A genie was going to grant a man one wish...just one.
The man said "I wish for a road that goes around the whole world. My wife doesn't like to fly and we don't like boats, so I'd like a road so we can drive and travel the whole world."
The genie said "Oh I can't do that. The earth is constantly shifting and the oceans and everything...impossible. Since I can't do that you can pick another wish."
"OK", the man said. "I wish that I knew what women wanted."
The genie said "Would you like the road to be 2 lanes or 4?"
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?"
"Moses," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Moses?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller, Jesus."
Man rings his boss first thing in the morning. "What's the difference between your daughter and this morning?"
Boss sighs "I don't know what?"
"I'm not coming in this morning"
:d/
There were two guys who happens to be the best of friends..
While walking down the street to meet their date in a few minutes, the first guy asks his buddy..."DO I LOOK OKAY?"
His buddy stops and drops his jaw staring at this buddy and started singing and twirling around with a flower on his hands.. "WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE, THERE'S NOT A THING THAT I WOULD CHANGE, CAUSE BOY YOU'RE AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE."
The first guy looked at him seriously and punched him in the face and walked out on him..
------
hahah sorry its corny but i really find it funny
My girlfriend never warned me about the ceiling mirror in her room. I lay down ready for her, then ran out screaming.
I looked up and thought i was being attacked by a naked skydiver.
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant?
Ken cums in another box.
Two executives, Gary and Bill, staggered out of their company's Christmas party in London. Bill stumbled across the street, while Gary stumbled into a tube station. When Bill reached the other side, he noticed Gary emerging grom the station stairs.
''Where have you been?'' Bill slurred.
''I don't know,'' replied Gary, ''But you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!''
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both very, very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk, and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties, and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls had their tinkle, they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife, was still in bed.....hung over.
So he phoned the other husband and said, 'These girls' nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst; my wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with gold ribbon and a card stuck to her ass that said:
"From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
This one was voted "Joke of the Year" for 2010, though I admit it's a bit far fetched...
JOKE OF THE YEAR
Two women were sitting together, quietly minding their own business.
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Three old men were talking in a retirement home about their problems.
The first says, "Every morning at 7:00 I get up and try to urinate." "All day long I try to urinate , but can't."
The second says,"Every day at 8:00 I wake up and try taking a bowel movement." " All day long I try and can't."
The third says, " I'm ninety years old." "Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate." " Every morning at 8:00 sharp, I have a bowel movement."
"That's great," one of the other men said, "What's the problem?"
"I don't wake up until 9:00."
This man walks into a bar and on the counter is a jar full of money. The guy goes up to the bartender and asks, "What's the jar of money for?"
The bartender replies, "If you can make my horse laugh, I'll give you the jar of money."
The man walks over to the horse and whispers something in it's ear and the horse starts laughing. He walks back to the bar, grabs the money and walks out.
Exactly one week later, in the same exact bar, in the same exact spot, is another jar of money. The man walks up to the bartender and asks, "What's the jar of money for?"
The bartender replies, "Well, ever since you came in here last week, my horse hasn't stopped laughing. If you can make him stop laughing, I'll give you the jar of money."
The man walks over to the horse and does something to it and the horse immediately starts crying. He walks back to the bar, grabs the money and heads for the door. Before he reaches the door, the bartender stops him and asks, "How did you get the horse to laugh and how did you get him to cry?"
"Well, the first time I came in, I told the horse my dick was bigger than his, and this time I showed him."
The scene is a divorce court somewhere in Disneyland. Mickey Mouse is seeking to divorce his wife, Minnie.
"So, as I understand it," summed up the Judge, "you wish to divorce your wife on the grounds of insanity."
"No," Mickey replied angrily. "I didn't say she was crazy! I said she was fucking Goofy!"
Doctor- I have some bad news, and some very bad news for you Jim
Jim- Well,might as well give me the bad news first Doc
Doctor- The lab called with your test results. It looks like you've only got 24 hours to live
Jim-24 hours? Thats terrible! What could be worse than that??
Doctor-I've been trying to reach you since yesterday
