Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login
chrscllngs
Over 90 days ago
Male, 46
United Kingdom

Forum

I always find my wife sexy in her nurses uniform, but then she'll start talking about prolapsed vaginas and how she was playing with a uterus and it kinda puts me off!
been there and done it too many times before, but now? no, with relationships come compromise, you have to take the rough with the smooth! So what if my wife isn't as sexual as I am, she is my wife, the mother of my children, my best friend. Chatting on here without her knowing is one thing, but physically cheating on her, no, I wouldn't do again, my balls look much better attached to my body than on a plinth on the mantle piece!
Quote by Head
Hey am I the only Taff on here ??
P.S. Delboyst200,, unlucky at the weekend mate



am half welsh, does that count?
Rules of the game

1. Kill a few flies.


2. Put them in the sun to dry for one hour.


3. Once they are dry, pick a pencil and paper... Let your imagination flow.












how is everyone in the Uk today, glad its friday? Out on the pop over the weekend? Happy Friday everyone. Chrs
is all too true!!


1. Chris 5453 up, 1936 down

A kid who is always up to party and have a good time

Dude, I don't wanna go to that party unless Chris comes.
chill cool bitchin chillax friggin sweet
by 123cjm Jan 1, 2008 share this

2. chris 4518 up, 1444 down

is a slang for huge cock
like incredibly huge.
oh man I wish I had a chris in me.
magnum trogan wow sexy hottie dayum
by gypsy.gypsy Jun 25, 2008 share this

3. chris 3730 up, 1388 down
The man of my dreams, a man who is always happy never stops smiling, makes me feel as if I could fly, a man to spend the rest of my life with.
Have you met my chris he's the man of my dreams!
Do any men out there actually find these women attractive?
They don't have enough soft and curvy bits for my liking, not saying I am completely disgusted by them, but just not my bag x
1. Slugs – Shaun Hutson
2. Metamorphosis – Frank Kafka
3. Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
4. Mein Kampf – Adolf Hitler
5. The BFG – Roald Dahl
6. Rats – James Herbert
7. It – Steven King
8. A Clockwork Orange – Anthony Burgess
9. The Exorcist – William Peter Blatty
10. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
11. Along Came a Spider – James Patterson
12. The Bible – The Old Testament according to Spike Milligan
13. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas – Hunter S Thompson
14. Lord of the Flies – William Golding
15. The Picture of Dorian Gray – Oscar Wilde
Quote by newsletter
I remember going into a newsagents for a paper soon after I moved to Devon and the lady assistant called me 'lover'.
I was quite surprised as I had only just met her.

Sorry I digress.


where abouts in Devon are you?, or, Where you be to?
Quote by newsletter
I remember going into a newsagents for a paper soon after I moved to Devon and the lady assistant called me 'lover'.
I was quite surprised as I had only just met her.

Sorry I digress.


I always remember the guy who used to work in the corner shop by us, always used to call me 'cock', 'ow be acking cock'

Still makes me laugh now
Quote by newsletter
I'm also from Devon, but I don't talk like this.

"Thanks very much, you on my wifes side now then, I'll have to come and get you on my traker! as my orse is zik beat_deadhorse"

Al'right my ansome.


I obviously talk like this every day! Proper job!
and some more

Butt (but) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: The organ of mooning.

Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

Communication (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.

Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything with one ball, two beers or three stooges.

Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An Embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

Glass Ceiling (glas see-ling) n.
Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business.
Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up.

Making Love (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink.
(Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it.)

Remote Control (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Taste (tayst) v.
Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.
Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad prior to tossing it out.

Thingy (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing ball without a cup.

Wants and Needs (wontz and needz) n.
Female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship.
Male: Food, sex and beer.
Quote by chefkathleen
takes the piss constantly



Thanks very much, you on my wifes side now then, I'll have to come and get you on my traker! as my orse is zik
Quote by jackinandjillin
oooohhh aaarrr they dont have a hope in hell on lush, mate


I know mate, but to be fair, not many understand Devonian or Cornish! even my wife, from Wigan, takes the piss constantly with my long vowels! 'I have' is the one she picks up on all the bloody time - oi aaaaav!

hello all from UK again
Quote by jackinandjillin
You missed one chrscllngs, "ooooohhhhhhhh aaarrrrr." I`ll let you do the translation!!!!!!!!!!! Ithink it would be in this context though.
ooooooohhhhhhhhhh aaaaaarrrrr bet their is plenty of land you`d like to get your hands on on lush
And I would gess you are a pleasent fucker, oooohhh aaaarrrr


ooh ar ooh ar, tis mity smeechy ure bay!

oh yes, oh yes, it is a little bit misty here today mate!

and you leave my pheasants alone! they can quite happily pluck emselves!

haha
Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.


Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.


The Clothes:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?


Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress -- a whimper, a frown -- you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.


Dummy:
1st baby: If the Dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the Dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Nappies:
1st baby: You change your baby's nappy every hour, whether they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.


Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.


Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.


At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.


Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.

3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!
Men Are Just Happier People--
What do you expect from such simple creatures?

* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can be President.
* You can never be pregnant.
* You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
* You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
* Car Mechanics tell you the truth.
* The world is your urinal.
* You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
* Same work, more pay.
* Wrinkles add character.
* Wedding dress £5000. Tux rental-£100.
* People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.
* The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* One mood all the time.
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
* You know stuff about tanks.
* A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
* You can open all of your own jars.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
* Your underwear is £5.00 for a three-pack.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You almost never have strap problems in public.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* Everything on your face stays its original color.
* The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.
* You only have to shave your face and neck.
* You can play with toys all your life.
* Your belly usually hides your big hips.
* One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
* You can wear shorts no matter what how your legs look.
* You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
* You have the freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
* You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
> Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

> Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

> Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

> Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

> Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

> Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

> Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

> Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

> If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

> Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

> Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

> Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

> Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

> Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

> How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

> When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

> Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

> In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

> How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

> If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

> And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up skydiving!

> AND MY FAVORITE....

> The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
Quote by chefkathleen
LMAO Chrscllngs. That was great!! Thank-you!


Always happy to help, just imagine you're a farmer, with a piece of long grass hanging out of your mouth, and just to clarify who the worzels are http://www.thewurzels.com/picalbum/bandinstruments.gif with their great songs like, I've got a brand new combine harvester - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btEpF334Rtc and I am a cider drinker - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zwwqEm5YhQ, pure genius!!!
x
I would say this is just for our Transatlantic friends, but most people in the UK cant understand us Devonians either!

AREE GAWN? Are you going?
AVEE? Have you?
AVEEDUNUN? Have you taken the necessary steps to complete your course of action? AVEEGOTUN? Have you found what you were seeking?
AVEESEENUN? Have you seen that for which you seek?
AWRIGHT 'N AREE? All right then are you? BETTERGOGITUN I had better depart and fetch the article for which I was sent
BINUNDUNUN I have been and carried out my allotted task
BOROWUN KANEE? Can he borrow him/her/it? CAIN TELLY I cannot, or will not, give you the information you seek
COSTY MUCH DIDA? Are you prepared to tell me how much it cost you?
CUMUZ ON NOW Let's go!
DEAROVIM or DEAROBM How nice of him
DIDDY ABM? Did you have it?/ Did he/she have it?/Did anyone have it?
DIDDY NAWN? Did you know the person of whom we speak?
EAVYIZZA Heavy is it?
EDGE Hedge or wall
ELLYDOINOV What are you doing/trying to do?
EZ Yes
EZYAU I am in agreement with you on this matter EZYAW (see EZYAU)
FAITHURGOTUN My father has that which you seek
FARIZA? How far away is it?
FERCRISAEIK For goodness sake!
GAWN AREE (see AREE GAWN) GIBMEREMIT Give the item to me for a short while GIBMTHABOY Give it to the boy/Delegate the job to the boy
GOTUNAVEE (see AVEEGOTUN)
GOYNARY? Are you going?
G'SONUPANGIDDEN Please go up and get it for me
GUSSON I don't see your point, get on (your way) HOFFICER (Police) Officer, no other Cornish dialect word start with an 'aitch'
IDN Is not / hidden e.g. IDNIZZA = hidden is it or IDNIDNIIZZA? It isn't hidden is it?
ILLY Extremely steep or mountainous
IZZA Is it / are you
IZZE (see IZZA)
IZZUN (see IZZA)
KILLUN DIDDY? Did you terminate his/her/its existence? also used for all animals
LEEBM DIDDY? Did you leave him/her/it?
LEEBM LAWN Leave him/her/it alone
LIKUN DIDDY? Did you like him/her/it, see previous LIKUN DOEE? Do you like him/her/it? MUMSMAIDDUN It was made by my mother. MAITHER Mother
MEENUN DOEE? Do you mean it?
MENTUT DIDDY? Did you mean it?
MYGAR Good heavens above! / Good gracious me! NAWN DIDDY? (see DIDDY NAWN)
NAWTHUN WIDDEN Nothing with him/her/it e.g. Whisky,
NAWTHUN WIDDEN OLLER TUEN DIDDY? Did you try to attract their attention by calling? OWAREE? How are you?
OWAREE PARD? How are you, friend?
PALLY WIDDEN IZZY? Is he a friend of yours? PALLY WIDDEN WAZZA? Were you a friend of his?
PARD Close friend/acquaintance/stranger of either sex.
PICHER Picture
PIZEN DAWN Heavy rain
PURDY IZZA? Is he/she/it beautiful?
PURDY SAPICHER Pretty as a picture
PURDY WANNA? Wasn’t that beautiful?
RONG WAZZA? Were you incorrect?
RUFAZRATS Feeling poorly, also used to describe anything not working correctly
SEENUN AVEE? Have you seen him/her/it? STAYLUN Borrowing something, with no intention of returning it!
TEEON IZZA? Is the tea on? (could also be TEEON IZZE or TEEON IZZUN)
TELLUN DIDDY? Did you tell him/her/it? TOSSNEER Will you thrown it to me?
ULLON YAW Hold on you! e.g. "ULLON YAW" ZED HOFFIZER PENBURTHY ULLONAMINIT Please wait a short time VELLEN Those which HOFFIZERS seek
WERZETOO EN? Where is he/she/it? WOZELIKE? How are you, How is it, also used when someone has done something silly WOZMAR WIDDEN? What’s wrong with him/her/it? WOTEEGOYNDOWIDDEN What are you going to do with it?
WURZTOOEN Where is it, then?
YAW You
ZED Said e.g. EZEDUN - He said it
Quote by chefkathleen
I wish someone could translate this thread into English. I mean American English. LOL


sorry that would be my fault, we all speak funny down ere
Quote by MMonroe
Quote by chrscllngs
Hi all, am in sunny Devon, land of the combine harvester and the Wurzels


Alroit my luuurrrrve


I'M GOOD BIRD, AWRIGHT 'N AREE?
Hi all, am in sunny Devon, land of the combine harvester and the Wurzels