. Yeah. I mean, it’s kind of weird, but… It feels pretty good, too. Not gonna lie.
Good. I’m glad you like it, too.
Yeah. Once you get over the weirdness of being this close to your best friend… naked... it’s actually kind of… nice.
Mhm.
I mean, I can’t see you, and you can’t see me, so it’s not like we’re really exposing ourselves to each other, or anything.
Yeah. As long as we keep our hands to ourselves, everything is fine, right?
Right.
Okay, so back to the story… Like I said, we were just lying together on her bed, kissing. Then she sort of put her hands on my shoulders, and was like pushing me downwards.
I mean, it felt like she was guiding me, so I followed.
I started kissing around her boobs, especially her nipples.
They were kind of hard and sort of sticking up. I sucked on them a bit and squeezed them with my hands and stuff. But then she was pushing me down again, sort of telling me to go even lower.
No, past her belly button.
Mhm. Her... Vagina.
She was just like the blonde girl from the party; totally bald down there.
Well, I guess I did have some idea what she wanted. But it was only because I watched the other two girls earlier.
That’s right, I kissed it.
Yeah. Real kisses - Like I showed you before. With tongue and everything.
Well, you know, my tongue, at least.
Yeah, it would be pretty weird if she had a tongue down there, too.
Um… It’s hard to describe. It was kind of sweet, but musky… It’s not really like anything else.
No, it wasn’t unpleasant, just different. Haven’t you…?
I just thought you’d maybe tasted yourself... You know... When you’re... taking care of your own urges.
No, no… But since we’re being totally honest... I did try it once... But mine is different. It’s got a different flavor and texture and everything.
And after awhile, I just got used to it. Sort of like how you can get used to any flavor after you've been eating it for awhile.
Right. Even Mrs. Lanover’s pies.
I don’t know. It seemed like I was down there for a long time.
I’m not sure. I don’t think she achieved climax. How would I tell? It’s different for girls, isn’t it?
It’s pretty obvious? Well, it wasn’t anything obvious with her.
Yeah, but I mean, it was my first time. I had no idea what I was doing down there. I just kept kissing and licking and...
What do you mean? How is that the same?
You were worried about being embarrassed on your wedding day…
But I should be prepared for my wedding night?
No, I wasn’t worried about it before, but now that you mention it…
Yeah, I did help you with your kissing anxiety, then.
Well, I’m glad it worked.
And now… You want to do the same for me? What do you mean?
Hey! What are you doing? Why are you grabbing my arm like that?… What?… Oh…
Oh… It’s… Really warm… And wet…
Uh huh.
Are you sure you want to do this?
I mean, we’ve been friends for so long, and things are really good between us, but we’ve never…
That was just for practice. It didn’t mean anything, though.
Torturing you? No, I didn’t mean to…
Jealous?…
No, I wasn’t thinking of it that way.
I wasn’t trying to make you jealous, I just…
No, I guess I didn’t consider you might have had feelings…
Because you never gave me any indication.
I....
I just thought you were happy with how things were. I never really thought you thought of me in that way.
No.
So, I kind of just… Turned that part of myself off for you. That way we could keep being friends and it wouldn’t ever come between us.
Yeah.
You didn’t, though…
And here I was, just going on about this other girl… I don’t even know what her name was. I’m such an idiot!
But all this time… You’ve been…
And everything I’ve been saying… You’ve just been picturing… What if…
Right. What if that was you?
It… It turned you on?
No, I can see that… I mean I can feel it.
Yeah.
Well, how does it feel for you now? Do my fingers feel good?
Move them more? Okay, how’s this?
Good.
We could practice kissing again… You know, like before…
Mhm… Mmm… Mmmmm…
Hey, watch it!The blanket!…
Oh my gosh! Your boobs, they’re…
No, they’re perfect! Beautiful.
I’m not just saying it. They’re easily the best pair I’ve seen in the last twenty-four hours… Or my whole life.
No, they’re big, but they’re nice and round and soft... And your nipples...
Mhm. Can I kiss them?
Yeah. They’re really danged cute.
Uh huh… Mmm… Mmm… Mmm…
How was that?
No, you feel even wetter down there.
What’s that?
You think I should try… Kissing you?... Down there?
Sure, like with whatshername. Okay…
I mean, I still don’t really know what I’m supposed to be doing down here... So, just tell me what you want.
Uh huh… Mmm.... Mmm… Okay…
You want me… Higher?
Okay, yeah… So, that’s your clitoris?
Your most sensitive spot... Okay, got it.
And you want me to…
Okay, just like this?
Mhm…
Mmm… Mmm… Mmm…
I love those little sounds you’re making.
Yeah, they kind of let me know if I’m doing a good job.
Uh huh… You can keep making them.
Mmm… Mmm… Mmm…
You.... You taste so good…
Even better than the other girl.
Yeah…
Mmm… Mmm… Mmm…
You’re?… You’re getting… Mmm… Close for me?… Close to achieving climax…
Okay… Mmm… I won’t change anything… Mmm… I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing… Mmm… Yes… Mmm… Yeah…
You’re… What?… Yes!… Mmm… Ah!… Oh my gosh!… Mmm… Mmm… Yes!… Mmm…
Hmm… Ahh…
You… Did you?…
Mhm, yeah. That was great.
No, it wasn’t like with the other girl. She never did that. But you…
Me?… Yeah… Here… Feel it for yourself…
Yeah, it’s really hard.
Uh huh…
Well, when she was ready, she told me to lie down, and she got on top of me, and…
Oh! Okay… Here we go, then…
The blanket fell on the floor, but I don' think we need it anymore.
Mmm, no… You feel... Great...
Really dang great!
It feels… You’re a lot tighter than the other girl.
No. That’s a good thing....
Yeah, your… Um… Vagina is making me feel so good.
Mhm....
How does it feel to have me inside you like this?
Yeah... So deep…
All these years, and…
Yeah… We should have done this… Years ago…
You… You want me to touch you again?
Your clitoris?…
Okay... How’s this?
Mmm… Yeah… I like how you’re moving on top of me.
You feel so good....
So… Fucking… Good…
Yeah…
Mhm… I’m getting close…
You too? Okay… Let’s… Let’s try…
Mmm… Mhm… Together… Let’s…
Oh my gosh!…
Oh God!
Oh....
Yes… Let me feel you!
Oh! Oh Yes!
Give it to me!
Yes!… Yes…
AH!
Ahh… Hmm…
No, no. Just... Let’s just stay like this for a minute.
Yeah. I just want to feel you close to me.
Mhm… Ahh… Yeah.... That’s good.
So, uh... Raise your hand now if you’re still a virgin…
That’s right.
I mean I’ve only been a member for less than a day, myself, but… Welcome to the club.
