Quote by BelleduJour
I've spoken about my own sexless marriage on various other threads before, so here I go again...

I was married for 20 years. We were that couple that fell madly in love and couldn't keep our hands off of each other. But like all good things, it started to change and shift, for HIM in particularly and especially after we started our family. Sex got less and less frequent to the point where it came to a full stop altogether. When we did have sex, I was always left feeling empty, like he wasn't really present, that he just wanted to get it over with. It was never the same again. I was young and didn't know any better than to just suck it up thinking if I changed myself, things would get better again. And so I did, I read books and watched videos, I lost weight (which eventually tuned into bulimia), changed my hair colour, cooked more, cleaned better, complained less but it was all for not. I started to develop a serious complex and it took a toll on my self esteem. The sadness grew into frustration which grew into resentment. After YEARS of going without sex completely and only the occasion touch or kiss, I couldn't take it any more. I spent years in therapy on my own to help deal with this and then begged my hubby to go to couple's therapy but he refused. I was WAY too young to be in a sexless marriage and the thought of spending another 10-20 years still sexless, was enough to make me want to commit suicide.

I agree that sex isn't and shouldn't be everything and am well aware that sex fades and/or shifts the longer you're together with your SO but at the same time, sex is a form of intimacy which is critical to a healthy relationship. It's a barometer for how the relationship is going. Unless you both settle into a place where sex isn't a priority and are content with it, great, more power to you. But if one of you makes the decision for both of you that sex isn't that important and/or pulls if off the shelf without your consent, that's when it becomes problematic.

After 20 years of being together and spending nearly half of that marriage pretty much sexless despite countless attempts at trying to make it work, I had enough and chose to tap out. It was the hardest decision I ever made because I still loved him but I knew there was a part of me that was dying a little bit every day that I continued to spend in that relationship. It takes two people to make it work, bottom line. I suppose I could have stayed married forever and taken on plenty of lovers and played on Lush or other similar sites where I could get my rocks off as often as I wanted but that wasn't the kind of life I wanted to live nor the kind of woman I wanted to be. No offense to anyone who does this, but it's just not for me.

I'm always conflicted when I hear of people living like this, sticking it out in their sexless marriage or relationship - a part of me applauds them while another part of me shakes my head. Some of them stick it out because they genuinely love for their partner while others do it because they're just scared to be alone or can't be bothered to divide the property and split up the family. I've been there and therefore I completely understand. I can see both sides of the coin. To stay or go, neither one of those decisions is an easy one. At the end of the day, we have to live with our choices. The question is what are we willing to live with...or without.

Very well said. I miss the passion. I miss the wanton need for each other and knowing she wants me. It has been years. 2014 is the year that I am going to look for some satisfaction.

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