After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from our local Target.
Dear Mrs. <names have been omitted to protect the innocent>,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. <names have been omitted to protect the innocent>, re listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
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Husband banned from Target
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Quote by bikebum1975Quote by Charlie_Brown
Good One there BB...Oh What the Hell...BABY BOONow That's Funny.
___________________________________________________________
"Life Is Too DAMN!!!! Short To Be Taken Too DAMN!!!! Serious."
Yeah? what about it?
Buddy
if the wife got it from here http://ganstname.com/pirate_name.php and clicked on the significant~other pet names. we are all good cause my name is Jiggy Buns...AW S.O.B. didn't want that out in public...LOL and if she didn't, sorry ole chap, just having fun with ya
Welcome To The Asylum: "We are all crazy; you just hear about the one's who have been caught." Lewis Grizzard ____________________________________________________________
"Life Is Too DAMN!!!! Short To Be Taken Too DAMN!!!! Serious."
Advanced Wordsmith
hahaha im dieing here, this is all stuff that either i have done or one of my friends has done.
A wise man speaks because he has something to say, a fool speaks because he has to say something. - unknown
Lollipop Girl
OMG my hubby does the whole pick me pick me thing in the clothes or he will fart and like hurry away and someone walks in it i feel so sorry for them i refuse to go shopping with him anymore lol
"Haters make me FAMOUS!!!"
Sassy
Sassy
Active Ink Slinger
oh my God I almost busted my stitches laughing so hard.
Behind every strong soldier there is even a stronger woman who raised him " Proud Army Mom"