Hi All,
I posted a story yesterday (it's still waiting moderator approval). A friend here on Lush helped me polish it up. But there's one sentence that I think could be made better. It's the opening sentence of the story, and it goes like this: "Now, not to brag or anything, but I used to be counted among the most handsome guys in my college." (That's the only part in the whole story which sounds kind of boastful, BTW.)
I don't like the word "something" there. These are the alternates I came up with:
1) Not to brag, but...
2) I'm not bragging, but...
3) No, I am not bragging here, but...
4) Don't think of me as a brag for saying this: I used to be...
But none of them seems satisfactory. So, can anyone show me how to rephrase this sentence better?
Thanks a lot,
-- Cunnilinguist
"I don't think of myself as a bragger, as I don't like to brag, but"...
"I don't consider myself a bragger, but"
"I really don't know how it happened, but"
Maybe there's one there you like to use?
Not having read your story, myself - may I suggest that you simply eliminate the issue and make your character an arrogant narcissist, right off the bat. Otherwise, I agree..it does seem more like an awkward apology.
He is bragging. Is he ashamed for doing so, now? Has he become more humble with age?
Without knowing the direction you are heading with 'him'...it is difficult to judge or suggest a solution.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Okay here goes the first pragraph:
Now, not to brag or anything, but I used to be counted among the most handsome guys in my college. Trust me on this, guys: you can very easily get the high of it when you notice girls’ heads turning in your direction wherever you go, and you can start being a real prick even if you used to be the humblest person in the world.
But I tried my best to not let it get inside my head...
I replaced it with this: "It is not my intention to brag when I say that..."
I guess that will be fine. Thank you, shakma, WellMadeMale, for the comments.
how about:
I used to be good looking in college.
I don't think the character needs to justify the bragging. Making him say "not to brag or anything" makes it feel like he really is bragging. Let the story flow and you don't need to worry about it, we'll accept the characters words with out the justification. Anyway the use of the words "used to be" says he may not look like that now and therefore he has a honest sense of how he looks.
What did you go with in the end?
--- I know I am bragging, but....
----In all honesty.......
Back in my college days, I was considered to be quite handsome.
I don't have any good suggestions on the phrasing. But this discussion just reminds me of how handsome I was back in college....
"i used to be quite th' looker in my salad days.." how's that..?!
"if it looks like i'm getting smaller, it's because i'm leaving" -David Allen Coe
Don't Laugh but in college I was once considered handsome
or
My fall from grace was preceeded my splat ,be that as it may, in college I was hot , I was do-able ,daytime do-able
My tumble from grace preceeded my splat ,be that as it may, in college I was hot , I was do-able ,daytime do-able
