A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business
trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely
healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little
something to keep her occupied while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking
around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that
was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through
the dildos, looking for something special to please his
wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.
He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well,
I don't really know of anything that will do the trick.
We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so
on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied
for weeks, except---" and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but
there is The Voodoo Penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?"
he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very
old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic
images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking
dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn
deal.It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what
it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted
over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The
whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so
that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door
split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"
The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and
lay there quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but
finally surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special
dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo
Penis, my crotch."
He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine
while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the
wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people
who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered
the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis,
my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and
started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing
she'd ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering
orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd
had enough.
She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting.
She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her
husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried,
she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive,
quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another
incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the
road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled
her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much
she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't
had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this
Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop
screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and
in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo
Penis, my ass!"
The rest is history.
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