General
# Never take a beer to a job interview.
# Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
# It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
# If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
# Even if you're sure that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
# When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the wine.
# If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
Entertaining in Your Home
# A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
# Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.
Personal Hygiene
# While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's own truck keys.
# Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
# Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
Dating
(Note: these rules apply both inside and outside the family)
# Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
# Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
# Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
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