Honestly myself. I was previously on another site where I had a vague encounter with a person. I was vulnerable with this person about some of my struggles. I didnt get into details, just more of a recently xyz happened its just a heads up. He used that against me.
We got on really well with our interests as far as sex. At first he was sweet ans repsectful. He even wrote me something about his life. When he did so I realized that if we spent time together I might end up feeling more for him (ridiculous I know) so we should stop. I asked him not to respond. He sent me a petty, snarky message back. You know cause I took away his toy.
I told him to fuck off(not the most mature but really I was pissed) He managed to charm me back into it even though id met several awesome people. So I spent another months spending every day talking to him. I'd literally spent like all night hyperfocusing to write stories about us. All though at this point it was about him. He had made pretty clear he wasnt interested in me or attracted to me which was a relief. I didnt want to end up hurting him either. I thought we were more fwb. He kept holding out that we have this special "connection" and I bought into it as far as humans with similar interests /value, but writing for "US " was a more and more a chore.
He also told me I was emotional. I wasnt. He projected a ton of his shit on to me. Right away he told me about this traumatic thing his family went through. Sent me a youtube link. Not once, but twice. He lied to me about who he was seeing and exactly how many women he was talking to. Not that he owed me anything, but he knew how I felt about that. Yet he causually mentioned the at least two other women besides his fwb and network of women halfway thru. Which made me feel gross that hed spend all day letting me stroke his ego and then ignore me at night so he could jerk off with these other women. He lied about having a gf. Once he literally messaged me his office had been hit by a tornado It hadnt. He was ok with subjecting me to his hurricane stuff even though he knew id been through it. Right before he ended things he was v hot and cold. Literally two days before he made the only feeble attempt to flirt with me that he did the entire we talked. I guess as a reward for writing something he liked. Then he told me about his 9/11 experience. Sure i was the emotional one. To be clear i didnt mind and wouldnt have minded. Sharing isnt a bad thing. I was happy he trusted me with that at the time.
The end of that week I found out my brother had cancer. Serious cancer. I debated telling him. There was a lot going on in my life that I never mentioned. This however I knew was going to effect my time etc. So as lightly as I could I told him. He told me sorry and I should get sleep. I got angry with his reply. Not because it was wrong, but because I had to question if a person I talked to every day and supported was going to show me compassion. Like basic human level compassion. I erased our convo. Then felt bad. Half asleep and dealing with a lot of family stuff, I wrote to him. I told him that I needed to be able to communicate with him like an adult. Ie if he was hurting me, which he was(telling me I was "too much" for adding asking him to read a literal paragraph of an email all the time, literally referring to me as an "elephant" and continually telling me that anything nice I said about him "didnt matter" he wished anyone else saw him that way or that compliments only mattered from real together women) I just wanted to ask if he could please stop. Him say ok and we move on. I never asked for explainations he was the one who put that on himself. Id like to say he felt guilty but really he was the perfect example of born on third, thinks he hit a triple and is Entitled to other people.
He ended things right there. It was all my fault. I was too emotional. You know for asking bare minumum to respect my feelings or treat me as a human. I was crying at this point from exhaustion and overwelm so i will give him that in that moment i was emotional. He refused to talk to me on the phone or offer me the slightest human kindness. He did text back and tell me he didnt like me as a person. He was just "ok" with me giving him affection, writig stories mostly for him and listening patiently to all his stuff. He accused me of wanting to continue to placate him. When he was fine with me placating him every damn day. He also told me he had no emotion for me. ( which was confusing. We covered we arent into each other. I was working from a place of fwb). Also he said nice things to me like twice? He never said anything vaguely emotional to me which was a relief too because I cant stand fake bs. He also told me he knew id be emotional again. When he said this after I told him he was too easy to like, I thought he meant like redress my feelings of affection for him? Nope this man knew how I felt, knew I was vulnerable and went through some stuff, was pissed I dared to take away his interactive porn and decided to give me the privledge of being on proximity to him until I decided to have any emotion. Then he could easily end things without guilt. Make me feel crazy with all his projections.
When i looked back it was clear what he was doing. The man in the story he wrote about never really showed up. If I expressed an opinion I was too much. If I had an interest he would say oh well WE dont have that in common like he was just compiling this mental checklist of things to blame me for not being enough for him. There was no we. This should have been simple. I traversed around his fragile ego. I let him talk ad naseum about the three things that interested him sports, himself and history. Once he told me that he had superior cinema and movie taste only to scoff at my movie preferences and tell me that because he liked the godfather and the big lebowski. Nothing wrong with these, but I took a lot of film classes in colllege and film was an interest for awhile. The audacity to say he had superior taste boggled my mind.
This man was covered in red flags. Oh and he literally took credit for getting me writing again. He was a sort of muse? But that was mine. Its hard to admit that someome I looked on with kindness, appreciated their differences and excused their awkwardness, cringeyness and arrogance and honesly casual cruelty on the regular, was literally judging me harshly and using me this whole time. I would have been okay with things ending. Even I knew that he couldnt keep up with me (not me being a jerk just truth) and that one of us would find someome and end things. Its just the manipulating and cruelty that got to me. It wasnt a cruel to be kind thing either. Id accepted his lack of interest in anything but we had and that I wasnt physically his type(small tits, no hips, long legs)That did t bother me we werent sleeping together. He projected whatever bullshit insecurities he had onto me because hes another man who doesnt understand 1)sex isnt intimacy. Neiher is attention. No matter how many women you collect its going to be on the empty side if you dont know how to emotionally connect to people. 2) you arent responsible for anyone but you do affect them. The issue of consent ie tricking people into giving you what you want isnt just for super romantic relationships. Why you would want to lie and manipulate people instead of gathering actual affection just shows me how broken he is.
I know.this is long anyone who made it this far thanks. I didnt realize i was still so mad (and to be clear at myself for choosing this person when I know better, allowing them to hurt me and wasting my time and set me back in my healing) until recently. I doubt hes thought of me once. He has all the shit i wrote with nice stuff about him in it. I had to get rid of stuff I created bc it made my skin crawl. Then any fun I did have was ruined. So yeah.Im mad at myself. A lot. Ha sorry to spill this here. This is not indicative of actual conversations I have with anyone. My shit is my shit. Not anyones responsbility but mine. I cant yell at him. And this really had been bothering for like two weeks? I just want to send off into the ether.
