Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at one nautical mile per hour = Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = 1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line
Time between slipping on a peel and hitting the pavement = bananosecond
453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
1 unit of suspense in a mystery novel = 1 whod unit
100 rations = 1 C-ration
10 monologs = 5 dialogs
2 monograms = 1 diagram
8 nickels = 2 paradigms
2 wharves = 1 paradox
2 snake eyes = 1 paradise
2 baby sitters = 1 gramma grampa
100 Senators = not one decision
10^18 acts = 1 exact
10^15 shops = 1 petashop
10^12 bulls = 1 terabull
10^9 antics = 1 gigantic
10^9 "lo"s = 10^21 picolos = 1 gigalo
10^6 aches = 1 megahurtz
10^6 phones = 1 megaphone
2 x 10^3 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
10^1 cards = 1 decacards (or 52 cards = 1 decacards)
3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
5 dialogs = 1 decalog
10^-1 mates = 1 decimate
10^-1 mals = 1 decimal
10^-1 bels = 1 decibel
10^-2 mental journeys = 1 centimental journey
10 millipedes = 1 centipede
10^-3 of an ion = 1 million
10^-3 Helen of Troys = 1 milliHelen, the amount of beauty required to launch one ship
10^-6 fish = 1 microfiche
10^-6 phones = 1 microphone
10^-6 bottles of mouthwash = 1 microscope
10^-12 really big scares = 1 picoboo
10^-18 boys = 1 attoboy
100 Senators X 10^6 phones=1000^6 achy,phony baloney
Q: Divide 14 sugar cubes into 3 cups of coffee so that each
cup has an odd number of sugar cubes.
A: 1,1,12
Riposte: 12 isn't odd!
A: It's an odd number of cubes to put in a cup of coffee (groan)
Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
From: geenius
Proof: Girls are evil:
First we state that girls require time and money :-
Girls = Time x Money
And we know that time is money :-
Time = Money
Therefore :-
Girls = Money x Money
Girls = (Money)^2
And because 'money is the root of all evil'
Girls = (Evil)^1/2 x (Evil)^1/2
Girls = Evil
Note:
A problem with this proof occurred to me immediately: Since evil is
negative, the square root of evil must be imaginary, which would mean that
money is imaginary, and therefore, by definition, so is time.
Then I realized that, in my life at least, that's pretty much true.
M___________________________________________________________________________
From: rdownes
Proof: Girls are good:
First we state that girls require time and money :-
Girls = Time x Money
And we know that time is money :-
Time = Money
Therefore :-
Girls = Money x Money
Girls = (Money)^2
And because 'money is the root of all evil'
Girls = (Evil)^1/2 x (Evil)^1/2
But evil is negative, and hence
(Evil)^1/2=i(|Evil|)^1/2
Multiplying the two imaginaries gives -Evil,
which is of course GOOD!
M___________________________________________________________________________
From: raymond
Proof: Girls are the root of all evil.
if girls require time _and_ money, should that be stated
Girls = Time + Money
instead? This leaves us with, using the well-known fact that time is
money which you mentioned,
Girls = 2*Money
Under the assumption that money is the root of all evil, it can now be
found that
Girls = 2*sqrt(evil)
In words, girls are _twice_ the root of all evil, instead of just evil,
as you proved.
M__________________________________________________________________________
From:c17gmaster
There have been some disputes over the initial equation. I would like to
solve these. The correct equation is:
G = tm | where G = Girls, t = time, and m = money
Girls are equal to time and money. Note that it is not negative time or
money. Think of it this way: You can either have the girl, or you can have
free time and money. They are equivalent.
Also note that time AND money is time multiplied by money. The Boolean
operator "AND" is best represented by multiplication, while "OR" is
represented by addition. Thus, girls equal "tm" and not "t+m".
After this point, the theorem is straightforward. Time equals money,
and money is the square root of all evil, thus girls equal evil.
I hope I helped to clear up any misunderstandings on the matter.
Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
THOSE are good....all of them
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is
compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is,
therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!!!!!"
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
