Pride 2023

A quick, very basic, primer on why Pride is celebrated during the month of June.

The Stonewall Riots, also called the Stonewall Uprising, began in the early hours of June 28, 1969 when New York City police raided the Stonewall Inn, a gay club located in Greenwich Village in New York City. The raid sparked a riot among bar patrons and neighborhood residents as police roughly hauled employees and patrons out of the bar, leading to six days of protests and violent clashes with law enforcement outside the bar on Christopher Street, in neighboring streets and in nearby Christopher Park. The Stonewall Riots served as a catalyst for the gay rights movement in the United States and around the world.

a lot of strides have been made in the US since then. it hasn't always been easy, but things have changed for the better. not going to make a list, but i think most people are aware of the biggies - we'll leave it at that. it's a time of celebration, usually, at least of me. This year, though... this year it feels a little scary. the headlines say it all - all sorts of anti-LGBTQ+ legislation it being introduced, some of it even passed. in Florida a teacher recently was forced to resign after being investigated for "grooming" her crime? Showing a Disney movie called Strange Worlds to her class - one of the characters in it is gay. there's no sex (it's a freaking Disney movie after all). he's just gay. no big. no one's had an issue with watching Disney movies with straight people in them, so what is the difference? oh, right. he's gay.

that's just the tip of the iceberg. this coming month comes with its own stresses, at least for me, my family, and my community. while the idea is to have fun and celebrate, i think there's an awareness that we need to be vigilant as well. there's a lot of hate brewing right now, much of it fostered by the people who are supposed to be looking after our interests as citizens in this country - the people in power. politicians.

so, i'm curious. how does everyone else feel about what's going on with gay rights right now? with all the anti-trans and anti-gay rhetoric? is this going to be a year to party big? to stay at home and be safe? to stay vigilant and look out for others? or...

it's not a given, you know. gay rights, gay marriage. i am very aware that the supreme court could do what they did with abortion. simply decided that it's no longer a right. same with any and all protections when it comes to the LGBTQ+ community. Health care. job protection. rights of any kind, big or 'small'.

and if they do, what are you going to do about it? Anything? Or is it just a "gay issue". let them deal with it - none of my business. i think that, anyone in here who knows me, knows my answer already. i'm prepared to fight (in non-violent ways) if it comes to that. Hopefully, it doesn't, but to be blunt, things are a little scary right now. i mean, all it takes is one angry, anti-gay, nutcase with an AR-15 to open fire during the celebrations... and yes, there IS that kind of hate out there.

as always, please keep it semi-civil and semi-on topic. thanks.

I don't attend Pride any more.

When I first started marching, it was about visibility and political organization. There were all kinds of people with clipboards looking for people to support political initiatives or to volunteer. It lasted a day, then a weekend, and was family friendly. There was a bounce house and a place for kids to fight with foam swords.

Then it was corporate. Some people were still around with clipboards but it wasn't about LGBT issues. I think Verizon was one of the first booths I saw that wasn't local support, but the next year it was health insurance companies, cruise lines, local casinos, and beer companies.

The last time I went, there was a lot of fetish wear, which, whatever. Except, that part of what I liked about Pride was that it was a big party, fun for most, and you could bring the whole family. Since it really isn't that any longer, I don't go. Though, it's not about safety. People threw things at us from the sidewalk the first year I marched.

Honestly, like many other men of my generation, I grew up in a social environment (White, moderately conservative (by Canadian standards), middle-class suburbia) that trained me to see LGBT individuals as disgusting and objects for ridicule and at times violence. I admit that I participated in that culture - made my share of 'gay-jokes' and so on. The only excuses I have are that I was a confused kid and no one told me any better (in fact, I was encouraged in the opposite direction). While I regret how I behaved, I'll also add that I was not outside of the ordinary for where I grew up, and I think that might be the most harmful aspect - it was normalized to think of queer individuals as less-than-human.

In retrospect, I can look at my own experience going through puberty, developing new sexual feelings that were kind of scary and confusing, and feeling a strong need to fit in, and see how those pressures contributed to following the crowd. I was desperate to be accepted as 'normal' and in that context, normal meant being 'hyper-masculine' (as much as a teen can) and homophobic. I think as adults, many of us forget how intense the personal insecurity and peer pressure to conform can be, especially when we're in the anxious early stages of figuring out our own sexual identities.

However, tables-turned, I realize that LGBT individuals go through the exact same thing, developing their own sense of sexual orientation and gender identity. While I landed on the straight side of things (after a good deal of introspection about how I authentically felt about sex, and not just what I was told was the right or 'normal' thing to be), I know there were people - even people in my own community - whose sexual identities didn't fall into a very narrow range of 'acceptable' behavior, and who experienced all of that confusion and anxiety, knowing that they were culturally on the losing end of things.

Setting aside the extreme acts of violence, which are obviously deplorable and traumatizing, I can't imagine what it's like to grow up in a social environment that is so deeply disaffirming to core aspects of your sense of self (and yet, I can relate, though not on sexual terms, to feeling apart from or outside of the mainstream group). What I've learned since is that many LGBT individuals grow up with a huge amount of shame and self-loathing - not even for anything they've done, but simply for who they are. Realizing that, and knowing that I played some role in sustaining a culture that inflicts so much pain on innocent individuals makes me very sad and ashamed of how I behaved.

I'm not entirely clear about my path out of the ambient cultural homophobia I was raised in, but it definitely began in high school where I started to feel less of a need to judge and discipline others. I gained a live-and-let-live attitude summarized by the statement "If he's not fucking you, what do you care who he fucks?" It wasn't acceptance, but tolerance for things that didn't touch my personal life (which was still very confused at the time). However, I was in college when I made my first gay friend, and then another, and another. And amazingly, none of them tried to fuck me while I wasn't on my guard! And even more amazingly, being kind and friendly with them didn't turn me gay! And most amazing of all, once those fears were proven to be all in my head, I discovered they were really wonderful individual human people who were so much more than their sexual orientation, and had a ton of value to offer me and the world.

Today, I'm very much in support of LGBT rights, since it applies to friends of mine - real people whom I value in my life immensely. Beyond that, I also recognize that the culture (including the legal and structural entities it contains) needs to change to be less systemically harmful and more inclusive to individuals from diverse identities - not just LGBT, but across the wide diverse spectrum of human experiences. No one should be made to feel less-than-human for being themselves.

I probably won't show up at a pride parade unless I'm invited by one of my friends - because do you really need another straight white middle-aged guy co-opting a celebration that doesn't center their own identity? Nor do I put 'rainbow' or 'safe-space' stickers on my office door to advertise my virtuous ally-ship (in my opinion, calling yourself an 'ally' is a bit like giving yourself your own nickname - it's a conclusion that should really come from someone else). However, I find other ways (direct and indirect) in my personal and professional life to support LGBT individuals in meaningful ways, and attempt to exert my influence where I can to nudge cultural narratives towards greater acceptance and compassion of LGBT individuals, and encourage LGBT individuals to turn those same values inward towards themselves as they learn to live authentically without shame and self-loathing.

Anyway, I'm figuring it out, and have been for awhile, though I still wouldn't claim to be perfect, or even know what perfection looks like. What I do know is that if we have the power to decrease the amount of misery we see in the world (or at least avoid inflicting more) we probably should. It doesn't even have to be a huge effort - in fact, often many small acts of kindness over time are generally more effective than one big grand gesture.

Not the Cracker Barrel

Happy pride everyone.

love, your resident racist.

I'm the B in LGBT. My older sister is the L, and my younger sister is B too. It's in our nature, since we've been this way since puberty. My father felt threatened by the fact that 3 of his 4 daughters were not likely to bear him a grandson to take over his businesses, so my father tacitly went along with a male friend of his to "turn my lesbian sister straight". The results were disastrous! When my older sister told my dad his friend tried to her, dad sided with his friend, and my sister ran away from home at his monstrous betrayal. My older sister has been estranged from the family ever since, and my relationship with my father went into the shitter after I was old enough to learn what he had done.

The imagined threats that many straight people fear from gays and lesbians, and now from trans and even (ridiculously) drag is completely unfounded and always leads to harmful and dangerous outcomes. Led by the political power of the religious right, we now have one of the two major political parties engaged in a campaign of hate and discrimination, legislating in state after state, depriving LGBT people of their civil rights. The corrupt and illegitimate Republican Supreme Court Justices are on the verge of banning civil rights to LGBT nationwide. A Trump win will seal the deal! The LGBT community should be feeling VERY afraid this Pride Month. Sadly, I know more than a couple gay/lesbians who still vote Republican. It mystifies me. Apparently, fear of losing their guns outweighs any fears of losing their rights to live their orientation openly and legally.

The only solution is to vote every Republican out of office that is up for election this November. They threaten our rights, our environment, our labor rights, and consumer safety... they threaten our freedom and our very existence, in the long run. They have become fascists! VOTE THEM OUT!!!

Love to all other transpenguins around the world.

I was commenting, forget if it was here or another site, about my travels in Northern Europe. Some of those countries, especially Scandinavia, Pride flags of various descriptions seemed to be everywhere. In Gothenburg, we even saw a Pride march lining in the square where the city hall is located. Some cities even had their transit flying little Pride flags on the buses. My city has a pretty active Pride (in July, the calendar around here is too crowded in June, esp. with the huge Pride festival up the 401 in Toronto, so the local Pride organization has long held our march and festival in July) but nothing like I saw there.

Canada is in a funny place. I think we are at the point where rolling back LGB rights is probably a non-starter politically. Gay marriage has strong support and we have, or have had, openly gay members sitting for all parties at times. Even our Conservative leader has been generally supportive of them for many years (he used to favour civil unions but now supports same sex marriage and voted in favour of outlawing conversion therapy). Sure, there are members in his party who still want to repeal the current marriage act and things like that, but they aren't enough to shift the party's general direction towards supporting LGB.

However, trans is looking like a battleground. Some provinces (mine included), and the feds, have trans people covered in their human rights codes but others are going the US route with battles over washrooms and who can play on what team. The aforementioned Conservative leader is certainly taking harder and harder position on trans issues, perhaps because doing that will placate the members of his party unhappy about the move to support LGB rights.

So we are maybe in a slightly better place than the US, but there's still some battles to go.

And a cautionary note: While I commented about the generally positive direction here on at least the LGB side, we do have places, esp. in rural areas, where you have Pride flags being vandalized and organized efforts at the municipal level to ban or limit Pride symbolism and activities in public spaces. Some are not far from me, too.

the media focuses on the party aspect of pride, so that's what a lot of people think it's all about. a parade, parties. wild sex, all that stuff. it's a bit of a shame, really, cause while all that stuff is great - not going to pretend like I'm not going to have a blast at the parade, what gets lost in the mix is the amount of workshops, the campaign work on social and political issues and initiatives, the fund raising for lgbtq+ causes... a lot of work goes into protecting our hard-earned rights for equality, much of which goes unnoticed by most. i get funny looks when I say we are at war, but the truth is, we are. a lot of people want to see lgbtq people eradicated. recent victories include the defeat of Initiatives 1515 & 1552 in Washington state, the Montana Locker Room Privacy Act, and the Anchorage Proposition 1 all of which would have repealed anti-discrimination protections for LGBTQ+ people. it really is a war. so let us have our month in peace and stop complaining about not having a straight pride month. did you know that in states like like Alaska, Idaho, and Montana, people can still be legally fired for being LGBTQ+?

The city hall in the city I live in flies the Progress Pride flag (all year round I believe), the version that includes the intersex icon (purple circle on yellow background) to be precise. I'm sure many other cities in the Netherlands do the same.