*Thud thud thud*
Hey, come on! Hurry up in there!
Damn... Fucking college house parties...
Oh, hey. Sorry. I didn’t see you there.
Yeah, the bathroom’s occupied.
Huh?
Sorry, it’s hard to hear over the music and everything.
Yeah, I remember you. You’re uh....
Right! Jaime’s little sister.
Yeah, it’s been awhile. How is Jaime anyway?
Uh huh.... Yeah... Good... Well, tell her I said hey... and congratulations, I guess.
Yeah, that’s great.
Me? I’m doing pretty good. Just finished the first year of my MS program in photo-engineering.
Working with cameras....
No, like, the science of photography.
Uh huh, improving resolution, field depth, chromatic filtering and enhancement...
Yeah, a bunch of boring nerd stuff, but basically I study and research how to make pictures clearer and more realistic.
Well, you know, with every improvement, it’s like ‘look how crisp and clear this image is...’ Then ten years later you look back and see all the flaws and distortions and wonder how anyone thought that was the best we’d ever do.
Yeah, like watching movies you first saw as a kid again when you’re an adult. Compared to what we have today, they mostly look terrible.
I could talk for hours about it, but you’d probably get bored in like thirty more seconds... am I right?
Sure.
Anyway, what about you? What have you been up to? The last time I saw you, you were what? Sixteen?
Oh yeah? A sophmore now? Here at Clinton State?
That’s awesome. How are you liking it so far?
Yeah, it is harder than high school. Professors don’t do as much hand holding, and kinda actually expect you to work.
Well, some of them, anyway.
But I remember you used to be a pretty smart kid.
A pain in the ass sometimes, but pretty smart. I bet you did okay in your first year.
Really?
Wow, that is impressive.
No, I mean, I didn’t get straight A’s in my first year.
Yeah, my grades were all over the board... It took me a little while to figure out how to actually study and manage my time.
Yeah, too much partying and general screwing around... but I’m sure you know all about that now, eh?
Yeah. The freshman life.
But I never failed anything, so there’s that, right? Besides, I did get into the Master’s program, so I can’t have done that badly.
Right. All’s well that ends well.
Yeah, I know. What the fuck is taking so long in there, huh?
*Thud thud thud*
There’s a line! Hurry the fuck up!
I mean, not to be rude or anything, but... I really need to piss.
You, too, eh? I guess beer will do that.
How many did you have?
That many? You must be feeling pretty buzzed.
Ha! Sure.
Well, I guess I’m feeling kinda drunk, too.
No, no, not ‘fucked up’... just... you know... I’m doing pretty good right now.
Uh huh. Like an optimal level of drunk.
Loving life, yeah... But I still gotta piss.
Yeah, it does suck.
I don’t know. I thought about just going outside and finding a dark corner or something.
Lucky?
Yeah. I guess it’s different for guys. We can go pretty much anywhere. Unfortunately, there are people everywhere at this party.
Yeah, even in the dark corners.
Ha! I can only guess what they’re doing in those dark corners.
Uh huh.
So... last I heard from Jaime, you were dating a guy...
Trevor, okay. I guess you’re here with him now.
Really?
No, I mean, it just sounded like things were really serious between you guys... like ‘wedding bells’ serious.
Oh.
Oh...
I see...
I’m really sorry to hear that.
Two months ago?
Shit. That’s rough. How are you doing with it?
Yeah, it sucks now, but you’re going to be better off, you know?
Yeah, you don’t deserve that bullshit.
I see. So you’re just here with your friends?
Cool.
No. I mean, I’m dating a bit, but I’m not with anyone right now.
Exactly.
Uh huh.
Yeah, you look a lot different from how I remember you, too.
I mean, don’t take this the wrong way, but I always kinda remembered you as this skinny, dorky little brat who was always bugging her older sister.
Yeah, you definitely grew up... but in a good way.
No, you look... good...
Yeah.
Aw, thanks.
No. You’re right. I didn’t have any sense of style back then.
Shit. Don’t remind me.
Ha! I don’t know how I ever thought that looked cool.
Right.
Well, I guess, probably in my first year. I started dating this girl who had all these different ideas about my style. She was into fashion, and kind of took it as her mission to make me look cooler.
Sure, a geek to chic thing. Right.
Yeah. So, I ended up dumping the girl, but I kept the look.
Thanks.
Sure. But if you don’t mind me saying so, that dress is really working for you, too.
No, you look great. Seriously.
Yeah. It’s hard to believe that you’re that same dorky teen I used to know back then.
Mhm.
Well, you do look amazing in that dress.
No. I’m sure you’d look great without the dress, too.
No! Shit! I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant, you know, like, you could probably wear anything and make it look good.
I’m just saying that your body, um... you know... it filled out since the last time I saw you.
No, I’m not saying you got fat, but... you, um... developed?
No, I wasn’t trying to insinuate... uh... shit. Never mind...
Oh, I see... You’re fucking with me. I get it.
Yeah. You’re right. It’s hard to think straight when you’ve had a bunch of beers and you really need to take a leak. What the fuck is going on in there?
*Thud thud thud*
Come on! Get the fuck out of the bathroom!
Jesus, if they don’t come out soon, I’m gonna... I don’t know... go piss in a closet or something.
Yeah, look at you. You can’t even stand still. You’re squirming. You probably need to go just as bad as I do.
I know, I know. I should be a gentleman and let you go first, but fuck... I’m getting kinda desperate here, too.
Oh, wait... They’re coming out.
Hey! Fuck! Finally!
No, how about you go fuck yourself? We’ve been waiting out here forever.
Asshole.
Yeah, it does smell like weed in there.
Okay, okay. You go first. I’ll try to hang on... Just... be quick, okay?... Please?
What? What do you mean we can go together?
Are... Are you sure?
How’s that even supposed to work?
Oh, I see.
One of us uses the toilet, and the other... in the shower.
No, I know people pee in the shower all the time. It’s just...
Okay, yeah, we can use the shower curtain for privacy.
I mean, if you don’t mind...
Okay. I’ll go in the shower. You lock the door and I’ll pull the curtain closed.
Just let me know when you’re done and it’s all clear to come out again.
Got it? Good.
Oh. My. Fucking. God... Ahhh...
Right. When you hold it so long, it does feel really good to let go.
No, I wouldn’t say it’s better than sex... but it does come close.
Yeah, honestly, I don’t know if I would have made it if I had to wait for you to go, too. Thanks for being cool.
Uh huh. Right...
It’s kinda weird being in here with you doing this, though. Like, I can hear you.
No, I’m not like one of those guys who gets off on watching girls pee.
Well, I mean, I’m thinking about it now, but only because you brought it up.
Does that mean you’re over there picturing me with my hands on my dick?
Well, how else would I do it?
No, never mind. Forget I asked.
No, you’re the one who’s making it weird. Not me.
Shut up.
You might be all grown up now, but you’re still a dork, you know.
Yeah.
Did I just hear the toilet flush?
Does that mean it’s safe to come out now?
Yeah, I should probably run the water a bit to wash everything down the drain. Hang on.
Ah! Shit! Fuck! God damn it!
No, it just sprayed out all over the front of my fucking pants.
Hey! I thought we were going to keep the curtain closed.
No. I was finished, but...
Yeah, it’s not funny.
Okay, maybe a bit ironic. After all this time trying not to piss myself, I finally get to use the bathroom and I still look like I pissed myself.
No, it’s just water. How was I supposed to know it would spray like that?
Like, who keeps their shower head like that?
Look at my pants; They’re soaking.
You have an idea?
Yeah, good thinking. I bet there’s a hair dryer somewhere in here. Check under the sink.
Cool, bring it here and plug it in.
Thanks.
Yeah, right there.
Did... did you just pat the front of my pants?
Oh, just to see how damp they were...
No, I wasn’t thinking about anything else.
Yeah, don’t worry. Forget about it. It was nothing.
Ha! No. You’re right. Ending up in a bathroom with Jaime’s little sister pointing a hair dryer at my crotch was maybe the last thing I expected when I came to this party.
Yeah. I think it’s working. But... can you move it around a bit?
It’s just when you keep it in one spot, it gets really hot.
Right. We don’t want any burnt wieners.
What?
Take them off?
No, I get what you’re saying. I mean, it would probably be easier to dry them if I wasn’t still wearing them, but...
Okay, this is kind of embarrassing...
Well... to be honest... I’m not wearing anything underneath.
Commando, yeah.
I do it most of the time. I just like feeling free and unrestrained down there, you know?
Oh, you do know?
You like to go like that, too?
Sure, when you’re not on your period. That makes sense.
Slutty? No, I wouldn’t say that.
Oh, you like to feel a little slutty sometimes? Alright, yeah. It is kinda slutty, then. I just didn’t want to say anything.
Well, I guess I’m not in any position to judge, am I?
Oh, so you enjoy the thrill of it, do you? Like keeping a dirty little secret between your legs?
Yeah?
No, I can see how that could be exciting, letting guys get just a little peek at just the right moment. It sounds like fun.
I mean, I know I’d get excited if a girl did that to me.
Well... I mean...
Ah! Ah! Ah! You’re doing it again! It’s getting too hot.
I know. It probably would be better than getting boiled in my own pants.
Yeah... Okay... I guess... if you’re not going to be too freaked out or anything.
No, I know you’re the one who suggested I take them off. I just... I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. You know, like I’m exposing myself to you.
Okay. Yeah. I’m sure you’ve seen dicks before. But not mine.