> THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD
> Well, it's shit . that's right, shit!
> Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
>
> You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit,
> and tell others to eat shit.
>
> Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference
> between shit and shineola.
>
> There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit,
> horse shit, and chicken shit.
>
> You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when
> the shit hits the fan.
>
> You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
>
> You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
>
> Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some
> days are just plain shitty.
>
> Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are
> times when you feel like shit.
>
> You can have too much shit, not enough shit , the right shit, the wrong
> shit or a lot of weird shit.
>
> You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit
> creek without a paddle.
>
> Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a
> bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
>
> When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of
> the English language.
>
> And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!
>
> You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't
> give a shit!
>
> Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do
> give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if
> you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head...........
>
> Well, Shit Happens!!!
Also, and in addition, if "shit" is the most functional, then "fuck" has to be number two on the list.
Old fucked-up Rumple Foreskin
RUMPLATIONS: AwesomeHonky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Home of the Lush "IN" crowd: indecent, intoxicated, and insolvent
a place to gossip, share news, talk sports, pimp a story, piss & moan, or just grab a drink. Check it out.
Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwords. -- ROBERT HEINLEIN
Greetings----------"How the fuck are you?"
Fraud--------------"I was fucked by the Fangbangers of Whore Island."
Dismay-------------"Oh, fuck it."
Trouble------------"Well, I guess I'm fucked again."
Aggression---------"Fuck you!!!"
Disgust------------"Fuck me!!!"
Difficulty---------"I don't understand this fucking thing."
Despair------------"Fucked again."
Good Job-----------"Congratufuckinglations."
Desperation---------"Fuckityfuckfuckfuck."
Incompetence--------"He fucks up everything."
Disappointment------"This fucking fucker is fucked."
Intelligence--------"He's a fucking genius."
Dismissal-----------"Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself?"
Displeasure--------"What the fuck is going on?"
Lost---------------"Where the fuck are we?"
Disbelief----------"Unbefuckinglievable!!!"
Retaliation--------"Up your fucking ass!!!"
Laziness-----------"He's just a fuck-off."
Pain---------------"Fuck ! that hurt."
Pleasure-----------"Oooooooh Fuuuuuuck"
Love---------------"Do ya Fuck on first dates?"
Surprise-----------"Fucking hell what was that?"
Admiration---------"Nice fucking tits!"
Stupid person------"Dumbfuck!"
Hate---------------"You Fuck!"
Condemnation-------"Fuck that shit!"
Disappointment-----"That's not fucking fair."
A poker hand-------"A Royal Fuck."
Ignorant person----"Fuckstick."
Denial-------------"I didn't fucking do it."
Perplexity---------"I know fuck all about it."
Apathy-------------"Who gives a fuck" or "I don't give a fuck".
Confusion----------"What the fuck just happened?"
Resignation--------"Oh fuck it."
Suspicion----------"Who the fuck are you?"
Panic--------------"Let's get the fuck out of here!"
Directions---------"Fuck off."
Sex----------------"Let's fuck."
Maternal-----------"Motherfucker."
Incestuous---------"Motherfucker."
Ambiguity----------"I'm not so fucking sure."
Hypocrisy----------"Don't you dare fucking swear at me you fucking fucker."
Refusal------------"Oh you can fuck right off."
Pissed off---------"Fuck the fucking fuckers!"
Be quiet-----------"Shut the fuck up."
You're right-------"Fucking oath." (Australianism)
Ostentation--------"He's just bought a big, fuck-off Mercedes."
Sensuousness-------"She was wearing a pair of red leather, fuck-me boots."
Confidence---------"Fuckin' A."
Rage---------------"Motherfucking fangbangers!"
Impressed----------"That was fucking amazing."
Agreement----------"Absofuckinglutely."
Praising the Lord--"Jesus Fucking Christ."
I have a headache--"Go fuck yourself."
Enraged------------"I'm gonna fuck you up!"
Annoyance----------"Fuck off, fucker."
Annoyance----------"For fuck's sake."
Pissed off---------"Fuck you, you fucking fuck."
Tardiness----------"It's ten-fucking-thirty already?"
Calling someone-----"Oy, fuck face!"
Minors--------------"Fucklings."
Morons--------------"Fucktards."
Completely naked----Butthefucknaked
Thanks-------------"Fuck you very much."
Questioning Authority----"Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Broken down motorcycle----"Sir, the fucking fucker has fucked up on me.
Starting a relationship----"Let's fuck now!"
Bewilderment or Ignorance----"Fucked if I know."
Confusion, Curiosity or Disbelief----"What the fuck....?"
Oral sex after 30 years of marriage----"Fuck you!" (while passing each other in the hall)
Professional appraisal of mechanical failure----"It's fucked."
Useful Acronymns
These may come in handy when space is at a premium.
FF----------Fucking Fangbangers
DILLIGAF----Does It Look Like I Give A Fuck
FA----------Fuck All
FFS---------For Fuck's Sake
FIIK--------Fucked If I Know
FOAD--------Fuck Off And Die
FUBAR-------Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition
GAGF--------Go And Get Fucked
GFY---------Go Fuck Yourself
GTFO--------Get The Fuck Out
HMFIC-------Head Mother Fucker In Charge
LMFAO-------Laughed My Fucking Ass Off
MILF--------Mum (Mom) I'd Like To Fuck
NFI---------No Fucking Idea
NMFP--------Not My Fucking Problem
RTFM--------Read The Fucking Manual
SNAFU-------Situation Normal All Fucked Up
WTF---------What The Fuck
Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor -pray.
Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Communism: It's everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvanism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What shit?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.
"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde
