Rather new here on lush. Since joining I have posted three stories and attempted a 4th. I received a rejection stating that format was wrong. It said something to the effect that with vocal from a character it needed to be 'double carriage'. My question is easy, and certain I'll slap my hand against my head when I get a response but.......what the hell is DOUBLE CARRIAGE???? Is it the same as 'double space'? And if so, does one word require the entire storys format to be double spaced (carriaged)? Thanks in advance for any help you might be able to provide. below is the paragraph with the only line of vocal from my character. So you see my confusion.
irishmik60
In little time I felt her thighs harden, her lungs gasp, and felt the rush of her orgasm on my face. I drank her essence like a man possessed. As she laid her head in her hands, I stood momentarily and dropped my sweats, my cock standing out like it hadn't in years. I could wait any more, pushing the fat head against her I thrust deep in one long lunge. "Arrrrrgggghhhhh", she gasped!
LOL, Jill — You type a little faster than I do!
In little time I felt her thighs harden*, her lungs gasp and felt the rush of her orgasm on my face. I drank her essence like a man possessed.*
As she laid her head in my hands I stood momentarily and dropped my sweats. My cock was standing out* like it hadn't in years. I couldn't wait any more and pushing the fat head against her I thrust deep in one long lunge.
"Arrrrrgggghhhh," she gasped.
That's a correctly paragraphed version of your submission if you ignore the asterisks '*' which mark certain words because:
With respect, there are a couple of things you could change to tighten up the piece.
Cocks and nipples 'harden', thighs 'tighten' or 'spasm'...
'Like a man possessed' is somewhat a cliche. (I over use this one myself!!!)
'Like a man with an unquenchable thirst' avoids this.
Cocks can be 'standing out', but 'standing stiff', rigid' or 'iron-hard' sounds sexier.
'Fat' cock again doesn't quite sound sexy enough. Try 'thick' or 'straining' etc...
'Aaaaaarrrrrrggggggh' is good for guys but women tend to go 'Ooooooooohhhhhh' !!!!!!
Here's an edited version with additions:
"Within moments I felt her thighs tighten and grasp me firmly. As her lungs gasped and she moaned I felt the rush of her orgasm on my face. I drank of her essence like a man who had just walked out of a desert might drink an ice-cold beer.
As she laid her head in my hands I stood momentarily and dropped my sweats. My cock was standing stiff and iron-hard like it hadn't in years. I couldn't wait any more and pushing the thick, straining head against her I thrust deep in one long lunge.
"Oooooohhhhhhhhh," she gasped."
My own work routinely gets sent back for re-editing. It's very hard to edit your own work since you often can't 'see-the-wood (ahem) from-the-trees, as it were!
I find ignoring a finished piece and returning to edit it several days later is a good tactic. Except sometimes I'm so anxious to post a new story that I can't wait!!!
Mick, I make no claims to be a better writer than you or anyone else here but it IS a writer's forum and I have been helped and encouraged by many fine writers here. I merely offer an opinion.
Best of luck!
xx S
Hi Irishmik60,
The responses of some users may be confusing. When they write "two spaces" they do not mean hit the space key twice. They mean hit the Enter key twice, as some users do note. Hitting the Enter key twice will put a blank line between your paragraphs and make your paragraphs easier to read.
