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And now, for something completely different.

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That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's why it's the church for me. That's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual and the individual's right to decide for him or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in 1517, he may not have realised the full significance of what he was doing. But four hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas. And Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom. Oh no! I can wear French Ticklers if I want.





any Monty Python fans out there?

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Knights of Camelot: [singing] We're knights of the Round Table, we dance whene'er we're able. We do routines and chorus scenes with footwork impec-cable, We dine well here in Camelot, we eat ham and jam and Spam a lot. / We're knights of the Round Table, our shows are for-mi-dable. But many times we're given rhymes that are quite un-sing-able, We're opera mad in Camelot, we sing from the diaphragm a lot. / In war we're tough and able, Quite in-de-fa-ti-gable. Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable / It's a busy life in Camelot
[solo]
Knights of Camelot: I have to push the pram a lot.


God: What are you doing now?
King Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord.
God: Well, don't. It's just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing. Now knock it off!
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GALAHAD: It's not the real Grail?
DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a naughty
person, and she must pay the penalty -- and here in Castle Anthrax, we
have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon. You
must tie her down on a bed and spank her!
GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!
DINGO: You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her, you
may deal with her as you like. And then, spank me.
VARIOUS GIRLS: And spank me.
And me.
And me.
DINGO: Yes, yes, you must give us all a good spanking!
GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!
DINGO: And after the spanking, the oral sex.
GIRLS: Oral sex! Oral sex!
GALAHAD: Well, I could stay a BIT longer.

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(Scene: a wartime RAF station)

Jones: Morning, Squadron Leader.

Idle: What-ho, Squiffy.

Jones: How was it?

Idle: Top-hole. Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father; hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie.

Jones: Er, I'm afraid I don't quite follow you, Squadron Leader.

Idle: It's perfectly ordinary banter, Squiffy. Bally Jerry...

(Enter Palin, out of breath)

Palin: Bunch of monkeys on the ceiling, sir! Grab your egg-and-fours and let's get the bacon delivered!

Chapman (to Idle): Do you understand that?

Idle: No, I didn't get a word of it.

Chapman: Sorry, old man, we don't understand your banter.

Palin: You know, bally tenpenny ones dropping in the custard!