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Your Horoscope-12/17

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Aries March 21 - April 19

You will see remarkable growth and success in 2008. Sadly, what you won't see is that gasoline truck careening your way.

Taurus April 20 - May 20

The hands of fate will lead you to new answers in March. Then, when nobody is looking, they will touch you in an inappropriate place.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

You will be filled with life in the coming year, thanks to roughly 4,000 spider eggs and a sudden temperature rise in your inner ear.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Don't get discouraged if things don't go your way during the first half of the year. There will be plenty of time for that during the second half of the year.

Leo July 23 - August 22

Be wary of advice from untrustworthy sources this coming June—or maybe it's July. No, wait, it's definitely June. Yeah.

Virgo August 23 - September 22

After months of carrying it around, you'll suddenly lose all that excess weight midway through your second trimester.

Libra September 23 - October 23

The stars would tell you to spend more time with loved ones this year, but that pretty much eliminates everyone in your life.

Scorpio October 24 - November 21

Remember when you were a little kid and your father went completely insane that one year? Well, the whole thing will feel strangely familiar to you around August.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

Like a shooting star, so too will your outer extremities ignite while hurdling through the earth's atmosphere in May.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19

After years of loyalty and hard work, you'll be replaced by an actual metal cog this coming September.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18

While faith has always guided you in life, it will soon leave you with nowhere to turn in death.

Pisces February 19 - March 20

Love awaits you where you least expect it in 2008—anatomically speaking, that is.

~Courtesy The Onion
nicola
Matriarch
Thanks Mystic Meg
SusanEngland
Active Ink Slinger
Quite a few chuckles there Rocco - and just as accurate as the columnists I bet - for somebody anyway !
Guest
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I like this one:

The stars would tell you to spend more time with loved ones this year, but that pretty much eliminates everyone in your life.
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Shirl! So good to see you! We need your presence in here and this forum will benefit. Why not head over to Introduce Yourself and send those hot kisses out?
mrplow
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Love it. About as meaningless and general as all other horoscopes are.

Is their any ounce of truth / basis to any of their methods?

Nice animations Sugarshirl, very festive