My Dad's old favorite still brings a laugh.
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally shits in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides
I started to once then I realized, WHEN I have an orgasm how are they I going to untangle my legs from the steering wheel at the scene of the accident.
I very rarely wear a bra no benefit for me. But if it comes with some sexy panties, enhancing the look and adds to the playtime, then the bra comes off 1st cause my nipples beg for it.
Absolutely, Get's me even wetter! From my fingers and ALWAYS from my lover's fingers, lips and tongue.
English was never my favorite class, but I wanted to slowly tell some of my experiences and now wish I was a better student. I've since discovered you really can't teach an old dog new tricks.
I pounded out a short story and was wondering if you would help me get it published in here?
Starting with, right behind my ears then down my neck and across my shoulder. Over to my lips, then down under my chin then down lower nipples and then my tummy and belly button drop down to my mons, but not my labia...yet. Please kiss my toes, my ankles up the back of my calves, thighs and butt cheeks. Then kiss my taint and back up to my mons. If I haven't already cum ten times your moving too fast and you kiss my lips and clit.
I think that pretty much explains where I like to be kissed. ;)
Had a wicked orgasm pressed up against the washing machine on spin cycle once.
Not sure you'd call it a "flash"! to me a flash is "whip em out" and see who gets a look. I love to tease and I've subtly exposed both many times.
Panties, only when I wear pants, so lets say panties 5 days a year. Thong, I'd say 250 days a year. Commando 110 days a year!
Yes, It's a great tension and stress reliever.
I gotta go with shaving and not just the facial hair!
Yes, I love to talk dirty and love to be talked to dirty!
Yes, at least once a week. In my office usually, but sometimes in the sauna or locker room showers or maybe even one of our suites.
Just a couple of close ones.
Yes, great way to end a busy day if I don't have a friend for the evening.
Hell yeah! I wouldn't want to cheat myself and hold back on the pleasure, so I'm sure I get pretty loud!
Before is good. With is great! Preferably before and along with! After, and this really is rare, … well then time for some tongue action!
Heck no, not any more! But I heard a different reference from the boys, SMILF!
It going to cost you seven to eight figures.
Mmm and voluptuous is a good thing too. Love my friends to have some curves. So to me YES size matters. 
Sorry, couldn't resist!
Can I do I a little more? 